SUMMER TIME AND THE LIVING IS SWEATY

My first summer in KCMO, I kept walking around saying “This is great!” while everyone else was wilting around me. “It’s not the heat. It’s the humidity.” they’d whine. My response would be “I love it! I’m a hot house flower! Bring on the steam!” I had lived thirty something years through dry one hundred and ten degree summers. The humidity felt like a spa treatment. The first warm day in my house, I went to turn on the AC only to realize I did not have AC, I shrugged but called my landlord. He installed a window unit and I lived with this for years not bothered one bit by the unit’s inability to cool my entire house. My brother was talking about the impossibility of living off grid because of the need for AC. I told him that I think there’s a guy in NYC who lives off grid. Then my brother said “Well, you don’t need an air conditioner in NY.” I shook my head and said “Au contraire mon frere.” (I’m learning French!) Summer in New York City is brutal. While we were having this conversation, it was actually hotter in NYC than it was in MO.

Each year, as the human impact on this planet increases the planet’s temperatures, I’ve started to notice how uncomfortable our summers with all that humidity have gotten. Now, I understand completely what it was that everyone was whining about. It is uncomfortable and for the first time in a long time, the heat/humidity leaves me motivated for nothing more than a lounge chair and a drink with ice in it. I want to ride my bicycle to work, but good lordy, all I can think of is the ride home in the evenings. I wear layers to work because parts of my office are meat locker temperatures, but how many layers can I get away with stripping off my body before it becomes inappropriate? I suppose, technically, my lack of clothing is a you problem or social construct problem, but I also don’t have enough bike storage to carry all the extra layers I will peel off of my body.

We spent the weekend with my brother and sister-in-law at their cabin near Branson and the whole lead up to this trip was filled with dread over the temperature. Michael and I were testing out new tents. Mine turns my car into a camper, while his is small enough to carry on his bicycle. We’ve decided that camping trips do not need to involve the two of us sleeping in the same tent. This set up also allows for more flexibility. He can do trips alone. I can do trips alone. We can do trips together. He can ride his bicycle to a campground and I can meet him there. I’m trying to figure out if I can fit my bicycle with my camp gear in the car. Most likely no, but maybe later on I can get a bike rack. Anyway, this was our weekend for testing. We each had to set up our tents without help from each other and once I figured out where to attach the tent to my car, I had shelter. The rest of the time, I thought for sure would be spent just sitting around in pools of our own sweat, flicking ticks off of ourselves.

It was relatively nice temps this weekend. Which was a pleasant surprise.

We did do a lot of tick flicking. Ticks are bad, people. Protect yourself! I have a harder time doing that since I am allergic to DEET. I feel lucky that I ended our weekend with only two tick bites. That’s how bad it is out there. While we were doing all this tick flicking, we were also laughing. A lot. I can honestly say that this last weekend was probably the nicest weekend I’ve had with the two of them since we moved Mom. It made me realize how strained we’ve all been. I think all three of us struggle with not just finding the time, but navigating how to visit with our mom. We have gone from spending day(s) at a time with Mom to spending hours at a time with Mom. But also the dynamic of those visits are different because most of the time it is only one of us there. Visits with Mom are not like what the three of us are used to after years of family meals on Sundays. The three of us are navigating our way through our own feelings around all of this and this has left us with little time for just being present with each other.

It was nice to spend a weekend together in a way that we used to spend time together. Familiar. Comforting. We barely mentioned our mother. And we laughed in the way we used to laugh with each other. This was probably the best medicine I could have asked for.

WHAT WE DO ON THE WEEKENDS

Here was the original plan for Saturday. I would get up and do the weekly food gathering. Then I would go buy new gym shoes, some candy for the Cabbage’s birthday stocking, and some new makeup. After this, I would meet Michael back at the house so we could regroup for lunch. While I was doing all of the above, Michael was supposed to take the camper to the dealership for repairs and stop by Bass Pro for raccoon repellent before meeting me back at the house to regroup for lunch. After lunch, we’d hit up a hardware store and a fancy grocery store before coming home to clean the basement.

Morning went exactly as planned. It was the afternoon that got derailed. The derailing of this plan started when Michael was left unsupervised in Bass Pro. All he needed to buy was Fox Pee. That’s it, but not only did he come home with the Fox Pee, he also returned with a very cruel and inhumane trap and a pellet gun. After some serious discussion that included me suggesting he place his own ‘paw’ into the trap to demonstrate how the trap “doesn’t harm the animal”, he agreed that we should return the trap, but keep the pellet gun. I let him keep his pellet gun. He’s going to shoot at some paper targets and then the gun will go into some safe hiding place and never see the light of day again. Five years later, he’ll be cleaning out some box and find it. He’ll exclaim “When did we get a pellet gun?!?!” It will be just like Christmas for him.

So our afternoon was spent driving out to the suburbs to the closest Bass Pro. Then there was a stop at a sporting goods close-out store, Home Depot and the Price Chopper that sells piñatas and has bulk bins of jalapeños. By the time we made it home, I lacked the energy to do anything in the basement. Which I think was Michael’s plan all along. I believe this is his plan for every Saturday, to drag me around all over the city for unnecessary reasons so that I don’t have time to clean and take care of things around the house. These are things that I end up having to do on a Sunday, usually while he’s sleeping or take vacation time just to stay home and clean. That’s what I’m doing next week. Except, I can take the basement and garage off my list because I did get around to cleaning those spaces on Sunday.

While Michael was sleeping.

Turns out I can accomplish a whole lot of chores while Michael is sleeping.

THIS WAS OUR WEEKEND

Sunday

4 Likes, 1 Comments - Cindy Maddera (@elephant_soap) on Instagram: "Sunday"

Saturday morning, I got up, went to Heirloom for a breakfast biscuit and wrote in my fortune cookie journal (something I have not done in a really long time). Then I went to a yoga class were I sweated profusely and couldn't clasp my hands behind my back (which I can totally do) because my sweaty fingers kept slipping. After class, I went home to get Michael so we could go grocery shopping. We then took the long way around to the grocery store, stopping at Terry's to pick up Michael's hat, then the library, then some lunch, then another library, then, of course, Target, and finally Trader Joe's. We did not have any plans other than a backyard concert later that evening, so we felt free to lolly gag. 

I put together a lovely picnic basket and Michael picked out a couple of bottles of wine. We loaded this into the car and headed towards Liberty for the evening concert. As we pulled out of the driveway, Michael said "Hey, would you read the invite for this again to me?" I pulled up the invite in my email and started reading "So and So would like to invite you to a backyard concert on August 5th. We are fortunate enough to be on the living room tour of Denver based alt-folk band King Cardinal..." "Wait. Can you repeat that first sentence?" "You mean the part where it says that the concert is August 5th?" Then we drove around Kansas City for the next two hours, stopping to look at houses that were for sale and stalking neighborhoods. We went home and spread our picnic out on the coffee table and ate brie and smoked salmon and horseradish hummus while watching Glow. 

The next morning, I woke up sore from yoga and one side of my nose clogged. My allergies have been through the roof horrible lately. I am taking allergy medicine, but it is only partially effective. CBS Sunday Morning was mostly reruns, so I opted to take advantage of the cool of the morning to clean up the garden beds and reclaim our back steps from the encroaching crab grass. An hour later I came inside, sweaty and covered in grass and ready to claw my skin off because I was so itchy (see allergies above). I decided to do something that I hadn't done in a really long time. I filled a bowl with sea salt and scrubbed myself with it in the shower. In yoga teacher training, we learned that salt was a good way to clean your aura. We all know how I feel about energy bodies and auras, but it did make me feel better. Seriously better. I'm not just talking about my itchy skin either. 

I spent the rest of Sunday finishing up laundry, watching Okja (which I am still processing and a little haunted by one scene in particular), putting clean sheets on my bed, updating my my hanging pictures and reading. I got a book from the library that needs to be returned in twelve days. In my brain that means it has be returned tomorrow and so I have to read all of the pages RIGHT NOW!

What did you guys do this weekend?

THINGS I DID THIS WEEKEND

Bit-O-honey

4 Likes, 1 Comments - Cindy Maddera (@elephant_soap) on Instagram: "Bit-O-honey"

• Had breakfast at Happy Gillis that made us happy.
• Bought vegetables at the City Market.
• Finally purchased tomato plants (and a few other plants).
• Bought two whole tilapia with heads and everything for grilling.
• Finished up our grocery shopping at Trader Joe's where we received a refund for the zero fat Greek yogurt I bought last week. It tastes like paste. Trader Joe's is awesome because they let you 'return' anything you don't like. 
• Went to feed store and was charged $1,112.99 for $75 worth of chicken/dog/cat food.
• Spent forty five minutes on the phone with the bank trying to fix the accidental over charge from the feed store.
• Dropped chairs off at Terry's. Found him in the process of rebuilding his patio. That man is a machine. 
• Ate lunch.
• Ran the weedeater around the garden. 
• Reclaimed garden from massive weed attack, thus saving some bean plants from choking to death.
• Planted tomato plants (and the few others).
• Took a shower because I am allergic to grass.
• Watched Storks while Michael took a nap. 
• Helped Michael get food ready for the grill.
• Made a salad with greens from our garden.
• Drank some gin.
• Laundry.
• Made new pickles (they'll be ready next week).
• Made ghee.
• Cleaned the house.
• Took everything out of my closet and only put back things I wanted to keep. 
• Edited some pictures.
• Read some on a book I've been reading.
• Watched three episodes of American Gods and two episodes of House of Cards. 
• Slept.

I started to write a list of things I didn't do this weekend. 

THROW EVERYTHING IN THE BOX

Tilt

4 Likes, 1 Comments - Cindy Maddera (@elephant_soap) on Instagram: "Tilt"

This was probably the fullest weekend that we have had in a really long time. The house filled up with friends and family starting on Friday and stayed that way for the whole weekend. There were plenty of hands to help me prepare for Michael's party and we got things done so efficiently that there was extra time for relaxing in the backyard. We had two evenings of sitting around the fire pit. All of the boys got added to our doorway where we mark the growth progress of the Cabbage and where we tend to also mark the height of guests. It is my favorite doorway of all the doorways. I got to spend some much missed hours with Amy's little one where she told me knock-knock joke after knock-knock joke and Boo Boo Butt was always at the door. I ate cake and relaxed in the hammock. 

I looked at my phone today and realized that I only took a handful of pictures over the weekend. Most of those pictures are of Amy's little monster who is the most hilarious child that never stops moving or talking. So you can guess that most of the images are blurry. I have a weekend photo folder of a handful of blurry images. And it is perfect. Those blurry images are a true representation of the weekend. Colors and sounds swirled together with the smell of a campfire. That's what this past weekend was and usually how weekends filled with friends and family tends to go. There are always the moments that you want to stretch and pull out like pink taffy. These are the kind of moments that can't be captured in a picture.

There's a handful of us who will bust out laughing any time someone in the group yells out "WHERE'S MY COOKIE?!". Terry learned more about the feral hogs of Oklahoma then he ever thought he'd probably ever learn. Our backyard looked the best it has ever looked, but not because of all of the yard work Michael and I did. Our backyard looked good filled with our people with the dog and a couple of little kids running around chasing bubbles. The backyard was down right perfect when the sun dropped down below the horizon with the fire in the fire pit roaring. We'd watch the bats circle above us while someone took a turn telling a story or joke. 

So...I don't have a whole lot of pictures from the weekend. I've taken those moments, the stories and words, and I've tucked them away in it's own special memory box.  

WINTER WEDDING WONDERLAND

I've positioned myself right next to the cake.

"I've positioned myself right next to the cake."

Right now, I am currently propped on the couch watching last night's episode of Downton Abbey. Josephine is curled up asleep at my hip. I've taken today off so I could have a moment to set things straight before going back to work. Groceries needed to be purchased and I desperately needed to dust and vacuum, but all of that is done now. All that's left is to make this evenings dinner. So, I have a few hours to sit and compile my thoughts. Except now that I'm sitting down to do that, I realize I don't have too many thoughts to compile. 

Weekend trips to Oklahoma always seem to rush by in a blur. This one was mixed with snow and ice. The snow started just as Talaura and I reached Wichita. Roads didn't get bad until I made it to Oklahoma City just in time for rush hour. My last hour of driving was a bit tense, but I think this was more to do with the other drivers on the road than the weather. So I parked myself in the Jens' home and didn't leave until it was absolutely necessary. We ate Hideaway Pizza and ginger bread cookies and watched Mrs. Fisher's Murder Mysteries. It was so warm and cozy, I had to be reminded that the real reason for my visit was not sitting on a couch with a puppy on my lap. I was there for a wedding. And not just any wedding. Misti and Mark's wedding. 

I squeezed myself into a dress, put some lipstick on and headed out to celebrate. Which I did. Misti looked beautiful and it had nothing to do with her gown, though it was gorgeous. Every time I spotted Mark, he was grinning from ear to ear. Those two where lit with joy, the kind of joy that comes from declaring to all of your friends and family that you mean it. You mean to spend the rest of your happy days together. And they do. Chris used to always say "we want good things for those we love." He never said the reason for wanting those good things for our friends. The reason is that he and I both got great joy out of seeing our friends happy. Purely selfish reasons. My heart swelled with knowing that these two were so happy. We laughed, we drank, we ate cake and we danced. That's how happy we all were and are for these two people. 

I really couldn't be more happy for these two. I know we all wished for more time, but I think we did a good job of savoring the time we had together. I arrived in swirling snow and just as quickly as the weather changes in Oklahoma, I left. The roads where clear and the sky was blue and Misti was married. Sadie, Sadie.