THANKFUL FRIDAY

Fancy lemonade

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I'm starting to feel like the official end of summer is upon us. Michael started back to work with students this week. The Cabbage starts her first day of kindergarten next Wednesday. There was a school bus picking up kids in my neighborhood this morning and because the parking lot of the school I pass on the way to work was full, I slowed down for the school zone. Advertising has moved well on past bikini season to the hottest new looks for Fall. The temperatures are still in the high nineties but there's an expectation that any day now those temperatures are going to drop and the leaves are going to change colors over night. In fact a cold front is expected to move through this evening, dropping our temperatures down into the low eighties. August is a strange month of transition. 

For many of us, there's no difference between spring and summer and fall other than temperatures. For me, summer vacation ceased to be a real thing when I reached graduate school. Actually, now that I think about it, it probably stopped being a real thing for me in college because I continued to take classes throughout my summer. I am sure those times were a little more lax back then. I maybe showed up to the lab at eight AM instead of seven AM, but I was still at work every day. At the time, I was just driven and focused and really wanted to finish school. Once I graduated and was off into the real live world of grownups, I had forgotten about summer vacation completely. But then came summer campfire nights with friends and tiny little road trips that reminded me of those times when I was young and school was out for the summer. Every year, as all the kids get out of school for their summer vacation, I tell myself that I will also have some sort of a summer vacation. I will have more lazy days and lemonade. I will take advantage of weekends for fun and not chores. I will let myself fall out of my usual routine. 

Every summer, I say those things and then pretty much only accomplish a lemonade or two. Falling out of my usual routine is the equivalent to me standing in the open door of an airplane. I may have a perfectly good, working parachute strapped to my back and I know the whole free fall thing is probably amazing. I just can't seem to step out of the plane because of that whole idea that I may be killing myself by jumping. Who cares if the parachute is perfectly good and working? This summer was a little different. I didn't fall completely out my usual routine, but I did fall a little bit out of my usual routine. There were a few more lazy days and even some spontaneity. I let some chores fall to the wayside (the garden is a complete crazy mess right now). I drank several limoncellos with tonic water which is basically like lemonade. And even though kids have gone back to school, I am still holding onto the idea of summer vacation. I am thankful for those moments of spontaneity and for limoncello with tonic water. Mostly, I am thankful for reclaiming the idea of summer vacation.

Michael and I have plans to drive out of the city to watch meteors and stars. I realize that the peak time for watching the Perseid Meteor Shower was Thursday night, but we don't really care. The idea of laying on a an air mattress in the back of Michael's truck while doing nothing but gazing up at all the stars in the sky is enough for us. We should all do one summer vacation like thing this weekend. Get out there and throw some water balloons or roast some marshmallows! Here's to a holding onto the summer vacation weekend and super Thankful Friday! 

THANKFUL FRIDAY

I've started something big and it wasn't even all that hard to do. All I had to do was send Michael a couple of images of various popup trailers with toy hauler attachments and he was hooked. I let him drag me out to the suburbs on Saturday so we could go to a couple of RV dealerships. I thought it was the least I could do since I planned on having him assemble all the shelves and boxes we bought from IKEA that day. The first place we went to made me angry. They didn't have anything on their giant lot that we were looking for and we were inside the office area for over ten minutes before someone asked us if we'd been helped. I told Michael that if it had been up to me we would have left ten minutes ago, but I let it go because Michael has questions and is new to the world of RVs and campers. The second place we went to had exactly what we were looking for on display inside an air conditioned building. If Michael had a hitch already installed on his truck, we would have purchased it right then and there. 

Every day since, Michael has talked non stop about the popup trailer, where and how we can store the popup trailer, how the toy hauler addition might add too much weight to the popup, the possibilities of getting both scooters in the bed of his truck and racks for the day we get kayaks. When he's not talking about those things, he's talking about where we are going to go next. This is my favorite part. Michael really hasn't seen much of this country and he's realizing just how much there is to see. Though I was dragged all over the southern half of the United States in my youth, there's still plenty of great landmarks in this country yet for me to see. I had no idea that when I wrote that entry a few weeks ago about traveling that I was planting magic beans. And oh boy, how that beanstalk is growing. That trip to Wisconsin was just the sprout of the beanstalk. I am thankful for what this magic bean is growing into and it's not just growing into the shape of a trailer. This magic bean is growing into a world of adventure and I am thankful that those vines have tangled Michael up with it. 

I am sure that Michael will spend the weekend discussing trailers and hitches with my brother, who is a good source of information on these things. We are traveling to OK for my great-nephew's wedding. My GREAT-nephew is getting married. That tiny little goofball who couldn't keep his balance in the crooked house at Silver Dollar City and kept falling over because he was so small is getting married. Realistically, in a year or two, he and his wife could have a baby. That would mean that my brother could be a great grandfather by age fifty eight. Good Lord, I can't even. It makes me feel a hundred and eight years old even though I've had two people this week tell me that they thought I was thirty one or thirty two. (I am thankful for those people.) I am thankful for the kind of young man Jr has grown into. I am thankful that he is happy. I am thankful for the time I'm going to get with my family this weekend.

I am thankful for the collard greens from the garden. I am thankful for a clean house. I am thankful that Josephine is back to her 100% crazy running foolery self. I am thankful that I finally finished the first season of Stranger Things because I could not take much more of the anxiety it was causing me. I am thankful for magic beans and I am always thankful for you.

Here's to a weekend of celebration and a wonderfully Thankful Friday. 

THANKFUL FRIDAY

She's been a rag doll all day.

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It turns out that Josephine had quite the crazy time adventure at Uncle Terry's over the weekend. It started Thursday night when Terry came home from work and discovered some crumbles of mouse poison on the floor. Of course, this sent Terry into panic mode who called the vet. The vet said that since there was no way of knowing which of the three beasts got into the poison, they all had to go in. So he rounded them all up and took them to the emergency clinic for a round of vomiting. Turns out it was Max who ate the poison. He didn't eat enough to do any damage, thank goodness, but we did learn that Josephine swallows rawhides whole. I feel worse for poor Terry who had to go through the whole mess than those three rascals who had to puke their guts out. 

Monday morning, I got up and Josephine jumped off the bed and stumbled. Then she started limping and by that evening, she refused to put any weight on her front right paw. Now it was my turn to go into panic mode. I went full on worst case scenario and had already concluded that Josephine would need thousands of dollars worth of surgery. Our vet said to wait it out another day and then bring her in the next day if she had not improved. She has improved. She's still a little gimpy, but will rest on that front paw. The vet said that miniature schnauzers are prone to over doing it and that Josephine probably just strained herself. That seems to be the case and not really a big surprise. Josephine loves Terry's. Really I think she loves Max even more, but she enjoys chasing Miles around the yard. Max and Miles are Terry's children and he treats them as such. So everyone gets twenty bazillion pounds of love sprinkled with treats when they're there. The last time she stayed a weekend at his place, she came home and slept for two days. 

I am thankful for Terry, but not just because he was gracious enough to watch Josephine while we were out of town. Terry is really good at making me believe that I'm doing him the favor by letting Josephine stay over. He is the most gracious human being I have ever known. Every time I check in, Terry goes on and on about how good Josephine is and I half way believe it. But I bet Josephine does act a little better because she's trying to impress Max. Any way, I'm thankful to have Terry and I need to figure out a better way of showing him just how grateful I am than writing about it. A giant bottle of booze seems too easy. Of course, I am also thankful that Josephine is well or at least on her way to fully recovered. I caught her chewing on the cat this morning. So she'll be up to her old shenanigans in no time. 

Earlier this week, I peeled a ruby red grapefruit and split it for my lunch. It was the most delicious thing that I was really sad that I had only packed half of it. It's all I want to eat forever. I am thankful for ruby red grapefruits. I am thankful for kale picked from our garden. I am thankful Albus didn't fill the basement with dead animals while we were gone. I am thankful for the one green tomato that is now sitting in our kitchen window. I am always thankful for you.

Here's to a sweltering hot weekend and a dazzling Thankful Friday! 

WANDER FEVER

Happy 4th

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I know that Friday entries are usually devoted to gratitude and this week I am very grateful for a number of things. It's just that I have other things on my mind these days. The clutter in my head makes me want to get on a bus and go for a really long ride. After we left the REI store and the couple with the great teardrop camper on Monday, Michael and I headed over to a grocery store for no reason in particular. When we came out of the store and there was a guy sitting in a VW Westfalia camper van parked right next to our scooters. He was very nice as I invited myself to stick my head in the window and look around. 

Later on over dinner, Michael and I discussed what kind of traveling setup we should go with. Do we get a camper? If we get a camper, how do we haul the scooters? What kind of vehicle should we get to pull everything? Finally at some point in the discussion of camper vs motorhome, I said "I don't think the vehicle matters. I don't think that's the point. It's the journey that matters." I just want to go. I just want to get in the car and go. I don't want to have to think about it. I. Just. Want. To. Go. Yesterday, my friend Scott posted something about raspberries being ready for picking and come on over and get some. They live in Utah, but I couldn't think of anything more that I wanted to do. Before I knew it, I was looking at a map and driving times. I just suddenly, so badly wanted to, no, needed to squeeze Shelly and Scott's faces between my two hands. Which is ridiculous because we haven't seen each other in ages and our only contact is through Instagram and Facebook. 

I've never been to Utah. I'm sure there are stamps I could get along the way. Did I tell you guys I lost our National Parks Passport? No? Well, sometime after getting the last stamp in Acadia and dropping off the rental car, I lost our parks passport and I'm really sad about it. It is just so unlike me to lose something like this that Michael and I have both been a little stunned and just expecting it to appear on my desk one day. I don't think that's going to happen. My wanderlust is not coming from guilt to reclaim some stamps though. For as long as I can remember, this has always been the time of year when we'd load up the camper and head West, into the mountains to escape the Oklahoma summer. This is road trip season. It has been imprinted into my DNA to long for the open road and to throw everything in a car/van/truck and head West or anywhere really. 

I can't understand why I haven't figured out a way to make it easier to escape for a weekend at least. The car should always be packed with a tent and a sleeping bag and the plastic tote containing all the cooking supplies. Instead the gear is spread out and scattered between the garage and the basement. Now I'm thinking that this is how I should spend my time this weekend, gathering supplies and preparing for a little spontaneity in my life. I have to plane out spontaneity. I want to be surrounded by forest. I want to sit for hours listening to the sounds of a stream and maybe even hold a fishing pole in my hands. When's the last time I did that? I can tell you. August 2006. That was the last trip I took with my Dad to Colorado. We all thought if we fled Oklahoma that year, we could escape the horrific memories of the year before. Of course we were wrong because those horrific memories continue to haunt us in different ways and will for the rest of our lives, but we finally saw a bear. So..that was something. 

I guess if this was still a Thankful Friday entry, I'd be thankful for that last trip to Colorado. I'd be thankful for catching as many trout as I could eat and then some. I'd be thankful for that moment in the middle of the night where I got up to go to the bathroom and as I walked back to my tent, I looked up into the night sky. The view of the universe made me dizzy, like sitting in the front row of an IMAX screen. I'd be thankful for being able to witness those two little otters playing in the street and thankful that we didn't hit them with the car. I'd be thankful for that bear. I'd be thankful for Dad imprinting traveling across the country into my DNA. I'd be thankful for the time.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

I rode this

See this Instagram photo by @elephant_soap

We took the Cabbage to Worlds of Fun on Tuesday. I took the day off so we could go on a weekday in hopes of missing a big crowd. It rained until about eleven that morning which helped to thin out the crowds and keep the temperatures at a reasonable level. Since the Cabbage turned out to not be tall enough to ride some of the big roller coasters, I ended up having to ride those by myself. I guess the last really major roller coaster I rode was probably the Titan at Six Flags in Ft. Worth. At the time, the Titan was the tallest roller coaster in the US with a two hundred and fifty five foot drop. The ride up that first hill was slow and torturous and somewhere in the middle of that pull to the top, you seriously consider just getting out of the car. Just when you think you can't take another second, you're at the top and then plummeting down towards the earth and you're screaming your head off. Because it's so dang thrilling.

I had forgotten how much I loved every minute of the whole roller coaster experience. As soon as we walked into the park, I looked and Michael and asked if it would be OK if I ran over and jumped in line for the Patriot while the Cabbage rode the carousel. I knew that if I went first thing, the line would be minimal and I could catch up with them in Planet Snoopy where all the kid rides are. The Patriot is one of those coasters where the track runs over head so your feet just dangle over the ground. I sat in a row with a mother and her two daughters and the mom and I had a brief conversation before the ride started. I asked if she'd ridden this coaster before. She replied that she had and that it was her favorite coaster and then we were off zooming down hills and flipping through loops. The wind made my eyes water and tears leaked out the corners as I laughed and screamed. As the ride slowed down to end, someone near the back let out a loud "WOOP!" and then we all cheered. 

Riding some of those coasters with strangers made me realize something. Each time I shared a car or row of seats with these people I didn't know, we made a connection. We laughed and joked about who was going to throw up or that bolt up there looked secure. We screamed together through every dig and flip. We cheered together at the end of the ride because it had been such an enjoyable thrill. The roller coaster of life is a phrase we have all heard. Over the course of our life time we will experience great highs and great lows. We will encounter twists and turns and loops, but this doesn't happen to one person alone. Yes, you have your friends and family. That's a given, but that person sitting across from you on the buss or standing next to you at the cross walk is also on that great ride. I am thankful for this reminder and I am thankful for the kindness and generosity that can come from a complete stranger who also understands that we are all on the same roller coaster. 

I hope everyone has a safe and pleasant holiday weekend, full of fireworks. Here's to a super Thankful Friday.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Please don't stand so close to me

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This week saw the rise of my inner activist. Now, I'll admit I didn't do much. I just posted something here and there and thanked my representative for his good work. The things I did post though sparked some really good discussion regarding both sides of the gun control issue. First of all, I want to thank those of you who got involved in that discussion for your kindness and respectful debate. No one started a shouting match. No one reverted to their inner five year old with an "I know you are but what am I?" You guys proved that people from opposite sides of an issue can have a meaningful discussion without resorting to media hype. These kinds of discussions are what we need on a grand scale. 

I feel like most of us all agree that some sort of gun control reform needs to happen. We just disagree on what that reform needs to be. Having calm, productive conversations on the issue brings us all a little bit closer to the center. This is why I urge all of us, Democrat, Liberal AND Republican, to contact their representatives and their senators. We need to encourage them to have the same kind of discussions because it is clear that they are not. Paul Ryan adjourned the House for the Fourth of July Holiday, that is more than a week away, as his way of ignoring the Democrats protest. I'm sure all of us wish we had that kind of vacation time. The thing is, we're paying these people to speak for us and right now I feel that both sides can say that there's a lot of Representatives not doing their job. It is up to us to hold them accountable. So again, I am really grateful for those of you who spoke up. I learned some things and I hope you learned some things too. 

This week I realized that I haven't peeled my lip off in at least two weeks. I don't know why. I don't know what I'm doing different. I've started eating avocados on toast twice a week for breakfast? I haven't eaten a potato in ten days? That's not true. We had red potatoes with green beans for dinner last Saturday. I have not clue, but for some reason my lip has no desire to come off. Not a flake or nothing. That's something to be thankful for. Earlier this week I listened to Tell Me I'm Fat on This American Life and it really made think hard about this body I'm always complaining about. Every night since then, before I go to sleep, I wrap my arms around the part of my body that disgusts me the most (my belly) and I tell that area "You are beautiful. I love you." over and over. It's my new nightly mantra. I am thankful that I almost believe that mantra.

I am thankful for fresh carrots that look like Bugs Bunny carrots. I am thankful for the time I spent on my mat every day this week. I am thankful for the promising results from an experiment I've been working on. I am thankful for good neighbors who tell us when our dog escapes the backyard. Those good neighbors get rewarded with eggs. I am thankful for scooter days. I am thankful for you.

Have a wonderful weekend and a super blessed Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Sun drop gum drop

See this Instagram photo by @elephant_soap

This week has been a noisy week. The country is still reeling from the largest mass shooting to occur in the US. It has added even more fuel to the debate on gun control. My facebook feed has been a bipolar display of love and support for victims and family mixed with the most ridiculous memes of "DON'T TAKE AWAY MY GUNS!" There have been times I wanted to chime in. I do think there's something wrong with a system where it's harder to get a driver's license than an AR-47. But I also recognize that people who feel it necessary to repost those ridiculous memes are the type that lack critical thinking skills. They are the kind who are easily lead by fear mongering tactics and are posting to a gut reaction without thinking things through. It is a waste of time and energy to even try to see reason with them. I'd rather spend that time and energy on better things.

Josh McGill managed to escape the nightclub that night unscathed. When he saw a man stumble out bleeding, Josh pulled the man behind the shelter of a car and then removed his shirt to staunch the flow of blood. He rode with this man, a stranger, all the way to the hospital. His actions saved the man's life. Ray Rivera, the nightclub DJ, stayed with a woman who had taken cover under his booth. He shielded her as he guided her to the nearest exit. Edward Sotomayor Jr was shot in the back while pushing his boyfriend out a door to safety. He died protected the man he loved. Imran Yousuf, a veteran Marine, helped dozens of people escape the nightclub. Sunday morning, after news spread of the horrific events, the Orlando Blood blanks were overwhelmed with people who stood in line to donate. Today, I am thankful for Josh, Ray, Edward, Imran, all the people who showed up to help and donate blood, and this community who have rallied together. 

The gratitude I have this week for the little things may seem slightly frivolous in the wake of such tragedy. If anything, tragedy makes those small things even sweeter. When we said our goodbyes to Terry on Saturday, he handed me two giant ziplock bags of chopped pineapple and watermelon, because this is Terry's way. I don't know how we managed to get out of his house the last time without a bag full of carnival sausages. My first instinct is to always wave it off and say "no...we don't need that", but the Cabbage had already pulled the bag of pineapple from my hands and was opening it up to grab a handful of pineapple. I have eaten pineapple and watermelon in my lunch every day this week. I am thankful for Terry. 

I am thankful for our evening walks even though it has been blazing hot here. Unseasonably hot is what most KCMO natives have been saying. Really, I'm just thankful to finally be warm. No freezing hands or toes. I have some great success on some things I've been testing out at work. I am thankful for this. I am thankful for surprise visits and cups of coffee. I am thankful for quiet moments. 

I am thankful for all of you.

Here's to a simmering hot weekend and a super Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Testing a new app. I think I like it.

See this Instagram photo by @elephant_soap

When I went to pick out my new iPad, I played around with Apple pencil and I really liked it. It's the first stylus I've used that actually writes like a pencil. I really really wanted to add it my purchase that day, but it seemed a little frivolous. So I said "No thank you" to the Apple pencil, but I've been looking at it on Amazon just about every day since. Wednesday night, I came home from yoga class and Michael was cooking my kale that I eat on top of my mung beans and rice (every Wednesday). We fend for ourselves on Wednesdays because Michael doesn't like what I eat and I like kitchari (that's what I call it) for after yoga class. For one thing, I can put the mung beans and rice in the rice cooker and set it to start cooking before I get home. Then all I have to do is quickly cook up some kale, but this evening, Michael was doing that. I eyed him suspiciously as I walked into my room to take off my jewelry. I pulled off a bracelet and went to set it down on my dresser and guess what I found sitting on my jewelry box? A cat! No, but the cat has taken to lounging across the length of my dresser these days. There was an Apple pencil sitting on my dresser! 

I didn't get to play around with it until Thursday. The first thing I did was read a bunch of app reviews for note taking apps. I do not spend money apps. The last app I purchased, I paid $2.99 for it and it was Camera+. This app turned out to be my favorite camera app and I use it all the time. Yesterday I went way outside my comfort zone and spent $8.99 for Noteshelf and I have no regrets. I've never been able to stick with even the simplest of journals. There was one time I tried to glue images onto a page and journal around it but I couldn't keep up. With Noteshelf, I can import pictures and journal around them and I don't need glue or printed pictures or a special journal. I'm hooked. I even plan to move my lab notebook to Noteshelf. I like to hand write stuff out and create elaborate plans and flow charts for how I set up an experiment. This has kept me from taking my lab notebook to digital for years.

I am very excited about this, but also I am very thankful for Michael's thoughtful gift. I think I mentioned one time that I might eventually want the pencil, but I didn't harp on it or talk about it constantly. He just went and got it. Chris used to do stuff like that. Three years ago today, I met Michael at Bella Napoli's after a few texts and one phone call. Moments before he showed up, I got cold feet and almost bolted. He walked up to me just as I was about to step away. Later on, he would be the one to step away just as I was ready to walk up. It was an awkward two-step but eventually he caught onto the rhythm. Now we dance pretty well. Sometimes we'll fall out of step but we always hop right back into place. I am thankful I didn't walk away that evening. 

What else? Well, the last time I saw my massage therapist she told me to do two things: roll around on a foam roller and do more chest openers like supported fish. I have been doing both of those things. The foam roller still makes me cry. It is awful and painful and I'd rather go to the dentist. Supported fish pose is the opposite of the foam roller. I put myself into supported fish for my savasana yesterday and I didn't want to get up. When I did get up, I was all happy drooly baby face. I am thankful for support from fish. I am thankful for scooter days without a need for a jacket (IT'S MY FAVORITE!). I am thankful for banana chips. I am thankful for evening dog walks. I am super duper thankful for you.

Here's to a blazing hot summery weekend and a super Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

This every day this week

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The other evening, I was sitting on the back step waiting for Josephine to do her final backyard patrol for the night. The ground was damp from that day's rain and the temperature was nice enough that I didn't feel the need for a sweater. The chickens were already tucked into their coop for the night. A gentle breeze stirred the honeysuckle, releasing their sweet smell. I scanned the jungle of our backyard trying to find Josephine in the last remaining light of the day and that's when I spotted the tiny flash of light. The first firefly of the season danced across the backyard. I sat and watched this lone firefly bobbing around, lighting up here and there, until the very last of the day's light leaked away. 

Our Spring has been an indecisive Spring. When Mom was here a couple of weekends ago, we went to my favorite place to buy tomato plants and they had all their plants crammed inside. It was too cold to have anything outside. So, Mom and I squeezed our way through narrow cramped isles to hunt for tomato plants and basil. I've taken my electric blanket off the bed only to put it back on twice now. Last week, we still had the furnace on. The colder temperatures, topped with all the rain has made it hard for me to believe that we will see any kind of Summer. The rain has not let up, but the temperatures have started to rise. The electric blanket has been put away, the furnace turned off and the air conditioner turned on. I wore a tank top while walking the dog yesterday. 

Winters are hard on me. Spring is a little better than Winter, but not by much. Hopes raised for brighter days are consistently crushed by continuous days of gray. Summer is my time, no matter how hot it gets. The endless days of blue skies sometimes streaked with pink clouds never fail to make me feel lighter. Those summer evenings, watching the fireflies dance around the yard, awakens my inner carefree child. I want to make ice cream the old fashion way and lay on a blanket, counting the stars as they appear in the sky. I want to crawl out from under the cold dank rock that I feel like I've been living under for the last few months. I am thankful for that tiny blinking firefly because he is like a lighthouse beacon for summer. Now if we could just get this rain to stop...

I am thankful for the moments between the rain when I've been able to walk the dog. I am thankful for the time I spent on my mat. I am thankful for tiny cups of ice cream. I am thankful for the promise of love and laughter to come this weekend. And..I am thankful for you. Have a safe and relaxing weekend, maybe taking a moment to remember why it's called Memorial Day and a truly Thankful Friday. 

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Waving heart

See this Instagram photo by @elephant_soap

Considering that I am writing this on Thursday and Thursday got here surprisingly fast, that in itself should be something I'm grateful for this week. Except that's not something high on my gratitude list. I am surprised by the speed at which time passed this week. I had good intentions. I had plans to write more and post things that are not sad or deal with the ashes of my dead husband. I wrote a whole paragraph about my crazy dreams that have been inspired from my TV watching and then I couldn't come up with an ending so I deleted it. I had plans to get on my yoga mat more this week. My practice got a little derailed during all the travel and I haven't really gotten back into a routine. I even skipped yoga class Wednesday night so I could get home to let the dog out of her crate. 

Samuel Johnson said "Hell is paved with good intentions." I suppose that Hell has a very advanced highway system and plenty of sidewalks by now. I know that plenty of us start off our days and weeks with the very best of intentions. Some of us have very long, complicated lists of intentions. I know that I tend to be that kind of person and so when I reach the end of a week where I've done very little on my complicated list of intentions, I feel like a bit of a failure. I forget to recognize the simple things that were good that I did unintentionally. I skipped yoga class on Wednesday, but I took Josephine on a walk in the park. I didn't get any writing done this week, but I do have tomato plants in the garden and I thinned out the radishes. I also took a jar that I bought four or five years ago with the idea of turning into a terrarium and finally turned it into a terrarium. And I did make it onto my yoga mat at least once this week. 

I am also reminded that my "good" intentions list should be simple: be the best person I can be in this moment. Really, it's the only intention I should have. Yesterday I gave a half a carton of eggs to two different people for no reason other than I thought it would be nice to give them some eggs. Both recipients were so over joyed with receiving those eggs and it was the best feeling to be able to surprise them with eggs. I am grateful to be able to give fresh eggs to the unsuspecting. I am thankful for the reminder to make my intention list short. I am grateful for the reminder to be my very best me.

I am thankful for a lot of things this week like perfectly poached eggs on avocado toast and countless games of tug-o-war with the dog. I am thankful for our new city issued garbage bin because now we don't have to store Albus's latest kill in the garage (I saved a baby bunny twice last night only to find him dead on our living room floor this morning; Albus is a jerk). I am thankful for being appreciated for a job well done. I am thankful for these new pants that are comfortable even though they have a non-elastic waistband.  I am thankful for you.

Here's to a lovely weekend and perfectly perfect Thankful Friday.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Good morning

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The night before I left for my conference, I was sitting on the couch with Michael and Josephine was standing on me as she does. I looked at her and said "Josephine, am I going to have to worry about you while I'm gone?" Michael pipped up and replied "Nooooo....she's going to be just fine." I did not have a direct flight to New York. The first leg was Kansas City to Milwaukee and when my plane landed there, I turned my phone on to find I had a missed call. From Animal Services. I hadn't even been away for a whole day. Josephine had dug a hole and squeezed under the fence. I quickly sent a text to Michael so he could go bail our dog out of jail.  She is now grounded and has to stay in her crate during the day while we are at work. She's handling it better than I am.

I feel like I came home to a bit of chaos. The yard is out of control. It's been too wet for Michael to mow. He's covered in poison ivy and stressing about a paper that's due today. The stress of it has lead to a cold, so he's all sneezy and congested. The house is dirty and my mom is coming in this weekend for a visit. The gutters are so full of leaves and helicopter seeds that the rain water just floods over them. The chicken coop is smelly and I came home to a letter from our homeowner's insurance telling us to repair the roof or they will drop our coverage. Most of all of this kind of makes me wish that I was sitting on a rock somewhere in Maine listening to the waves crash against all the other rocks. I am struggling to get back into routine. 

So today, I am thankful for my time away. I am thankful for sound of waves crashing on rocks and I'm even thankful for the snow that fell on us in the mountains. I am thankful for the peace. But, before I wish myself away again, I am also thankful to be home. Sure, I came home to a mess, but it's my mess. I'm thankful that Josephine OK and safe even if this means crating her during the day. I'm glad Michael had time to himself to work on school stuff, but I'm thankful to be home and in his presence. Even if he's sneezing all the time. I know the chaos will right itself eventually and that all of the things do not need to be fixed right this minute. I really thankful that all of the things do not need to be fixed right this minute.

Mom and I are going to the Farmer's Market tomorrow morning and i am buying tomato plants and basil. I am thankful for the time I will have with her, just the two of us, in the morning. That's the best time of day. Mom doesn't know yet, but she might end up holding a chicken this weekend while I clip some wings. I'm thankful that she can come this weekend for a visit, not just to buy plants and hold chickens. I am thankful for our time together. I am thankful for moments of peace before hectic times. I am thankful for blueberries. I am thankful for a snails pace. I am thankful for you.

Here's to a lovely weekend and a truly Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Stormy

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The first year I did the the Kansas City AIDS Walk, it rained. I wore the right shoes for walking, but the wrong shoes for rain. All the water in the whole swamp of a park soaked into my shoes and by the time I headed home, I couldn't even tell if I had feet. They were so numb with cold and wet and I sat in my car for twenty minutes rubbing them with a blanket and blasting the heat. The second year I did the Kansas City AIDS Walk, it rained. I wore the right shoes for rain, but not really the most comfortable for walking. All that mattered was that my feet were dry. This year, I started studying the weather maps weeks in advance. For days the weather report has shown a 90% chance of rain for Saturday. I finally broke down and bought some rain boots. Too be perfectly honest, you didn't really need to twist my arm to purchase a pair of rain boots. I've been eyeing them for some time for a number of reasons. Rubber boots seem like a very practical purchase, but I have been putting it off because I have a hard time spending money on shoes that I will get dirty. And yes I read that sentence out loud to myself and I know it sounds crazy pants. I used the AIDS Walk this year to get over it and just buy the dang boots. In the end I found a pair on Amazon and got a really good deal on them, so I feel pretty OK about the purchase.

Now let me give you a bit of advice about rain boots. This only applies if you are as dumb as I am when it comes to rubber boots, but whatever you do, do not try on rubber boots without wearing socks. Pressing a bare foot into a rubber boot creates a vacuum that makes removing the boot scary hard. I say scary hard, because there was a moment when Michael was trying to pull the boot off my right foot and it wouldn't budge. He actually lifted my whole body off the bed so that I was kind of dangling there with my leg trapped under his armpit while he was tugging on the boot. We took a break at this moment because I started having a minor panic attack. You know how when a little kid gets their head stuck in something like a bucket or between the rails on a back of a chair and you have to calm that kid down, because all the screaming and stress makes everything worse? That's basically the same thing that happens when you can't get a rubber boot off of your foot. We eventually got the boot off, but there was a moment when I seriously thought I'd be wearing that boot for the rest of my life and how I'd have to adapt my life around a rubber boot on my right foot. I imagined climbing into bed and under the covers with a rain boot on my foot. For the rest of my life because I don't believe in cutting up perfectly good boots.

I am thankful that I have rain boots to keep my feet dry and comfortable. I am thankful that we eventually got that one boot off my foot. I am thankful that our rain chances for Saturday has dropped form 90% to 60%, even if that 60% is predicted for the early morning right in the middle of the AIDS Walk. It almost goes without saying that what I am most thankful for this week and all of the weeks leading up to the AIDS Walk are all of you who donated to my fundraising page. I always set my fundraising goal for $250.00 because I feel like asking for things is too much and that's a reasonable goal. As of writing this entry, thanks to all of you, we have raised over $500 that will go to HIV/AIDS prevention and education and care here in Kansas City. I know people who raise thousands of dollars for the AIDS Walk, but I am always amazed that I can raise any amount for the AIDS Walk. So thank you, thank you, thank you.

I am thankful for Josephine's new haircut even though she looks naked because at least her body isn't dragging in half of the yard with her every time she comes inside. I've pulled so many leaves and elm tree droppings from her fur and the floors look like I never vacuum. We all know that I am a person who is always vacuuming. And I may be typing this up too early, but we have not had an animal incident since the bird last Thursday. We thought that bird had escaped out the open basement window. He did not. Michael found him Saturday evening when he went to get me the laundry baskets. Poor bird. I am thankful for the two new (very clean) dishes I introduced to our menu this week. One was OK, but the other one was met with grand applause. What else? I am thankful for the things sprouting in the garden. I am thankful for the rain that helped make those sprouts happen. I am thankful.

Here's to a grand, yet soggy weekend and a super duper Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

One of everything

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Last Saturday, while Michael took the Cabbage to a birthday party, I planted all of our seeds. Potatoes, carrots, radishes, kale, spinach, cabbage, baby bok choy, Brussel sprouts, salad greens, arugula, cucumbers, cantaloup, purple hulled peas, okra, sunflower and asparagus all went into the ground. I left space for tomatoes, basil and rosemary. Chard I planted in the Fall is now huge. I may have to pull this up to make room for peppers. The sunflowers were an after thought. I dug a trench around my make shift compost bin and dropped in some seeds. They will either grow and thrive, grow and be mowed down or not grow at all. This could be true about all of the seeds actually, well except about the mowed down part. 

I did none of the things I said I was going to do regarding the garden. I did not plan and in fact, if I hadn't written out a list of things planted here, I would probably have no idea what was sprouting. I had every intention of putting together a garden of foods that I know we will eat, but time ran away with the spoon. Then we decided not to buy much for the garden. Just before we decided not to buy anything more for the garden, I bought seed potatoes and asparagus starters, kale because I was out and cantaloupe because Josephine ate the cantaloupe seed packet from last year.  All the rest of the things where leftover seeds from years past. I did, however sort through all of the seed packets and only chose to plant the things that I knew we'd eat. Cabbage (the vegetable, not the kid) isn't really one of those things we have on the menu often, but I want to make my own sauerkraut. This week, I am thankful to have seeds finally in the ground, even if they were not well planned and even if some of them should have been in the ground weeks ago.

Now begins the big wait where we just stare at the boxes of dirt, looking for things to pop up out of the ground. I can spot the kale and salad green sprouts from the kitchen window already. I think this part is just as exciting as harvesting things out of the garden. Like I said before, some of these seeds are going to grow and thrive and some of these seeds are going to grow just a little and croak. Some of those seeds may not grow at all. Because gardening is a giant life lesson. It is a life lesson that constantly brings me gratitude. Gratitude and respect. It's not just about eating the food we grow. It's about being able to grow the food we eat. It is a reminder to be thankful for the dirt, thankful for the sun, thankful for the rain and thankful for this planet. I did not set out in the beginning of writing this Thankful Friday post to make it an Earth Day post, but there you have it. Let us all be grateful for this Earth today.

Happy Earth Day! And a very Thankful Friday. 

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Spring!

"Spring!"

Gratitude comes with the sun today. The other day I stepped outside and felt a warmth in the wind and could smell the sweetness of Spring. Up to then the wind still blew cold. It would look warm outside. The sun would be bright and the sky would be a clear blue, but you'd step outside and be hit in the face with a blast of cold air. Sometime in the middle of the week, that all changed. I have ridden the scooter, done yoga on a rooftop and taken my first morning coffee walk of the year. I pulled out the dead mums leftover from the Fall and replaced them with a bright orange pocketbook plant and some purple things I don't remember the name of. It is bliss and I am thankful for the warmth that is returning to my bones. It is the same every year. I bloom along side the tulips. 

This Spring, I feel slightly overwhelmed. I am overwhelmed with the usual things that need to be done. We are late getting seeds in the ground. I have a presentation for work. The dog is in desperate need for a grooming. I am leaving for a conference in a few weeks and I feel unprepared. They are just the usual daily life things. We all have them. Today I choose to be overwhelmed with gratitude. So many of you have donated to my AIDS Walk fundraising page. Every year I ask for donations and every year you guys step up for no other reason than your giant generous hearts. You overwhelm me with your kindness. And speaking of kindness, a box arrived on my doorstep containing one Janku Rey doll. I have no idea who sent it. I posted a picture on social media and as of writing this, I still have not figured out who to thank. No one is fessing up to sending it. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for this random act. Those usual daily life things have easily taken a back seat to my heart full of gratitude. 

I am thankful for eggs. We have so many eggs in our fridge right now. Some of them will be given to the nice couple who gave us a bale of straw and a package of pine chips. I am thankful that we have had a whole two weeks without having to deal with a live or dead thing that Albus has brought in through the pet door. It has been thirteen days with out incident. Scratch that. It has been zero days without incident. I pried a dead rabbit out of Josephine's mouth this morning. She took it from the cat. I am thankful for a clean house. I am thankful for lentils. I am thankful for all the bright colors that are showing up every where. And well, you know? I am thankful for you. 

Here's to a weekend of sunshine and a very very Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Field of Gold

"Field of Gold"

Recently, my friend Tiffany posted something on facebook about how her students had no idea who Paris Hilton is. What's totally freaky about that is that very morning while I was in the shower, I thought "what ever happened to Paris Hilton?" I thought this after looking up and seeing ants on the bathroom ceiling. Which made me start humming Lionel Richie's Dancing on the Ceiling. This in turn made me wonder about Lionel's daughter Nicole Richie who was bffs with Paris Hilton. Completely logical train of thought. 

We drove home from my Mom's house Saturday evening, leaving early enough in the day to have daylight through most of our drive. At least up to the last hour or so. The section between Joplin and Kansas City is one long straight line and the highway is surrounded by a seemingly endless flat landscape of fields and farmland. It can be a tedious drive. We were somewhere in the middle of it when we started to pass a semi. As we neared level with the driver of that semi, I started to pump my fist in the air, giving him the universal blow your horn sign. Then the driver honked twice and Michael and I cheered and clapped all while the Cabbage sat oblivious and uninterested in the backseat. I looked at Michael and asked "do kids even do that anymore? try to get the semi to honk?" He shook his head and replied "maybe not." 

The other day the Cabbage was telling Michael about a video she had on her mom's phone that she watches to brush her teeth. Michael asked her where she found the video and the Cabbage said "I just asked the phone." The kids growing up today don't even really need to read or write. They can just tap a button and ask a question. Eventually they won't even know how to open a door or a window and they will not know that you can get a truck driver to blow his horn. They will not know that Strawberry Shortcake dolls smelled like strawberries or lemons or blueberry pie and they will not know how to look at a paper map and find anything. For a moment I was a little sad about all the little simplicities that children today would not know, but then I realized I sounded like the old man yelling at kids to get off his lawn. The kids growing up today have Strawberry Shortcakes of their own and their maps are three dimensional with real buildings. Same but not same. I am thankful that I can teach the Cabbage the universal blow your horn signal. Thursday, I did all kinds of responsible grown up things like scheduling doctor appointments and managing finances, which made me thankful for those reminders to think and be like a kid.

We rescued a baby rabbit from the cat Sunday night and Josephine ate half a chocolate easter bunny Wednesday night. The animals are keeping us on our toes and have a thing for bunnies. I'm thankful we were able to save the live one and I'm thankful that Josephine didn't eat enough chocolate to hurt her. Jr, my great nephew, is coming home from basic training this weekend. Everyone has missed his face so dang much. I'm thankful for his return. I am thankful for a box of lemons that Heather sent me from California. I am thankful for a quiet weekend. I am thankful for you.

Here's to a weekend of gardens and chickens and here's to a wonderful Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Bud

"Bud"

I don't think I've done a full twenty minute savasana since before Chris died. Now that's a confession. During my yoga teacher training, I drank up the Kool-aid that savasana is the hardest, yet most important part of any yoga practice. Twenty minutes is just enough time for your body to relax and heal. I used to picture my cells relaxing and healing on the molecular level, mentally imagining telomeres pulling DNA apart as cells divided. Of course, because I am a scientist. Twenty minutes is just long enough to get to that place between awake and asleep and be present in that place for a moment. Ten minutes is just about all I can give these days to savasana and even then there are times I just give up and stop the timer before the chimes can go off. The irony is that most days, I would pay money to be able to just lay down for twenty minutes. 

Savasana, corpse pose, is the practice of dying. I've heard some people take it as far as to mentally say goodbye to people and places, even their bodies, while in savasana. I've done that. I've said my goodbyes and sure, it's good practice for having to say goodbyes in the real world. I'll admit that it has come in handy. Recently (?), the things that bubble up in my brain while trying to play dead has shoved the ritual of saying goodbye over to the wayside. I have conversations with people where I tell them exactly how they make me feel. I have whole dialogues where I stand up for myself and I don't let who ever it is talk to me or treat me a certain way. In these conversations, I am sharp and eloquent. I get my point across. I make that person realize that their words and or actions are hurtful with out invoking useless blanket words like "you're just an asshole". Instead, I make them understand why they are an asshole. When I should be dying, I am addressing grievances that have happened days ago, weeks ago, years ago. Some of those grievances get me so riled up that I can't lay still and I don't even try to. 

Many of you are thinking that this probably is not a good use of my yoga time.  I don't know. Maybe. But there's the occasion when I say my piece and I get it all out there and it doesn't matter that it wasn't heard by the one who caused the grievance. Truth be told, it wouldn't make a difference to that person anyway. It is just enough that I said the words. It is enough for me to just say "hey, this hurt my feelings and here's why." This is enough to allow me to let that grievance go, to say goodbye to that particular grievance. It has taken me some time to come to terms with this. I have grievances that I just need to let go of and when I die there will be grievances that I will have to say goodbye to whether I'm ready or not. I am thankful to recognize this as part of the practice. I am thankful to recognize that even though I seem to have a lot of grievances right now, I will let those go. I will get back to twenty minute savasanas. Some day.

I am thankful that our cat, Albus loves us so much. He left us a dead rat in the middle of the dinning room on Wednesday. He's so thoughtful to have killed it for us this time. I am thankful for the dozen eggs I have to take to my mother this weekend. I am thankful to able to getaway for a visit with my family even if it will be brief. Michael spent part of his Spring Break taking care of the vehicles. I am thankful that he went to the DMV for my tags and that he took my car to get an oil change. I am thankful for Greek yogurt and walnuts. I am thankful for the time spent on my yoga mat. I am always thankful for you.

Here's to a lovely weekend and truly Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Snow

"Snow"

Albus does this thing around 2:30 in the morning where he sits outside my door and starts meowing like the most heartbroken meow. Of course this wakes up me and Josephine, who is all "hey! the chew toy is awake!" Then Josephine thinks she needs to go outside. So I get up and let Josephine out and the cat comes in and begins to attack me with love and wet kisses that end with a bite on my knuckles. Then Josephine will come back in and the two of them will start mauling each other until I say "ENOUGH!" and kick the cat out. Sometimes they calm down and the both of them settle back into sleep at the end of the bed. Those are moment when I'm all "oh, my animals are so sweet and loving." even though they've interrupted dreams. 

Thursday morning like clock work, Albus shows up caterwauling. I repeat the routine of opening the door and letting the dog out and the cat in. Things proceed as normal. I vaguely remember hearing a weird sound when the two of them where tossing each other around at the end of the bed, but sleep walking investigation is not really my thing. I rolled over and ignored it. Eventually, the cat got kicked out any way. When the alarm went off, I got up and flipped on the light to find vomit on the end of the bed all over my expensive, dry-clean only, wool, Ireland blanket. I can't have nice things. I cleaned up the vomit assuming it was Josephine's. We'd given her a filled hoof the other day and I didn't really investigate what that hoof was filled with. Josephine has been obsessed with that thing ever since we gave it to her. It's empty, but she drags it around with her every where. I woke up with it next to me in bed one morning. It was like waking up to that horse head from the Godfather, except more pointy and less squishy. Any way, the blanket will have to go to the cleaner's and my comforter went into the washing machine. I was putting my comforter into the washer when I noticed another pile of vomit in the basement. Albus was the puker. That mouse head he ate the other day must not have settled well with him. The idea of it sure hasn't settled well with me. Animals are gross. There are muddy paw prints of evidence every where. 

Wait! It gets better. I got to work and it started snowing. Like someone shook up a snow globe kind of snowing. Big fat wet flakes came raining down all blizzard style and tears welled up in my eyes. Then I pulled out my phone and started taking pictures of it. This action did not bring out the sun, but it did dry up my tears. Wait! Just wait! It gets even better. I went to the dentist to have a temporary inlay taken out and a permanent inlay put in. I asked if we could try doing this without numbing my face because I feel like a numb face is worse than the actual procedure. The hygienist said "let's give it a try!" She said they could numb me if it gets too uncomfortable, but it never did and I left the dentist's office feeling like I could lift cars. I spent the rest of my day feeling like I should be walking around karate chopping things. I told you things got better! My day started with cat vomit, but ended with high fives all around. So today, I am thankful for days that may start out sour but end up sweet.

Oh. Hold up. I wrote all of that yesterday before the cat brought a live rat into the house. Michael and I were having a relaxing evening on the couch when I saw the cat streak across the dining room and dive under my desk. He came out from under the desk with something large and furry in his mouth that went "eek". Of course when Michael jumped up to do something, the cat dropped the rat. So the dog and the cat where corralling a rat under the kitchen table until Michael could get something to trap the rat. I peeped out from under the blanket I was hiding under just in time to see Michael beat the rat half to death with the broom. We cleaned up the carnage and then the cat laid down in the middle of the floor all smug with blood on his face. He worked really hard at earning his asshole badge yesterday. But I am thankful that Albus got the rat because rats will mess with chickens. So, hey! High fives all around!

I am thankful for the tulips that have started popping up around here. I am thankful for a phone call with a friend that made me laugh so hard I couldn't breathe for a minute. I am thankful for all the steps taken and all the time on my mat. I am thankful for eggs. We have lots of eggs and they will all be deviled for Terry's Easter Extravaganza. I am thankful for this Good Friday that marks the beginning of Michael's Spring Break. He really needs the break. This week was one where we were two ships constantly passing each other. Monday evening was the most time we've spent together all week. So I have taken today off so we can spend time together... cleaning out the basement! Cat vomit and all! 

Hope you have an egg colored weekend and a fantastically good and Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Unfurl

"Unfurl"

I have thought long and hard about what to write for today's Thankful Friday. I always feel an urge to write something deeper and more meaningful than just the simplicity of gratitude. Today, I am full even though my stomach constantly grumbles with hunger. This is what happens when I start riding my bike. I want to eat the whole world. I am not a snacker, but now find myself searching and scrambling for snacks. The other day I ate a stale granola bar with raisins in it. RAISINS. I couldn't even be bothered to pick those awful things out. I just closed my eyes and pretended they weren't there. I am thankful for that granola bar though, as stale and full of raisins as it was, but that's not where I had intended to take today's entry.

No. The real story here is that my belly may feel empty, but my soul is full. I mean, I guess it's my soul that is full. My days are for sure full. They have been so full that I have left here every evening with the intention of at the very least vacuuming the house when I get home only to be so physically exhausted that it is all I can do to cook dinner. I walk into the house and I am greeted with the most excited to see you puppy and I look longingly at the bed while Josephine hops all around my feet. I resist the urge to lay down for just a minute because I know that if sat down at that moment, that would be it for the night. Dinner would not get made. Eggs would not be collected and chickens would not get fed. So I don't sit down until it's time to eat. But when I say my days have been full, I do not mean that they have been full of just exhausting things. They have been full of great things.

I have started every morning on my yoga mat, with the exception of Wednesday which is reserved for an evening yoga class. It has been so glorious that I think this may be my new thing. The rest of my day has been filled up with learning new stuff and performing tasks that I used to do on a regular basis when I worked with Margaret. Some of it is tedious, but the end results have been exciting and thrilling and I am having the best time. I rode my bicycle home yesterday and it was such a pleasant ride home even though my allergies made it look like I was crying. I was not crying. My eyes were just leaking and so was my nose. And even though I know that some of my exhaustion has been caused by other things including the time change, I am thankful for it. The days have expanded with our illusion of the extra hour of daylight. I am thankful for the fullness of these days and I am thankful for that illusion. 

March came in around here like a lamb, but today has decided to roar. It snowed here this morning and the weekend high is in the high forties. I am thankful for the moments this week where the weather was bright and sunny. I am thankful for the moments this week where I was outside, enjoying that bright sunny warmth. I am thankful for puppies who hop around my feet with excitement when I come home. I am thankful for Nutella filled hippo cookies. I am thankful giant hills to coast down. I am thankful for stale granola bars. And I am ever so thankful for you.

Here's to a lovely weekend and a super Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Bloomers

"Bloomers"

I auditioned for Listen To Your Mother (LTYM). This was the whole reason for our impromptu getaway to St. Louis the other weekend. Naomi and Laura (the women producing the St. Louis LTYM) told me that they had over a hundred entries and were listening to forty people. I read my piece for them and they were very complimentary of my writing and very encouraging, but I did not make the final cut. I was actually relieved when I got the news. I had already started fretting about the logistics of getting to rehearsals. I have a work conference in New York the week before the performance and I was worried about how I was going to make all of that work. Then there was the part about having to actually read my piece in front of an audience. My voice cracked twice while reading to the two people at the audition. The idea of reading it front of a large crowd had already tied me in knots. So you're probably wondering why I would submit anything for consideration at all if I was just going to get crazy worked up over it. 

I needed to submit this particular piece of writing. I needed to step off a ledge and make myself a little bit vulnerable. First of all, I'm thankful for people like Naomi and Laura who put so much hard work into producing a show like LTYM. Between reading all the submissions and deciding what stories to hear out loud and then whittling it down to the final thirteen for the show, they have a very tough job. I saw them somewhere in the middle of their second day of auditions and they made me feel like I was the first one they had listened to all weekend. I am thankful for their generosity and kindness. There was something extremely validating about hearing these two strangers tell me how much they loved my writing. I am thankful for the opportunity to audition, even if it was just an audition. 

This is the week I have started my sabbatical. It's like being away at camp without leaving the area. It is also like trying to cook in a stranger's kitchen with that stranger looking over your shoulder. I'm nervous and still getting my bench work sea legs back. The good news is, I still know how to use some of these tools. I realize I'm being cryptic, but I don't like to blog about work. I am thankful for this sabbatical though because I'm having loads of fun learning some new things. This is also why it has been sparse around here. I've just been to busy and filled with managing my calendar to really put much thought into writing. I realize that only months ago I told you that there was a writing demon that needed to be exorcised from my body. That demon just has to put a lid on it for a little while. Just until I get things organized in other places of my life.

I think Spring has finally arrived. All the trees are covered in a light green or purple haze. The tulip trees have bloomed and green things are sprouting out of the ground. This weekend, we will start on the garden and get some things planted even though I haven't had a chance to finish planning exactly what we're going to plant. I am ready to dig in the dirt, so I'm thankful for this weather, but I am also thankful that this weather is also scooter weather. I am thankful for time spent with friends. I am thankful for a very silly puppy and a cat that walked in with the dirtiest face the other day. I am thankful for all of you who have made a donation to my AIDS Walk page. I am thankful for all of you.

Here's to a Springy weekend and super Thankful Friday!

GRATITUDE AND FUNDRAISING AND SEX, OH MY

The other night I had two different dreams. One was about teaching yoga, which is a whole other story. The other one was weird. There was a group of us hanging out around a table. Whitney, you were there and so was Talaura and some people I didn't know. One of those people I didn't know had this hand cream and held it up and said "OK, now we play a game. We pass the hand cream around. When it gets to you, you have to put a little on the back of your hand, smell it and then tell us all about the most meaningful sex you've ever had." I'm really glad I woke up before it was my turn. Except when I woke up, the whole question of the most meaningful sex was still swimming around in my head. 

Our society has placed such an emphasis on the sanctity of a girls virginity, that we are expected to believe that our first time is our most meaningful sexual experience. I guess, in a way, this is kind of true. The first time anything happens in life is generally celebrated. The first birthday. The first step. The first baby tooth to fall out. The first time you ride a bike all on your own. These are big moments. It stands to reason that the first time you have sex is a big life event. Except for girls, it's supposed to be THE event. I've heard enough stories to know that many women have had very disappointing first time experiences. There were no rose petals or fireworks like they were made to believe would happen. We place more value on virginity than we do on self worth. To all those young girls out there, it's not your vagina that deserves better than Joey Martin's basement couch. It's YOU that deserves better. Also...don't ever expect the Joey Martins of the world to have a condom. (Side note: I do not know a Joey Martin, nor have I had sex with him on a basement couch. Houses in Oklahoma don't even have basements.)

I was pretty lucky. I did not see fireworks my first time around, but it was an enjoyable experience. That's because I had a kind and considerate partner. I had a partner who I trusted and who I could communicate with. We knew each other's sexual history. I knew with out a doubt that I was with someone who valued me. Yet even with all of that, I'm not so sure that I can say that my first time was the most meaningful sex I have ever had. Honestly, if I had to answer that question right now, I'd say that my most meaningful sexual experience was the first time I had sex after Chris died. That first time after Chris proved to me that I wasn't broken and that I could trust someone other than Chris. It was proof that I could continue. 

I raise money for the AIDS Walk Foundation of Kansas City every year because that money goes to fund programs that teach people the importance of communicating with your sexual partner, not to mention free STD testing. Because if you think you're immune to STDs because you take a birth control pill every day, you are delusional. Know your body. Know your partner's body. But most important, know yourself. These are the lessons that AIDS Walk charities teach. I am so thankful to each and everyone of you who donate to my fundraising page every year. Marsha has officially started my fundraising by making the first donation to my AIDS Walk page. Thank you so much Marsha!

The AIDS Walk Open is this weekend. This is a big event that raises a lot of money for the foundations, but is super fun. Twelve bars! Twelve putt-putt courses! I'm on a team that's decided to dress up and try to win the costume contest (we are going to win!). I promise to take and post some pictures. I'm thankful for a whole bunch of stuff this week, but mostly I'm thankful for you guys. 

Have a great weekend and a truly Thankful Friday!