THANKFUL FRIDAY

Rally

"Rally"

It's Friday!!!! For reelz people. This week kind of reminds me of trying to leave the zoo after spending the day there with a toddler and no stroller. You can either make the child walk or carry the sticky cranky beast out through the sea of cars into the depths of the parking lot. Either way, all you want to do is get to that car. This is the only thing that you are thinking as you are half carrying, half dragging said toddler through the desert of hot pavement. Get to the car. Friday is that car. Everyone around me right now completely agrees with me. This week was hard. 

Yesterday, I went back to the dentist because he wanted to do an overlay of my bicuspids on the right side of my mouth. They let you pick out something to watch on the TV screen hanging on the ceiling and their collection is a mix of concerts and DVDs. One time I chose a Jim Gaffigan stand up DVD. Oh, how we all laughed and laughed. This time I chose an ABBA DVD, to which at one point my dentist said "Wait! I need a minute. I'm being taken over by the music and she's going to end up with Disco teeth." I always opt for the nitrous oxide when I go to the dentist just because it keeps me from wanting to jump out of the chair. Nitrous oxide while watching ABBA is totally trippy awesome. In one of the videos, one of the female singers is dressed in a tunic and leggings with tall boots and I thought "hey! I have that outfit!" I dress like ABBA. As the dentist was drilling bad stuff out of my tooth, he realized that my tooth wasn't that bad. To do an overlay, he'd have to remove a whole lot of good healthy tooth and he said that was unethical. Instead, he's just going to do an inlay. I have a temporary inlay in place now. It feels weird, like I have a piece rough silly putty stuck up inside my tooth. So, I'm super thankful I get to keep most of my tooth and that the inlay is cheaper than an overlay (which I think is really crown, but I don't know). 

Then I went to an AIDS Walk Memorial planning meeting at Bistro 303, which was also hosting a Hillary Clinton rally. We came up with a game plan for the memorial flags and then we listened to some inspiring people talk about why we need to vote and why we should vote for Hillary. It kind of lit that fire I used to have for politics, like the time I helped campaign for John Kerry in the reddest of the red states. Man, was I on fire to change the world back then. Whoo! I was so young and idealistic. Now I'm content with just changing my neighborhood. In the middle of all of this, I received a phone call from the dog chip people telling me that Adam had my dog. Apparently she'd escaped the back yard three times that evening. The last time ended her in doggie jail. She's spending the day in her crate until we can dog proof the fence (again). I am so thankful that Adam got her before a car did and I'm thankful that he did the right thing by calling the number on her tag. Thank you, Adam! (He doesn't even know this blog exists.)

That gets me back to today where, once again I will say that I'm thankful it is Friday. Michael and I are escaping for an impromptu getaway. This is something we have not done in a really long time. With illness and school and crazy scheduling, it has been hard to make some time for just the two of us. I'm thankful for this. Terry is going to keep Josephine for us. I am equal parts nervous and thankful for this. I am not worried about Terry's ability to spoil my dog rotten. I am a little worried about Josephine being a good, polite house guest. Let me just that I am so thankful for Terry. I am thankful for many things when I sit down and really think about it. We think all four chickens are now laying eggs. The number of eggs we collect daily ranges anywhere between two and four. We bought a clear reusable egg holder for the refrigerator and it is such a joy to open the fridge and see all the different egg colors. I am thankful for fresh eggs. I am thankful for sunshine. I am thankful for Michael who ordered a pizza that night this week when I was too tired and annoyed to make dinner. I am thankful for you.

Have a pleasant weekend, but truly enjoy this Thankful Friday. 

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Instagram photo by Cindy Maddera * Feb 3, 2016 at 9:18pm UTC

See this Instagram photo by @elephant_soap * 6 likes

This morning, I stepped outside and walked. I walked all the way around the fountains and back to my desk and I didn't wear a coat, only a light sweater. The wind was blowing, but the sun reflecting off the windows, warmed my face. Minutes later clouds would come in and block the sun, but for that tiny moment, it was mine. Adele was singing Send My Love into my headphones, which made me want to skip along the sidewalk. I looked down to see the tips of green things popping out of the ground, the early signs of tulips. In just a matter of weeks, all the flower beds around here will be filled with tulips. My heart lifted.

I know that this is a tease. Next week we will see cooler temperatures. It will float back and forth between cold and comfortable for weeks. It may even snow a time or too before Mother Nature gives in and declares it officially Spring. I know that I should remind my lifting heart of all of those things and tell it to not get too excited. I know that in a couple of days when the temperatures drop, I will be slightly crushed. But for now? For right this minute? I'm going to relish in this teasing moment of Spring. I'm going to walk outside. I'm going to make plans to clear the garden and work in the yard. I'm going make sure the scooter tires and the bicycle tires are aired up so I can be ready at any moment to ride on two wheels. I am going to let my heart be lifted.

And I am going to be grateful for all of it. 

Today, I am thankful for sunshine and Fun Dip. I am thankful for new headphones which sounds silly, but my other ones broke and I couldn't listen to music for two whole days. I am thankful for dentist appointments where they tell me what an amazing job I've done at flossing and how I'm the best patient. I am thankful for those moments when I can breathe through my nose, mint tea with honey and Kleenex. I am thankful for you.

Happy weekend and happy Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Helper

"Helper"

Thursday night, all I had to do when I got home was turn on the oven, take dinner out of the fridge and then place into the oven. There was no chopping. There was no opening of jars or cans. No assembling. There was just the simple act of moving a baking dish from one spot to another. And even then, I did not end up being the one to do the moving. Michael did that. I did not cheat either. We still ate a dinner of whole foods. I still chopped fresh vegetables. I still opened a jar and assembled a meal. I just did all of those things the night before. And I am so glad I did. I'm not just glad, but thankful.

Thursday turned out to be the kind of day that felt like I was in a marathon aerobics class. It was ten in the morning before I was able to even take a sip of my first cup of coffee. In fact I ended up still sending out work emails from home at six in the evening. This is not a normal day. I'm usually busy, but more at a leisurely pace kind of busy. I have time in between things. Yesterday there was zero in between time. Then, once I got home, Josephine was glued to me like she hadn't seen me in days and days. This is because dogs know. They just know that you need to be still and the only way you're going to be still is if they lay on you. So after helping Michael change out water feeders and collecting (3!) eggs from the coop and eating dinner, I let Josephine lay on me until my foot fell asleep. 

I am thankful for easy dinner nights. I am thankful for fresh eggs. I am thankful for the little bit of green I saw pushing it's way up through the dirt. I am thankful for a cat who acts like he's so cool, but then does something totally silly. I am thankful for a dog who holds me still. 

I am thankful for you. 

THANKFUL FRIDAY

I had planned Monday as a vacation day in anticipation of having a hangover from our progressive dinner. Except when I woke up Monday morning, I felt just fine. I used the day to do some of the things I didn't get done on Sunday. I finished the laundry and made ghee. I watched Room and wrote a blog entry. I dusted the house and rearranged some elephants. I brushed my teeth but didn't wear a bra all day. Truth be told, this all stuff I would have done if I had been hungover. I just would have been more grumbly about it. I am not good at taking a vacation day unless it is vacation for actual travel. But hey, for some people having some time to dust the house with out interruption is vacation worthy. I'm talking about me. I'm the only person on the planet that would think dusting is a vacation activity. I'm planning a whole week of vacation that involves cleaning out a basement. 

Looking at my calendar today, I realized that taking Monday off to dust was not a bad idea at all. Last night was the AIDS Walk Kickoff party. It's official. We are moving into serious fund raising season. Last year I decided that I wanted to help out a little more, not with donations, but with my time. I told Terry that we'd get the flags for the walk organized and on hangers before the walk and I still want to make that happen. Terry, we're making an IKEA trip soon and having a flag organizing social. I'd like to make that whole thing a bit easier for him because that day is hard enough. Of course, I'd also like to raise some money. My AIDS Walk Fundraising page is up and active! Any way, there's going to be a lot of AIDS Walk things coming up and I want to be involved even it means that I will have less time for dusting and being a hermit. 

I am grateful for both of those things. That is, I am thankful for the days I can be a hermit and I am thankful for the activities that are coming up that do not allow for hermitage. I am also thankful to have any part in fundraising for the AIDS Walk. My experience with the AIDS Walk KCMO has been so different and so much more rewarding than when I raised money in Oklahoma City. I think it's because I do more than just raise some money. I carry a flag bearing a name of someone who lost the battle. So we don't forget. I am thankful for being able to do that and I am thankful for Terry who has provided me with that opportunity. 

This has been a good week with lots to be thankful for. I am thankful for warmer temperatures. I am thankful for the eggs from the chickens. I am thankful for really good moments on my yoga mat. I am thankful for the promise of a productive weekend. And as always, I am so thankful for you. Here's to a great weekend celebrating the Year of the Monkey and a truly Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Instagram photo by Cindy Maddera * Jan 22, 2016 at 2:50pm UTC

See this Instagram photo by @elephant_soap

For years, for most years I can remember any way, Katrina had a china cabinet that was filled will all kinds of porcelain, ceramic, and glass cats. Except for one shelf. On that shelf, she had five different elephants. Three of them were pitchers and two of them were tiny planters and I coveted them. The first time I saw them, I reached for them with my hands, just assuming that they were mine. Katrina politely said "No way, young lady!" and then told me that I could have those when she died. Which seems like something really morbid to tell a child, but at the time I was probably thirty, trapped inside a ten year old. Any way, I knew that one day, when Katrina passed away, I would have those lovely elephants and remember that they used to sit in a cabinet full of cats and think fondly of Katrina's bipolar collections. 

When we all sat down for dinner together last Saturday, Randy handed Mom her gift bag and then he handed me a large gift bag. I was confused. My tattoo was birthday present from Randy and Katrina, so I didn't understand why I was getting another gift. I said "You were not supposed to buy me anything." Katrina replied "I didn't." And I knew then, before I had even unwrapped the first elephant. She gave me those elephants I had coveted for all this time and of course I got all teary about it. Do not fret though. Katrina is not dying. She will be with us for a good long time if I have any say in the matter. She just thought it was time for me to enjoy those elephants. I'm going to fill them with cacti. I am thankful for Katrina and her elephants.

I am thankful for the wonderful weekend I spent with Mom. We had a really nice visit. Her kitchen is coming together nicely. She's seems really happy and that makes me happy. I am grateful for her happiness and grateful for her health. She got a little sickly on us for a while there, but seems to be on the mend and back to her more active self. I am really grateful for this because I plan on celebrating many more birthdays with her. And speaking of birthdays, I am so grateful for every single birthday wish that came my way. I know that there were a couple of people in that list who are dealing with some hard losses of their own right now and they took a moment to tell me Happy Birthday. That's humbling, but I also know that being able to get on Facebook and send someone else good wishes is an easy distraction in times like that. My heart and love are with those people today. 

I'm so grateful for a lot of things and people this week. Marguerite has laid two eggs this week. We know it's her because the eggs are greenish blue. Michael bought them a heated water feeder and they love it. I came home on Sunday to a fresh layer of snow. Just a thin layer, but it has stuck around because it's been too cold to melt. Thursday morning I mention to Michael that maybe we should try to take the Cabbage sledding this weekend. He informed that there was not enough snow for sledding. So...it snowed a little more that day. Actually, it snowed all day yesterday and it was really quite pretty. I am thankful that for once I could look at the snow with joy instead of my usual grumbles. 

Here's to a weekend full of sledding and hot chocolate. And here's to a wonderful Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Mom #365

"Mom #365"

My brother told me that my mom took design classes when they were building the Collinsville house. At first I was totally surprised, but then I wasn't at all surprised. She was always taking down wallpaper and putting up new wallpaper. She constantly rearranged the furniture. She always had baskets of floral arrangements put here and there. Don't even get me started on her throw pillows. Mom has always been creative and our home always reflected this. It's not just the creativity thing though. Mom wanted to know more about house design so she took a class. This is typical mom. She wanted know how to do pottery. She took a class. Her job before I was born was to fix jewelry. I'm sure she took a class to learn how to do that. Mom wanted to do this or that, she took the time to learn about it and then did it. Whatever it was. She's still doing that. Right now she's in the middle of completely remodeling her kitchen. 

This independence, this do-it-yourself mentality is a trait that I inherited from Mom. Some people may call us stubborn. That's probably true. There for sure is some stubbornness to our tenacity to accomplish a task. Mom burned her wrist while setting fire to a bunch a garbage in the old swimming pool one time. She probably shouldn't have been out there trying to do that by herself, but she was like "fuck it! I'm getting rid of this garbage!" Except she would not have used those exact words. Ever. The other day I bruised my knee when I tried to rest the whole dang chicken coop on it so I could change out their water. I probably should have waited for help, but I was like "I CAN DO IT ALL!" Stubborn and independent. Those two words sum up my mother and I pretty well. Despite the trouble my stubborn independence has gotten me into at times, I am grateful that this is something I inherited from Mom. And I when I say "gotten me into trouble", I will say that it's never been any kind of trouble I haven't been able to get out of. Mostly.

I tell you this today because it is my fiercely independent Mother's birthday! Mom, thank you for teaching me the value of self reliance. Actually, I want to thank you for teaching me so much more than this and I'm thankful that you're around to keep on teaching me stuff and being there when I drop my stubbornness and need you. My birthday wish for you this year is that kitchen fairies come in and speed up the remodel in some magical wonderful way. I am also thankful for the time we'll have together this weekend. We're having a girlie girl weekend. What else? Michael has had some sort of head cold like thing all week. The guys at work have it too. I am thankful that I have been able to avoid it. I am thankful that I can bend over, put my shoes on and get back up. I am thankful for slightly warmer temperatures. 

I am always thankful for you. Here's to a weekend of cucumber slices on the eyes and a super Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

I've been trying to figure out a way to incorporate a meditation practice into my mornings or anywhere really. My morning is already so full and has to be well choreographed and timed that I can't see where to wedge in at least fifteen minutes of meditation. This is what a typical morning tends to look like for me. I sit up in bed, drink the lemon water I sat on my nightstand the night before, and scratch the dog behind her ears. While I'm drinking the lemon water and scratching the dog's head, I'll watch a white paw reach under the door and slide back and forth. The paw belongs the meowing Albus who is waiting for me and Josephine to open the door so he can talk to us. About his almost empty food bowl. I get up and open the door. Josephine and I say "good morning!" to the cat and then I go make sure they all have food in their bowls. Then I hop in the shower. After I shower, I use my Neti pot, brush my teeth, put on a little mascara and fix my hair. Next thing I do is get dressed, which may or may not require me to retrieve my bra from the backyard (Josephine). 

Now it's time to make breakfast. While I'm cooking breakfast, I put away the clean dishes that are in the drainboard. I also run outside to start the cars so we don't have to scrape windows. I put my lunch in my lunch bag. I boil water for Michael's tea and fill his travel mug and I make sure the things he will need for the day is sitting together in one place on the table. I eat breakfast while reading my daily Skimm, kiss Michael goodbye and then (if time permits) wash my dishes. Then I put on my coat, block the dog door into the kitchen and kick the animals out into the garage. I set the alarm to the house, walk out the door and jump into my car. 

Well, I think maybe this is the week I've figured it out where to squeeze in fifteen minutes. Every morning this week when I've gotten to work, the first thing I have done after putting my lunch in the fridge and taking off my coat is to throw my meditation pillow on the floor and sit down for fifteen minutes of meditation. I am the first one to work in the mornings and have the whole office to myself for almost an hour. So it's quiet and there are no interruptions. I just stay at work a little later than usual to make up for the meditation time. So far this is totally working. I mean, it's still very much a practice because my mind chatter lately has been off the charts with all kinds of random crap. But the point is that I am working on quieting that mind chatter. As a result, my days have been more focused and clear. 

I am thankful for those fifteen minutes this week. I could look at fifteen minutes and see a large block of time. I spend about the same amount of time cooking and eating my breakfast each morning. In fact, I probably spend less time performing those tasks. It's more likely that I spend that amount of time cooking, eating and washing up. That's three tasks that can be accomplished in that block of time. Here I am waisting fifteen minutes by being still. Except I know that this moment of stillness is not a waste. It is valuable time where my brain can form new neuron paths and I can mentally prepare for the day. 

This has been a pretty good first week of the year. I have been on my mat every day. We have eggs. The snow is finally melting. I heard a song from David Bowie's new album on the radio yesterday (it made me swoon). I am grateful for all of this.

Here's to a lovely chilly weekend and a super Thankful Friday!

LOVETHURTHANKFRIHAPPYNEW

Cold

"Cold"

The tree is up and all the presents are wrapped. The annual viewing of Love Actually happened last night and now I have nothing to do but sit here and twiddle my thumbs until Christmas Eve. And maybe clean our bathroom before we head out to OK. Vacuum. I should vacuum. Maybe I'll make us some sandwiches for our Christmas day drive. You guys, I've never been this far ahead for Christmas. I don't know what to do with myself. I believe that the whole idea behind getting things done early was so I could sit back and relax. That idea was stupid because now I'm just feeling anxious about things that might need to be done even though there's nothing to be done. The car! The car needs to be cleaned out! That's something that needs to be done before Christmas. Anyway. Being prepared for Christmas means nothing for a person with crazy brain. 

So here's what I'm not going to do. I'm not going to worry about this space for a few days. Michael gave me my birthday present early because he couldn't wait and it has a thirteen day return policy. It's a new camera! He wanted me to have time to make sure it was all well and good before the thirteen day return was up. I think I'm going to take some time do just that. I'm going to play around with my new camera and take some photos. I'd also like to put together a slide show of all the things from 2015 to post here, as well as maybe a short vlog post about things I want for 2016. Look for those things sometime next week. 

In the meantime, I hope everyone has a wonderful Holiday. Be safe. Savor those hugs and smiles. Tear into those presents like it's the first time you've been given a wrapped gift. Then squeeze the person who gave you that gift so hard, you hear something pop. Sing silly carols as you drive to your Holiday destinations. Eat, drink and be merry. Merry Christmas. Happy Solstice. Hope your Hanukkah was a good eight days of lights. I hope all of you enjoy this time you have with your families how ever you plan to celebrate. 

Enjoy.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Window washer

"Window washer"

People with variations in the gene CD38 have a higher tendency to experience positive emotions and gratitude. It has to do with the amount of functional oxytocin levels at the synaptic level. This is scientific mumbo jumbo for saying that intrinsically positive people are mutants. Oxytocin is the cuddle hormone that helps us form bonds and build healthy relationships, but what does that have to do with gratitude? Well, it turns out that being grateful for those around you forms strong social bonds. Who knew? A lazy google search did not turn up any scientific papers that suggest that people who start a daily gratitude practice increase oxytocin levels or receptors, but I suspect that is only because the research hasn't been done or is in the process of being written for publication. 

The conversation of giving kids independent freedom came up recently and Sean said that he can remember that when he was five, he rode all around the neighborhood on his bicycle. I think we all remember doing the same thing. He says that the neighborhood he lived in was not any different than the one he lives in now with his own family and that this Spring he planned on giving his son a walkie-talkie and letting him have free reign of the neighborhood. I wanted to high-five him for this, because we need more of that. We need to be less fearful of our neighbors and the people we share our community with and more grateful for the impact they have on our communities just by being present. 

So often here on Thankful Fridays, I tend to reflect on an event during the week that I am thankful for or a thing. I am sure that I take it for granted that those people I love know that I am grateful for them. I have told them, but I am sure I have not told them enough. Because you can never tell them enough. But still, having gratitude for our family and friends is easy. At the very least it is the most obvious. If we're talking about forming strong social bonds, maybe we should be spreading our gratitude outside our normal circle of people. Yesterday, a young man hung from a rope with a bucket of soapy water and a large squeegee and cleaned the windows of my office. Sure, he was doing his job, but you have to admit that this particular job on a cold winters day is hard work. He also probably doesn't have the luxury of sick leave or to be able to call in "sick" because he just doesn't feel like working today. I am grateful for the job he does. I take photos out that window all the time and he makes it so that my view is clean and clear. I am grateful for the role he plays in my community as a hard worker. I am grateful that I have neighbors I can share eggs with (and don't complain about the chickens). I am thankful for those people in my community that help my day go a little easier like the woman who delivers our mail and the guys who pick up our garbage. I am thankful for the cashiers at the grocery store because they are always pleasant. I am thankful for all those new oxytocin receptors I just opened up. 

Let's see. I am thankful for warm evenings on the couch. I am thankful for a clean soft puppy (I gave her a bath last night). I am thankful for a mouthy kitty (Albus has regained his voice). I am thankful for some spectacular yoga mat time. I am thankful for hilarious text messages I have had with my sister-in-law this week. And I am always thankful for you. 

Here's to the last Holiday shopping weekend! I still need sixlets. Here's to a Star Wars movie night! I'll tell you about all the sobbing details later. Here's to a truly Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Morning

"Morning"

I've been thinking of charities. 'Tis the season right? December is usually the month where people make their biggest donations. I will admit that I haven't committed to anything yet this month mostly because my own wallet is a bit on the thin side. I still set aside $10 a month for Donors Choose and I push for donations in early Spring for the AIDS Walk. As of tomorrow, it will be forty days until I turn forty. I had an idea of commemorating this with a list of forty charities that I'd like to see people donate to. Then some common sense kicked and I realized that forty charities is a lot of charities. I don't have a very large audience and that would be spreading out money pretty thinly. 

Last week I helped get a Donors Choose project fully funded. When I got the email stating that the project got completely funded, I wanted jump and shout. It had nothing to do with the project itself. I didn't know the teacher. I didn't have a personal connection to any of the students. The joy came from being part of something that succeeded. It's exhilarating really. It is in these moments when I think "YES! We are making a difference! We are awesome! The world doesn't totally suck!" Because you know what? The world doesn't totally suck. The yucky bullshit we see on TV is just a small fraction of humanity. Sure I'd like to do more, give more, but I feel pretty good about giving what I can to causes that are important to me. I am thankful that I can do this. I am thankful for those of you who do the same. So maybe instead of forty different charities, we can see forty new projects funded or forty dollars fins its way onto my AIDS Walk Fundraising page. Do it because the world doesn't totally suck.

I am thankful for the time I spent on my yoga mat this week. I am thankful that I finally got my nanobody staining protocol to work. Yes I know that means nothing to you, but it means good things here. I am thankful for tofu chili dogs. I am thankful advent calendars of tiny chocolates. I am thankful for the mouse Albus brought us. And I am always always always thankful for you.

Here's to a wonderful weekend and a truly Thankful Friday.

P.S. To make a donation to any of those things just click on the first mention of Donors Choose and AIDS Walk. They are linked to places where you can make a donation. Thank you!!!!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Cindy Maddera on Instagram: "Drinking rainbows"

"Drinking rainbows"

A few nights ago, I dreamed that I was on a walking tour in Paris. It was a tour of all the terrorist attack sites and it was gruesome and horrible. I remember seeing blood splatter on walls and sidewalks. I woke up with a fuzzy head and one eye glued shut with eye crusties. I was a little surprised  by my dream.  I've always wanted to go to Paris. I still do, but a tour of all the attack sites is not on my list of things to see while I am there. Also, though it was an awful and tragic event, I didn't feel affected by it. I sort of just added it my list of horrible events happening in the world which is becoming a HUGE fucking list. I don't have a personal connection with Paris and this distanced me from all of it. Or so I thought. Until I had this dream. The next day two people would open fire on a handicap facility in California. The world is full of gross. 

I was sitting there trying not to stew over all of this, not to get dragged under in the muck when Talaura sent me this link of fifteen things for when the world is shitty and terrifying . It made me feel a little bit better. It helped that I'd already done the first thing on that list a few weeks ago and that I always walk roaming shopping carts back to the corral. I realize that doing the things on the list are not the important part. The important part is remembering all the wonderful magical and amazing things that happen every day on this planet. Katrina and I were watching something on Animal Planet last week where a tiny field mouse killed a centipede. That mouse howled like a wolf when it was done, though his howl was very high pitched. It was awesome and hilarious and now every time I succeed at a task even if it's as simple as washing the dishes, I lift my chin and howl like that little mouse. We do our part to be mighty mice by being kind to each other. I am thankful that Talaura shared that article with me. I am thankful for the reminder that even though things suck, there's good. I am thankful for that tiny mouse reminding me that we all have the ability to be brave and strong. 

Speaking of kindness to others. Yesterday, I received a call from one of our neighbors. He said "I think I have your dog." and my heart seized in my chest. He did have my dog. Josephine has been practicing her Houdini skills. I rushed home and collected her from the neighbor and then she spent the day in her crate. I hate that, but I'm so thankful that neighbor was a good neighbor and called me and took care of Josephine until I could get there. I am so thankful that silly little dog didn't get into worse trouble out there. Today I am trying an experiment where I close the garage doggy door, the bedroom and bathroom doors and let her have access to the rest of the house. I may be cleaning up a mess when I get home, but at least I know she's safe. 

I am thankful for Christmas parties. I am thankful for warm boots and thigh high socks. I am thankful for leftover chili. I am thankful for the light that comes on when I open the fridge door. I am thankful for you.

Here's to a wonderful weekend and super Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

We're at Terry's and I hand Katrina this plate. That's her high school.

"We're at Terry's and I hand Katrina this plate. That's her high school."

It is the day after Thanksgiving. The house is quiet and dark. Josephine and I are the only ones up, but I'm about to go wake up Michael. We had rain all day yesterday and then in the evening temperatures dropped. When I peeked out my bedroom window this morning, I noticed that the clothes line had a very thin layer of ice coating. It's the kind of day to curl up under lots of blankets while drinking lots of hot beverages, but we have plans. We're headed to IKEA and Home Depot. The old refrigerator will be moved out today and Michael and Randy will instal a water line, after I've cleaned that area. Katrina has reassured me that behind my fridge is not as filthy as I think it is. Fingers crossed.

Our Thanksgiving Day was full. Full of family and friends and so much laughter and love. Full of food. Dear Lord, I think I ate more food yesterday than I do in a week. Our fridge is full of leftovers and food that Terry sent home with us. He would have had us take it all if he could. You can't leave his house without him sending you home with something. One time he sent me home with a large grocery bag full of cherry tomatoes. I am thankful so thankful for him and his generous heart and i'm thankful my brother and sister-in-law got to spend time with that crazy man. Out plates where antique kitschy plates of the states. Katrina picked up the Arkansas plate because there wasn't and Oklahoma plate. I picked up two plates, just to see what was there and found a plate for Sperry High School. That's Katrina's High School. Then Terry pulled a story from Katrina that I had never heard before. He asked her who was the meanest most awful teacher. Katrina then told us about her science teacher and how one time Katrina and her friend had been developing film. Katrina nudged a bottle of developer off the table, but didn't think anything about it. It wasn't until they turned the light on that her and her friend realized that there was blood all over the floor. Katrina had cut her foot open on the broken bottle bad enough to require stitches. After that, Katrina was that mean science teacher's favorite student. I am thankful for all the stories I heard yesterday.

Now we are home again, after a full day of running around. We encountered none of the crazy shopping crowds that one would expect on the busiest shopping day of  the year. I am thankful for this and I am thankful that the water line is now hooked up and ready for a new refrigerator. I am thankful the rain has finally stopped. I am thankful that behind my fridge was not as dirty as I imagined it would be. I am thankful for my warm full house. I am thankful for you.

I hope all have had a safe and wonderful holiday and a truly Thankful Friday.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Cindy Maddera on Instagram: "I think I'll keep him"

"I think I'll keep him"

Lately Michael has been in the process of growing out his beard. Not too long ago, he discovered that he could twirl the ends of his mustache into a style not unlike a 1920s villain and it made us laugh and laugh. Today he's having it trimmed by a professional at a hipster beard shop. Something else that makes us laugh. I can't wait to see the results though. I got him beard balm and oil that came weeks ago. When I kiss him goodbye in the mornings, I smell cinnamon and leather and if I touch his beard while I kiss him, fingers will smell of cinnamon and leather. You know how your grandpa always smelled of some flavor of candy and aftershave? Pepaw was Old Spice and cigarettes. Michael is now cinnamon and leather. It's really quite sexy. 

Michael had a birthday yesterday. I'm going to say it even if he may not like it, but he turned 40. In the days leading up to his birthday, he has been a bit grumbly about turning forty. "I'm going to be forty" has been said in the same tone as one would say "I have to get a root canal" so many times, I've lost count. He's not as thrilled with growing older as I am. While he's grumbling, I'm standing next to him, shaking his arm and going on and on about how great it is to turn forty. Yesterday morning he jokingly said something about it being a miracle. I gave him a very serious look and said "Look back on the past 40 years and tell me it isn't." He couldn't disagree. I believe he said "act of God" which would indeed make it a miracle that he has survived this long. I am thankful for that miracle. I am thankful for the past forty years because they have shaped him into the man he is now. I'm pretty partial to the man he is now. 

It's not that I thought I would never meet someone who I'd want to give my heart to. It's just that I didn't expect to meet that kind of person. I am thankful for surprises such as this. I am thankful for the way he makes me smile. I am thankful for how he makes me feel dainty at times. I am thankful for his willingness to build the things I scheme up. I am thankful for the balance of chaos he adds to my life. I look forward to what the next forty and more years will bring for us. 

This has been good week. I've been on my yoga mat. I've met my steps goal. I am thankful for a self cleaning cat. I assume that's what happened, because one day he looked like he'd been rolled in mud and the next day he was clean. It's possible he has a sister wife. I don't even care. I am thankful for a puppy who lays next to my thigh while I type on my computer. I am thankful for you. 

Here's to a weekend full of birthday celebration and chicken coop clean out and a truly Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

And then we all wanted to be in the same spot

"And then we all wanted to be in the same spot"

There's a bit more pep in my step this morning even though all the snot of the world is either jammed in the sinus pocket of my right cheek or slowly leaking out my nose. I'm gorgeous. I hear the new thing to do in selfies is an open mouth fish gaping thing. It's replacing the duck face. I'm going to be able to nail that new pose with all the mouth breathing I am having to do. The bad news is that Michael woke up making sounds similar to that of a wild boar. He's sick now. To top it off, it's a Cabbage weekend. Two adults in the middle of colds/flu vs one five year old. They make really bad movies with this plot line for Nickelodeon. I'm at the point where I don't really care. She can run with the scissors if she wants. 

All of that sounds very negative and grumbly and I am well aware of the that. Here's the thing though. There was a time when I wasn't aware of my negativity and grumbly moments. I would write whole entries that never included a silver lining. I couldn't even see a silver lining in those days. Have you ever seen Pollyanna? Back in the day, I would have rolled my eyes at Pollyanna before shoving her into a puddle. Now people can refer to me as a Pollyanna and I don't see this as insulting in any way. I'm thankful that I'm feeling better. I'm thankful that Michael has come down with this thing on this weekend instead of next weekend, which is his birthday. I am thankful for those brief moments when my sinuses open up and I can breathe for a minute. 

So I will think of an activity that the Cabbage and I can do tomorrow to spend some time out of the house and give Michael some time to rest. Maybe we'll go to the park or go get our nails done or both. I am thankful that we do not have any obligations this weekend and that we can take it easy. I am thankful for the single egg we get daily now from one of the chickens. I am thankful that neither the dog or cat are bleeding from some wound. Josephine chewed up a red ink pen the other day. Red ink looks a lot like blood. Misti and Traci both celebrated birthdays this week and I'm super duper thankful they did. The more years they're around the better. I am of course always thankful for you.

Have a great weekend and a really Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Inviting (can you see the puppy?)

"Inviting (can you see the puppy?)"

Michael and I are finally up to date with the Walking Dead and have recently started watching Fear the Walking Dead. Now, I'm going to tell you that the last season of Walking Dead was HARD for me to watch. It wasn't really all that scary, so I don't even know what the deal was. I think it might have had something to do with the idea that I knew something bad was going to happen at some point. It created so much anxiety in me, I could not sit still on the couch nor could I take deep breaths. I mean, it seriously stressed me out. Fear the Walking Dead is four times worst than the Walking Dead. We were maybe in the middle of episode two or three (I can't remember) when I looked over at Michael and said "I cannot watch this." and I meant it. I don't know if I can continue watching this with out Xanex. 

After the first zombie encounter, I made Michael pause the show. I turned to him and said "If we ever we have to hit someone with a car three times to keep them from coming after us and that someone still continues to try to come after us, we don't turn the car around and go home. We calmly drive to Costco and max out the credit card. Then we go right on over to Home Depot and max out that credit card. Only then do we go home." This led to a discussion about zombie proofing the house and if the house could with stand a zombie apocalypse. Honestly, I'm not so much worried about the zombies getting in as I am of other living people because if I've learned anything from WD, it's that the living are so much more horrible than the undead. So really, the question we should be asking is can this house be made safe and protected form zombies and people? And you know what? I think it can. I think with a little fortifying here and there and a better fence around the backyard, we could probably live out a pretty decent life in the apocalypse. Any way. I do realize that a zombie apocalypse is unlikely. Our apocalypse is going to be an environmental apocalypse when the ice caps all melt. At least we won't have as far to drive to the ocean.

I still feel like it might be obvious to be thankful for the roof over your head, but today I'm going to be thankful for the roof over my head. I remember there was a time when I thought I would never be in a place in my life where I could afford to buy a house. Yes. I do know that when I purchased my house, it was so cheap that it would have been a stupid move not to buy this house. But all of that doesn't change the fact that I am thankful for this house. It may be small and we may be battling a clutter/space issue at the moment, but it's ours and it's not falling apart at the seams. We have a very large backyard for gardening and chickens and a crazy dog. We have a garage that protects our scooters and bicycles from the weather. And we have a basement that I'm sure I will have better feelings for once we clean it out (sohelpmegod, this is happening in the Spring). I am thankful for this home.

I am so many words behind on my daily number count for NaNoWriMo. I have been writing here and there. I just haven't been writing enough here and there. I am thankful for a commitment free weekend where I can spend some time playing catch up with my word count. I am thankful for the bike ride I was able to get in this week as well as the scooter ride. I am thankful for the one egg that we seem to be getting every other day. The weather is getting colder, so we'll probably see less eggs. I am thankful for a silly cat who lays in the bathroom sink in the mornings while I get ready. I am thankful for a goofy soft puppy who lays against my hip while I type. I am thankful to have the best dang sister-in-law who celebrated a birthday yesterday. I am thankful for you.

Here's to another week of surviving and a spectacular Thankful Friday.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

I'm home with Michael's cold and these two are keeping my legs warm.

"I'm home with Michael's cold and these two are keeping my legs warm."

I had a large chunk of a Thankful Friday written up and I just deleted it all. There was something about it that seamed too I don't know what, but it felt lacking in gratitude. There are so many times when I feel like I'm calling it in and lose a little focus on real gratitude. What does it really mean to be grateful? This is a question I ask myself often usually when I start doubting myself about my sincerity in writing a weekly post on being grateful. Whenever I am doubting, I go look up the definition of the word gratitude.

grat-i-tude: 

the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and return kindness.

I should just have this definition tattooed onto my forearm so that I never forget that gratitude is so much more than just being thankful. Today my brain clicks on the "and return kindness" part of that definition. I always offer to return a cart for someone when I am headed into the same store they just left. I usually let the person with two items go ahead of me in a check out line when I have way more than two items in my cart. I will stand holding the door for someone just a few seconds longer if I see them headed that way. I've been working really hard at treating others the way I wish to be treated. Sometimes that last part is difficult when the other person is not being nice or polite, but I still believe in killing with kindness. I want to be at the ready to show my appreciation and return kindness. At the same time, I want to be at the ready to accept appreciation and kindness. Because, let's face it, sometimes accepting is so much more difficult than giving.

J's oldest boy, J.R. is graduating from the US Marine Corps Recruits today. There are mixed feelings about his decision to follow in his father's footsteps, but I am so very proud of him. I am thankful for the young man he has grown to be. I am thankful he is the kind of young man who makes a commitment to something and sticks with it even when he has chosen a not so easy path. I am thankful that after months of whatever they put those kids through, he still has my Dad's goofy grin of a smile. J.R. looks almost exactly like my Dad did at his age. I am thankful that Randy and Katrina made it safely out to San Diego to see him graduate. I am thankful for the cat and the dog keeping me warm when I was on the couch, sick this week. I am thankful for the eggs we ate last night that came from our own backyard. I am thankful for you.

Hoping you all have a safe, but frightfully fun Halloween and a truly Thankful Friday.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Filtered

"Filtered"

The other day I watched a guy on an orange Vespa, just like Chris's, drive down the road and disappear around the corner. Then I felt a million tiny needles prick my heart. Recently I noticed that trees looked like the ones on the Talahina Drive during that trip we made to see Dad during Thanksgiving. It was one of the last visits I made where Dad actually knew who I was. It was the last good visit. These are the kind of bitter sweet visions that when they flood my brain, they force me to lay flat on the floor staring at the ceiling while waiting for them to fade away. The other day I read a blog post written by a woman who recently lost her husband. She said something about not being good at loss. I wanted to tell her that no one is good at loss. There's no grading system for grief. There's no good or bad. You just deal or you learn to accept that grief is just always with you in some way or another.

In fact, I've noticed the you'll reach a point where you think "hey! I'm doing A Okay!" and then grief will sneak in and give you a titty twister worse than any playground bully. Because we have memories. We remember things like how Chris and I used to zip around town together on our scooters and how there were few moments when you could catch Chris with grin on his face. When he was on his scooter, he would grin like a fool. Those were good times. I remember all those times Dad would just randomly show up at work and take me to lunch and how even on that Thanksgiving visit before he forgot me, he was cracking jokes. Grief is that little alarm that goes off telling you "It's time! It's time to remember!" This is where you determine if you are a glass-is-half-full or a glass-is-half-empty kind of person. This is where you choose how to let those memories affect you and your present life. 

I am thankful for each memory because before it was a memory it was an experience. I was a part of that. I was an active participant and that's what I am most grateful for. I am grateful for those scooter rides with Chris. I will even admit to being a little grateful that he didn't replace that scooter after he wrecked it. I missed our rides together, but it provided me with independence and something of my own when it was just me riding around on a scooter. I am thankful for those lunches with Dad. I am thankful for that last really good visit with him. Sometimes I am even thankful for the grief. The fact that I can still get waylaid by grief at times is proof of the value and importance of those relationships. 

I am thankful for evenings on the couch where the cat and the dog both think they have to be on the couch with us. It's just a pile because the couch is tiny. I am thankful for crisp morning rides. I am thankful for trees that look like they are on fire with their red dazzling leaves. I am thankful for the dead mouse Josephine brought me this morning. Actually, I told Josephine how nice it was for her to bring me a present, but I wasn't really all that happy about it. But between her and the cat, maybe we'll see less mice this season. That is something to be thankful for right there. As always, I am thankful for you.

Here's to a beautiful weekend and a wonderful Thankful Friday. 

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Palm

"Palm"

Recently, when one of us goes out to check for eggs, we have to move Foghorn out of the nesting box. She is our brooder and the one laying the pinkish white eggs. Every evening we have found her hunkered down over the two golf balls we put out there to trick them into laying in the nesting box and whatever eggs have been laid that day. The number ranges from zero to three. "How many eggs today?" has trumped "How was your day?" in this house. We noticed Foghorn getting serious about the brooding sometime last week. I went out there to check for eggs and there she was. I stroked her back and asked her to move over, which she dismissed with a throaty humming sound. I finally just had to gently lift her up to get to the three eggs under her. I marveled at how warm the eggs were as I carried them to the kitchen. I've decided that should be a spa treatment of some sorts, holding incubated eggs in the palms of your hands while lounging in a lavender blanket with cucumber slices on your eyes.  

Foghorn is a very good brooder. I've gone out there to find her with zero eggs under her, just the golf balls. She's never really that upset when I make her move. In fact I think she seems a little relieved. The idea of sitting there until that golf ball hatches is such a huge responsibility. It could also be that she feels like she's protecting the eggs for us. I can relate to Foghorn's broodyness. Often there are times when I feel like I am sitting on my own eggs of creativity. I'm just sitting on them, keeping them warm until one of those eggs hatches. Unlike Foghorn's eggs, I know that eventually one of those eggs will hatch or go sour. I've got some eggs that I need to hatch now. I just need to sit on them for a little bit longer.

So, this is what my Fall evenings are starting to look like. I get home, put away the bike or scooter, I scoop up a puppy who is so excited to see me and can't believe I've been gone all day, and I walk out to the chicken coop to check for eggs. After dinner I sit and brood on my own egg thoughts. I am thankful for those creativity eggs. They give me a sense of purpose, but I am also thankful for the time I spend brooding on them. It gives me time to plan out and speculate about what kind of creative little chicks they'll be once they hatch. I am thankful for the reminder that it's OK to brood. I am thankful for good sleeping nights and silly puppies. I am thankful for productive days of work where I leave at the end of the day with a brain full of science. I am thankful for those friends celebrating birthdays this week (you know who you are). I am thankful for colored eggs and I am thankful for you.

Here's to a weekend full of baseball, movies and vampire pumpkins. And here's to a truly Thankful Friday.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Sassy

"Sassy"

Yesterday morning, I stepped outside with my cup of coffee to do my morning loop before heading back to my desk. The crisp Fall air hit my face and I had a memory, or a vision really, of Robin zipping up her gray hoodie and stuffing her hands in her pockets as we walked out the door for daily walk. This was exactly the type of weather that would make Robin where a hoodie. Those were the days we meticulously scrutinized the weather reports. We loved the walk we would take outside that took us up to the Capitol Building and around, but we hated cold. More importantly, we hated cold mixed with wind. We'd check a couple of different weather reports and then look out the window at the flag pole at the entrance of the Veterans Hospital. If the American flag was waving at us, we walked inside. 

I hardly ever check the weather now. The other day, I rode my scooter to work with gray clouds looming overhead. As I walked across the parking garage, the security guard asked me if I thought it was going to clear up by the afternoon. I looked at the sky slightly surprised that it was so gray and said "you know? I have no idea what the weather is going to do today, but I rode any way." This is why I'm constantly getting caught in rain storms. Weather is less variable here mostly because the wind is not a factor. Oh that Oklahoma wind. In the summer, it is a hot hairdryer blowing in your face and in the winter it is a knife cutting into your bones. I don't know why I thought of Robin in her hoodie. It's probably because I miss those walks as much as I know that she does. I am grateful for those walks. They were more therapy sessions for each of us than exercise. We'd talk about all of the things. We'd laugh about all of the things. Sometimes we'd even cry about all of the things. Those walks forged our friendship, a friendship that I'm truly grateful for. 

The temperatures here have officially turned to Fall. It was forty nine degrees outside when I left the house this morning. Last night Michael said that the season for me being cold all the time is here. He said this as he was throwing a quilt over us on the couch. My days of joyful scooter rides, walks outside and bike rides are numbered. So I am thankful for these days right now where I can still do those things without cringing. This weekend may be the weekend I pull up things in the garden and clean out the beds for next spring. This may also be the weekend we buy some pumpkins. One thing for sure is that this will be a weekend to be outside, soaking in the sun. I am thankful for crystal blue skies, green tomatoes and collard green sprouts. I am thankful for cheesy mashed potatoes and broccolini. I am thankful for my little Josephine who just got her haircut. Now she looks just like a Monopoly piece. And of course, as always, I am thankful for you.

Here's to a weekend of apple cider and a truly Thankful Friday! 

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Today I held bakasana for five easy, calm breaths for the first time without panic.

"Today I held bakasana for five easy, calm breaths for the first time without panic."

The other day, I was walking along outside. I had inadvertently dressed a little bit like Sporty Spice, with my new gray leggings, a tank top that's long enough to pass as a mini dress and my R2D2 t-shirt. My sporty new tennis shoes rounded out the outfit perfectly. My every day fashion plan is to be able to go easily from sitting at a microscope to getting on my yoga mat. But any way. Here I was walking outside when I suddenly felt like doing a cartwheel. This is the part of the story where you think I'm going to tell you how I fell on my head while attempting a cartwheel. I will tell you that this is not the part of the story where I tell you that I fell on my head while attempting a cartwheel.  That's because I did not do the cartwheel. The thought I had immediately after "I feel like doing a cartwheel" was "I cannot do a cartwheel."

Except I can. I can totally do cartwheels. At least I used to be able to do them. Sure, it's been a while since I've actually done one and maybe I'm a little out of practice. I might forget to point my toes just so, but I'm sure that I can still do a cartwheel. Yet in that moment, I stumbled. Fear. Doubt. Worry about what someone would think if they saw a grown woman doing a cartwheel. Falling. What if I fell? These are the things that stopped me. I let the idea of doing a cartwheel enter my brain and then I just kept on walking until I had walked it right on out of my head. Then I spent the next fifteen minutes berating myself for not doing that dang cartwheel. 

I avoid doing anything that puts serious weight on my arms. Handstands. Arm balancing. Just forget any arm balancing yoga pose all together. Maybe it has something do with my broken arms or too much anatomy knowledge. I have a huge carrying angle and even when I straighten my arms, they are not straight. I don't have joint on joint alignment when I come into handstand or try to do  an unmodified salabhasana. Every time I attempt them, my elbows hurt for days. I've never been strong in my upper body. My gymnastics coach used to hang me up on the uneven bars and then tell me to pull myself up. He'd walk away, leaving me just hanging there. My work around for this was to swing myself around and up. I never pulled-up. I look at my gangling arms and know that I am weak.

So you can imagine that I avoid arm balances in my own practice on my mat, even though I know that poses like Bakasana has nothing to do with arm strength. Nothing at all. The first step to Bakasana is open hips. Those knees have to be up near the arms. The second step is core strength. It's your gut that lifts you up and holds you in place. I know these things. KNOW THEM. Yet every time I attempt this pose, I panic. My breath is thin and shallow and I may get mostly into this pose while leaving one toe on the mat. Then I come out immediately because my brain is screaming in fear. Everything about this pose tells me that I am weak, a failure. I am going to fall. 

All of that changed yesterday. I came into Bakasana and stayed there for at least five calm and easy breaths. I did not leave one toe touching the mat. My brain did not once raise it's voice to tell me that I cannot do this. I did it and if I can quiet the negative voices in my head while I am on the mat, I can quite them off the mat. I am far from weak. I am the strongest girl you know. I have super power strength. Ok...maybe that's going a little too far, but yeah. I am woman. Hear me ROAR. I am thankful for my yoga practice. I am thankful for this body.

Tomorrow, Michael and I are off for an adventure to the dairy where the infamous cotton candy flavored milk comes from. I'm so thankful for this body, I'm going to fill it with milk and then probably get violently sick to my stomach. My taste buds love it; my intestines do not. I don't even care. I am excited about the prospects of petting (stealing) a baby cow and learning how to make cheese. The last time I was on a working dairy was probably kindergarten. Every kid that went through Collinsville elementary school before, I don't know, 1998 (?) toured the Sallee Dairy farm. I can already smell the cows mixed in with the crisp smells of Fall. I am thankful for this day trip because Michael and I haven't really had any just the two of us time in a while. 

I am thankful for silly animals, a session with my massage therapist Jeana, and scooter days. I am thankful for you. Here's to an adventurous weekend and truly Thankful Friday!