THANKFUL FRIDAY

Window washer

"Window washer"

People with variations in the gene CD38 have a higher tendency to experience positive emotions and gratitude. It has to do with the amount of functional oxytocin levels at the synaptic level. This is scientific mumbo jumbo for saying that intrinsically positive people are mutants. Oxytocin is the cuddle hormone that helps us form bonds and build healthy relationships, but what does that have to do with gratitude? Well, it turns out that being grateful for those around you forms strong social bonds. Who knew? A lazy google search did not turn up any scientific papers that suggest that people who start a daily gratitude practice increase oxytocin levels or receptors, but I suspect that is only because the research hasn't been done or is in the process of being written for publication. 

The conversation of giving kids independent freedom came up recently and Sean said that he can remember that when he was five, he rode all around the neighborhood on his bicycle. I think we all remember doing the same thing. He says that the neighborhood he lived in was not any different than the one he lives in now with his own family and that this Spring he planned on giving his son a walkie-talkie and letting him have free reign of the neighborhood. I wanted to high-five him for this, because we need more of that. We need to be less fearful of our neighbors and the people we share our community with and more grateful for the impact they have on our communities just by being present. 

So often here on Thankful Fridays, I tend to reflect on an event during the week that I am thankful for or a thing. I am sure that I take it for granted that those people I love know that I am grateful for them. I have told them, but I am sure I have not told them enough. Because you can never tell them enough. But still, having gratitude for our family and friends is easy. At the very least it is the most obvious. If we're talking about forming strong social bonds, maybe we should be spreading our gratitude outside our normal circle of people. Yesterday, a young man hung from a rope with a bucket of soapy water and a large squeegee and cleaned the windows of my office. Sure, he was doing his job, but you have to admit that this particular job on a cold winters day is hard work. He also probably doesn't have the luxury of sick leave or to be able to call in "sick" because he just doesn't feel like working today. I am grateful for the job he does. I take photos out that window all the time and he makes it so that my view is clean and clear. I am grateful for the role he plays in my community as a hard worker. I am grateful that I have neighbors I can share eggs with (and don't complain about the chickens). I am thankful for those people in my community that help my day go a little easier like the woman who delivers our mail and the guys who pick up our garbage. I am thankful for the cashiers at the grocery store because they are always pleasant. I am thankful for all those new oxytocin receptors I just opened up. 

Let's see. I am thankful for warm evenings on the couch. I am thankful for a clean soft puppy (I gave her a bath last night). I am thankful for a mouthy kitty (Albus has regained his voice). I am thankful for some spectacular yoga mat time. I am thankful for hilarious text messages I have had with my sister-in-law this week. And I am always thankful for you. 

Here's to the last Holiday shopping weekend! I still need sixlets. Here's to a Star Wars movie night! I'll tell you about all the sobbing details later. Here's to a truly Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Morning

"Morning"

I've been thinking of charities. 'Tis the season right? December is usually the month where people make their biggest donations. I will admit that I haven't committed to anything yet this month mostly because my own wallet is a bit on the thin side. I still set aside $10 a month for Donors Choose and I push for donations in early Spring for the AIDS Walk. As of tomorrow, it will be forty days until I turn forty. I had an idea of commemorating this with a list of forty charities that I'd like to see people donate to. Then some common sense kicked and I realized that forty charities is a lot of charities. I don't have a very large audience and that would be spreading out money pretty thinly. 

Last week I helped get a Donors Choose project fully funded. When I got the email stating that the project got completely funded, I wanted jump and shout. It had nothing to do with the project itself. I didn't know the teacher. I didn't have a personal connection to any of the students. The joy came from being part of something that succeeded. It's exhilarating really. It is in these moments when I think "YES! We are making a difference! We are awesome! The world doesn't totally suck!" Because you know what? The world doesn't totally suck. The yucky bullshit we see on TV is just a small fraction of humanity. Sure I'd like to do more, give more, but I feel pretty good about giving what I can to causes that are important to me. I am thankful that I can do this. I am thankful for those of you who do the same. So maybe instead of forty different charities, we can see forty new projects funded or forty dollars fins its way onto my AIDS Walk Fundraising page. Do it because the world doesn't totally suck.

I am thankful for the time I spent on my yoga mat this week. I am thankful that I finally got my nanobody staining protocol to work. Yes I know that means nothing to you, but it means good things here. I am thankful for tofu chili dogs. I am thankful advent calendars of tiny chocolates. I am thankful for the mouse Albus brought us. And I am always always always thankful for you.

Here's to a wonderful weekend and a truly Thankful Friday.

P.S. To make a donation to any of those things just click on the first mention of Donors Choose and AIDS Walk. They are linked to places where you can make a donation. Thank you!!!!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Cindy Maddera on Instagram: "Drinking rainbows"

"Drinking rainbows"

A few nights ago, I dreamed that I was on a walking tour in Paris. It was a tour of all the terrorist attack sites and it was gruesome and horrible. I remember seeing blood splatter on walls and sidewalks. I woke up with a fuzzy head and one eye glued shut with eye crusties. I was a little surprised  by my dream.  I've always wanted to go to Paris. I still do, but a tour of all the attack sites is not on my list of things to see while I am there. Also, though it was an awful and tragic event, I didn't feel affected by it. I sort of just added it my list of horrible events happening in the world which is becoming a HUGE fucking list. I don't have a personal connection with Paris and this distanced me from all of it. Or so I thought. Until I had this dream. The next day two people would open fire on a handicap facility in California. The world is full of gross. 

I was sitting there trying not to stew over all of this, not to get dragged under in the muck when Talaura sent me this link of fifteen things for when the world is shitty and terrifying . It made me feel a little bit better. It helped that I'd already done the first thing on that list a few weeks ago and that I always walk roaming shopping carts back to the corral. I realize that doing the things on the list are not the important part. The important part is remembering all the wonderful magical and amazing things that happen every day on this planet. Katrina and I were watching something on Animal Planet last week where a tiny field mouse killed a centipede. That mouse howled like a wolf when it was done, though his howl was very high pitched. It was awesome and hilarious and now every time I succeed at a task even if it's as simple as washing the dishes, I lift my chin and howl like that little mouse. We do our part to be mighty mice by being kind to each other. I am thankful that Talaura shared that article with me. I am thankful for the reminder that even though things suck, there's good. I am thankful for that tiny mouse reminding me that we all have the ability to be brave and strong. 

Speaking of kindness to others. Yesterday, I received a call from one of our neighbors. He said "I think I have your dog." and my heart seized in my chest. He did have my dog. Josephine has been practicing her Houdini skills. I rushed home and collected her from the neighbor and then she spent the day in her crate. I hate that, but I'm so thankful that neighbor was a good neighbor and called me and took care of Josephine until I could get there. I am so thankful that silly little dog didn't get into worse trouble out there. Today I am trying an experiment where I close the garage doggy door, the bedroom and bathroom doors and let her have access to the rest of the house. I may be cleaning up a mess when I get home, but at least I know she's safe. 

I am thankful for Christmas parties. I am thankful for warm boots and thigh high socks. I am thankful for leftover chili. I am thankful for the light that comes on when I open the fridge door. I am thankful for you.

Here's to a wonderful weekend and super Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

We're at Terry's and I hand Katrina this plate. That's her high school.

"We're at Terry's and I hand Katrina this plate. That's her high school."

It is the day after Thanksgiving. The house is quiet and dark. Josephine and I are the only ones up, but I'm about to go wake up Michael. We had rain all day yesterday and then in the evening temperatures dropped. When I peeked out my bedroom window this morning, I noticed that the clothes line had a very thin layer of ice coating. It's the kind of day to curl up under lots of blankets while drinking lots of hot beverages, but we have plans. We're headed to IKEA and Home Depot. The old refrigerator will be moved out today and Michael and Randy will instal a water line, after I've cleaned that area. Katrina has reassured me that behind my fridge is not as filthy as I think it is. Fingers crossed.

Our Thanksgiving Day was full. Full of family and friends and so much laughter and love. Full of food. Dear Lord, I think I ate more food yesterday than I do in a week. Our fridge is full of leftovers and food that Terry sent home with us. He would have had us take it all if he could. You can't leave his house without him sending you home with something. One time he sent me home with a large grocery bag full of cherry tomatoes. I am thankful so thankful for him and his generous heart and i'm thankful my brother and sister-in-law got to spend time with that crazy man. Out plates where antique kitschy plates of the states. Katrina picked up the Arkansas plate because there wasn't and Oklahoma plate. I picked up two plates, just to see what was there and found a plate for Sperry High School. That's Katrina's High School. Then Terry pulled a story from Katrina that I had never heard before. He asked her who was the meanest most awful teacher. Katrina then told us about her science teacher and how one time Katrina and her friend had been developing film. Katrina nudged a bottle of developer off the table, but didn't think anything about it. It wasn't until they turned the light on that her and her friend realized that there was blood all over the floor. Katrina had cut her foot open on the broken bottle bad enough to require stitches. After that, Katrina was that mean science teacher's favorite student. I am thankful for all the stories I heard yesterday.

Now we are home again, after a full day of running around. We encountered none of the crazy shopping crowds that one would expect on the busiest shopping day of  the year. I am thankful for this and I am thankful that the water line is now hooked up and ready for a new refrigerator. I am thankful the rain has finally stopped. I am thankful that behind my fridge was not as dirty as I imagined it would be. I am thankful for my warm full house. I am thankful for you.

I hope all have had a safe and wonderful holiday and a truly Thankful Friday.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Cindy Maddera on Instagram: "I think I'll keep him"

"I think I'll keep him"

Lately Michael has been in the process of growing out his beard. Not too long ago, he discovered that he could twirl the ends of his mustache into a style not unlike a 1920s villain and it made us laugh and laugh. Today he's having it trimmed by a professional at a hipster beard shop. Something else that makes us laugh. I can't wait to see the results though. I got him beard balm and oil that came weeks ago. When I kiss him goodbye in the mornings, I smell cinnamon and leather and if I touch his beard while I kiss him, fingers will smell of cinnamon and leather. You know how your grandpa always smelled of some flavor of candy and aftershave? Pepaw was Old Spice and cigarettes. Michael is now cinnamon and leather. It's really quite sexy. 

Michael had a birthday yesterday. I'm going to say it even if he may not like it, but he turned 40. In the days leading up to his birthday, he has been a bit grumbly about turning forty. "I'm going to be forty" has been said in the same tone as one would say "I have to get a root canal" so many times, I've lost count. He's not as thrilled with growing older as I am. While he's grumbling, I'm standing next to him, shaking his arm and going on and on about how great it is to turn forty. Yesterday morning he jokingly said something about it being a miracle. I gave him a very serious look and said "Look back on the past 40 years and tell me it isn't." He couldn't disagree. I believe he said "act of God" which would indeed make it a miracle that he has survived this long. I am thankful for that miracle. I am thankful for the past forty years because they have shaped him into the man he is now. I'm pretty partial to the man he is now. 

It's not that I thought I would never meet someone who I'd want to give my heart to. It's just that I didn't expect to meet that kind of person. I am thankful for surprises such as this. I am thankful for the way he makes me smile. I am thankful for how he makes me feel dainty at times. I am thankful for his willingness to build the things I scheme up. I am thankful for the balance of chaos he adds to my life. I look forward to what the next forty and more years will bring for us. 

This has been good week. I've been on my yoga mat. I've met my steps goal. I am thankful for a self cleaning cat. I assume that's what happened, because one day he looked like he'd been rolled in mud and the next day he was clean. It's possible he has a sister wife. I don't even care. I am thankful for a puppy who lays next to my thigh while I type on my computer. I am thankful for you. 

Here's to a weekend full of birthday celebration and chicken coop clean out and a truly Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

And then we all wanted to be in the same spot

"And then we all wanted to be in the same spot"

There's a bit more pep in my step this morning even though all the snot of the world is either jammed in the sinus pocket of my right cheek or slowly leaking out my nose. I'm gorgeous. I hear the new thing to do in selfies is an open mouth fish gaping thing. It's replacing the duck face. I'm going to be able to nail that new pose with all the mouth breathing I am having to do. The bad news is that Michael woke up making sounds similar to that of a wild boar. He's sick now. To top it off, it's a Cabbage weekend. Two adults in the middle of colds/flu vs one five year old. They make really bad movies with this plot line for Nickelodeon. I'm at the point where I don't really care. She can run with the scissors if she wants. 

All of that sounds very negative and grumbly and I am well aware of the that. Here's the thing though. There was a time when I wasn't aware of my negativity and grumbly moments. I would write whole entries that never included a silver lining. I couldn't even see a silver lining in those days. Have you ever seen Pollyanna? Back in the day, I would have rolled my eyes at Pollyanna before shoving her into a puddle. Now people can refer to me as a Pollyanna and I don't see this as insulting in any way. I'm thankful that I'm feeling better. I'm thankful that Michael has come down with this thing on this weekend instead of next weekend, which is his birthday. I am thankful for those brief moments when my sinuses open up and I can breathe for a minute. 

So I will think of an activity that the Cabbage and I can do tomorrow to spend some time out of the house and give Michael some time to rest. Maybe we'll go to the park or go get our nails done or both. I am thankful that we do not have any obligations this weekend and that we can take it easy. I am thankful for the single egg we get daily now from one of the chickens. I am thankful that neither the dog or cat are bleeding from some wound. Josephine chewed up a red ink pen the other day. Red ink looks a lot like blood. Misti and Traci both celebrated birthdays this week and I'm super duper thankful they did. The more years they're around the better. I am of course always thankful for you.

Have a great weekend and a really Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Inviting (can you see the puppy?)

"Inviting (can you see the puppy?)"

Michael and I are finally up to date with the Walking Dead and have recently started watching Fear the Walking Dead. Now, I'm going to tell you that the last season of Walking Dead was HARD for me to watch. It wasn't really all that scary, so I don't even know what the deal was. I think it might have had something to do with the idea that I knew something bad was going to happen at some point. It created so much anxiety in me, I could not sit still on the couch nor could I take deep breaths. I mean, it seriously stressed me out. Fear the Walking Dead is four times worst than the Walking Dead. We were maybe in the middle of episode two or three (I can't remember) when I looked over at Michael and said "I cannot watch this." and I meant it. I don't know if I can continue watching this with out Xanex. 

After the first zombie encounter, I made Michael pause the show. I turned to him and said "If we ever we have to hit someone with a car three times to keep them from coming after us and that someone still continues to try to come after us, we don't turn the car around and go home. We calmly drive to Costco and max out the credit card. Then we go right on over to Home Depot and max out that credit card. Only then do we go home." This led to a discussion about zombie proofing the house and if the house could with stand a zombie apocalypse. Honestly, I'm not so much worried about the zombies getting in as I am of other living people because if I've learned anything from WD, it's that the living are so much more horrible than the undead. So really, the question we should be asking is can this house be made safe and protected form zombies and people? And you know what? I think it can. I think with a little fortifying here and there and a better fence around the backyard, we could probably live out a pretty decent life in the apocalypse. Any way. I do realize that a zombie apocalypse is unlikely. Our apocalypse is going to be an environmental apocalypse when the ice caps all melt. At least we won't have as far to drive to the ocean.

I still feel like it might be obvious to be thankful for the roof over your head, but today I'm going to be thankful for the roof over my head. I remember there was a time when I thought I would never be in a place in my life where I could afford to buy a house. Yes. I do know that when I purchased my house, it was so cheap that it would have been a stupid move not to buy this house. But all of that doesn't change the fact that I am thankful for this house. It may be small and we may be battling a clutter/space issue at the moment, but it's ours and it's not falling apart at the seams. We have a very large backyard for gardening and chickens and a crazy dog. We have a garage that protects our scooters and bicycles from the weather. And we have a basement that I'm sure I will have better feelings for once we clean it out (sohelpmegod, this is happening in the Spring). I am thankful for this home.

I am so many words behind on my daily number count for NaNoWriMo. I have been writing here and there. I just haven't been writing enough here and there. I am thankful for a commitment free weekend where I can spend some time playing catch up with my word count. I am thankful for the bike ride I was able to get in this week as well as the scooter ride. I am thankful for the one egg that we seem to be getting every other day. The weather is getting colder, so we'll probably see less eggs. I am thankful for a silly cat who lays in the bathroom sink in the mornings while I get ready. I am thankful for a goofy soft puppy who lays against my hip while I type. I am thankful to have the best dang sister-in-law who celebrated a birthday yesterday. I am thankful for you.

Here's to another week of surviving and a spectacular Thankful Friday.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

I'm home with Michael's cold and these two are keeping my legs warm.

"I'm home with Michael's cold and these two are keeping my legs warm."

I had a large chunk of a Thankful Friday written up and I just deleted it all. There was something about it that seamed too I don't know what, but it felt lacking in gratitude. There are so many times when I feel like I'm calling it in and lose a little focus on real gratitude. What does it really mean to be grateful? This is a question I ask myself often usually when I start doubting myself about my sincerity in writing a weekly post on being grateful. Whenever I am doubting, I go look up the definition of the word gratitude.

grat-i-tude: 

the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and return kindness.

I should just have this definition tattooed onto my forearm so that I never forget that gratitude is so much more than just being thankful. Today my brain clicks on the "and return kindness" part of that definition. I always offer to return a cart for someone when I am headed into the same store they just left. I usually let the person with two items go ahead of me in a check out line when I have way more than two items in my cart. I will stand holding the door for someone just a few seconds longer if I see them headed that way. I've been working really hard at treating others the way I wish to be treated. Sometimes that last part is difficult when the other person is not being nice or polite, but I still believe in killing with kindness. I want to be at the ready to show my appreciation and return kindness. At the same time, I want to be at the ready to accept appreciation and kindness. Because, let's face it, sometimes accepting is so much more difficult than giving.

J's oldest boy, J.R. is graduating from the US Marine Corps Recruits today. There are mixed feelings about his decision to follow in his father's footsteps, but I am so very proud of him. I am thankful for the young man he has grown to be. I am thankful he is the kind of young man who makes a commitment to something and sticks with it even when he has chosen a not so easy path. I am thankful that after months of whatever they put those kids through, he still has my Dad's goofy grin of a smile. J.R. looks almost exactly like my Dad did at his age. I am thankful that Randy and Katrina made it safely out to San Diego to see him graduate. I am thankful for the cat and the dog keeping me warm when I was on the couch, sick this week. I am thankful for the eggs we ate last night that came from our own backyard. I am thankful for you.

Hoping you all have a safe, but frightfully fun Halloween and a truly Thankful Friday.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Filtered

"Filtered"

The other day I watched a guy on an orange Vespa, just like Chris's, drive down the road and disappear around the corner. Then I felt a million tiny needles prick my heart. Recently I noticed that trees looked like the ones on the Talahina Drive during that trip we made to see Dad during Thanksgiving. It was one of the last visits I made where Dad actually knew who I was. It was the last good visit. These are the kind of bitter sweet visions that when they flood my brain, they force me to lay flat on the floor staring at the ceiling while waiting for them to fade away. The other day I read a blog post written by a woman who recently lost her husband. She said something about not being good at loss. I wanted to tell her that no one is good at loss. There's no grading system for grief. There's no good or bad. You just deal or you learn to accept that grief is just always with you in some way or another.

In fact, I've noticed the you'll reach a point where you think "hey! I'm doing A Okay!" and then grief will sneak in and give you a titty twister worse than any playground bully. Because we have memories. We remember things like how Chris and I used to zip around town together on our scooters and how there were few moments when you could catch Chris with grin on his face. When he was on his scooter, he would grin like a fool. Those were good times. I remember all those times Dad would just randomly show up at work and take me to lunch and how even on that Thanksgiving visit before he forgot me, he was cracking jokes. Grief is that little alarm that goes off telling you "It's time! It's time to remember!" This is where you determine if you are a glass-is-half-full or a glass-is-half-empty kind of person. This is where you choose how to let those memories affect you and your present life. 

I am thankful for each memory because before it was a memory it was an experience. I was a part of that. I was an active participant and that's what I am most grateful for. I am grateful for those scooter rides with Chris. I will even admit to being a little grateful that he didn't replace that scooter after he wrecked it. I missed our rides together, but it provided me with independence and something of my own when it was just me riding around on a scooter. I am thankful for those lunches with Dad. I am thankful for that last really good visit with him. Sometimes I am even thankful for the grief. The fact that I can still get waylaid by grief at times is proof of the value and importance of those relationships. 

I am thankful for evenings on the couch where the cat and the dog both think they have to be on the couch with us. It's just a pile because the couch is tiny. I am thankful for crisp morning rides. I am thankful for trees that look like they are on fire with their red dazzling leaves. I am thankful for the dead mouse Josephine brought me this morning. Actually, I told Josephine how nice it was for her to bring me a present, but I wasn't really all that happy about it. But between her and the cat, maybe we'll see less mice this season. That is something to be thankful for right there. As always, I am thankful for you.

Here's to a beautiful weekend and a wonderful Thankful Friday. 

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Palm

"Palm"

Recently, when one of us goes out to check for eggs, we have to move Foghorn out of the nesting box. She is our brooder and the one laying the pinkish white eggs. Every evening we have found her hunkered down over the two golf balls we put out there to trick them into laying in the nesting box and whatever eggs have been laid that day. The number ranges from zero to three. "How many eggs today?" has trumped "How was your day?" in this house. We noticed Foghorn getting serious about the brooding sometime last week. I went out there to check for eggs and there she was. I stroked her back and asked her to move over, which she dismissed with a throaty humming sound. I finally just had to gently lift her up to get to the three eggs under her. I marveled at how warm the eggs were as I carried them to the kitchen. I've decided that should be a spa treatment of some sorts, holding incubated eggs in the palms of your hands while lounging in a lavender blanket with cucumber slices on your eyes.  

Foghorn is a very good brooder. I've gone out there to find her with zero eggs under her, just the golf balls. She's never really that upset when I make her move. In fact I think she seems a little relieved. The idea of sitting there until that golf ball hatches is such a huge responsibility. It could also be that she feels like she's protecting the eggs for us. I can relate to Foghorn's broodyness. Often there are times when I feel like I am sitting on my own eggs of creativity. I'm just sitting on them, keeping them warm until one of those eggs hatches. Unlike Foghorn's eggs, I know that eventually one of those eggs will hatch or go sour. I've got some eggs that I need to hatch now. I just need to sit on them for a little bit longer.

So, this is what my Fall evenings are starting to look like. I get home, put away the bike or scooter, I scoop up a puppy who is so excited to see me and can't believe I've been gone all day, and I walk out to the chicken coop to check for eggs. After dinner I sit and brood on my own egg thoughts. I am thankful for those creativity eggs. They give me a sense of purpose, but I am also thankful for the time I spend brooding on them. It gives me time to plan out and speculate about what kind of creative little chicks they'll be once they hatch. I am thankful for the reminder that it's OK to brood. I am thankful for good sleeping nights and silly puppies. I am thankful for productive days of work where I leave at the end of the day with a brain full of science. I am thankful for those friends celebrating birthdays this week (you know who you are). I am thankful for colored eggs and I am thankful for you.

Here's to a weekend full of baseball, movies and vampire pumpkins. And here's to a truly Thankful Friday.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Sassy

"Sassy"

Yesterday morning, I stepped outside with my cup of coffee to do my morning loop before heading back to my desk. The crisp Fall air hit my face and I had a memory, or a vision really, of Robin zipping up her gray hoodie and stuffing her hands in her pockets as we walked out the door for daily walk. This was exactly the type of weather that would make Robin where a hoodie. Those were the days we meticulously scrutinized the weather reports. We loved the walk we would take outside that took us up to the Capitol Building and around, but we hated cold. More importantly, we hated cold mixed with wind. We'd check a couple of different weather reports and then look out the window at the flag pole at the entrance of the Veterans Hospital. If the American flag was waving at us, we walked inside. 

I hardly ever check the weather now. The other day, I rode my scooter to work with gray clouds looming overhead. As I walked across the parking garage, the security guard asked me if I thought it was going to clear up by the afternoon. I looked at the sky slightly surprised that it was so gray and said "you know? I have no idea what the weather is going to do today, but I rode any way." This is why I'm constantly getting caught in rain storms. Weather is less variable here mostly because the wind is not a factor. Oh that Oklahoma wind. In the summer, it is a hot hairdryer blowing in your face and in the winter it is a knife cutting into your bones. I don't know why I thought of Robin in her hoodie. It's probably because I miss those walks as much as I know that she does. I am grateful for those walks. They were more therapy sessions for each of us than exercise. We'd talk about all of the things. We'd laugh about all of the things. Sometimes we'd even cry about all of the things. Those walks forged our friendship, a friendship that I'm truly grateful for. 

The temperatures here have officially turned to Fall. It was forty nine degrees outside when I left the house this morning. Last night Michael said that the season for me being cold all the time is here. He said this as he was throwing a quilt over us on the couch. My days of joyful scooter rides, walks outside and bike rides are numbered. So I am thankful for these days right now where I can still do those things without cringing. This weekend may be the weekend I pull up things in the garden and clean out the beds for next spring. This may also be the weekend we buy some pumpkins. One thing for sure is that this will be a weekend to be outside, soaking in the sun. I am thankful for crystal blue skies, green tomatoes and collard green sprouts. I am thankful for cheesy mashed potatoes and broccolini. I am thankful for my little Josephine who just got her haircut. Now she looks just like a Monopoly piece. And of course, as always, I am thankful for you.

Here's to a weekend of apple cider and a truly Thankful Friday! 

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Today I held bakasana for five easy, calm breaths for the first time without panic.

"Today I held bakasana for five easy, calm breaths for the first time without panic."

The other day, I was walking along outside. I had inadvertently dressed a little bit like Sporty Spice, with my new gray leggings, a tank top that's long enough to pass as a mini dress and my R2D2 t-shirt. My sporty new tennis shoes rounded out the outfit perfectly. My every day fashion plan is to be able to go easily from sitting at a microscope to getting on my yoga mat. But any way. Here I was walking outside when I suddenly felt like doing a cartwheel. This is the part of the story where you think I'm going to tell you how I fell on my head while attempting a cartwheel. I will tell you that this is not the part of the story where I tell you that I fell on my head while attempting a cartwheel.  That's because I did not do the cartwheel. The thought I had immediately after "I feel like doing a cartwheel" was "I cannot do a cartwheel."

Except I can. I can totally do cartwheels. At least I used to be able to do them. Sure, it's been a while since I've actually done one and maybe I'm a little out of practice. I might forget to point my toes just so, but I'm sure that I can still do a cartwheel. Yet in that moment, I stumbled. Fear. Doubt. Worry about what someone would think if they saw a grown woman doing a cartwheel. Falling. What if I fell? These are the things that stopped me. I let the idea of doing a cartwheel enter my brain and then I just kept on walking until I had walked it right on out of my head. Then I spent the next fifteen minutes berating myself for not doing that dang cartwheel. 

I avoid doing anything that puts serious weight on my arms. Handstands. Arm balancing. Just forget any arm balancing yoga pose all together. Maybe it has something do with my broken arms or too much anatomy knowledge. I have a huge carrying angle and even when I straighten my arms, they are not straight. I don't have joint on joint alignment when I come into handstand or try to do  an unmodified salabhasana. Every time I attempt them, my elbows hurt for days. I've never been strong in my upper body. My gymnastics coach used to hang me up on the uneven bars and then tell me to pull myself up. He'd walk away, leaving me just hanging there. My work around for this was to swing myself around and up. I never pulled-up. I look at my gangling arms and know that I am weak.

So you can imagine that I avoid arm balances in my own practice on my mat, even though I know that poses like Bakasana has nothing to do with arm strength. Nothing at all. The first step to Bakasana is open hips. Those knees have to be up near the arms. The second step is core strength. It's your gut that lifts you up and holds you in place. I know these things. KNOW THEM. Yet every time I attempt this pose, I panic. My breath is thin and shallow and I may get mostly into this pose while leaving one toe on the mat. Then I come out immediately because my brain is screaming in fear. Everything about this pose tells me that I am weak, a failure. I am going to fall. 

All of that changed yesterday. I came into Bakasana and stayed there for at least five calm and easy breaths. I did not leave one toe touching the mat. My brain did not once raise it's voice to tell me that I cannot do this. I did it and if I can quiet the negative voices in my head while I am on the mat, I can quite them off the mat. I am far from weak. I am the strongest girl you know. I have super power strength. Ok...maybe that's going a little too far, but yeah. I am woman. Hear me ROAR. I am thankful for my yoga practice. I am thankful for this body.

Tomorrow, Michael and I are off for an adventure to the dairy where the infamous cotton candy flavored milk comes from. I'm so thankful for this body, I'm going to fill it with milk and then probably get violently sick to my stomach. My taste buds love it; my intestines do not. I don't even care. I am excited about the prospects of petting (stealing) a baby cow and learning how to make cheese. The last time I was on a working dairy was probably kindergarten. Every kid that went through Collinsville elementary school before, I don't know, 1998 (?) toured the Sallee Dairy farm. I can already smell the cows mixed in with the crisp smells of Fall. I am thankful for this day trip because Michael and I haven't really had any just the two of us time in a while. 

I am thankful for silly animals, a session with my massage therapist Jeana, and scooter days. I am thankful for you. Here's to an adventurous weekend and truly Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Our version of Little House on The Prairie

"Our version of Little House on The Prairie"

A couple of days ago, I was walking a loop around the fountains and as I came around a bend, I noticed a little girl. She couldn't have been older than three. I watched as she headed right over to the fountain wall and climbed up onto the ledge. I stood very still, closely watching the girl while trying to look around for an adult. Finally I caught some movement out of the corner of my eye to my right. A woman was in a car struggling to wrangle a younger sibling free from a car seat while holding onto a large McDonald's bag. She popped her head out and said "She's mine!" but then Grandma noticed where the little girl was sitting. She started calling the little girl's name, but the child didn't budge. Instead, she reached her hand out towards the water. This is where I stepped forward. I bent down to the child's level and said hello. Then I reached my hand out and said "would you like to come with me?"

Now I realize, in retrospect, that this sounded like I was trying to steal a toddler and if she had been more aware of stranger danger this could have gone really poorly. Luckily the child did not fear strangers. She smiled and nodded a "yes" and then jumped down from the ledge and grabbed my hand. She held my hand as I walked her over to her grandma and since grandma had her hands full, I asked the girl to grab a hold of grandma's t-shirt. The grandma thanked me profusely. She explained that they were waiting for the mother to get out of her class and that the two little ones just always seem to get away from her. I nodded in understanding and then said my goodbyes. We both went on our way. Later in the day I remembered Michael's story about being the fifth car.

An elderly teacher he works with was getting out of her car to go into her doctor's office one day when she fell. She could not get up. Meanwhile, cars kept pulling into the parking lot. One after one, the cars would move around her, find a parking space and the person would get and go on about their business. Finally, the fifth car stopped. An elderly gentleman got out of the car and helped the woman up. He then walked her into her doctor's office. She uses this story now to teach kindness and compassion to her students. The lesson is not to be the first four cars, but be the fifth car. Be the person who stops and helps. For some of us, we do not need to be reminded to be the fifth car. These simple acts of kindness and compassion just come naturally. I am grateful to know so many of these kinds of people.  I hear your stories and I think I am either very lucky or very smart to have surrounded myself with such good people.  I am grateful I could be the person to stop and help that grandma wrangle her grandchildren just as I am grateful for that person who stood holding the door open for me when they didn't have to.

I am thankful for the beautiful eggs from the chickens the week. I am thankful for leisurely bike rides home at the end of a long day. I am thankful for the time spent on my yoga mat. I am thankful for the fifth car and as always, I am thankful for you. Have a wonderful weekend and a truly Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

New bike! Flat tire :(

"New bike! Flat tire :("

I have ridden my bike to work every day this week and I have ridden my bike home every day except one day this week (well two if you count today because Fridays are scooter days because Friday). That day, I got a flat tire on my way to work. A small piece of wire found it's way into my back tire. Michael picked me up that evening and we took Bessie straight to the bike shop because we didn't know why the tire was flat yet and we didn't want there to be something wrong with a bike that had nine and half miles on it. This is where I need to say that I am really thankful for Family Bicycles. By the time Michael and I got the bike loaded into the truck and fought traffic, it was really super close to closing time for the bicycle shop. When I wheeled Bessie into the shop both Therese and Bruce exclaimed "WHAT HAPPENED!" They were just as upset about my flat tire as I was. Before I could say anything Bruce had my bike on the rack and was taking the wheel off. 

Really, the people at Family Bicycles have been all around fantastic. When I went with my old bike, Bruce was just as willing to adjust that bike as he was to sell me a new one. He did not push the new bike at all. Therese did a great job of telling us about different trails and rides and both of them are just enthusiastic about getting you on a bike. Someone like me needs people like this. I think we're pretty lucky to have them in the neighborhood. They are just a short ride from the house. I pass the shop on the trail on my way home. Bruce replaced the tube in my tire in minutes and then didn't even charge us for labor. They are the best. Even Surly the store cat. I'm really grateful for these guys. 

It kind of looks like the bicycle is the new chicken in the coop. I promise. No more talks of riding the bicycle or how pretty Bessie is or how my toenail polish matches the paint on Bessie and my scooter. We are all headed into the final official weekend of summer and a nice long weekend. We are skedaddling out of town and I'm super thankful to have Shannon coming over to check on our chickens. We are paying her in eggs of course. Honestly I am also thankful for the end of a super long and slightly tense week. I am thankful to have some answers to some questions that have plagued us at work. I am thankful for the purple hulled peas I noticed in the garden last night that are ready to be picked. And I am thankful for you.

Have the best and safest weekend and Happy Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Looks like Fall; feels like Spring.

"Looks like Fall; feels like Spring."

Michael has been teasing me about "when we move to Seattle" lately because of a recent job offer that I received. It was flattering, but I said "no". I think maybe if I was a little bit younger and it was just me, I would have said "yes", but I can only think of one reason for moving to Seattle. Seattle is beautiful! There's a million reasons for staying put. I was kind of surprised by this reaction. I just always thought I had a wandering soul that would only be settled by the West Coast. Go West! That was me. It would be easy to say that the whole idea of moving across the country just sounds too exhausting. That makes me sound lazy, but I've packed up and moved before and yes it's tiresome, but not tiresome enough to keep me from doing it. It's just that I feel like this place is my home. 

When I think of Seattle, I think of the market and fresh seafood and how it's just so pretty there. Then immediately I start thinking about housing prices and travel costs and working at a job that I'm not entirely sure I would like as much as the one I have now. The holidays would be the craziest and there would probably not be a backyard for chickens. The more I think about it, the longer the con list gets. I am thankful that I am only a four hour drive from family. I am thankful that I have a house with a big backyard for chickens. I am thankful that Michael and the Cabbage have given me pretty dang good reason for staying around. I am thankful for that job offer. It was nice to know that I am valued, but I'm really thankful for the job that helps keep me here. I really am lucky to be able to make a living doing something I enjoy. It turns out, I'm really a Mid-West kind of girl.

This week has been wonky weird. I'm ready for a slower paced weekend and a return to some normalcy. I've only ridden my bicycle twice this week and none of those times were pretty. Michael and I are ridding over to a local bike shop tomorrow so I can test out some bikes and see what they can do to make my bike more comfortable until I can get a new bike. It will be great if when we leave the bike shop tomorrow, I will be so happy with my current bike that I will not even think about a new bike. I'm thankful Michael suggested this and that we have a local bike shop that we really kind of love. I am thankful for the eggs we get from the chickens. I am thankful for the tomatoes we are still eating from the garden. I noticed that there are long purple hulled pea pods out there too, not quite ready to be picked. I'm thankful we will have peas. 

I am thankful for you. Happy Thankful Friday. 

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Two eggs in the nesting box! And one golf ball.

"Two eggs in the nesting box! And one golf ball."

Yesterday morning, I went outside to take a loop around the fountains. The sun was shining. The morning breeze was pleasant. The sky was blue. A dragon fly zoomed down and floated along next to me for a bit as I walked. Then I paused to watch a hummingbird hover around some flowers. As I rounded the back side of the fountains, a squirrel scampered past my feet to jump up onto a tree. This is when I had two thoughts: what kind of Disney movie had I just stumbled into and why didn't I have a camera? I had left my phone on my desk. I lamented about this for about a minute, before I laughed at myself for wishing I had a camera. I know without a doubt that I would not have actually seen any of those things happen if I had had my camera with me or I would spend a ridiculous amount of time trying to capture this moment the exact way I was seeing it. Then I would be disappointed that none of the pictures fully expressed what was happening in that moment.

I also recognize that my photography practice made me more open to seeing all the little details of things that were currently happening around me. It has taught me to pay attention. For that, I am thankful. Also, that moment belongs solely to me. Yes, I am sharing it with you now in words, but it's not the same as being there. That bit of time with dragon flies and hummingbirds was completely and totally mine. This day and age we share every piece of ourselves with partners, children and social media. It's rare when have our own personal bubble time. So I paused and took a breath. I took a moment to honor this strange Disney phenomenon. I took a moment to be fully present in it and I took a moment to be grateful that I was getting this moment.

This has been a good week, even with cranky days. I have ridden my bike to work and home three days this week. I still do not love it, but I appreciate the good it is doing for my body and my planet. I am thankful though, that I saved Friday for the scooter and relished in this morning's ride to work with the sun on my face and the cold wind on my bare legs (I'm dressy today). Everyday we have checked the chicken coop and pulled out two eggs. We are one egg short of a dozen. Ha! Aren't we all? Any way, each day the eggs are a little bigger then the day before. They are a beautiful shade of color that lies somewhere between peach and pink. I would like to paint a room this color and last night we each had a fried egg on our veggie burger. The Cabbage got to collect eggs on Wednesday and was unimpressed. She did ask why there was a ball in there with them. She may have received conflicting news depending on which one of us she asked. I am thankful for her curiosity. This weekend will be filled with picture hanging, desk building and birthday parties. Hopefully it will also include naps.

Here's to a perfectly hopeful weekend and a truly blessed Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

#VSCOcam I was so happy to see these guys

"#VSCOcam I was so happy to see these guys"

The last time I saw Todd and Yuko, the boys were still babies. Well, Lio wasn't but we were in a house of children and he merged right on in with the other kids. I didn't really get to talk to him or get to know his personality. Jun was fighting a cold at the time and wanted nothing but to snuggle with his mom. Last week, I got a chance to remedy that. I got to spend lots of time with the whole family before and after conference hours. It was wonderful. 

I learned that Lio, who starts second grade this year (Dear Lord), is very serious and can talk endlessly about Minecraft. Jun, the youngest, is silly and cuddly and sweet. He wants to be in the very middle of whatever his big brother is doing. Both of them love telling silly jokes and can fill a car ride with ridiculous laughter. Lio has two freckles on his arm and while we rode the tram back down to their car, Lio suddenly pinched the skin between the two freckles and said "Look! A baby elephant!" and then busted out laughing. It was the most hilarious thing. I made him do it again so I could take a picture. My visit with them was good. It was good to see them all so happy. It's not that Yuko was unhappy before they moved to Oregon. The (too) few times we saw each other she seemed happy enough, but now..wow! She has taken to this new home and has friends and a life and knows her way around the city better than Todd. You can see that the whole family is happy. 

I am so thankful to have had the time to see them and even more thankful that they have this home and this life. I am thankful to have had the opportunity to see Todd interact with his boys. And I'm so thankful that the shirts I picked out for the boys almost a year ago, are still big enough for them to wear (I had some shipping problems). There's much to be thankful for this week. As of yesterday, I no longer have any silver left in my teeth. It has all been replaced with new fillings and my dentist told me that I've been doing an excellent job of flossing. I am thankful to have some good teeth. I am thankful that my bike ride home gets easier each day. I am thankful for a weekend filled with the promise of garden work and fresh pesto and Randy and Katrina. 

I am thankful for you. Happy, happy Thankful Friday.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

#VSCOcam This sunflower growing in my backyard makes me want to sing songs from the musical "Oklahoma". #365

"#VSCOcam This sunflower growing in my backyard makes me want to sing songs from the musical "Oklahoma". #365"

Sunday morning, Michael and I were watching  a story about Spam on CBS Sunday Morning, when I said "My mom judged the Spam cook-off at the State Fair one year. She's got a Spam apron to prove it." Michael looked at me sideways and said "there are so many things about that sentence that I can't even..I don't even know how to respond." It was something about the words "state fair", "judge", "Spam cook-off" all tucked in together in the same sentence that made his head spin. I replied with "what? You never entered things in your state fair?" and he responded with "what year have you traveled here from?" A few nights later I told him that Mom's pickles won first prize at the Tulsa County Fair this year. His brain nearly exploded. 

I thought everyone entered stuff in their county and state fairs. No really. I'm thirty nine and just now realized that not everyone sewed a garment, grew a squash or painted a ceramic dish and then submitted it to be judged at the county and or state fair. Usually, if you won at the county level, you were automatically submitted to State. When I said that out loud to Michael, he nearly fell off the couch. It was like I had just walked out of some black and white TV show wearing a gingham dress with pony tails and a straw hat. Needless to say Michael and I had very different childhoods. I am a country mouse who has learned to be a city mouse. Michael has always been the city mouse.

Mr and Mrs McAfee were our 4-H leaders in Collinsville, but they were also the caretakers of the fair exhibits. Mr McAfee was always roaming around the exhibit hall making notes on what picture was crooked and how that flower arrangement needed to be shifted over.  He was also acting security, deterring people from touching or taking someone's prize jar of pickles. I cannot think of any fair without thinking of Mr McAfee. Sure he listened to countless hours of speech practices and was always present to taste test a pie, but it was his constant presence at the fairs that I remember the most. One year at the Tulsa State Fair, Dad had given me $10 to ride some rides. I was helping out in the 4-H exhibit hall that day, moving things around, answering questions. When it was time for my break, I reached into my pocket for that money and found it missing. I had managed to lose it somehow. Later in the day Mr McAfee came up to me and handed me $10. He said he'd found it over in some corner or other, but I knew that wasn't true. He found that money in his own wallet. 

I suppose it is almost fitting that Mr McAfee would decide to leave this planet on the same week as the Tulsa County fair. Mrs McAfee passed several years back, but Mr McAfee was still going strong. In fact I was surprised to hear of his death. I don't know why, but he just seemed like this immortal figure. He was ninety two when he passed, making him almost immortal. Mr and Mrs McAfee were part of the village that raised me. I will be forever grateful for both of them, for the generosity and the countless hours both of them spent helping kids like me become better citizens.

I pledge my head to clearer thinking, my heart to greater loyalty and my hands to greater  service. For my club. For my community. For my country. For my world.

These are the lessons they taught me. I am truly thankful for the impact both Mr and Mrs McAfee had in my life. Here's to a blue ribbon weekend and a truly Thankful Friday.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

For some people New York City is a one time vacation destination. They go and see all the tourist things like Times Square, the Empire State Building and the MET. They become part of the large crowds of people walking around while staring up at the tall buildings. Then they go home and tell all their friends that they had a great time, but would probably never go back. Too much hustle and bustle. Too many crowds. Too much walking. Then there are those of us who visit New York and fall in love. That city has a way of getting under your skin and there have been times while strolling through a neighborhood where I think I could totally live there. I've been to those touristy areas. They are crowded, but they are wonderful. I found that the trick to the Empire State building and the MET is to get there right when they open. You'll have the MET mostly to yourself and a ten minute wait to ride the elevators up to the top of the Empire. Times Square does make me twitchy though.

I've been pining for a trip to New York for months now. I keep thinking about Central Park and little corners yet explored. Mostly I've been thinking about spending some time with Talaura. She's come in this direction so often lately. I feel like it's my turn to go to her. Talaura's New York is my favorite. She knows the best small museums and knows that these kind of museums are my favorite. She lives on the complete opposite end of New York now then the last time I visited and has a new home. These are things I want to see. I want to sit in her new home and convince Sarge that he loves me and talk and laugh with Talaura. This is something I have been craving and Michael even told me last month to buy a plane a ticket, but I hesitated. Money and finding the right time made me hold out. 

Last week Talaura and I were doing our usual chat thing when all of a sudden she said "OHMYGOSH! I won! I won!" I quickly replied with "YAY!", not really knowing what she won, but happy she won something. Well, she won two free passes to BlogHer '15 which happens to be taking place in New York next week. Then she asked me if I wanted to hop a plane to New York and I made probably the most impulsive decision I've made since purchasing the scooter. I bought a plane ticket to New York so fast, it made my head spin. I had zero plans to attend BlogHer this year mostly because I couldn't justify buying a ticket when we were going to Alabama for a family vacation. So I am thankful for the opportunity to hang out with some women that I really admire and love. But I'm super duper thankful for Talaura for giving me this opportunity and I'm thankful that I'm going to get to squeeze her in gratitude next week.

That's a pretty big thing to be thankful for. Here's to a great weekend and a super duper Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Berry cherry

"Berry cherry"

Last week the Supreme Court officially backed the Affordable Care Act and legalized gay marriage in all fifty states. These are things I am extremely thankful for. First of all, I know a lot of good hard working tax paying citizens who would not have health care without the Affordable Care Act. Or they would have health care and not be able to afford anything else, like mortgage or food. I'm grateful that the burden of how they were going to pay to see there doctor is no longer a burden. Secondly, I don't even have to say it, but I know many  good hard working tax paying citizens who have not been able to make their commitment to their loved one valid for so many years. That they have been denied home loans, had adopted children removed from their homes and not eligible for spousal benefits for all this time seems pretty dang awful. I am thankful that they are no longer considered second class citizens. I know this is old news and that is was something I should have talked about last week, but I struggled with being happy for all of these things while black churches were being burned in South Carolina. I guess maybe it felt like a misdirection thing. Hey look over here! Don't look at the race problems we're having over that a-way! But good things and bad things happen simultaneously. I get that. So I'm thankful for those good things, but I want people to know I'm paying attention to the other things.

Tomorrow is the Fourth of July, a day we where we celebrate this great country. A few weeks ago, I was watching an old episode of Under Cover Boss. The guy under cover sat down to take a lunch break with the one of his employees. This employee had immigrated here for a better life. His wife was pregnant with their first child and he said it was really hard making ends meet and doing this without support from their families in Venezuela. The under cover boss asked him why he did it, why would he move his family here. That employee said that he believes in the American Dream. This is 2015 and people still believe in the American Dream. Part of that American Dream is affordable health care and equality. We're still working on the equality thing. We've made great strides forward which is why those steps back, raising the Rebel Flag, unnecessary force against our black citizens, just awful hate against races and religions that are not your own, are glaringly awful. We can and are better than this.  We are the land of the American Dream. I am thankful and proud to be part of it. 

There is an abundance of stuff to be grateful for this week from squash and tomatoes in the garden to peaceful evenings. It has been a good week. I hope all of you have had the same and a safe and wonderful Fourth of July. Here's to a weekend of fireworks and  truly Thankful Friday.