THANKFUL FRIDAY

After holding my egg up to a candle, I discovered that there wasn’t anything growing inside of it. No puggle. No puggle with dragon wings. Nothing but egg goo. The egg wasn’t stinky and rotten though. So, I cracked it open, scrambled it up with some green onions and cheese, and I ate it. It was delicious. With every bite, I pondered my reasons for even picking up the egg in the first place and what I could learn from the experience of holding onto the egg. It’s a lot of analogy and vagueness for conveying that I am not moving to England.

Instead, I have thrown myself deep into my work and I am focusing on learning some new tricks.

If the egg was a lemon, I’d be making lemonade.

It seems fitting that I am shifting gears and focus right as we move from August into September. The fireflies gave way to the cicadas and crickets a month ago, but in the last two weeks I’ve noticed a stillness in the mornings that doesn’t always exist in the hottest months. Nothing has started buzzing yet and the sun is just barely up when Josephine and I return from our morning walks. The sidewalks are littered with cicada bodies. A few trees are getting patches of yellow leaves. The air smells different. Everyone but me is leaping into it all and saying “hurry up, Fall!”. I’m over here whispering '“not yet.” I’m not ready for the end of summer not just because I’ll miss the weather. I’m not ready because I want more time to marinate in this current mental state.

I want to formulate some new goals and edit my old goals. I haven’t felt this relaxed about making life changes in years. Usually, the thought of even attempting to make a goal made me so anxious that in the end, I would drop it because I am just going to fail anyway. This summer, forty six years into my life, I realized that I can fail at lot of things.

Every failure here branched off into a success for another Evelyn in another life. Most people only have a few significant alternate life paths so close to them. But you, here, you're capable of anything because you're so bad at everything. - Alpha Waymond Wang (Everything Everywhere All at Once)

Maybe I’m not bad at everything, but I don’t I have to be good at everything either. I can have lots and lots of eggs. Some of those eggs just might contain something wonderfully magical. Most of those eggs are going to be filled regular egg goo, but even those eggs will not be a waste.

I know how to make a lot of things with eggs.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

I found an egg that was still warm to the touch and decided to sit on it in hopes that it might hatch. The thing is, I don’t know what kind of animal laid the egg in the first place. Will this hatch out something with feathers or scales or fur? Half of you read that and shook your heads while thinking “Oh, Cindy. Furry things don’t come from eggs.” Duck billed platypus. They’re the only mammals that lay eggs and freshly hatched babies are called puggles. How freaking adorable is that? I sure hope this egg is holding a puggle. It is more than likely that there is nothing viable inside this egg, but I’m staying on it anyway. It’s either going to start stinking, at which point I will get up and walk away or it’s going to hatch. Then I will be left to figure out how I’m going to raise whatever creature hatches. Maybe it’s a dragon! Maybe it’s a puggle with wings like a dragon.

It’s almost just as fun imaging what might be inside the egg.

Making the decision to sit on this egg was an impulsive one. The other day, I saw an add for tethered hot-air balloon rides and I immediately, without pausing, bought myself a ticket. I didn’t even think of buying two tickets. I knew Michael would not be interested. Heights are not his thing. Particularly being in a basket that is being lifted by a giant balloon is not his thing. I sent a text to Michael telling him what I had done and he replied that we had the kid this weekend. So I scrambled to get a second a ticket, but they had already sold out. Even though I have been waiting forty four years to ride in a hot-air balloon, I was willing to give my ticket to the Cabbage. As it turns out there was a schedule change. We don’t have the Cabbage and I am riding that balloon. Michael said he wouldn’t have let me give the ticket to the Cabbage anyway.

Both of these impulsive decisions are direct results from feeling my heart explode with a resounding “YES!” Roze told me recently that I am on the bus. She said to just stay on the bus. Now, I am all for a good touristy bus ride around a new city to get my bearings, but this bus ride is not one for tourists. It’s fast and furious and bumpy with a little bit of clutching hold of the seat for dear life. I almost want off the bus, but the thrill seeker in me is all “No…Roze is right. I need to stay on the bus.” So here I am making impulsive decisions and on the bus with my egg that may be filled with unfertilized goo or a puggle with dragon wings. And IT’S FREAKIN’ TERRIFYING! But also exhilarating.

It feels vaguely familiar. Like the difference between just existing and really living. That whole really living thing is something that I’ve either been forcing myself to do or not doing at all. It is a pre-loss feeling. I feel like I am leaning into the person I used to be. That right there is something I can truly be grateful for this week.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Currently

3 Likes, 1 Comments - Cindy Maddera (@elephant_soap) on Instagram: "Currently"

We are expecting around five and half inches of snow over the weekend. It is snowing as I type this. And all I can think about is how this is going to mess up my routine. Do I go fight the traffic and people after work to do our grocery shopping? Or do I wait until the morning and have to unbury my car and dig my way out of the driveway? Do I just force us all to eat rice and beans all weekend? What about that yoga workshop I’ve already paid money to attend? Will they cancel it? School closings started to scroll across the TV last night way before the storm even hit. I am this close to hanging up a “Closed for February” sign and curling into a ball in my bed. Writing about gratitude is a struggle today, but here goes.

I made twenty four hour miso eggs for our ramen bowls last night and I’ve decided on two things. First, there should be eggs marinating in miso in our refrigerator at all times. Second, I’m going to have to start making my own miso. I made broth for our ramen with smoked bonito and the miso I scraped off the eggs and it is official. I make the best ramen in the city. Speaking of eggs, I went to feed the chickens on Wednesday and found four eggs in the chicken coop. I leaped for joy at the sight of them because for me, those eggs bring more hope than any shadow viewing groundhog. Actually, I kind of thought we’d seen the last of the eggs in October and that our chickens’ laying days were over. So when I saw all four different colored eggs sitting the coop, I was thrilled.

I am up to holding forearm plank for two and half minutes. I still don’t like it, but I’m feeling the benefits. Yesterday in my yoga practice, I pretzeled my legs into a full seated lotus, pressed my palms down into my mat and lifted my butt off the mat. I could swing my body freely back and forth. The lift comes from core strength. I have not done full lotus in years because it’s really not a safe pose for your knees. So I was pretty surprised that I could still do that pose, but even more surprised by how easily I lifted my body from the floor. I am always surprised that I am actually stronger than I think I am. Which is why I know that groceries will get purchased this weekend. I will survive this snow storm just like I survived all the other ones. I will not scrotum out and close myself off for the whole month of February.

I don’t have to like it but I can tolerate it.

ON IMPULSE

Chickens

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Saturday morning, I woke up and walked into the living room to find a chicken egg sitting in the middle of the living room rug. There was nothing wrong with the egg. No cracks. Just a chicken egg laying on the floor. No one knows how the egg got there. There have been theories, but only theories. Later on that day, Michael and I went to Shake Shack where I almost started crying over the 'shroom burger and then made myself sick on a milkshake. So we walked over to the new Made in Kansas City Marketplace where we bought a bunch of stickers for our scooters. We also saw something that we thought was really neat and useful but too expensive. Michael decided that we could make it and so then we went to wander around the hardware store.

At the hardware store, we met Rita. Rita knew all the pieces and parts we needed to make this thing and followed Rita from isle to isle like ducklings. She was getting us some electrical wire when Michael mentioned that we had ridden our scooters. Rita thought we were talking about those razor scooters that are all over town. There's two companies offering electric scooters in town now. We told Rita that we were not on the electric scooters, but we did tell her about our new side hustle of charging those scooters. This information changed Rita's life and she told us that we had to come back and find her to tell her how our project went. Then we bought a power washer.

Most people impulse buy candy bars they pick up while waiting in the checkout line. That's impulse buying for amateurs! The power washer was my fault because I mentioned that there should be a way to turn Michael's air compressor into a power washer because we really needed to clean the chicken coop and it would be so much easier to just power wash it. And I was right. Michael cleaned the chicken coop, the scooters, the cars and even part of the house.

Then I found a chicken egg in the garage. It was dirty but completely intact.  

LOVE THURSDAY

Egg

"Egg"

I think it was the day after Thanksgiving. I walked outside to feed the chickens and pulled one light brown egg from the coop. That was the last egg. The weather turned cold and the days grew short. I would see the girls briefly in the mornings and be home in time in the evenings to see them walk up their plank into the coop. As soon as it's dark, they are on their perch and nestled down for the evening. In some ways, this makes it easier to change out their feeder because they aren't crowding me to hurry up. Did I mention that Matilda's a biter? It doesn't hurt, but it's a little unnerving to have her peck at your fingers. 

We knew this would happen. Not the pecking thing. That was a given. No...we knew that the hens would probably stop laying during the winter. We'd read it in all the books. Chickens that lay eggs year round are kept warm and inside during the winter. This also shortens their life span. Don't get me started on those commercial egg farms. Just imagining the inside of one of those barns makes me teary. Still, even though we knew, going out to the coop and not finding an egg or two has been a little deflating. Those days of egg collecting never grew old. Every time we'd pluck an egg out of the coop, we'd holler with joy. I'd ooh and awe over each egg and speculate based on egg color which chicken was laying what. We've decided that when we finally renovate the kitchen, we'll use the same colors as the eggs the hens lay. Beautiful taupe, light blue-green and an almost white.

It is yet another example of how Winter steals joy. And it's been cold here. We still have snow and ice on the ground from the storm system that moved through last week. Monday, I parked the car in the driveway, got out and walked up onto the front porch to unlock the door. Before I opened the front door, I reached over to fish the mail out of the mailbox. That's when I heard this odd scraping sound. I looked over to see my car sliding down the driveway. It stopped sliding long enough for me to hop back in it, but it took me two parking attempts to get it situated in a spot where it wouldn't slide. Yesterday we woke up to a fresh new layer of slushy wet snow. It looks like the front yard (that never sees the sun) is going to be coated with snow and ice until Spring, which is when I expect to see our next egg.

Except.

There were two eggs in the coop on Sunday and one on Tuesday and another one on Wednesday. I'm taking back the joy Winter steals one egg at a time. 

Happy Love Thursday! 

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Two eggs in the nesting box! And one golf ball.

"Two eggs in the nesting box! And one golf ball."

Yesterday morning, I went outside to take a loop around the fountains. The sun was shining. The morning breeze was pleasant. The sky was blue. A dragon fly zoomed down and floated along next to me for a bit as I walked. Then I paused to watch a hummingbird hover around some flowers. As I rounded the back side of the fountains, a squirrel scampered past my feet to jump up onto a tree. This is when I had two thoughts: what kind of Disney movie had I just stumbled into and why didn't I have a camera? I had left my phone on my desk. I lamented about this for about a minute, before I laughed at myself for wishing I had a camera. I know without a doubt that I would not have actually seen any of those things happen if I had had my camera with me or I would spend a ridiculous amount of time trying to capture this moment the exact way I was seeing it. Then I would be disappointed that none of the pictures fully expressed what was happening in that moment.

I also recognize that my photography practice made me more open to seeing all the little details of things that were currently happening around me. It has taught me to pay attention. For that, I am thankful. Also, that moment belongs solely to me. Yes, I am sharing it with you now in words, but it's not the same as being there. That bit of time with dragon flies and hummingbirds was completely and totally mine. This day and age we share every piece of ourselves with partners, children and social media. It's rare when have our own personal bubble time. So I paused and took a breath. I took a moment to honor this strange Disney phenomenon. I took a moment to be fully present in it and I took a moment to be grateful that I was getting this moment.

This has been a good week, even with cranky days. I have ridden my bike to work and home three days this week. I still do not love it, but I appreciate the good it is doing for my body and my planet. I am thankful though, that I saved Friday for the scooter and relished in this morning's ride to work with the sun on my face and the cold wind on my bare legs (I'm dressy today). Everyday we have checked the chicken coop and pulled out two eggs. We are one egg short of a dozen. Ha! Aren't we all? Any way, each day the eggs are a little bigger then the day before. They are a beautiful shade of color that lies somewhere between peach and pink. I would like to paint a room this color and last night we each had a fried egg on our veggie burger. The Cabbage got to collect eggs on Wednesday and was unimpressed. She did ask why there was a ball in there with them. She may have received conflicting news depending on which one of us she asked. I am thankful for her curiosity. This weekend will be filled with picture hanging, desk building and birthday parties. Hopefully it will also include naps.

Here's to a perfectly hopeful weekend and a truly blessed Thankful Friday!

EGG HUNT

Eggs!

"Eggs!"

The most common question that we  have been asked in the last two months has been "Are the chickens laying eggs yet?" and every time we shake our heads with a frown and reply "no." Michael goes out there almost every day and tells the chickens to lay some damn eggs. The girls just look at him and move to the other end of the coop. We figured that we'd start seeing eggs in late July or early August. When July ended and there was zero sign of eggs, I started to think that they needed a better nesting area. The whole reason they were not laying eggs is because they didn't have a sleep number mattress and Egyptian cotton sheets to lay them on. This was my way of thinking. Of course, I am thinking all of this right in the middle of me travelling and Michael starting school, right when we are at our busiest. I might also add that ever since Josephine brought me a piece of our kitchen floor, we've been discussing a kitchen remodel and we bought a bunch of picture frames that need to be hung. 

Michael suggested that maybe Randy would have some idea on how to modify the coop with proper nesting boxes. So Randy and Katrina loaded up their little two-seater convertible and the small trailer they pull behind it and came up here over the weekend to help us do all of that. They were bribed with visits to the Farmers' Market and IKEA. Well...Katrina was bribed with those things to drag Randy up here. Also, Katrina and I made the most delicious pesto that was used to make pizzas and those pizzas were the yummiest pizzas. Randy and Michael went out to work on the coop while Katrina and I harvested basil for pesto. Then Michael decided we should clean the coop before doing anything. He turned the whole thing over so that it was partially on it's side and the chickens could get out. Then he walked into the run area to get the water jugs and there was an egg. Then we noticed another egg right behind Michael's foot and we all started screaming "DON'T MOVE!" Two eggs were discovered in the chicken run that day. 

The next morning, I went out to put a golf ball in the nesting boxes and check for any eggs. There was one egg sitting at the bottom of their ramp into the coop. I checked the coop and nesting box about five more times through out the day, but there were no more eggs. This leads me to believe that only one of the chickens is laying eggs so far. We have an idea of who is doing the egg laying, but for the most part, the chickens are pulling a page from Danielle Steel's Lace. The eggs are brown, so it's either Matilda or Dorothy. My money's on Dorothy. She's very interested in the new nesting area. This morning I found her scratching around in the nesting box. Dorothy has also gotten a little bit more docile. She's let me pet her twice now. The only time I get to hug and pet the chickens is when we've let them out in the yard and we have to catch them to put them back in the coop. But twice now, Dorothy has not moved away from my hand reaching into the coop or pecked me. I don't know why, but I just think that maybe the act of laying eggs makes a chicken more relaxed and loving. 

So far (we think) we have one chicken laying one egg a day. No eggs had been laid this morning before I left for work, though one of the chickens did make a very loud buhcawk sound that I thought for sure was chicken speak for "I HAVE LAID AN EGG!" It was not. I checked. I checked the coop twice before leaving for work and I'm sure I would have checked the coop four or five times by now if I were at home. I'm really hoping that when I get home today, I will find an egg in the actual nesting box area and not laying around in some random spot in the chicken run. 

It's all very exciting. I washed and placed our three eggs into a half empty carton of eggs purchased from the store in the fridge. They are small compared to the store bought eggs, but they are ours. They came from our backyard. Those eggs came from our chickens. 

EGGS

Dyed

"Dyed"

I woke up this morning with parts of a song playing in my head, except I can't place it. I think it might be the Go-Go's and I think the song goes like "breeeeahhhhthing, breathing is free." and it just repeats that line over and over. But when I googled those lyrics, Google had no idea what I was talking about. I mean it had some idea because it brought up 80s songs like "Take my Breath Away" and "Breathe Free" by Ariana Grande. There were lots of links to a yoga breathing studio. So I have no idea what the song is. Those probably aren't even the real lyrics, but some misunderstood interpretation of what I think the lyrics are. I know the tune is for real though. I just do. I'm listening to the Go-Go's now, searching for that song, and I may have to make them my band of the year even though they've been around for some time. Old is new.

So, how was everyone's Easter weekend? Full of jelly beans and Cadberry eggs? Full of eggs? I think Randy and I tied for most deviled eggs eaten in one day. I'm also sure that I had my fill of Betty Crocker circa 1950 recipes. There's still some pistachio salad and strawberry fizz pie in the refrigerator. The Cabbage ate pretty much nothing but candy on Saturday with a few tomatoes and maybe some corn. We dyed eggs. We hid eggs. We found eggs. Then we came home and I made quiche for dinner. No lie. The only one of us who didn't eat eggs was Josephine. She ate a hamburger. The Cabbage got a happy meal when we stopped at the big overpass road stop near Vinita. She ate everything but the hamburger and three fries. Well, she ate four bites of the hamburger until she realized there was something green on it (a pickle) and then stopped eating it. We stopped for an early dinner some where on 71 and left Josephine in the car. When we came out Josephine was sitting right where I'd left her, but now full of hamburger and french fries. She even ate the pickle. 

Josephine probably had the most fun of all of us this weekend. She had a kitten to play with and cat toys. That ball on a string attached to a scratching post is the MOST fun. There were two little dogs that wanted nothing to do with her, but didn't stop her from trying. Cindy and Terry brought Bella over (Josephine's sister) on Saturday night and the two of them played and bickered and played. At one point Michael looked down at the two dogs and then at me and said "do we need to get another dog?" We are not getting another dog, but I was pretty pleased with Josephine's behavior. She scratched at the door when she needed to go out. She did not steal any socks or chew up something she wasn't supposed to be chewing on and she got along very well with the other animals. I feel that Josephine earned her McDonald's hamburger, pickle and all. 

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Seeds are sorted.

"Seeds are sorted."

I'm really tempted to fall back on a list of grateful for this week. There's just a bunch of things that are all kind of random this week. So...I'm giving you a list.

• Yesterday was Stephanie's birthday. She's been my bff since probably 4th grade. I'd never eaten salami or bagels before I met her. One time we ate a whole jar of homemade bread and butter pickles with slices of cheddar cheese. We used to pull the cushions off their couch and line them up next to Steph's bed and that's where I'd sleep when I slept over. I have a box of notes she wrote me during our sophomore/junior year of high school. Once, while riding in the back of the camp trailer, she almost choked on a brownie. Scared the living daylights out of me. She was at my wedding. I was at her wedding. I saw her graduate college and I was there when her first baby was born. Stephanie has gone back to school to become a nurse. It has not been an easy path, but she's tough as nails. She'll graduate this Spring and I can't even begin to tell you how proud I am of her. She's awesome and I'm thankful she's been the twosome to our gruesome. 
• Robin's mom was hit by a car last week. Thankfully she's going to be OK, just really uncomfortable for a while with two badly broken legs. 
• Michael fell over with his scooter the other day. I was in the process of trying to turn my scooter around in the garage. He was rolling down the hill to the street, headed to work. I looked up just in time to see his foot slip on the wet grass. He's kind of achy, but nothing is broken and the scooter is fine. It's just that now we are of the age that when we fall down, it hurts.
• I decided kind of short notice that we should got to Mom's for Easter. It started out as a simple "let's die Easter eggs at Mom's!" to "everyone come over to Mom's for Easter dinner and egg dying and egg hunting!" and I am absolutely fine with this. We're going to eat three different kinds of salad, none of which contain lettuce, two are made with mayo and one is made with Cool-Whip. The Cabbage will have other kids to play with and we will die and hunt Easter eggs. I can't wait. 
• Last but not least, I am super thankful for those of you who have donated to my AIDS Walk fundraising page. You just have no idea how much I appreciate it. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Here's to a wonderful weekend filled with laughter and love and a truly Thankful Friday!