IN DEFENSE OF BOREDOM

No parking

4 Likes, 1 Comments - Cindy Maddera (@elephant_soap) on Instagram: "No parking"

I have noticed that there are two different (at least) species of fireflies in our backyard. One species is about half an inch long. It floats slowly through the air almost like a hot air balloon and has a long glowing blink. The other species is about half the size of the one just described. It is faster in movement and in blink. It also seems to stay close to the ground, while the larger kind can be seen all the way up in the tree tops. 

What kind of firefly are you? 

That question reminds me of that scene in Wes Anderson's Moonrise Kingdom where Sam asks Suzy "What kind of bird are you?" Everyone knows that Sam is really asking Suzy "What kind of person are you? Are you brave and daring? Are you the type that goes against the crowd? Or are you just like the others." Because it is Wes Anderson and every movie he makes drips with metaphors and the implied words between the words. So I ask. What kind of firefly are you? Well, I can tell you that I am the fat slow kind of firefly. 

Since Michael is off for the summer, he's been taking care of everything around the house. He cooks the meals, cleans the kitchen, runs the vacuum, cleans the bathroom, cleans off table clutter, does the laundry and the grocery shopping. His plan is for me to have mostly nothing to do on the weekends but go to yoga classes and scooter around the city. It's a nice plan and with the exception of the occasional round of dusting, his plan is mostly working. I have nothing do. I have oodles of time to do all the other projects that I've been wanting do or at least thinking about doing; the projects that get set aside because of the demands of daily living. This is the perfect opportunity for me to sit down and write, organize photos and get the creative juices flowing. 

I am doing none of those things. I just lay around like a lump. Mostly. I am going to yoga classes and we have been scootering around the city. We spent the whole day last Saturday scooting from place to place, even getting caught in a downpour. We came home, put on dry clothes and then I plopped myself back down on the couch. I was talking to Dr. Mary about all of this in our weekly session. I told her how I should be taking advantage of this extra time, but nothing I write sounds interesting. I delete everything. The scenery around me does not inspire me to pick up my camera. The pictures I take are forced. The pictures I take of myself for my 365 day project are uninspired and often do not include my face because every time I see my face through the camera lens, I'm like "ugh". I told Dr. Mary that I was bored with myself. 

Then Dr. Mary said that maybe I needed to be bored for a bit. 

I realized then that I have been thinking about this free time all wrong. Instead of focusing on doing all of the things, I should be relishing in this time to be still. Boredom is a privilege that is rarely allowed to us in adulthood. Boredom is for children and oh the things a kid can invent to escape their boredom. Fantastical games and magical worlds bloom from moments of boredom. Boredom is the time for recharging the creative batteries. So, I'm going to be bored. I'm going to be still. And then I'm going to hope that something blooms from all this stillness.  

THANKFUL FRIDAY

This every day this week

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The other evening, I was sitting on the back step waiting for Josephine to do her final backyard patrol for the night. The ground was damp from that day's rain and the temperature was nice enough that I didn't feel the need for a sweater. The chickens were already tucked into their coop for the night. A gentle breeze stirred the honeysuckle, releasing their sweet smell. I scanned the jungle of our backyard trying to find Josephine in the last remaining light of the day and that's when I spotted the tiny flash of light. The first firefly of the season danced across the backyard. I sat and watched this lone firefly bobbing around, lighting up here and there, until the very last of the day's light leaked away. 

Our Spring has been an indecisive Spring. When Mom was here a couple of weekends ago, we went to my favorite place to buy tomato plants and they had all their plants crammed inside. It was too cold to have anything outside. So, Mom and I squeezed our way through narrow cramped isles to hunt for tomato plants and basil. I've taken my electric blanket off the bed only to put it back on twice now. Last week, we still had the furnace on. The colder temperatures, topped with all the rain has made it hard for me to believe that we will see any kind of Summer. The rain has not let up, but the temperatures have started to rise. The electric blanket has been put away, the furnace turned off and the air conditioner turned on. I wore a tank top while walking the dog yesterday. 

Winters are hard on me. Spring is a little better than Winter, but not by much. Hopes raised for brighter days are consistently crushed by continuous days of gray. Summer is my time, no matter how hot it gets. The endless days of blue skies sometimes streaked with pink clouds never fail to make me feel lighter. Those summer evenings, watching the fireflies dance around the yard, awakens my inner carefree child. I want to make ice cream the old fashion way and lay on a blanket, counting the stars as they appear in the sky. I want to crawl out from under the cold dank rock that I feel like I've been living under for the last few months. I am thankful for that tiny blinking firefly because he is like a lighthouse beacon for summer. Now if we could just get this rain to stop...

I am thankful for the moments between the rain when I've been able to walk the dog. I am thankful for the time I spent on my mat. I am thankful for tiny cups of ice cream. I am thankful for the promise of love and laughter to come this weekend. And..I am thankful for you. Have a safe and relaxing weekend, maybe taking a moment to remember why it's called Memorial Day and a truly Thankful Friday.