THANKFUL FRIDAY

Instagram photo by Cindy Maddera * Nov 9, 2016 at 11:26pm UTC

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Many of us are still a little in shock that a man who's campaign platform revolved around spewing hateful racist remarks and degrading women, not to mention preaching for an exclusive society where we register Muslims and take away civil rights is now our president elect. The American people have spoken and they say that the best person to run the country happens to be a bigot who goes to court in January for rape charges. So be it. 

"Every horrible thing Donald Trump ever said about women or Muslims or people of color has now been validated.
Every profanity-laced press conference and every call to bully protestors and every ignorant diatribe has been endorsed.
Every piece of anti-LGBTQ legislation Mike Pence has championed has been signed-off on.

Half of our country has declared these things acceptable, noble, American."

Last night, when I had finally gotten a grip and stepped out of the foggy haze of this election hangover, I started thinking about what could be the best possible strategy for convincing half of the country who thinks all of the above are acceptable that it actually is not acceptable. I have been contemplating on the best way to bridge that great divide and to stop thinking that it is us versus them. The Democratic party has always been known as the party of inclusion. Us versus them doesn't sound all that inclusive. 

inclusion: that action or state of including or of being included within a group or structure. 

I don't know how many times I've written entries here about treating people the way you would want to be treated. I feel for sure that it has been enough times that my handful of followers are like "OKAY! We get it! Be nice to each other! Gah!" But I have a feeling that those people who find it acceptable to have a president who says horrible things just do not realize how hurtful and unChristian those words are. They need to be reminded that they would not want to be treated or spoken about in that way. Because while I'm thinking it is us versus them, they are thinking it is them versus us. Today I am thankful for the clarity of knowledge that we are not them or us, but we are one. Treat them as you would want to be treated. The challenge is how to teach loving kindness and inclusion without being condescending or belittling. 

I'm up for that challenge.

I am thankful for moments of comfort. I am thankful for moments of clarity. I am thankful for moments of joy in the midst of despair. I am thankful for constructive conversations. I am thankful for puppies on microscopes. I am thankful for you. 

Find gratitude in this Thankful Friday. 

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Shower

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Monday, I came home from work and as I went to unlock the front door, I found a notice that our water would be shut off on Tuesday from 10:30 until 3:30. The water department has been busy updating water lines in our area. Just east of us, they cleared a wooded lot and Michael and I drive down that way just see if we can figure out what they are doing with that space. We're hoping for a park. So far all we see is the beginnings of landscaping. The notice was not unusual because we have had water shut off notices all through out the summer. Any way, Monday, I went inside, let the dog out and noticing that her water dish was empty, picked it up to rinse and refill. I turned on the kitchen faucet and nothing happened.

I picked up the noticed and checked the date again. It said Tuesday. I looked at my phone to see what date was currently. It was Monday. The water was off for unexpected reasons. So, I called the number on the notice and was told that there had been a water main break in the area and that my water should be back in about ten to fifteen minutes. No big deal because I was taking the dog for a walk any way. Our water was back on by the time Josephine and I were back from our walk, just in time to get dinner started. The next day, I came home and repeated the process only to discover that our water was still off after trying to flush the toilet. I took Josephine for a walk expecting to come home to our water being back on. Michael met me at door when Josephine and I returned to tell us that our water was still off. Cooking dinner was out of the question, so we scootered over to BRGR for dinner. When we got home, the water was back on. The chickens got water, the toilet got flushed, and every one had fresh water to drink. 

It would be easy for me to say that this week, I am thankful for water. That's the simplest way of putting it really, but what I am really thankful for is access to clean water. I am thankful that I can just walk over to the kitchen sink, turn a knob, and watch as water flows easily out the tap. I know that this is a privilege and I know that it is a privilege that is not universal. My few hours of inconvenience is nothing compared to those who have to walk miles every day to access water and because of that, today I am making a donation to Charity Water. 

Of course I am thankful for many things this week like scooter rides in an unseasonably warm November and an appointment with my massage therapist. And I am extremely thankful for you. Here's to a bright sunshiny weekend and a truly Thankful Friday.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Today, on my mat

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Every evening when I come home from work, after releasing the hound from her crate and scratching her head, I take off my jewelry that I had been wearing for the day. I start with the bracelets I wear I on my left wrist, removing them one by one in ascending order up my arm. The first bracelet to come off is my J memorial bracelet and then the mala beads I got suckered into buying from a monk on the Skyline in NY. Then I take off the bracelet from Katrina that says "I love you more than much". This is followed by the wrap bracelet I got in my swag bag from the last BlogHer conference I went to and then finally I take off my little elephant bracelet, also a gift From Katrina. Next I take off my necklaces. First my little Ganesh on it's super delicate chain, a gift from Chris. Next I take off the heavy chain that holds mine and Chris's wedding rings, which does not seem so heavy any more. The last bit of jewelry that comes off are my dainty little elephant earrings. They were a treat to myself on my thirty sixth birthday.

The other day, as I was taking off my jewelry, I realized how ritualized this habit of mine is. I not only have a specific order for taking everything off, but I also put all of that stuff on in the mornings in a very specific order. To some of you this probably sounds like I am a little bit crazy. I recognize the crazy factor in this, but also recognize that every thing we do has the potential to be an act of meditation. This ritual of putting on and taking off my jewelry has become a moment of mindfulness and meditation. As I place each bracelet on my wrist in the mornings, I am setting an intention to be mindful in my actions throughout the day. As I take each piece of jewelry off in the evening, I am mindfully letting go of the day and the parts of the day that wore on me. I am thankful for these little rituals of mine because they keep me grounded and centered when I so often feel like a balloon tied to a very frayed string. 

I have many things to be thankful for this week. I've been a little bit late getting home from work this week. Usually it's the other way around with Michael having to stay late, but this week has been a normal week for him. He's cooked our dinners while I walk the dog and I'm super thankful for this. I'm trying really super hard to be thankful for this body even though it has been creeky and achy this week. Weeks like this one make getting on my mat really super important and I've done that. I am thankful for an out of the blue phone call from a friend telling me a story that only he could tell (Chad, you and my Dad would have gotten on real well). I am thankful for moments of inspiration. I actually sat down and wrote a few pages of something that might need an illustrator (Jen Tucker). 

I am always thankful for you.

Here's to a spooktacular weekend! We're taking the Cabbage to Halloween at Science City so we can make slime. And here's to a perfectly lovely Thankful Friday.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Cold mug, warm heart

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The other morning, I stepped outside to do my usual loop around the fountains before getting coffee. The air was crisp and cool and the wind stung my cheeks leaving them apple pink. Several memories flooded behind my eyes. I thought about that trip Chris and I took to Seattle and how on our first morning, we were so cold that we bought gloves at REI. It was the first time in a long time where we both had experienced an actual Fall. It was the first time in a long time where we were witnesses to the beautiful colors of the season. The crisp Fall air made us giddy and breathless and or eyes sparkled with joy. Just as quickly as that memory hit me, I was hit with memories of Ireland. The breeze felt like the wind that hit our faces as we rode in the jaunty cart, touring Killarney. Our guide had given us a wool blanket to place over our legs and Mom and I laughed and laughed as the horse picked up speed and the cart bounced along the trail. This memory is followed by one of Michael and I as we toured the winery in Herman. The cellars had been turned into a mushroom farm and then back into a winery. We wondered about turning our basement into a mushroom farm. 

As I am flooded with these memories and others I am acutely aware of the absolute perfection of those moments. In fact, this awareness hits me so hard in the chest that for a moment I cannot breathe. I have always felt that perfection was an unattainable thing and that our constant failures to be perfect are the reason why so many of us feel that we are not enough. I'm not saying that we shouldn't strive for better or want things to be as close to perfect as we can get them. I'm just saying that it's okay to let the idea of perfection be whatever your best effort is. Those truly perfect moments in my memories all happened at times when I wasn't trying to control everything around me in order to create some perfect world. Those moments happened when I was just being present. I am so thankful for those times when I wasn't striving for perfection, stressing about whatever not being good enough,  because it gave me time to notice and be aware of those moments that are just naturally and organically perfect. Yes...I know I sound gushy and lululala. Overly joyful. Optimistic. All of those things. It's just sometimes it's nice to remind yourself how perfect this life has been and how there's many more moments of perfection ahead. It's nice to be thankful for this. 

So...what else? I didn't watch the debate Wednesday night. I decided to have sex instead, which I felt was a better use of my time. I also knew that I wouldn't gain anything from watching the debate. I am voting for Hillary. The debate doesn't change my views. I still feel that Trump is a misogynistic bully and it makes me really sad that so many people in the country think that this man "speaks their language". That just means that there are too many people in this country who are also misogynistic bullies. I'm thankful that I didn't subject myself to listening to any more of his hate filled hatefulness. Robin and her friend are visiting us this weekend and I can't wait to see her face and squeeze it! I'm thankful that they can come up and spend some time with us. I am thankful for roasted veggies and evening dog walks. I am thankful for a productive week at work and at home. 

I am thankful for you.

Hope you have a perfectly Thankful Friday! 

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Heart in my hands

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Michael was standing in the shower with the curtain partially opened so he could talk to me while he showered. He started telling me about how he sometimes thought about writing a book. It was something he'd wanted to do ever since he was six. He went on about this for a few minutes and then suddenly switched tactics and said "but, since we all know the you're the better writer, don't you think you should be the one to write a book?" I'd been hoodwinked into a tale I thought was about him when really he was nudging me about writing. I rolled my eyes at him, turned on my heel and walked away.  This was followed by some yelling on his part about me rolling my eyes at him. 

"Cindy, you should write a book!" is not something I haven't heard before. Well meaning friends and family who read the blog see a potential for something more that I don't really see most of the time. Those other times when I actually think it might be possible, I sit down and write a few thousand words and then walk away, leaving the pages to flap around in the virtual wind of the cloud. For many years, I was someone else's cheerleader. In fact, I thought it was my job as Chris's partner to constantly encourage him in his writing endeavors, forever pressing him to write that screenplay or novel. It is odd for me to be on the flip side of all of that. It is unfamiliar territory, mostly because I still tend to focus on what I think I am not. I am thankful for Michael's belief in me even when I do not have it for myself. I am thankful for his nudges even if they make me roll my eyes. Eventually, those nudges may actually work by guilting me into writing something more than a few thousand words. 

I am also thankful for the reminder to focus on what I can be.

I am thankful for silly pumpkins and even sillier puppies (Josephine). I am thankful for the colors that are showing up in the trees. I am thankful for the two blooms on the pumpkin plants I planted last month. I am thankful for that one chicken that is laying an egg every other day. I am thankful for this giant poncho like sweater I'm wearing today and I am thankful for you. 

The Cabbage has been talking about going to Science City for weeks. We finally have a free weekend where we can do just that. So...here's to an awesomely scientific weekend and a truly truly Thankful Friday. 

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Cheers! Happy Birthday Jay!

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Yesterday, someone asked my what day it was and I energetically replied "Tuesday!" Apparently this week worked out so well for me that I was willing to extend it. That or maybe I did figure out how to make extra time, but I can't tell you the details because then I'd have to kill you. It's not like I hit the end of this week without thinking "oh Saturday, let's make out." It's just that I did a pretty good job of filling up this week with good things. There were two days of scooter rides, two evenings spent in the good company of my boys (one of them turned 40! this week), and there were five yoga mat encounters. I fed the chickens yesterday and found one egg. It was warm when I picked it up. The chickens have been on an egg laying vacation. I think this one egg is a sign of more eggs to come. 

This has been a good week even if I didn't get the house vacuumed before Mom shows up this evening. Sorry Mom. I got dirty floors and for the first time in probably forever, I really kind of don't care. This week has just been too full of dog walks, quite moments, love and laughter to worry about vacuuming. I am thankful for all of this. Last night Terry asked me to tell us all about one good thing that had happened to me that day. I sat there slightly stumped, not because I couldn't think of anything, but because I could think of many things. New projects. That granola bar I packed in my lunch that saved my bacon when my stomach started growling at ten. It stopped raining long enough to walk the dog. An evening spent in the best company. And quite simply, I am thankful for all of this. 

I realize that all of this sounds very Pollyanna. I can promise you that more often than not there are days and moments when I struggle to be thankful for even the simple things. I can also tell you that before I started making a point to notice the joyful moments, I didn't see joy even when it was smack dab in front of my face. I am truly thankful that I've learned to make a point to notice. I am thankful Mom can come up for a visit this week. I am thankful the sun has come out. I haven't heard from Tiffany or Tom today (they are getting hit with a hurricane), but I want to be really thankful that those guys are okay. I am thankful for favorite songs popping up in my playlist. I am thankful for you.

Happy weekend everyone and happy Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Blinding Fall

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A few weeks back, I ran across some words of wisdom from Tao Porchon-Lynch, the world's oldest living yoga teacher. Seriously. Go check out her pictures. I'll wait. Gah! Isn't she the cutest thing you've ever seen?!?! I just want to scoop her up and carry her around in my pocket. Please, can I be just like her when I'm 98? Any way...there was a small little article about her in Well and Good where she gave three tips for happiness. Now, I will admit that her advice is not something I haven't already heard before. Don't dwell on the bad things that might happen. Don't judge people. Begin each day with joy. These are all things we've learned before, most of them in kindergarten, but sometimes we need a little reminder. 

In my case, I needed the reminder to start my day with joy or at the very least, set the intention to make the day a joyful day. That's an easy habit to get out of because sometimes just reaching over to turn off the alarm is exhausting. Josephine's taken to curling up next to my head on the same side of the bed I crawl out of in the mornings. It is really remarkable how much that little dog can suddenly weigh or seal herself to the comforter. She knows instinctively that we both don't really want to go any where. This does not really set the intention for having a joyful day, more like setting the intention to take a nap later. This week, I've been making more of an effort. I roll over and turn off the alarm. Then I take a minute or two to snuggle the puppy before scooping her up and telling her that it is time to start our day. Her response is to jump off the bed and put her front paws up the wall by the door and stretching out long while tapping her paws on the wall. This is how we both start our day with a little bit of joy.

This week I am thankful for the reminder to not just find a little bit of joy during the day, but to start my day with it. I am thankful for the reminder to set the intention for happiness. It doesn't mean that things during the day don't irritate me or that the day even goes as I had planned. It matters that I started out with making the good intention. I am thankful for those short minutes of cuddle time with Josephine especially now that the weather has gotten colder. She's like a little furnace I can curl up around. I am thankful for moments of joy that arise from simply being mindful. The scooter rides this week have been brisk in the mornings, leaving my cheeks rosy, but I am grinning from ear to ear whenever I reach my destination. I am thankful for spritely 98 year old women who inspire me and give me hope that older doesn't mean decrepit. 

I am thankful for evening walks before the sun goes down. I am thankful for soup made with tomatoes I roasted from the garden. I am thankful for surprise artists that show up in my Pandora playlist like Joni Mitchell. I am thankful for you. Here's to a bright sparkly Fall weekend and super Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

First day of Fall

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Early this week I was out with a virus that Michael had brought home last week (probably Zika). Then Wednesday night I went to bed at my usual time only to lay there with my eyes open thinking about bills and accumulating debt and how I was going to fix that. My skin was itchy because every time I go outside I come back in with five new giant welts from mosquitoes (probably Zika). My face itches because I started using a new face wash that made my face break out in a rash. My head itches because a few nights ago I dreamed that the Cabbage had head lice (she doesn't have head lice). While I scratched, I fretted about things I couldn't do anything about in that moment. I tried doing sixty one points of relaxation. I tried doing rounds of alternate nostril breathing. Finally, I got up around eleven and took a Benadryl, which didn't really stop all the itching, but did make me sleep.

I woke up the next morning, slightly foggy from anti-histamine blockers, but aware enough to realize what really was going on. Wednesday was the last day of summer and as I fell asleep it became officially the first day of Fall. There are parts of the human brain that still hold on to the old primitive man ways. Instead of panicking about not having enough food to get us through winter, I panicked about things I didn't get done or have yet to get done. Fall is a small snowball that becomes an avalanche that explodes into the New Year. As it rolls downhill it just gets bigger and faster. It's not even October yet and I already have most of the month booked up with plans. Fall is a reminder that we've maybe been overly ambitious in writing our to-do lists for the year. I used to chide Chris the Great List Maker all the time about how much stuff he would put on his daily to-do lists. Now, I am chiding myself. 

As we officially say goodbye to summer, I am taking a moment to be thankful for the things I did this summer. Actually, I'm thankful for the things that we've done this summer. The best part of some of those things is that they weren't even on a list of any kind. They were spontaneous moments that we planned at the last minute. Today I am being thankful for being in the moment and for savoring those moments. I am thankful for tossing the so called to-do list to the wayside and forgetting about it all together. 

Today is Amy's birthday. I bought her a card based on the picture on the outside without thinking about it being a blank on the inside. I rambled on and on in the inside of the card before coming up with a vision of us at 80. That vision includes a group of us all living in a retirement village together. I am thankful for Amy for more reasons than I can say here in this space. I am thankful for roasted tomatoes and jalapeno soup. I am thankful for Calamine lotion. I am thankful for you. Here's to a weekend that should be filled with equal parts relaxing and work (the garage is filthy) and here's to a wonderful Thankful Friday! 

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Light catcher

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I popped my headphones on over my ears yesterday morning and Josh Ritter's Snow is Gone was playing. I sang along with a big smile on my face. "Hello blackbird. Hello Starling. Winter's over. Be my darling." I remembered a night this last Spring. It was late Spring, almost Summer. Michael and I went to see Josh Ritter in concert. I hopped around and sang along with almost everything, but when he got to Hello Starling, something inside me exploded. I hopped a little higher, sang along a little louder. It's no secret that me and Old Man Winter aren't the best of pals. Every year the cold dreary days of winter tend to hurt a little more than the year before. That night, Winter was officially over.

I don't think I ever told you about going to that concert. I'm not a concert blogger, nor do I attend many concert these days. I prefer to be entirely present at a concert with my phone put away and me making as much eye contact with the band members as I possibly can. So the next morning, all I'm left with is maybe one or two pictures and notes in my head. But I am thankful for the memory of that night. It was such a joyful memory, one filled with hope. I can still see the lights and the stage, the carpet of the old Madrid theater floor and the small crowd in front of the stage. Mostly, I remember the warmth. "Winter's over. Be my darling." I am thankful for songs that trigger memories of joyful moments. 

When you step outside in the mornings, there's a definite crispness to the air. The day warms up but the heat is no longer a summer kind of heat. The thermostat has been set to Fall whether I like it or not (ollie ollie oxen free, ready or not). I am thankful for this transition. The move from Summer to Fall seems to be less harsh than the Fall to Winter to Spring move. Days are warm and evenings are cool. The evening dog walk is less sweaty. Plants are still green and the dahlias up the street all in full magnificent bloom. I am thankful for this particular moment in time. I am thankful for the reminder that even though there are times when things are difficult they are eventually followed with days that are easy. 

I am thankful for the small box of tomatoes that are sitting on our kitchen counter. They came from our garden and I think I'm going to roast them with a couple of jalapenos (also from the garden) and then make some tomato soup. I am thankful for the eggs collected this week, the walks taken with the dog and shitake mushrooms. I am thankful for silly texting with friends. I am always thankful for you. Here's to a crisp weekend and a super Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Firework flower

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Last night I dreamed I was pregnant. My belly was full and swollen and I kept going to the hospital because I thought I was in labor. Every time they'd send me away and say "not yet!" After one of those times, I found myself sitting at a table with all of the guys I work with. One of them told me that there was no way the baby inside me was ready to come out because I was too small. I confessed that I had never felt the baby move. This surprised everyone. I told them that my doctor kept assuring me that everything was good. The baby had a healthy heartbeat and all the tests had come back suggesting that things were progressing normally. I said that my baby must be practicing a lot of meditation. The dream went on and on in a loop of me chatting about being pregnant and going to the hospital. I would wake up for a minute or two but I always fell back asleep to this same dream. 

It doesn't take a physic dream analyzer to decipher this dream. I know that I am pregnant with ideas right now. I'm calmly and quietly growing ideas and possible projects. I have thought about adding some things to the blog. I've been toying with the thought of seriously sitting down and writing something not for this blog. I've been thinking about picking up Michael's old mandolin that has just been sitting in the corner getting dusty and learning how to play it. I've been sketching out ideas for pumpkin decorations for our front stoop. I am pregnant with creativity. Some of those things I'm ready to share, like the pictures I took of the Friday football game last week. Some of those things need more time to develop. There was a time when dreams of being pregnant would freak me out. Now, I'm thankful for those dreams. I like the idea of my belly being full of creative ideas. 

The Cabbage turned six yesterday! We celebrated her birthday last weekend with cupcakes and butterflies. She had recently confessed to me that she wanted to be a scientist and when I asked her what she wanted to study, she said "insects!" I am thankful for year six and the possibilities of wonder this year will bring to her. It has also given me a reason to buy the president and vice president Barbi set from Target. I am thankful that Michael was able to get the yard mowed before all the rain set in this week. I am thankful for walks with the dog and eggs from the chickens. I am thankful for moments of quiet. I am thankful for you.

Here's to a lovely peaceful weekend and a truly Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Just before it started raining

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Last night, I roasted chopped potatoes and asparagus with rosemary and garlic. I served it up with two perfectly poached eggs. The house still smells like rosemary and garlic and I was reminded that this is the time of year when I am usually roasting trays of tomatoes. I looked out the kitchen window this morning to see that all the tomato plants are loaded down with very green tomatoes. It's likely that my roasting tomatoes will not come from own garden this year. I might venture into canning my own tomatoes this year just because of freezer space. We'll see, but I do like the idea of filling the house with the smell of roasting tomatoes. It is a seasonal smell that we've grown used to around here. 

This is the last weekend of August and next weekend will be what many refer to as the last weekend of Summer. Every year, I am unprepared for the end of summer. Every year, I think that there's so much more I could have gotten accomplished outside. Every year I think "wait! I didn't let myself bake on the hot sidewalk once this year!" Every year I cling to the lingering warmth of summer and beg it to stay just a little longer. Last night, Josephine and I passed a tree on our evening walk that had one bright red leaf standing out against the see of green leaves on it's branches. A warning. The season is going to change. But there's still time! I am thankful for that one red leaf to remind me to enjoy and cherish the last few weeks of summer. Plant those Fall vegetables! Ride that bicycle! Lounge in that hammock! I planted the Fall veggies on Monday. 

I am thankful for the last days of summer. I am thankful for the slow transition into Fall. I am thankful for the new couch even if it's making me completely rethink the layout of the living room. I am thankful for rosemary and garlic. I am thankful for breaks in this weeks rain that allow for dog walks. I am thankful for sowed seeds. I am thankful. Short but sweet. Happy Thankful Friday. 

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Burnt

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It feels like it's been ages since I posted a Thankful Friday entry even though I know I did one for last Friday. I take that as a bad sign. If it feels like it's been a while since I've been grateful, then I need to take a serious look at things going on in my life. It makes me think that I'm not taking time out in my day to be grateful. The reality is I am not giving myself time in the day for gratitude. Here are somethings I am grateful for:

• Michael is on day twelve of not smoking. This is significant because he had been smoking since the age of twelve. The first week was pretty rough for him but each day seems to be easier. I am super proud of him. There's always a reason not to quit and he chose the first week of school with students to do so. Those of you who are teacher knw that the first week of school is pretty stressful for, so good for him. I am also thankful that he is trying so hard and not being a complete bear while transitioning to non-smoker status
• The Cabbage started kindergarten on Wednesday and so far, so good. She's super excited about it and gets to ride a school bus and has her lunch code memorized. I am grateful for her enthusiasm and hope it sticks.
• My friend Becky suddenly had to have her appendix removed this week. She's recovering nicely. I am really really grateful she's doing okay. 
• I had a check up with my doctor yesterday to see if my cholesterol medicine was working. He was very excited when he came in with my lab results. My triglycerides dropped from 308 to 161. High five! The meds are doing everything he was hoping they'd do. I'm still not to thrilled with the idea that I will always be taking this drug, but I am thankful that it is working.
• The garden is ready for planting fall veggies. This weekend, I will plant Brussel sprouts, broccoli, kale and maybe some cabbage. The garden has been a bit of a bust this year. There's tons of tomato plants, but no tomatoes. The few tomatoes we've gotten are green and do not seem to want to turn red. We ate five potatoes and three carrots and five or six bowls of salad greens. That's about it. I am thankful for a fresh start with the garden
• Last Saturday night, Michael and I drove to the outskirts of town to see meteors. We could not escape the light pollution from the moon. We did see a couple of meteors though and a fox. I am thankful that the evening wasn't a complete bust.
• I finally returned to my yoga mat this week. I had been neglecting it while I got over the cold I brought back from Boston. It feels so good to be back into my practice. I am thankful for that.
• I am thankful for you.

It's a nice list. It's a nice reminder of the good stuff I've got going in this life. I hope you have a nice list going for this week as well. Here's to a relaxing weekend and a super Thankful Friday

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Fancy lemonade

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I'm starting to feel like the official end of summer is upon us. Michael started back to work with students this week. The Cabbage starts her first day of kindergarten next Wednesday. There was a school bus picking up kids in my neighborhood this morning and because the parking lot of the school I pass on the way to work was full, I slowed down for the school zone. Advertising has moved well on past bikini season to the hottest new looks for Fall. The temperatures are still in the high nineties but there's an expectation that any day now those temperatures are going to drop and the leaves are going to change colors over night. In fact a cold front is expected to move through this evening, dropping our temperatures down into the low eighties. August is a strange month of transition. 

For many of us, there's no difference between spring and summer and fall other than temperatures. For me, summer vacation ceased to be a real thing when I reached graduate school. Actually, now that I think about it, it probably stopped being a real thing for me in college because I continued to take classes throughout my summer. I am sure those times were a little more lax back then. I maybe showed up to the lab at eight AM instead of seven AM, but I was still at work every day. At the time, I was just driven and focused and really wanted to finish school. Once I graduated and was off into the real live world of grownups, I had forgotten about summer vacation completely. But then came summer campfire nights with friends and tiny little road trips that reminded me of those times when I was young and school was out for the summer. Every year, as all the kids get out of school for their summer vacation, I tell myself that I will also have some sort of a summer vacation. I will have more lazy days and lemonade. I will take advantage of weekends for fun and not chores. I will let myself fall out of my usual routine. 

Every summer, I say those things and then pretty much only accomplish a lemonade or two. Falling out of my usual routine is the equivalent to me standing in the open door of an airplane. I may have a perfectly good, working parachute strapped to my back and I know the whole free fall thing is probably amazing. I just can't seem to step out of the plane because of that whole idea that I may be killing myself by jumping. Who cares if the parachute is perfectly good and working? This summer was a little different. I didn't fall completely out my usual routine, but I did fall a little bit out of my usual routine. There were a few more lazy days and even some spontaneity. I let some chores fall to the wayside (the garden is a complete crazy mess right now). I drank several limoncellos with tonic water which is basically like lemonade. And even though kids have gone back to school, I am still holding onto the idea of summer vacation. I am thankful for those moments of spontaneity and for limoncello with tonic water. Mostly, I am thankful for reclaiming the idea of summer vacation.

Michael and I have plans to drive out of the city to watch meteors and stars. I realize that the peak time for watching the Perseid Meteor Shower was Thursday night, but we don't really care. The idea of laying on a an air mattress in the back of Michael's truck while doing nothing but gazing up at all the stars in the sky is enough for us. We should all do one summer vacation like thing this weekend. Get out there and throw some water balloons or roast some marshmallows! Here's to a holding onto the summer vacation weekend and super Thankful Friday! 

THANKFUL FRIDAY

I've started something big and it wasn't even all that hard to do. All I had to do was send Michael a couple of images of various popup trailers with toy hauler attachments and he was hooked. I let him drag me out to the suburbs on Saturday so we could go to a couple of RV dealerships. I thought it was the least I could do since I planned on having him assemble all the shelves and boxes we bought from IKEA that day. The first place we went to made me angry. They didn't have anything on their giant lot that we were looking for and we were inside the office area for over ten minutes before someone asked us if we'd been helped. I told Michael that if it had been up to me we would have left ten minutes ago, but I let it go because Michael has questions and is new to the world of RVs and campers. The second place we went to had exactly what we were looking for on display inside an air conditioned building. If Michael had a hitch already installed on his truck, we would have purchased it right then and there. 

Every day since, Michael has talked non stop about the popup trailer, where and how we can store the popup trailer, how the toy hauler addition might add too much weight to the popup, the possibilities of getting both scooters in the bed of his truck and racks for the day we get kayaks. When he's not talking about those things, he's talking about where we are going to go next. This is my favorite part. Michael really hasn't seen much of this country and he's realizing just how much there is to see. Though I was dragged all over the southern half of the United States in my youth, there's still plenty of great landmarks in this country yet for me to see. I had no idea that when I wrote that entry a few weeks ago about traveling that I was planting magic beans. And oh boy, how that beanstalk is growing. That trip to Wisconsin was just the sprout of the beanstalk. I am thankful for what this magic bean is growing into and it's not just growing into the shape of a trailer. This magic bean is growing into a world of adventure and I am thankful that those vines have tangled Michael up with it. 

I am sure that Michael will spend the weekend discussing trailers and hitches with my brother, who is a good source of information on these things. We are traveling to OK for my great-nephew's wedding. My GREAT-nephew is getting married. That tiny little goofball who couldn't keep his balance in the crooked house at Silver Dollar City and kept falling over because he was so small is getting married. Realistically, in a year or two, he and his wife could have a baby. That would mean that my brother could be a great grandfather by age fifty eight. Good Lord, I can't even. It makes me feel a hundred and eight years old even though I've had two people this week tell me that they thought I was thirty one or thirty two. (I am thankful for those people.) I am thankful for the kind of young man Jr has grown into. I am thankful that he is happy. I am thankful for the time I'm going to get with my family this weekend.

I am thankful for the collard greens from the garden. I am thankful for a clean house. I am thankful that Josephine is back to her 100% crazy running foolery self. I am thankful that I finally finished the first season of Stranger Things because I could not take much more of the anxiety it was causing me. I am thankful for magic beans and I am always thankful for you.

Here's to a weekend of celebration and a wonderfully Thankful Friday. 

THANKFUL FRIDAY

She's been a rag doll all day.

See this Instagram photo by @elephant_soap * 7 likes

It turns out that Josephine had quite the crazy time adventure at Uncle Terry's over the weekend. It started Thursday night when Terry came home from work and discovered some crumbles of mouse poison on the floor. Of course, this sent Terry into panic mode who called the vet. The vet said that since there was no way of knowing which of the three beasts got into the poison, they all had to go in. So he rounded them all up and took them to the emergency clinic for a round of vomiting. Turns out it was Max who ate the poison. He didn't eat enough to do any damage, thank goodness, but we did learn that Josephine swallows rawhides whole. I feel worse for poor Terry who had to go through the whole mess than those three rascals who had to puke their guts out. 

Monday morning, I got up and Josephine jumped off the bed and stumbled. Then she started limping and by that evening, she refused to put any weight on her front right paw. Now it was my turn to go into panic mode. I went full on worst case scenario and had already concluded that Josephine would need thousands of dollars worth of surgery. Our vet said to wait it out another day and then bring her in the next day if she had not improved. She has improved. She's still a little gimpy, but will rest on that front paw. The vet said that miniature schnauzers are prone to over doing it and that Josephine probably just strained herself. That seems to be the case and not really a big surprise. Josephine loves Terry's. Really I think she loves Max even more, but she enjoys chasing Miles around the yard. Max and Miles are Terry's children and he treats them as such. So everyone gets twenty bazillion pounds of love sprinkled with treats when they're there. The last time she stayed a weekend at his place, she came home and slept for two days. 

I am thankful for Terry, but not just because he was gracious enough to watch Josephine while we were out of town. Terry is really good at making me believe that I'm doing him the favor by letting Josephine stay over. He is the most gracious human being I have ever known. Every time I check in, Terry goes on and on about how good Josephine is and I half way believe it. But I bet Josephine does act a little better because she's trying to impress Max. Any way, I'm thankful to have Terry and I need to figure out a better way of showing him just how grateful I am than writing about it. A giant bottle of booze seems too easy. Of course, I am also thankful that Josephine is well or at least on her way to fully recovered. I caught her chewing on the cat this morning. So she'll be up to her old shenanigans in no time. 

Earlier this week, I peeled a ruby red grapefruit and split it for my lunch. It was the most delicious thing that I was really sad that I had only packed half of it. It's all I want to eat forever. I am thankful for ruby red grapefruits. I am thankful for kale picked from our garden. I am thankful Albus didn't fill the basement with dead animals while we were gone. I am thankful for the one green tomato that is now sitting in our kitchen window. I am always thankful for you.

Here's to a sweltering hot weekend and a dazzling Thankful Friday! 

WANDER FEVER

Happy 4th

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I know that Friday entries are usually devoted to gratitude and this week I am very grateful for a number of things. It's just that I have other things on my mind these days. The clutter in my head makes me want to get on a bus and go for a really long ride. After we left the REI store and the couple with the great teardrop camper on Monday, Michael and I headed over to a grocery store for no reason in particular. When we came out of the store and there was a guy sitting in a VW Westfalia camper van parked right next to our scooters. He was very nice as I invited myself to stick my head in the window and look around. 

Later on over dinner, Michael and I discussed what kind of traveling setup we should go with. Do we get a camper? If we get a camper, how do we haul the scooters? What kind of vehicle should we get to pull everything? Finally at some point in the discussion of camper vs motorhome, I said "I don't think the vehicle matters. I don't think that's the point. It's the journey that matters." I just want to go. I just want to get in the car and go. I don't want to have to think about it. I. Just. Want. To. Go. Yesterday, my friend Scott posted something about raspberries being ready for picking and come on over and get some. They live in Utah, but I couldn't think of anything more that I wanted to do. Before I knew it, I was looking at a map and driving times. I just suddenly, so badly wanted to, no, needed to squeeze Shelly and Scott's faces between my two hands. Which is ridiculous because we haven't seen each other in ages and our only contact is through Instagram and Facebook. 

I've never been to Utah. I'm sure there are stamps I could get along the way. Did I tell you guys I lost our National Parks Passport? No? Well, sometime after getting the last stamp in Acadia and dropping off the rental car, I lost our parks passport and I'm really sad about it. It is just so unlike me to lose something like this that Michael and I have both been a little stunned and just expecting it to appear on my desk one day. I don't think that's going to happen. My wanderlust is not coming from guilt to reclaim some stamps though. For as long as I can remember, this has always been the time of year when we'd load up the camper and head West, into the mountains to escape the Oklahoma summer. This is road trip season. It has been imprinted into my DNA to long for the open road and to throw everything in a car/van/truck and head West or anywhere really. 

I can't understand why I haven't figured out a way to make it easier to escape for a weekend at least. The car should always be packed with a tent and a sleeping bag and the plastic tote containing all the cooking supplies. Instead the gear is spread out and scattered between the garage and the basement. Now I'm thinking that this is how I should spend my time this weekend, gathering supplies and preparing for a little spontaneity in my life. I have to plane out spontaneity. I want to be surrounded by forest. I want to sit for hours listening to the sounds of a stream and maybe even hold a fishing pole in my hands. When's the last time I did that? I can tell you. August 2006. That was the last trip I took with my Dad to Colorado. We all thought if we fled Oklahoma that year, we could escape the horrific memories of the year before. Of course we were wrong because those horrific memories continue to haunt us in different ways and will for the rest of our lives, but we finally saw a bear. So..that was something. 

I guess if this was still a Thankful Friday entry, I'd be thankful for that last trip to Colorado. I'd be thankful for catching as many trout as I could eat and then some. I'd be thankful for that moment in the middle of the night where I got up to go to the bathroom and as I walked back to my tent, I looked up into the night sky. The view of the universe made me dizzy, like sitting in the front row of an IMAX screen. I'd be thankful for being able to witness those two little otters playing in the street and thankful that we didn't hit them with the car. I'd be thankful for that bear. I'd be thankful for Dad imprinting traveling across the country into my DNA. I'd be thankful for the time.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

I rode this

See this Instagram photo by @elephant_soap

We took the Cabbage to Worlds of Fun on Tuesday. I took the day off so we could go on a weekday in hopes of missing a big crowd. It rained until about eleven that morning which helped to thin out the crowds and keep the temperatures at a reasonable level. Since the Cabbage turned out to not be tall enough to ride some of the big roller coasters, I ended up having to ride those by myself. I guess the last really major roller coaster I rode was probably the Titan at Six Flags in Ft. Worth. At the time, the Titan was the tallest roller coaster in the US with a two hundred and fifty five foot drop. The ride up that first hill was slow and torturous and somewhere in the middle of that pull to the top, you seriously consider just getting out of the car. Just when you think you can't take another second, you're at the top and then plummeting down towards the earth and you're screaming your head off. Because it's so dang thrilling.

I had forgotten how much I loved every minute of the whole roller coaster experience. As soon as we walked into the park, I looked and Michael and asked if it would be OK if I ran over and jumped in line for the Patriot while the Cabbage rode the carousel. I knew that if I went first thing, the line would be minimal and I could catch up with them in Planet Snoopy where all the kid rides are. The Patriot is one of those coasters where the track runs over head so your feet just dangle over the ground. I sat in a row with a mother and her two daughters and the mom and I had a brief conversation before the ride started. I asked if she'd ridden this coaster before. She replied that she had and that it was her favorite coaster and then we were off zooming down hills and flipping through loops. The wind made my eyes water and tears leaked out the corners as I laughed and screamed. As the ride slowed down to end, someone near the back let out a loud "WOOP!" and then we all cheered. 

Riding some of those coasters with strangers made me realize something. Each time I shared a car or row of seats with these people I didn't know, we made a connection. We laughed and joked about who was going to throw up or that bolt up there looked secure. We screamed together through every dig and flip. We cheered together at the end of the ride because it had been such an enjoyable thrill. The roller coaster of life is a phrase we have all heard. Over the course of our life time we will experience great highs and great lows. We will encounter twists and turns and loops, but this doesn't happen to one person alone. Yes, you have your friends and family. That's a given, but that person sitting across from you on the buss or standing next to you at the cross walk is also on that great ride. I am thankful for this reminder and I am thankful for the kindness and generosity that can come from a complete stranger who also understands that we are all on the same roller coaster. 

I hope everyone has a safe and pleasant holiday weekend, full of fireworks. Here's to a super Thankful Friday.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Please don't stand so close to me

See this Instagram photo by @elephant_soap * 6 likes

This week saw the rise of my inner activist. Now, I'll admit I didn't do much. I just posted something here and there and thanked my representative for his good work. The things I did post though sparked some really good discussion regarding both sides of the gun control issue. First of all, I want to thank those of you who got involved in that discussion for your kindness and respectful debate. No one started a shouting match. No one reverted to their inner five year old with an "I know you are but what am I?" You guys proved that people from opposite sides of an issue can have a meaningful discussion without resorting to media hype. These kinds of discussions are what we need on a grand scale. 

I feel like most of us all agree that some sort of gun control reform needs to happen. We just disagree on what that reform needs to be. Having calm, productive conversations on the issue brings us all a little bit closer to the center. This is why I urge all of us, Democrat, Liberal AND Republican, to contact their representatives and their senators. We need to encourage them to have the same kind of discussions because it is clear that they are not. Paul Ryan adjourned the House for the Fourth of July Holiday, that is more than a week away, as his way of ignoring the Democrats protest. I'm sure all of us wish we had that kind of vacation time. The thing is, we're paying these people to speak for us and right now I feel that both sides can say that there's a lot of Representatives not doing their job. It is up to us to hold them accountable. So again, I am really grateful for those of you who spoke up. I learned some things and I hope you learned some things too. 

This week I realized that I haven't peeled my lip off in at least two weeks. I don't know why. I don't know what I'm doing different. I've started eating avocados on toast twice a week for breakfast? I haven't eaten a potato in ten days? That's not true. We had red potatoes with green beans for dinner last Saturday. I have not clue, but for some reason my lip has no desire to come off. Not a flake or nothing. That's something to be thankful for. Earlier this week I listened to Tell Me I'm Fat on This American Life and it really made think hard about this body I'm always complaining about. Every night since then, before I go to sleep, I wrap my arms around the part of my body that disgusts me the most (my belly) and I tell that area "You are beautiful. I love you." over and over. It's my new nightly mantra. I am thankful that I almost believe that mantra.

I am thankful for fresh carrots that look like Bugs Bunny carrots. I am thankful for the time I spent on my mat every day this week. I am thankful for the promising results from an experiment I've been working on. I am thankful for good neighbors who tell us when our dog escapes the backyard. Those good neighbors get rewarded with eggs. I am thankful for scooter days. I am thankful for you.

Have a wonderful weekend and a super blessed Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Sun drop gum drop

See this Instagram photo by @elephant_soap

This week has been a noisy week. The country is still reeling from the largest mass shooting to occur in the US. It has added even more fuel to the debate on gun control. My facebook feed has been a bipolar display of love and support for victims and family mixed with the most ridiculous memes of "DON'T TAKE AWAY MY GUNS!" There have been times I wanted to chime in. I do think there's something wrong with a system where it's harder to get a driver's license than an AR-47. But I also recognize that people who feel it necessary to repost those ridiculous memes are the type that lack critical thinking skills. They are the kind who are easily lead by fear mongering tactics and are posting to a gut reaction without thinking things through. It is a waste of time and energy to even try to see reason with them. I'd rather spend that time and energy on better things.

Josh McGill managed to escape the nightclub that night unscathed. When he saw a man stumble out bleeding, Josh pulled the man behind the shelter of a car and then removed his shirt to staunch the flow of blood. He rode with this man, a stranger, all the way to the hospital. His actions saved the man's life. Ray Rivera, the nightclub DJ, stayed with a woman who had taken cover under his booth. He shielded her as he guided her to the nearest exit. Edward Sotomayor Jr was shot in the back while pushing his boyfriend out a door to safety. He died protected the man he loved. Imran Yousuf, a veteran Marine, helped dozens of people escape the nightclub. Sunday morning, after news spread of the horrific events, the Orlando Blood blanks were overwhelmed with people who stood in line to donate. Today, I am thankful for Josh, Ray, Edward, Imran, all the people who showed up to help and donate blood, and this community who have rallied together. 

The gratitude I have this week for the little things may seem slightly frivolous in the wake of such tragedy. If anything, tragedy makes those small things even sweeter. When we said our goodbyes to Terry on Saturday, he handed me two giant ziplock bags of chopped pineapple and watermelon, because this is Terry's way. I don't know how we managed to get out of his house the last time without a bag full of carnival sausages. My first instinct is to always wave it off and say "no...we don't need that", but the Cabbage had already pulled the bag of pineapple from my hands and was opening it up to grab a handful of pineapple. I have eaten pineapple and watermelon in my lunch every day this week. I am thankful for Terry. 

I am thankful for our evening walks even though it has been blazing hot here. Unseasonably hot is what most KCMO natives have been saying. Really, I'm just thankful to finally be warm. No freezing hands or toes. I have some great success on some things I've been testing out at work. I am thankful for this. I am thankful for surprise visits and cups of coffee. I am thankful for quiet moments. 

I am thankful for all of you.

Here's to a simmering hot weekend and a super Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Testing a new app. I think I like it.

See this Instagram photo by @elephant_soap

When I went to pick out my new iPad, I played around with Apple pencil and I really liked it. It's the first stylus I've used that actually writes like a pencil. I really really wanted to add it my purchase that day, but it seemed a little frivolous. So I said "No thank you" to the Apple pencil, but I've been looking at it on Amazon just about every day since. Wednesday night, I came home from yoga class and Michael was cooking my kale that I eat on top of my mung beans and rice (every Wednesday). We fend for ourselves on Wednesdays because Michael doesn't like what I eat and I like kitchari (that's what I call it) for after yoga class. For one thing, I can put the mung beans and rice in the rice cooker and set it to start cooking before I get home. Then all I have to do is quickly cook up some kale, but this evening, Michael was doing that. I eyed him suspiciously as I walked into my room to take off my jewelry. I pulled off a bracelet and went to set it down on my dresser and guess what I found sitting on my jewelry box? A cat! No, but the cat has taken to lounging across the length of my dresser these days. There was an Apple pencil sitting on my dresser! 

I didn't get to play around with it until Thursday. The first thing I did was read a bunch of app reviews for note taking apps. I do not spend money apps. The last app I purchased, I paid $2.99 for it and it was Camera+. This app turned out to be my favorite camera app and I use it all the time. Yesterday I went way outside my comfort zone and spent $8.99 for Noteshelf and I have no regrets. I've never been able to stick with even the simplest of journals. There was one time I tried to glue images onto a page and journal around it but I couldn't keep up. With Noteshelf, I can import pictures and journal around them and I don't need glue or printed pictures or a special journal. I'm hooked. I even plan to move my lab notebook to Noteshelf. I like to hand write stuff out and create elaborate plans and flow charts for how I set up an experiment. This has kept me from taking my lab notebook to digital for years.

I am very excited about this, but also I am very thankful for Michael's thoughtful gift. I think I mentioned one time that I might eventually want the pencil, but I didn't harp on it or talk about it constantly. He just went and got it. Chris used to do stuff like that. Three years ago today, I met Michael at Bella Napoli's after a few texts and one phone call. Moments before he showed up, I got cold feet and almost bolted. He walked up to me just as I was about to step away. Later on, he would be the one to step away just as I was ready to walk up. It was an awkward two-step but eventually he caught onto the rhythm. Now we dance pretty well. Sometimes we'll fall out of step but we always hop right back into place. I am thankful I didn't walk away that evening. 

What else? Well, the last time I saw my massage therapist she told me to do two things: roll around on a foam roller and do more chest openers like supported fish. I have been doing both of those things. The foam roller still makes me cry. It is awful and painful and I'd rather go to the dentist. Supported fish pose is the opposite of the foam roller. I put myself into supported fish for my savasana yesterday and I didn't want to get up. When I did get up, I was all happy drooly baby face. I am thankful for support from fish. I am thankful for scooter days without a need for a jacket (IT'S MY FAVORITE!). I am thankful for banana chips. I am thankful for evening dog walks. I am super duper thankful for you.

Here's to a blazing hot summery weekend and a super Thankful Friday!