THANKFUL FRIDAY

Smiling yeast #science #scienceiscool

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Earlier this week, Michael was ranting about the latest ridiculous tweet from our President (it is becoming an evening ritual) and he said to me "You should run for office!" I just rolled my eyes and walked away. The next day someone had posted an article about scientists now making a push to get elected to local, state and federal office. It just makes sense to have people who understand the science, make policies for said science. I shared the article on my newsfeed and then had a number of people comment on how they would vote for me if I ran. You guys are sweet, but I'm not running for office. Do you know how much I hate public speaking? Do you know how much public speaking you have to do when you run for office? Answers to both of those questions are equal. 

It is the end of the first week for this new President and I feel like I have been yelling all week. Week one and I'm already exhausted. I just thought that I had grown out of my activist phase, like activism is for the younger folks. Except now I find myself on the defense against a President who doesn't know the difference between a fact and a lie, who wants to censure scientists, and a population of people who think lying is perfectly okay. I don't want this blog to become a place where I am constantly pointing out injustices and wrongs and public service. And I'm not going to let that happen. When I realized this was only week one, I vowed to step back and pace myself because there's a long road ahead. 

So, here's some stuff I am thankful for this week. First of all, I'm thankful for all the sweet "I'd vote for you" comments. It means a thing or two that you guys have that kind of confidence in me. I am thankful, as a scientist, that I still have a job and that no one has come to burn me for a witch (yet). I am thankful for all of the scientists who, despite gag orders, have stepped up to make their voices heard. I am thankful that we are getting a camp trailer and will spend the summer traveling to some National Parks before something bad happens to them. Michael found an egg in the chicken coop. This might mean the chickens are going to start laying eggs again. I am thankful for that one egg. 

I am always thankful for you.

Hope your Friday is filled with things to be grateful for. 

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Roy Blunt Mobile office staff. We're letting our voices be heard. #indispensable #kcmo

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This week, I attended a mobile office event for Roy Blunt, I signed myself up to attend a Women's March Event, and I put mine and Michael's name on the volunteer list for the AIDS Walk Open. Then I went over and updated my AIDS Walk fundraising page because it's never too early to start raising money. This year is starting to look like a year of activism, something I felt I wouldn't be involved in at this stage of my life. I think back to when I was younger and less disillusioned and I dragged Chris, Amy and Brian to our first Red River Democracy meeting. We believed that we could make a real difference in the state of Oklahoma. At least I believed it for a while. (I kid you not, Cold Play's 'Fix You' just started playing while I'm typing this.) It became painfully obvious that a large number of Oklahomans did not want the same kind change and good things that I wanted for that state.   

The mobile office event, even though we were talking to staffers who were writing every thing down to pass on to the senator, reminded me that I may not have the same passion as I did then, but I still have a desire. That event also reminded me that I can talk to my senator about things that matter to me whenever I want even if I didn't vote for that person. I have a voice. YOU have a voice. There's no reason we have to sit back and just let our congress people and representatives do whatever they want and then listen to them say they are looking out for their constituents. It is our responsibility to make them accountable and to make sure they know what exactly their constituents want from them.

There were about fifty people crammed into a very small meeting room for the mobile event, more than Roy Blunt's staff members had ever had to deal with at one of these things. All of us shared our concerns over losing the Affordable Care Act (without even a hint of a plan to take it's place), the quickness in vetting cabinet members without proper background checks and investigations, what will become of our teachers if vouchers are put in place, and what's going to be done about a President who continues to bully and use hateful speech. I am thankful for everyone of those voices. Because of the size of our group, I feel like our voices are bound to be heard. I am thankful for the glimpse of my younger more passionate self. I am thankful for the reminder that real change happens on a local level. 

I am thankful for some major successful experiments that I did at work this week. I am thankful for all the greens I've eaten this week. I am thankful for those moments in the middle of the night when I feel Josephine get up from her spot at the end of the bed and move to curl up into a ball at my side. I am thankful that Michael put air filters in the furnace (something I've never done because I couldn't figure out how or where). I went to dust the house last night and there was hardly any dust. I am thankful for the perfectly poached egg that I ate for breakfast this morning and I am thankful for you.

Here's to a weekend of hopefully not sliding around on ice and a truly Thankful Friday.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Snow day ❄️

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Thursday morning, I got out of bed and proceeded as usual even though I knew that there was a fresh white layer of snow outside. I knew the snow was coming, but assumed that it wouldn't be a problem other than adding time to my commute. Once I was dressed, I bundled up and headed out to the garage to dig out the leaf blower/snow blower and an extension cord. I was fighting with the extension cord when Michael banged on the kitchen door window. "What are you doing?" His question came out around his mouthguard with a slight lisp. I told him that I was digging out the leaf blower to unbury the cars and then he said that his school had sent a text saying that they were going to be closed. 

I stood there with the extension cord (that may or may not have a good plug because the dog chewed the ends off one of our cords) in the dark cold garage. The light went out in the garage weeks ago and neither of us have felt like climbing a ladder to replace it. I let Michael convince me to set the extension cord down and come inside to at least eat my oatmeal and watch the news. He continued to plead his case for staying put. His truck was blocking my car in the driveway. There was uncertainty about whether or not he would even be able to get his truck back up into the driveway if he moved it. The news was showing cars going nowhere on the highway. So, I reluctantly agreed to stay home. And I struggled with that decision for most of the day. All of the day. I struggled all of the day with guilt over not being at work. 

I recently read an article about the art of doing nothing. It talked about how the act of just sitting back and doing nothing increases creativity and that taking time to reflect on inner experiences translates to greater compassion. I tend to think that I am pretty good at doing nothing. I could give you a list right now of unfinished projects and things I need to be working on outside of work. I also recognize that I have a job that takes up eight hours of my day and even more hours of my brain space. So I try to cut myself a little slack when it comes to getting those other projects done, but suddenly I was put into a position to do nothing and I balked. I roamed around the house aimlessly. I washed breakfast dishes and put a pot of water with oranges and cinnamon sticks on the stove to help humidify the house. I checked work emails dozens of times. I watched a car moving slowly down our street. I walked around the house aimlessly some more. I stewed in my guilt while Michael and the animals snoozed on the couch. 

It became painfully obvious that I needed some practice in the art of doing nothing and the greater compassion I should be having, should be for myself. Eventually, as the house began to smell of cinnamon, I let myself be still. I picked up a book from a stack of books that have been waiting for me to read them and I read. We did clean off the cars and feed the chickens, but for the most part, I sat and did nothing. Today I am thankful for the realization that I need to have greater compassion for myself. I am thankful for my moment of nothing. 

At some point yesterday, Micheal looked over at me and both the cat and the dog were laying on my body. He asked me if I needed to be covered with any more animals or if I had enough. I replied that I probably had room for one chicken. I'm all the time cold in the winter and the pets just seem to know that their job is to keep me warm, weighted down and unable to move. I am thankful for the gruesome twosome (Josephine and Albus). I am thankful for the smell of cinnamon and oranges. I am thankful for dried cranberries in my oatmeal. I am thankful for surprises like the Princess Leia action figure I found on my desk this morning. I am thankful for bread and I am so so thankful for you.

Here's a warmer weekend and super Thankful Friday. 

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Christmas time at the station

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All of the Christmas presents, which happens to be all for the Cabbage, are wrapped and shoved into my closet and one drawer under the bed. We were afraid to put them all under the tree. The animals have been really good about the Christmas tree this year, but I am not convinced that they would be so good with paper wrapped boxes under that tree. So we have taken to stashing Christmas presents out of reach and sight. This is a challenge in seven hundred and fifty square feet of space. My Mom would hide Christmas presents so well every year that there would always be at least one or two that she'd miss. She'd be cleaning out some closet in the middle of July and come across a shopping bag containing a sweater or toy and say something like "Oh! That's where that went!". Then she'd hand it over to who ever it was meant for with a "Merry Christmas!" That's going to be me. As I placed two wrapped Barbie's into that drawer, I thought "Is this the year I lose a gift?" 

Stockings are hung with care and ready for filling with treats. Christmas cards are in the mail (I'm so sorry if I missed someone). Plans are in works for visiting family and friends. There's nothing much left to do but to sit back and watch the lights twinkle on the Christmas tree. Every year, I feel the hectic rush of Christmas as I am sure many of you do. I think of the tasks before me and wonder about how I will ever accomplish all of the things on my list. This year was a little worse because I feel like I selfishly took up a whole week of December traveling around California. I don't feel guilty about it or have any regrets, but I do recognize that it took some time away from getting things done on the Christmas list. Except it didn't. Like I said, the hectic rush of Christmas comes along every year and every year, it all comes together. Almost like magic. Christmas magic. I am thankful that the preparations for Christmas are done enough so that now all my time can be spent focused on what's important. I am thankful for the time I will spend soaking in all of the love and laughter with family and friends. 

May the days ahead be filled with joy for you and your family. May you take time to recognize the importance of the holiday and that Christmas comes with out boxes, ribbons and bows. May you take a moment to recognize that it is not the geographical location that matters but the people you are with in that space that matters. May you take a moment to grasp onto all of that and be grateful. Be grateful for the good things of this moment and grateful for the good moments to come. This is what I plan to do. Happy Holidays and safe travels to all. Here's to a jingly bell kind of weekend and a star bright kind of a Thankful Friday. 

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Point Reyes Lighthouse

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Michael called me last week while I was still in California and said that the high temperature for the day was twenty six. My reply was "I'm not coming home." He then threatened to eat an animal a week until I got home, starting with the chickens and ending with the dog. So, I came home. I came home to freezing temperatures in order to save the lives of our pets. I hope they recognize the sacrifice I have made for them. I spent exactly one week in the bay area of California. It feels like I was gone a month and yet it also feels that I missed so much. I never made it to the Castro or Japan Town. I didn't spend enough time in Chinatown or walk enough steep hills. But, Oh the things I did see and do and eat.

Things I fell in love with:

• Ike's Place. This place is where it is at and when I say "it" I mean the best dang vegetarian sandwiches I have ever eaten. The Handsome Owl made with fake chicken, teriyaki sauce and wasabi mayo on Dutch crunch bread, brought me to tears. Dutch crunch bread is the sandwich bread you didn't know existed but will want for every dang sandwich.
• Muji. I don't even know how to describe this store, but it is the most relaxing shopping experience. The stationary and notebooks are a dream. I bought a pocketed notebook and some colored pens and I'm in love with them. 
• All the National Parks I visited: I went to three different National Park visitor centers while I was in California. I asked for Junior Ranger badges from each one and received two really nice wood badges and one awesome patch. Our Junior Ranger badges from other areas have all been plastic and not all that special. The California badges are unique and lovely.

Probably, my favorite experience was visiting the Point Reyes Lighthouse. You have to walk down 308 steps to get to it, but it's worth it just to read an excerpt from the lighthouse keeper log book. There was something very rewarding about making it back up those 308 steps as well. I'm pretty sure I saw a whale. I did see a giant slug and couple dozen deer. The Point Reyes National Seashore is the home of the Alphabet Ranches, so we saw lots of dairy cows and a few coyotes. Heather and I ate so much cheese from the Cowgirl Creamery and we learned that building fires in a wood stove is kind of my super power. Heather named my fire Satan's Asshole. All those years of camping and watching the men in my life build fires has paid off. 

I am thankful for many many things this week. I am thankful for not just the time spent in California, but the time spent with Heather and her two beagles. She's been trying to get me out there for a few years now and I hate that it took me so long to do it. I am thankful for Heather. I am also thankful for Michael who held down the fort while I was gone. I came home to a clean house and Christmas cards printed and ready for me to address. All the animals are alive even though Josephine ate five of Michael's crab rangoons. I am thankful for this, the clean house and living animals thing, not the crab rangoons. And even though it's a whopping twenty five degrees today, I am thankful to be home and settling back into a routine.

I am thankful for warm snuggles from the puppy and love from the cat. I am thankful for wasabi flavored marshmallows. I am thankful for thumbprint art. I am thankful for you. Here's to a weekend of calm before the storm and a super Thankful Friday. 

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Macaron

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The other night, all the dogs around us were barking like mad, including Josephine. I went out to see what the heck was going on and discovered an opossum on our neighbor's back porch. Also, the dog that belongs to one of the houses behind us was in the yard with the opossum. Josephine was barking at the dog who did not belong in that yard and the opossum who did not belong in that yard. Michael went next door to tell the neighbors that there was a large dog in their backyard and maybe to not let out their little Yorkie until things got sorted. No one answered the door. We closed up the dog door to the kitchen and I carted Josephine off to bed. She continued to growl for a good ten minutes at the crazy barking that was still going on outside. 

I must have drifted off at some point, but I woke up to strange sounds that I thought were coming from our basement. It sounded like Michael had taken something down into the basement to kill with a hammer and I could hear him pounding whatever it was. Then I realized that all the dogs had grown silent. I decided that Michael had grabbed the opossum and had dragged it into the basement to murder it just so he could get all the dogs in the neighborhood to shut up. I rolled over and went back to sleep, obviously not disturbed that Michael was murdering something in the basement. He's had to do it before when Albus has brought in half dead rats. 

The next day, I asked Michael about the basement and the murdering of an opossum. He looked at me like I had lost my mind. I described to him the noises I had heard and he said "Do you think that maybe the hammering you heard was really the sound of me breaking up almonds?" Apparently murdering an opossum sounds just like beating up a bag of almonds with a rolling pin. Michael also told me that the police showed up to deal with the dog. We don't know what happened to the opossum. I'm just thankful that Michael didn't murder the opossum. I am also thankful that dog was returned to his own backyard. 

This all seems like an odd moment of gratitude, but my brain is so scattered right now. I tend to get a little anxious before I travel. It's not the flying thing. It's all the packing and getting to places on time that gets me. Did I pack enough clothes? Did I pack the right kind of clothes? Is my baggage going to make it to my destination? That's not really a worry this time because I have a direct flight, but you get the idea. I always feel underprepared. I should have picked out all of the things I want to see at this conference by now. I should have studied a map of San Francisco. I should have done some research into food and yoga places, because San Francisco is the home of Yoga Journal and crazy hippy health foods. Right now, I've decided to leave it all up to chance and just be thankful for the opportunity to go.

I am thankful for snuggle weather where the cat snuggles in on one side of me on the couch and the dog snuggles in on the other side. I am thankful for baked potatoes and macarons. I am thankful for you. Have a lovely weekend and a spectacular Thankful Friday! 

GRATITUDE AND CHRISTMAS BALLS

New wreath

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I realized a few days ago that December is going to be tight. Meaning there's stuff happening every weekend. Meaning, if I want Christmas decorations to go up in our house, I need to get a move on. The problem with that is I am one of those people who are adamant about not decorating for Christmas before Thanksgiving. I can go into a thirty minute rage over seeing Christmas ornaments on display in the shops when Halloween isn't even over. We rode our scooters through a neighborhood a few weeks ago and they had all of their Christmas lights on. Not just up, but ON. This drives me crazy. CRAZY! This year I had to make a slight exception to my rule. I spent Saturday deconstructing our old wreath and wrapping it with new ribbon and then filling my decorative lantern with red balls (baaallllls). 

Weeks ago I had purchased some LED lights from IKEA thinking that they were battery powered, but when I opened them I realized I had bought the wrong lights. I dragged Michael back out to IKEA on Sunday to buy the correct lights (and a few things we didn't really need: picture frames, door mat, something else I can't even remember). We bought so many strands of the battery powered lights that I was able to put two strands of lights with my balls (giggle) and wrap a strand of lights around the wreath. Then I still have a set left over that I might use with the nativity scene. I haven't put the nativity scene out since, well, you can probably guess. I put the wreath on the door and then looked at Michael and said "I'm going to Christmas the fuck out this house this year!" Michael just nodded while staring at his phone and mumbled "okay." He doesn't care as long as he doesn't have to get on the roof and put on lights. Though, I might drag my tomato cage tree out this year.

Any way, apparently this year I am all "Trim up the tree!" or my Southern lady gene has finally kicked in. That's probably it. I am making a pumpkin pie this evening from pumpkin that did not come from a can (what have I become?). The pie is for Thanksgiving, which we will be spending with my family in Oklahoma on Thursday. The next few days will look something like this: drive drive drive, spend the night at Mom's, gather around her table for Thanksgiving, digest that meal while spending the evening with my brother and sister-in-law, lunch the next day at White River Fish Market because now that Michael knows it exist we always have to go there, drive drive drive, spend some time with Michael's moms, drive and home. Then I will spend the weekend putting up our new Christmas tree and dragging us back to IKEA because we don't have enough lights for the new tree. And also, it has dawned on me that I am about to set up a seven foot tall Christmas tree and then leave it alone with Michael, the dog and the cat for a week. Bets on who knocks it over first?

I am grateful to have the next few days to spend time with my family and squeeze everybody's neck. I am thankful to have the next few days to get things together for Christmas (including taking our card photo). And because I am so grateful to have all that time, I'm taking the rest of the week off. May your homes be filled with love and laughter and warmth durning this Thanksgiving. Remember to be kind to each other. Some of us are entering 'out of the blue' territory. Remember that before politics there was your family. 

Peace out!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Rainbows out the ears, yo

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I have been very fortunate to work in an industry that values health care for their employees. I pay very little a month for really good health care that covers just about every thing. I had all of this even before the affordable care act was put into place. Then my birth control pills went from $10 a month to free. The Affordable Care Act just made it possible for millions of Americans to have access to affordable health care, some of those for the first time ever. We don't really know what is going to happen to the Affordable Care Act once Trump takes office. The only policy talk I ever heard from him was how he was going to repeal Obamacare. He may decide to keep some things like pre-existing conditions and the child care part, but it could still mean the millions of people will be losing their health care. 

Many of us are feeling helpless right now, but John Oliver on 'Last Week Tonight' reminded us that there are still things that we can do. He provided a list of places that would greatly appreciate your donations to help fight for better environmental laws, women's reproductive rights, refugee assistance, legal assistance for protecting minorities' civil rights, resources and suicide prevention for LGBT, and legal and education assistance for Hispanics. I set up a monthly donation for Planned Parenthood. I think there are a large number of people out there who think "ABORTION!" whenever they hear the words Planned Parenthood. Planned Parenthood has been providing quality affordable healthcare for one hundred years. They mostly supply preventative, primary care that prevents unintended pregnancies, tests for sexually transmitted diseases and tests for cervical and other forms of cancer. It was estimated in 2014 that there were about 44,000 new cases of HIV diagnosed in the US. This number was down 19% from those numbers in 2005. I still think there should be no new cases diagnosed ever, but thanks to places like Planned Parenthood who provide education, testing and prevention, those numbers are decreasing. 

I know what it is like to not be able to afford health care. Chris and I were poor in graduate school (and after) and we both new that an accidental pregnancy would mean that we would only be poorer and less likely to finish our education. I relied on Planned Parenthood for my yearly women's health exam and for a supply of birth control. There were times I was even there for sinus infections. I am very grateful for the health care I have now, but I am also very grateful for the health care Planned Parenthood provided for me and so many women and men that I know. I have heard so many stories about early cancer diagnoses from a Planned Parenthood facility saving someone's life. Planned parenthood saves lives. Really that's all that needs to be said. I chose to give my donation to Planned Parenthood because I am so grateful for them and this is my small way for giving back.

I am thankful for one last scooter ride before the temperatures drop. I am so thankful for the time I spent on my yoga mat yesterday. Michael's birthday is tomorrow. I am super thankful that we have this opportunity to celebrate another year of his life. I am thankful for small successes. I am thankful for hope and I am thankful for you. This will be a weekend of baking and preparing for Thanksgiving for me and I suspect for many of you. Here's to a weekend filled with the joyful aromas of cakes and pies and here's to a wonderfully Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Instagram photo by Cindy Maddera * Nov 9, 2016 at 11:26pm UTC

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Many of us are still a little in shock that a man who's campaign platform revolved around spewing hateful racist remarks and degrading women, not to mention preaching for an exclusive society where we register Muslims and take away civil rights is now our president elect. The American people have spoken and they say that the best person to run the country happens to be a bigot who goes to court in January for rape charges. So be it. 

"Every horrible thing Donald Trump ever said about women or Muslims or people of color has now been validated.
Every profanity-laced press conference and every call to bully protestors and every ignorant diatribe has been endorsed.
Every piece of anti-LGBTQ legislation Mike Pence has championed has been signed-off on.

Half of our country has declared these things acceptable, noble, American."

Last night, when I had finally gotten a grip and stepped out of the foggy haze of this election hangover, I started thinking about what could be the best possible strategy for convincing half of the country who thinks all of the above are acceptable that it actually is not acceptable. I have been contemplating on the best way to bridge that great divide and to stop thinking that it is us versus them. The Democratic party has always been known as the party of inclusion. Us versus them doesn't sound all that inclusive. 

inclusion: that action or state of including or of being included within a group or structure. 

I don't know how many times I've written entries here about treating people the way you would want to be treated. I feel for sure that it has been enough times that my handful of followers are like "OKAY! We get it! Be nice to each other! Gah!" But I have a feeling that those people who find it acceptable to have a president who says horrible things just do not realize how hurtful and unChristian those words are. They need to be reminded that they would not want to be treated or spoken about in that way. Because while I'm thinking it is us versus them, they are thinking it is them versus us. Today I am thankful for the clarity of knowledge that we are not them or us, but we are one. Treat them as you would want to be treated. The challenge is how to teach loving kindness and inclusion without being condescending or belittling. 

I'm up for that challenge.

I am thankful for moments of comfort. I am thankful for moments of clarity. I am thankful for moments of joy in the midst of despair. I am thankful for constructive conversations. I am thankful for puppies on microscopes. I am thankful for you. 

Find gratitude in this Thankful Friday. 

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Shower

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Monday, I came home from work and as I went to unlock the front door, I found a notice that our water would be shut off on Tuesday from 10:30 until 3:30. The water department has been busy updating water lines in our area. Just east of us, they cleared a wooded lot and Michael and I drive down that way just see if we can figure out what they are doing with that space. We're hoping for a park. So far all we see is the beginnings of landscaping. The notice was not unusual because we have had water shut off notices all through out the summer. Any way, Monday, I went inside, let the dog out and noticing that her water dish was empty, picked it up to rinse and refill. I turned on the kitchen faucet and nothing happened.

I picked up the noticed and checked the date again. It said Tuesday. I looked at my phone to see what date was currently. It was Monday. The water was off for unexpected reasons. So, I called the number on the notice and was told that there had been a water main break in the area and that my water should be back in about ten to fifteen minutes. No big deal because I was taking the dog for a walk any way. Our water was back on by the time Josephine and I were back from our walk, just in time to get dinner started. The next day, I came home and repeated the process only to discover that our water was still off after trying to flush the toilet. I took Josephine for a walk expecting to come home to our water being back on. Michael met me at door when Josephine and I returned to tell us that our water was still off. Cooking dinner was out of the question, so we scootered over to BRGR for dinner. When we got home, the water was back on. The chickens got water, the toilet got flushed, and every one had fresh water to drink. 

It would be easy for me to say that this week, I am thankful for water. That's the simplest way of putting it really, but what I am really thankful for is access to clean water. I am thankful that I can just walk over to the kitchen sink, turn a knob, and watch as water flows easily out the tap. I know that this is a privilege and I know that it is a privilege that is not universal. My few hours of inconvenience is nothing compared to those who have to walk miles every day to access water and because of that, today I am making a donation to Charity Water. 

Of course I am thankful for many things this week like scooter rides in an unseasonably warm November and an appointment with my massage therapist. And I am extremely thankful for you. Here's to a bright sunshiny weekend and a truly Thankful Friday.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Today, on my mat

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Every evening when I come home from work, after releasing the hound from her crate and scratching her head, I take off my jewelry that I had been wearing for the day. I start with the bracelets I wear I on my left wrist, removing them one by one in ascending order up my arm. The first bracelet to come off is my J memorial bracelet and then the mala beads I got suckered into buying from a monk on the Skyline in NY. Then I take off the bracelet from Katrina that says "I love you more than much". This is followed by the wrap bracelet I got in my swag bag from the last BlogHer conference I went to and then finally I take off my little elephant bracelet, also a gift From Katrina. Next I take off my necklaces. First my little Ganesh on it's super delicate chain, a gift from Chris. Next I take off the heavy chain that holds mine and Chris's wedding rings, which does not seem so heavy any more. The last bit of jewelry that comes off are my dainty little elephant earrings. They were a treat to myself on my thirty sixth birthday.

The other day, as I was taking off my jewelry, I realized how ritualized this habit of mine is. I not only have a specific order for taking everything off, but I also put all of that stuff on in the mornings in a very specific order. To some of you this probably sounds like I am a little bit crazy. I recognize the crazy factor in this, but also recognize that every thing we do has the potential to be an act of meditation. This ritual of putting on and taking off my jewelry has become a moment of mindfulness and meditation. As I place each bracelet on my wrist in the mornings, I am setting an intention to be mindful in my actions throughout the day. As I take each piece of jewelry off in the evening, I am mindfully letting go of the day and the parts of the day that wore on me. I am thankful for these little rituals of mine because they keep me grounded and centered when I so often feel like a balloon tied to a very frayed string. 

I have many things to be thankful for this week. I've been a little bit late getting home from work this week. Usually it's the other way around with Michael having to stay late, but this week has been a normal week for him. He's cooked our dinners while I walk the dog and I'm super thankful for this. I'm trying really super hard to be thankful for this body even though it has been creeky and achy this week. Weeks like this one make getting on my mat really super important and I've done that. I am thankful for an out of the blue phone call from a friend telling me a story that only he could tell (Chad, you and my Dad would have gotten on real well). I am thankful for moments of inspiration. I actually sat down and wrote a few pages of something that might need an illustrator (Jen Tucker). 

I am always thankful for you.

Here's to a spooktacular weekend! We're taking the Cabbage to Halloween at Science City so we can make slime. And here's to a perfectly lovely Thankful Friday.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Cold mug, warm heart

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The other morning, I stepped outside to do my usual loop around the fountains before getting coffee. The air was crisp and cool and the wind stung my cheeks leaving them apple pink. Several memories flooded behind my eyes. I thought about that trip Chris and I took to Seattle and how on our first morning, we were so cold that we bought gloves at REI. It was the first time in a long time where we both had experienced an actual Fall. It was the first time in a long time where we were witnesses to the beautiful colors of the season. The crisp Fall air made us giddy and breathless and or eyes sparkled with joy. Just as quickly as that memory hit me, I was hit with memories of Ireland. The breeze felt like the wind that hit our faces as we rode in the jaunty cart, touring Killarney. Our guide had given us a wool blanket to place over our legs and Mom and I laughed and laughed as the horse picked up speed and the cart bounced along the trail. This memory is followed by one of Michael and I as we toured the winery in Herman. The cellars had been turned into a mushroom farm and then back into a winery. We wondered about turning our basement into a mushroom farm. 

As I am flooded with these memories and others I am acutely aware of the absolute perfection of those moments. In fact, this awareness hits me so hard in the chest that for a moment I cannot breathe. I have always felt that perfection was an unattainable thing and that our constant failures to be perfect are the reason why so many of us feel that we are not enough. I'm not saying that we shouldn't strive for better or want things to be as close to perfect as we can get them. I'm just saying that it's okay to let the idea of perfection be whatever your best effort is. Those truly perfect moments in my memories all happened at times when I wasn't trying to control everything around me in order to create some perfect world. Those moments happened when I was just being present. I am so thankful for those times when I wasn't striving for perfection, stressing about whatever not being good enough,  because it gave me time to notice and be aware of those moments that are just naturally and organically perfect. Yes...I know I sound gushy and lululala. Overly joyful. Optimistic. All of those things. It's just sometimes it's nice to remind yourself how perfect this life has been and how there's many more moments of perfection ahead. It's nice to be thankful for this. 

So...what else? I didn't watch the debate Wednesday night. I decided to have sex instead, which I felt was a better use of my time. I also knew that I wouldn't gain anything from watching the debate. I am voting for Hillary. The debate doesn't change my views. I still feel that Trump is a misogynistic bully and it makes me really sad that so many people in the country think that this man "speaks their language". That just means that there are too many people in this country who are also misogynistic bullies. I'm thankful that I didn't subject myself to listening to any more of his hate filled hatefulness. Robin and her friend are visiting us this weekend and I can't wait to see her face and squeeze it! I'm thankful that they can come up and spend some time with us. I am thankful for roasted veggies and evening dog walks. I am thankful for a productive week at work and at home. 

I am thankful for you.

Hope you have a perfectly Thankful Friday! 

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Heart in my hands

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Michael was standing in the shower with the curtain partially opened so he could talk to me while he showered. He started telling me about how he sometimes thought about writing a book. It was something he'd wanted to do ever since he was six. He went on about this for a few minutes and then suddenly switched tactics and said "but, since we all know the you're the better writer, don't you think you should be the one to write a book?" I'd been hoodwinked into a tale I thought was about him when really he was nudging me about writing. I rolled my eyes at him, turned on my heel and walked away.  This was followed by some yelling on his part about me rolling my eyes at him. 

"Cindy, you should write a book!" is not something I haven't heard before. Well meaning friends and family who read the blog see a potential for something more that I don't really see most of the time. Those other times when I actually think it might be possible, I sit down and write a few thousand words and then walk away, leaving the pages to flap around in the virtual wind of the cloud. For many years, I was someone else's cheerleader. In fact, I thought it was my job as Chris's partner to constantly encourage him in his writing endeavors, forever pressing him to write that screenplay or novel. It is odd for me to be on the flip side of all of that. It is unfamiliar territory, mostly because I still tend to focus on what I think I am not. I am thankful for Michael's belief in me even when I do not have it for myself. I am thankful for his nudges even if they make me roll my eyes. Eventually, those nudges may actually work by guilting me into writing something more than a few thousand words. 

I am also thankful for the reminder to focus on what I can be.

I am thankful for silly pumpkins and even sillier puppies (Josephine). I am thankful for the colors that are showing up in the trees. I am thankful for the two blooms on the pumpkin plants I planted last month. I am thankful for that one chicken that is laying an egg every other day. I am thankful for this giant poncho like sweater I'm wearing today and I am thankful for you. 

The Cabbage has been talking about going to Science City for weeks. We finally have a free weekend where we can do just that. So...here's to an awesomely scientific weekend and a truly truly Thankful Friday. 

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Cheers! Happy Birthday Jay!

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Yesterday, someone asked my what day it was and I energetically replied "Tuesday!" Apparently this week worked out so well for me that I was willing to extend it. That or maybe I did figure out how to make extra time, but I can't tell you the details because then I'd have to kill you. It's not like I hit the end of this week without thinking "oh Saturday, let's make out." It's just that I did a pretty good job of filling up this week with good things. There were two days of scooter rides, two evenings spent in the good company of my boys (one of them turned 40! this week), and there were five yoga mat encounters. I fed the chickens yesterday and found one egg. It was warm when I picked it up. The chickens have been on an egg laying vacation. I think this one egg is a sign of more eggs to come. 

This has been a good week even if I didn't get the house vacuumed before Mom shows up this evening. Sorry Mom. I got dirty floors and for the first time in probably forever, I really kind of don't care. This week has just been too full of dog walks, quite moments, love and laughter to worry about vacuuming. I am thankful for all of this. Last night Terry asked me to tell us all about one good thing that had happened to me that day. I sat there slightly stumped, not because I couldn't think of anything, but because I could think of many things. New projects. That granola bar I packed in my lunch that saved my bacon when my stomach started growling at ten. It stopped raining long enough to walk the dog. An evening spent in the best company. And quite simply, I am thankful for all of this. 

I realize that all of this sounds very Pollyanna. I can promise you that more often than not there are days and moments when I struggle to be thankful for even the simple things. I can also tell you that before I started making a point to notice the joyful moments, I didn't see joy even when it was smack dab in front of my face. I am truly thankful that I've learned to make a point to notice. I am thankful Mom can come up for a visit this week. I am thankful the sun has come out. I haven't heard from Tiffany or Tom today (they are getting hit with a hurricane), but I want to be really thankful that those guys are okay. I am thankful for favorite songs popping up in my playlist. I am thankful for you.

Happy weekend everyone and happy Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Blinding Fall

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A few weeks back, I ran across some words of wisdom from Tao Porchon-Lynch, the world's oldest living yoga teacher. Seriously. Go check out her pictures. I'll wait. Gah! Isn't she the cutest thing you've ever seen?!?! I just want to scoop her up and carry her around in my pocket. Please, can I be just like her when I'm 98? Any way...there was a small little article about her in Well and Good where she gave three tips for happiness. Now, I will admit that her advice is not something I haven't already heard before. Don't dwell on the bad things that might happen. Don't judge people. Begin each day with joy. These are all things we've learned before, most of them in kindergarten, but sometimes we need a little reminder. 

In my case, I needed the reminder to start my day with joy or at the very least, set the intention to make the day a joyful day. That's an easy habit to get out of because sometimes just reaching over to turn off the alarm is exhausting. Josephine's taken to curling up next to my head on the same side of the bed I crawl out of in the mornings. It is really remarkable how much that little dog can suddenly weigh or seal herself to the comforter. She knows instinctively that we both don't really want to go any where. This does not really set the intention for having a joyful day, more like setting the intention to take a nap later. This week, I've been making more of an effort. I roll over and turn off the alarm. Then I take a minute or two to snuggle the puppy before scooping her up and telling her that it is time to start our day. Her response is to jump off the bed and put her front paws up the wall by the door and stretching out long while tapping her paws on the wall. This is how we both start our day with a little bit of joy.

This week I am thankful for the reminder to not just find a little bit of joy during the day, but to start my day with it. I am thankful for the reminder to set the intention for happiness. It doesn't mean that things during the day don't irritate me or that the day even goes as I had planned. It matters that I started out with making the good intention. I am thankful for those short minutes of cuddle time with Josephine especially now that the weather has gotten colder. She's like a little furnace I can curl up around. I am thankful for moments of joy that arise from simply being mindful. The scooter rides this week have been brisk in the mornings, leaving my cheeks rosy, but I am grinning from ear to ear whenever I reach my destination. I am thankful for spritely 98 year old women who inspire me and give me hope that older doesn't mean decrepit. 

I am thankful for evening walks before the sun goes down. I am thankful for soup made with tomatoes I roasted from the garden. I am thankful for surprise artists that show up in my Pandora playlist like Joni Mitchell. I am thankful for you. Here's to a bright sparkly Fall weekend and super Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

First day of Fall

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Early this week I was out with a virus that Michael had brought home last week (probably Zika). Then Wednesday night I went to bed at my usual time only to lay there with my eyes open thinking about bills and accumulating debt and how I was going to fix that. My skin was itchy because every time I go outside I come back in with five new giant welts from mosquitoes (probably Zika). My face itches because I started using a new face wash that made my face break out in a rash. My head itches because a few nights ago I dreamed that the Cabbage had head lice (she doesn't have head lice). While I scratched, I fretted about things I couldn't do anything about in that moment. I tried doing sixty one points of relaxation. I tried doing rounds of alternate nostril breathing. Finally, I got up around eleven and took a Benadryl, which didn't really stop all the itching, but did make me sleep.

I woke up the next morning, slightly foggy from anti-histamine blockers, but aware enough to realize what really was going on. Wednesday was the last day of summer and as I fell asleep it became officially the first day of Fall. There are parts of the human brain that still hold on to the old primitive man ways. Instead of panicking about not having enough food to get us through winter, I panicked about things I didn't get done or have yet to get done. Fall is a small snowball that becomes an avalanche that explodes into the New Year. As it rolls downhill it just gets bigger and faster. It's not even October yet and I already have most of the month booked up with plans. Fall is a reminder that we've maybe been overly ambitious in writing our to-do lists for the year. I used to chide Chris the Great List Maker all the time about how much stuff he would put on his daily to-do lists. Now, I am chiding myself. 

As we officially say goodbye to summer, I am taking a moment to be thankful for the things I did this summer. Actually, I'm thankful for the things that we've done this summer. The best part of some of those things is that they weren't even on a list of any kind. They were spontaneous moments that we planned at the last minute. Today I am being thankful for being in the moment and for savoring those moments. I am thankful for tossing the so called to-do list to the wayside and forgetting about it all together. 

Today is Amy's birthday. I bought her a card based on the picture on the outside without thinking about it being a blank on the inside. I rambled on and on in the inside of the card before coming up with a vision of us at 80. That vision includes a group of us all living in a retirement village together. I am thankful for Amy for more reasons than I can say here in this space. I am thankful for roasted tomatoes and jalapeno soup. I am thankful for Calamine lotion. I am thankful for you. Here's to a weekend that should be filled with equal parts relaxing and work (the garage is filthy) and here's to a wonderful Thankful Friday! 

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Light catcher

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I popped my headphones on over my ears yesterday morning and Josh Ritter's Snow is Gone was playing. I sang along with a big smile on my face. "Hello blackbird. Hello Starling. Winter's over. Be my darling." I remembered a night this last Spring. It was late Spring, almost Summer. Michael and I went to see Josh Ritter in concert. I hopped around and sang along with almost everything, but when he got to Hello Starling, something inside me exploded. I hopped a little higher, sang along a little louder. It's no secret that me and Old Man Winter aren't the best of pals. Every year the cold dreary days of winter tend to hurt a little more than the year before. That night, Winter was officially over.

I don't think I ever told you about going to that concert. I'm not a concert blogger, nor do I attend many concert these days. I prefer to be entirely present at a concert with my phone put away and me making as much eye contact with the band members as I possibly can. So the next morning, all I'm left with is maybe one or two pictures and notes in my head. But I am thankful for the memory of that night. It was such a joyful memory, one filled with hope. I can still see the lights and the stage, the carpet of the old Madrid theater floor and the small crowd in front of the stage. Mostly, I remember the warmth. "Winter's over. Be my darling." I am thankful for songs that trigger memories of joyful moments. 

When you step outside in the mornings, there's a definite crispness to the air. The day warms up but the heat is no longer a summer kind of heat. The thermostat has been set to Fall whether I like it or not (ollie ollie oxen free, ready or not). I am thankful for this transition. The move from Summer to Fall seems to be less harsh than the Fall to Winter to Spring move. Days are warm and evenings are cool. The evening dog walk is less sweaty. Plants are still green and the dahlias up the street all in full magnificent bloom. I am thankful for this particular moment in time. I am thankful for the reminder that even though there are times when things are difficult they are eventually followed with days that are easy. 

I am thankful for the small box of tomatoes that are sitting on our kitchen counter. They came from our garden and I think I'm going to roast them with a couple of jalapenos (also from the garden) and then make some tomato soup. I am thankful for the eggs collected this week, the walks taken with the dog and shitake mushrooms. I am thankful for silly texting with friends. I am always thankful for you. Here's to a crisp weekend and a super Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Firework flower

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Last night I dreamed I was pregnant. My belly was full and swollen and I kept going to the hospital because I thought I was in labor. Every time they'd send me away and say "not yet!" After one of those times, I found myself sitting at a table with all of the guys I work with. One of them told me that there was no way the baby inside me was ready to come out because I was too small. I confessed that I had never felt the baby move. This surprised everyone. I told them that my doctor kept assuring me that everything was good. The baby had a healthy heartbeat and all the tests had come back suggesting that things were progressing normally. I said that my baby must be practicing a lot of meditation. The dream went on and on in a loop of me chatting about being pregnant and going to the hospital. I would wake up for a minute or two but I always fell back asleep to this same dream. 

It doesn't take a physic dream analyzer to decipher this dream. I know that I am pregnant with ideas right now. I'm calmly and quietly growing ideas and possible projects. I have thought about adding some things to the blog. I've been toying with the thought of seriously sitting down and writing something not for this blog. I've been thinking about picking up Michael's old mandolin that has just been sitting in the corner getting dusty and learning how to play it. I've been sketching out ideas for pumpkin decorations for our front stoop. I am pregnant with creativity. Some of those things I'm ready to share, like the pictures I took of the Friday football game last week. Some of those things need more time to develop. There was a time when dreams of being pregnant would freak me out. Now, I'm thankful for those dreams. I like the idea of my belly being full of creative ideas. 

The Cabbage turned six yesterday! We celebrated her birthday last weekend with cupcakes and butterflies. She had recently confessed to me that she wanted to be a scientist and when I asked her what she wanted to study, she said "insects!" I am thankful for year six and the possibilities of wonder this year will bring to her. It has also given me a reason to buy the president and vice president Barbi set from Target. I am thankful that Michael was able to get the yard mowed before all the rain set in this week. I am thankful for walks with the dog and eggs from the chickens. I am thankful for moments of quiet. I am thankful for you.

Here's to a lovely peaceful weekend and a truly Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Just before it started raining

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Last night, I roasted chopped potatoes and asparagus with rosemary and garlic. I served it up with two perfectly poached eggs. The house still smells like rosemary and garlic and I was reminded that this is the time of year when I am usually roasting trays of tomatoes. I looked out the kitchen window this morning to see that all the tomato plants are loaded down with very green tomatoes. It's likely that my roasting tomatoes will not come from own garden this year. I might venture into canning my own tomatoes this year just because of freezer space. We'll see, but I do like the idea of filling the house with the smell of roasting tomatoes. It is a seasonal smell that we've grown used to around here. 

This is the last weekend of August and next weekend will be what many refer to as the last weekend of Summer. Every year, I am unprepared for the end of summer. Every year, I think that there's so much more I could have gotten accomplished outside. Every year I think "wait! I didn't let myself bake on the hot sidewalk once this year!" Every year I cling to the lingering warmth of summer and beg it to stay just a little longer. Last night, Josephine and I passed a tree on our evening walk that had one bright red leaf standing out against the see of green leaves on it's branches. A warning. The season is going to change. But there's still time! I am thankful for that one red leaf to remind me to enjoy and cherish the last few weeks of summer. Plant those Fall vegetables! Ride that bicycle! Lounge in that hammock! I planted the Fall veggies on Monday. 

I am thankful for the last days of summer. I am thankful for the slow transition into Fall. I am thankful for the new couch even if it's making me completely rethink the layout of the living room. I am thankful for rosemary and garlic. I am thankful for breaks in this weeks rain that allow for dog walks. I am thankful for sowed seeds. I am thankful. Short but sweet. Happy Thankful Friday. 

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Burnt

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It feels like it's been ages since I posted a Thankful Friday entry even though I know I did one for last Friday. I take that as a bad sign. If it feels like it's been a while since I've been grateful, then I need to take a serious look at things going on in my life. It makes me think that I'm not taking time out in my day to be grateful. The reality is I am not giving myself time in the day for gratitude. Here are somethings I am grateful for:

• Michael is on day twelve of not smoking. This is significant because he had been smoking since the age of twelve. The first week was pretty rough for him but each day seems to be easier. I am super proud of him. There's always a reason not to quit and he chose the first week of school with students to do so. Those of you who are teacher knw that the first week of school is pretty stressful for, so good for him. I am also thankful that he is trying so hard and not being a complete bear while transitioning to non-smoker status
• The Cabbage started kindergarten on Wednesday and so far, so good. She's super excited about it and gets to ride a school bus and has her lunch code memorized. I am grateful for her enthusiasm and hope it sticks.
• My friend Becky suddenly had to have her appendix removed this week. She's recovering nicely. I am really really grateful she's doing okay. 
• I had a check up with my doctor yesterday to see if my cholesterol medicine was working. He was very excited when he came in with my lab results. My triglycerides dropped from 308 to 161. High five! The meds are doing everything he was hoping they'd do. I'm still not to thrilled with the idea that I will always be taking this drug, but I am thankful that it is working.
• The garden is ready for planting fall veggies. This weekend, I will plant Brussel sprouts, broccoli, kale and maybe some cabbage. The garden has been a bit of a bust this year. There's tons of tomato plants, but no tomatoes. The few tomatoes we've gotten are green and do not seem to want to turn red. We ate five potatoes and three carrots and five or six bowls of salad greens. That's about it. I am thankful for a fresh start with the garden
• Last Saturday night, Michael and I drove to the outskirts of town to see meteors. We could not escape the light pollution from the moon. We did see a couple of meteors though and a fox. I am thankful that the evening wasn't a complete bust.
• I finally returned to my yoga mat this week. I had been neglecting it while I got over the cold I brought back from Boston. It feels so good to be back into my practice. I am thankful for that.
• I am thankful for you.

It's a nice list. It's a nice reminder of the good stuff I've got going in this life. I hope you have a nice list going for this week as well. Here's to a relaxing weekend and a super Thankful Friday