HOLIDAY. CELEBRATE.

This has been the most relaxed Thanksgiving Holiday since we were forced to isolate during the worst COVID year of 2020. Wednesday evening, after I’d finished making the pies to take over to Terry’s, Michael made Korean Fried chicken for our dinner. Then we decided to never fry anything every again. The end. Thursday morning, I attended, and ended up assisting, a Deep Stretch Yoga class taught by Kelly and hosted by Co-op Fitness. We were not expected at Terry’s until four that afternoon and the only thing I had to do was put my tofurkey in the oven.

We spent our Thanksgiving evening at Terry’s where I absorbed as much laughter and love as I could and drank way too much gin. I dragged myself out of bed the next morning, ate a piece of apple pie for breakfast and then went grocery shopping. I went to Aldi and there was no one there. Grocery shopping has never been easier. It was wonderful. Then we went to IKEA and it was the SAME. Deserted! Which never happens on any afternoon. We had to walk backwards through that store twice (don’t ask) and there was no feeling of swimming against traffic. Our next stop was Costco and that place was just as dead as IKEA and for once, I didn’t nearly go insane trying to maneuver our cart up down the isles. Our errand run went so well on Friday, that I came home and set up most of our Christmas. All I had left to do on Saturday was hang stockings, set up my outside Christmas elephant, and finish up the laundry. As luck would have it, my Christmas cards arrived and I got all of them addressed (mostly…I had to place another order).

Sunday was left completely free. There was nothing that needed to be done and I chose to spend my time watching Wednesday on Netflix while working on my lesson plan for a six week beginning yoga series. Then, I spent an hour and half on my yoga mat and ruined a pot of beans (it was the bean and I’m not ready to talk about it). It was such a great holiday that I decided to extend it for a day because the cold that the Cabbage passed to Michael, finally made it to me. Last night it felt like Michael and I were competing for who had the loudest cough. He’s winning.

Today’s Facebook memory was from ten years ago.

I just blew a snot bubble out my nose. I think I should put this as a skill in my online dating profile.

So, really nothing has changed. Or at least not much.

This is the last week of the second to the last month of this year and I have mixed feelings. I have no desire to think about any of the things I did not accomplish this year. At the same time, I don’t really feel like bragging about the things I did accomplish this year. I don’t want to go on about how the month of December feels busy and rushed. There’s not that much more on my calendar for the month of December then there was for any other month this year. Every year is like a giant pot of soup of my own making and I’m really good at making soup (ignoring the whole beans incident; not all beans cook like beans). My soups are guaranteed to have onions, garlic, mixed vegetables and vegetable broth. The rest of the ingredients vary depending on availability and mood. It always turns out to be delicious and satisfying. The same can be said about each year. My perspective in regards to calendar obligations has shifted.

And that’s probably my biggest accomplishment.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Nothing except

11 Likes, 0 Comments - Cindy Maddera (@elephant_soap) on Instagram: "Nothing except"

Thursday evening, I attended a yoga mala to celebrate the upcoming Winter Solstice. I signed up for it ages ago and kind of forgot about it. Then I remembered that I had decided to do this and I regretted putting my name on the sign up sheet. Everything that I could get into the mail has been sent. All the presents have been wrapped. Josephine’s been to the groomer’s. The house is as clean as I can get it right now what with all the snow and Christmas clutter. Despite all of that, I still had a lot to do before we headed out to Mom’s for the weekend. Did I really have an hour and half to spare for 108 sun salutations? Did I really have the energy to spare for 108 sun salutations?

The table in our break room is covered with treats. There are cookies and spicy Chex mix and some sort of homemade chocolate/peanut cup that must be laced with crack because I cannot stop eating them. I don’t understand how there are any still left. They have to be multiplying in the night. I am not a snacker or much of a stress eater, but on any given day this week you could find me shoving a handful of Chex mix into my mouth or two chocolate/peanut cups. Conversations that need to happen are weighing heavy on my mind. I am super busy at work (Do you read the New York Times ?!? Science doesn’t stop for the Holidays). We have a new dish soap that smells like Chris on the day he died and I am filled with anxiety that I will not come close to meeting the expectations some might have of me. Wednesday night, I dreamed that I stepped on the scale and was delighted to see that I had lost weight. Then the number on the scale started dropping. My delight turned to panic as I realized that I was disappearing.

So the real question I should have been asking myself was how could I not spare the time for 108 sun salutations? It is the time of year for self-care gurus to shout the loudest because they know how hard the Holiday season can be on a human. Social engagements, bright lights, loud noises, the struggle to meet expectations. All of these things wreck havoc on our mental and physical well being. Spending an hour and a half on my mat, in a place where I feel the most confident, secure and comforted, is the very least I can do for myself. But this class was not an easy lay on the floor yoga class. This was a physically and mentally challenging class. I mean a sun salutation is the original burpee. A hundred and eight of them with some warrior poses thrown in here and there and you will be left a sweaty mess with noodle arms. The mental aspect was just as rough. We started the class in meditation where Kelly asked us to focus on the 2009 self. “What piece of advice or warning would you give the 2009 you?”

Ha! Seriously? Buckle up baby.

Then we got to the very last round and suddenly Kelly was yelling at us to stay strong. “You are strong. Don’t ever believe that you are not strong.” And there I was pushing myself to stay in proper form as I lowered down through chaturanga, sweaty and crying and doing this. It is tattooed on my fucking wrist. I am strong. All that stuff up there. The hard conversations, the dish soap, not meeting expectations. They are nothing. I’ve had harder conversations. That dish soap can go in the garbage. I don’t have to meet anyone’s expectations except for the ones I set for myself. I am not responsible for anyone else’s happiness but my own. I am doing my best and right now my best is good enough for me. There is so much gratitude in that knowledge.

Don’t ever believe that you are not strong.

I am sending out a wish for peace and joy to all of you this Holiday Season.

LOVETHURTHANKFRIHAPPYNEW

Cold

"Cold"

The tree is up and all the presents are wrapped. The annual viewing of Love Actually happened last night and now I have nothing to do but sit here and twiddle my thumbs until Christmas Eve. And maybe clean our bathroom before we head out to OK. Vacuum. I should vacuum. Maybe I'll make us some sandwiches for our Christmas day drive. You guys, I've never been this far ahead for Christmas. I don't know what to do with myself. I believe that the whole idea behind getting things done early was so I could sit back and relax. That idea was stupid because now I'm just feeling anxious about things that might need to be done even though there's nothing to be done. The car! The car needs to be cleaned out! That's something that needs to be done before Christmas. Anyway. Being prepared for Christmas means nothing for a person with crazy brain. 

So here's what I'm not going to do. I'm not going to worry about this space for a few days. Michael gave me my birthday present early because he couldn't wait and it has a thirteen day return policy. It's a new camera! He wanted me to have time to make sure it was all well and good before the thirteen day return was up. I think I'm going to take some time do just that. I'm going to play around with my new camera and take some photos. I'd also like to put together a slide show of all the things from 2015 to post here, as well as maybe a short vlog post about things I want for 2016. Look for those things sometime next week. 

In the meantime, I hope everyone has a wonderful Holiday. Be safe. Savor those hugs and smiles. Tear into those presents like it's the first time you've been given a wrapped gift. Then squeeze the person who gave you that gift so hard, you hear something pop. Sing silly carols as you drive to your Holiday destinations. Eat, drink and be merry. Merry Christmas. Happy Solstice. Hope your Hanukkah was a good eight days of lights. I hope all of you enjoy this time you have with your families how ever you plan to celebrate. 

Enjoy.