THANKFUL FRIDAY

We've been busy

17 Likes, 0 Comments - Cindy Maddera (@elephant_soap) on Instagram: "We've been busy"

Stuff that I am grateful for this week:

• avocado toast that just appears magically before me right at the exact time I need to eat something or kill everyone in the house

• every single time I get on my yoga mat

• a backyard that is now very neat and tidy

• making the highest score I could make on my Python class quiz because Michael helped me to understand a math concept I should have learned in middle school

• that one evening where I made everyone dinner while Micheal started burning off yard crap and the Cabbage and Michael ate outside while I ate inside all by myself and watched the latest episode of Little Fires Everywhere.

• music

• a simple glass of wine

• my chiropractor

It’s been a long time since I have resorted to a list for my Thankful Friday post. I couldn’t figure out how to narrow this week down into one tidy little box of gratitude. Mostly because I don’t think it is possible. If you are like me, struggling to just get through the week, you are going to find gratitude in all of the things that have gotten you to Friday. Like that moment when Michael asked me to hold up the garden hose so he could mow right up next to the house. I stood there holding the hose over my head and yelled “I love you so much right now!” He gave me an inquisitive look because he couldn’t really hear me with the mower going and his headphones in, but I think he got the message.

Last night I had a dream that my house ended up as some sort of quarantine camp. Multiple people were sleeping in one bed. You had to step over people sleeping on the floor and I didn’t even really know any of them. They were all friends of friends, some with babies and toddlers. Micheal followed me into the kitchen where some random person was helping themselves to the last of our cereal and said “This has to stop. Who are these people anyway?” I nodded my head in agreement. Then I grabbed a pan and a wooden spoon. I started banging the pan with my spoon to get everyone’s attention. Then I said “Anyone who does not know my middle name has to leave right now.” Then I started kicking people out of my house. Things could always be worse.

There could be more people in this house.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

8/52 Buddha Board Project Fading octopus

8 Likes, 0 Comments - Cindy Maddera (@elephant_soap) on Instagram: "8/52 Buddha Board Project Fading octopus"

Prints have been ordered for my April showing and the large prints finally arrived this week. I was the most worried about these because I have ordred large prints before from some place different and they did not turn out well. The photo paper was the desired size, but the actual photo printed onto that paper was smaller. So when I placed my order for six 16x20 prints (costing me almost $100), I set the computer down and headed to the bathroom to throw up. I’ve been waking up in night sweats and mumbling ‘disaster!’ with a jolt of panic because I have had yet another nightmare about picture sizes. When they finally showed up, I hesitated in opening them, but they are good. Actually…they are really good. I am fascinated by the one of a Japanese beetle. The size of the image makes it possible to see the battle scars and scratches on his beetle armor. I am happy with these prints.

Of course, now that this worry has been removed from my plate, others have taken its place. Wednesday night, as I drove to teach my yoga class, I started to feel overwhelmed by all of the things. I have spent every spare moment this week taking online courses for CPR training and I will spend four hours on Saturday in more CPR training, which feels like a lot of CPR training. My class that I’m teaching at the Y is struggling with attendance and I have started toying with the idea of finding an alternative teaching venue. We have been going through the process of refinancing the house and it is taking months. I have called twice, been sent to voicemail and emailed twice about what is going on and I have heard nothing back. I made Michael cancel spa-birthday because our debt is out of control and a spa day is an inappropriate use of funds right now. I still haven’t figured out how I’m going to hang pictures on a brick wall or figured out when I am supposed to get into the building to hang pictures. I need an HDMI cable and a way to hook up my laptop or even my iPad to a projector. I need to start putting together my lesson plan for my photography workshop.

Shut up! I know the workshop is not until June!

Michael has a comedy showcase Sunday night. March has Michael headed to San Fransisco for a conference and then he comes back to spring break. We need to pick up a chicken coop that JP has so generously gifted us. I need to figure out something really nice to give or do for him and his partner. I am behind on keeping up with people (Terry, how are you doing? You doing okay?). I think I’m volunteering for the AIDS Walk Open in a few weeks. At least, it is on the calendar. All of these things need to happen on top of normal day to day chores. I still don’t know who I’m voting for in the primaries AND I just got an email with a DIY video on how to tighten up your turkey neck that I have to watch. I also need to schedule my yearly exam, a haircut for Josephine, and an eye exam. When I think about all of it at the same time, my chest tightens and I struggle to draw a deep breath. I have been focusing on making mental lists and categories each morning during meditation to keep myself from hyperventilating. I have been mentally filing stuff into two major categories: things that I can do and things I have no control over.

Quite a bit of all of those worries have easily been placed into the things I have no control over category.

Thank goodness I got a firm handle on my meditation practice, particularly at a time when I have decided to fill my calendar with a whole bunch of things. The things I can do category is organized by timeline and what needs to happen first. I imaging these things in a manilla file folder, placed in order, and on the outside I’ve written with a fat Sharpie “SLOW YOUR ROLL”. I have assignments but those assignments are not due tomorrow. I am not, nor have I ever been, a procrastinator. I invested in a calendar so that I could keep myself organized and on task. All of the things that need to be accomplished and that I have control over will get done in the time it needs to be.

Slow your roll. And take a deep cleansing breath.

I’ve got this.

THINGS I DID THIS WEEKEND

Bit-O-honey

4 Likes, 1 Comments - Cindy Maddera (@elephant_soap) on Instagram: "Bit-O-honey"

• Had breakfast at Happy Gillis that made us happy.
• Bought vegetables at the City Market.
• Finally purchased tomato plants (and a few other plants).
• Bought two whole tilapia with heads and everything for grilling.
• Finished up our grocery shopping at Trader Joe's where we received a refund for the zero fat Greek yogurt I bought last week. It tastes like paste. Trader Joe's is awesome because they let you 'return' anything you don't like. 
• Went to feed store and was charged $1,112.99 for $75 worth of chicken/dog/cat food.
• Spent forty five minutes on the phone with the bank trying to fix the accidental over charge from the feed store.
• Dropped chairs off at Terry's. Found him in the process of rebuilding his patio. That man is a machine. 
• Ate lunch.
• Ran the weedeater around the garden. 
• Reclaimed garden from massive weed attack, thus saving some bean plants from choking to death.
• Planted tomato plants (and the few others).
• Took a shower because I am allergic to grass.
• Watched Storks while Michael took a nap. 
• Helped Michael get food ready for the grill.
• Made a salad with greens from our garden.
• Drank some gin.
• Laundry.
• Made new pickles (they'll be ready next week).
• Made ghee.
• Cleaned the house.
• Took everything out of my closet and only put back things I wanted to keep. 
• Edited some pictures.
• Read some on a book I've been reading.
• Watched three episodes of American Gods and two episodes of House of Cards. 
• Slept.

I started to write a list of things I didn't do this weekend. 

THINGS I'M THINKING ABOUT

Red filter

See this Instagram photo by @elephant_soap

• Learning to play the fiddle. Or, I guess, learning to play the violin like a fiddle
• Editing and uploading all those pictures I took at the zoo on Sunday
• The fire and brimstone that will occur if Trump wins in November
• If those googly eyes I glued to my ghost pumpkins are going to really stick
• Giving the dog a bath
• Vacuuming
• Is my house clean enough for visitors
• Sex
• Those ten pounds that won't go the fuck away
• Buying some greeting cards and actually mailing them to people
• Making up some spider and Mummy pumpkins to go with my ghosts
• Why the chickens have stopped laying eggs (I had to buy eggs last week)
• What side dish I should take to that party I've been invited to next weekend
• Friends and family
• NANOWRIMO and finding time, no... MAKING time to write
• Winning the Nobel Prize in Science for figuring out how to actually make "extra" time

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Burnt

See this Instagram photo by @elephant_soap

It feels like it's been ages since I posted a Thankful Friday entry even though I know I did one for last Friday. I take that as a bad sign. If it feels like it's been a while since I've been grateful, then I need to take a serious look at things going on in my life. It makes me think that I'm not taking time out in my day to be grateful. The reality is I am not giving myself time in the day for gratitude. Here are somethings I am grateful for:

• Michael is on day twelve of not smoking. This is significant because he had been smoking since the age of twelve. The first week was pretty rough for him but each day seems to be easier. I am super proud of him. There's always a reason not to quit and he chose the first week of school with students to do so. Those of you who are teacher knw that the first week of school is pretty stressful for, so good for him. I am also thankful that he is trying so hard and not being a complete bear while transitioning to non-smoker status
• The Cabbage started kindergarten on Wednesday and so far, so good. She's super excited about it and gets to ride a school bus and has her lunch code memorized. I am grateful for her enthusiasm and hope it sticks.
• My friend Becky suddenly had to have her appendix removed this week. She's recovering nicely. I am really really grateful she's doing okay. 
• I had a check up with my doctor yesterday to see if my cholesterol medicine was working. He was very excited when he came in with my lab results. My triglycerides dropped from 308 to 161. High five! The meds are doing everything he was hoping they'd do. I'm still not to thrilled with the idea that I will always be taking this drug, but I am thankful that it is working.
• The garden is ready for planting fall veggies. This weekend, I will plant Brussel sprouts, broccoli, kale and maybe some cabbage. The garden has been a bit of a bust this year. There's tons of tomato plants, but no tomatoes. The few tomatoes we've gotten are green and do not seem to want to turn red. We ate five potatoes and three carrots and five or six bowls of salad greens. That's about it. I am thankful for a fresh start with the garden
• Last Saturday night, Michael and I drove to the outskirts of town to see meteors. We could not escape the light pollution from the moon. We did see a couple of meteors though and a fox. I am thankful that the evening wasn't a complete bust.
• I finally returned to my yoga mat this week. I had been neglecting it while I got over the cold I brought back from Boston. It feels so good to be back into my practice. I am thankful for that.
• I am thankful for you.

It's a nice list. It's a nice reminder of the good stuff I've got going in this life. I hope you have a nice list going for this week as well. Here's to a relaxing weekend and a super Thankful Friday