THANKFUL FRIDAY

New shower!

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We have been unable to take a shower in our own bathroom since last Wednesday. During the renovation there have been sink baths and trips to the gym at work to use the shower. Yesterday morning we took showers in the new tub and it was AWESOME! Well...the new shower head is just a standard shower head (nothing fancy), but the act of showering in our own home was pretty amazing. I can say that the bulk of this bathroom renovation is complete and now that it is all said and done I feel like I can tell you a little more about the whole experience.

When we decided that something had to be done, we made arrangements to listen to bids from three different companies. Jericho Home Improvement was the second company we talked with and after hearing their sales pitch, we signed the contract. They gave us three different renovation options with varying prices, starting with how much it would cost to just replace the tile and window and what it would cost to replace the whole dang bathroom. We went with the somewhere in the middle option which included a new tub, window, bath fixtures and tile. The guy who did the work on our bathroom did a fantastic job. It did take him a little longer then he anticipated due to structural issues found when pulling out the old tile. The wood framing around the old window was moldy and bad and had to be replaced. There was also an electrical outlet behind the shower wall that had been filled up with caulk. He fixed all of these things before putting in the new stuff and at the end of each day, he cleaned up after himself. We could still very easily get into the bathroom to use the toilet and the sink. I will admit that there were times when Michael and I looked at the progression of things and could not see how he was going to address some problem areas. There was a gap left in the floor from the old tub that he had to fix and some wall damage from the old tile, but by Wednesday afternoon, he had it all taken care of. 

I called the project manager Thursday morning to tell him that we were more than pleased with the results. Of course that could just be our excitement from getting to use the shower that morning. The good thing is that all of their work comes with a one year warranty. If later on down the line, we notice something not quite right or a tile pops off the wall, we can call them and they will come fix it. It is pretty much a no brainer that I'm thankful to be able to shower in my own house again. I'm more than thankful that yucky moldy window and grossness is gone and replaced with clean new stuff. The thing I'm most thankful for though is how smoothly everything came together. I have heard so many horror stories of contractors not following though, leaving things unfinished, over charging for work not completed or taking weeks and weeks to even complete a simple task. Yes, it took Jericho weeks and weeks to actually get to this job, but that's only because they were busy with a lot of other jobs. I had to wait my turn. Once they started though, they finished in a timely manner with very little disruption to our daily lives. I am thankful to Jericho for not being a horror story. 

Don't think for a minute that this project is complete though. I've taped paint swatches to the wall and I've pretty much narrowed down the colors I'm going with. This weekend we'll replace our sink faucet (nicknamed the Mensa faucet because you have to be a genius to figure out how to turn off the water) and maybe prepare the walls for painting. Michael and I both want it all done by the end of this month though, so we are motivated. Gah...I'm so thankful for the new clean bathroom. I just can't even tell you. I am also thankful that Michael has insisted on doing the painting. He's seen my paint jobs in the other rooms. I'm not saying I did a terrible job. I don't tape off, but I've got a great edge trimmer so I don't feel the need to mess with tape. Those few splotches on the ceiling come from me being too lazy to get on a ladder, but instead will hop up and down with the roller. Occasionally I would hop high enough to bump the ceiling. Whatever, it gets me out of painting. 

What else? There's so much. Michael is over the moon with joy and gratitude that his baseball team, the Royals, are headed to the World Series. It's a big deal around these parts. I am thankful for weather that calls for chili cheese fries (vegetarian style, of course). I am thankful for purple mums and glitter face powder. And I am always, always, thankful for you. 

Have a glorious weekend (Go Pokes!) and super Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Blimp! Outside my window.

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Last night I dreamed that Chris and I were preparing for a big move. I interviewed with a strange group of people that reminded me of characters from Real Genius, but it was an amazing prestigious place and I was thrilled with the idea of working there. As we packed up boxes, Chris told me that he was dying. He said that he didn't have much longer and we needed to hurry and find me a place to live. The dream is a bit hazy after that. I remember walking with Chris, my hand in his. I remember us both being happy about the new job. I remember crying a lot and wondering how I was going to do any of this without him. 

It's funny that there are times still in my subconscious that wonders how I can go on and be after Chris. Obviously I am doing just fine and dandy. I guess sometimes when I'm having those Chris dreams, I'm looking for some sign or words or something from him to reassure me that I'm doing things right. I know that everyone out there would say "of course Chris wants you to be happy" and "he wouldn't want you to be alone". These are things that we think the dead would want for us living folk. The truth is I don't really know what Chris would want for me. We never discussed it. In those final weeks, we laid in bed talking and laughing about everything not important. We talked about cremation but not what comes after. That's it really. We didn't talk about how my life or what life was going to be like after him. For all I know, Chris is furious that I've moved forward so well, so quickly. Maybe not furious. Disappointed. Hurt that I could love another. 

As painful as these Chris dreams are at times, I'm thankful for them. I don't have them often. At the end of the day, I don't have much left of him but the version of him that comes to me in my dreams. In every dream there's a chance he'll tell me something important. There may come a day when he looks at me and finally says "Cindy, I approve of all of this". It's not that I need his approval really. It would just be nice to know, to really know, that he's happy for me. And not through some random sign like a scooter key. It would be nice to hear him say the words. I'd probably be happy with any words one way or another even if he's saying "I don't approve". Because this is a thing I know about Chris. He wasn't much for disapproval. It was more like whatever, it's your life, I don't really care. Any way. One day, whether he cares or not, he'll visit me in a dream and at least say "I'm happy for you". That dream will probably come the day I finally allow myself to be happy for me.

Happy Thankful Friday

THANKFUL FRIDAY

The healing waters

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Hey, remember when I said something about still not being sure that this whole domain and hosting crap would not fall apart? It fell apart. The original elephantsoap.com no longer works or re-directs to this site. Here are my options: 1. Pay the current hosting place 2. Move to a different cheaper hosting place or 3. Own the domain name, but forget about using it any more. I'm really leaning to number three mainly because I don't want to pay for more hosting. Also, I kind of don't really care any more. But Michael was all "NO WAY! You are not dropping that domain!". It was in an email, so I'm only assuming that he was pointing his finger at me while saying that. There's also that whole thing about everyone knows the dot com address. There's search history to that address. It's the first house I ever lived in (I still remember my childhood home address as a route number). I'm sure when I discuss these options with Michael he'll convince me to pay for the extra hosting. Any way, I am aware that there is a problem and I'm working on it. I promise. 

The weird thing is that I kind of feel like I have an inkling of what I'm doing. I still haven't emailed Todd in a panic. Todd's probably all "Thank God!". Not that he has been anything but wonderful when it comes to my panic about the blog emails. But come on. Todd has his own gig to deal with. I'm super thankful for all his help, but I'm also thankful that I can take that burden from him. It feels nice to be able to say "Hey Todd? You don't need to worry about this. I've got it". It feels nice to say it and almost even believe it. I've got this. No really. I've got this. I'm grateful for that confidence.

What else? Sometimes Thankful Friday turns into a just a wrap up of the week. Not a bad thing at all. I am so thankful for the time I spent with friends last weekend. There's nothing better than letting a friend's baby chew on your finger or making that baby laugh. Oh! The joy of making a baby laugh. I'm thankful for the afternoon and evening spent in Robin's backyard talking about everything. I am thankful for slumber parties at the Jens' and puppies that sneak into the bed to cuddle with you.  I am thankful for some pretty stellar moments on my yoga mat. And....get this....I'm thankful that construction on the bathroom is finally going to start next week. Really, I'm thankful that Michael called the company so I didn't have to. I'm thankful for you guys too.

Here's to a blissful weekend and a super Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Rescued from IKEA. I think I'll name him Maxwell.

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I've been pretty low key around here about the recent opening of IKEA. Surprising because I am an IKEA junkie. I even toured the one in Dublin when Mom and I were there last year. I bought the salmon paste that comes in a toothpaste-like tube and we sat in our hotel that evening trying to convince ourselves that we were not eating cat food on crackers. With cheese. (I think my body is trying to tell me that it needs some Omega3s, because that actually sounds good right now and it is not good). IKEA opened here a couple of weeks ago and though I have been very excited about all of this, I was not excited enough to be one of the crowd camping out for the store opening. 

Back in the days when Chris and I were planning our escape from Oklahoma, we had started creating a list of things we'd like the new place to have. Number one thing the new place had to have, absolutely, was a Trader Joe's. The next thing on the list was to be close enough to an IKEA that a trip there would not require a "weekend getaway". The rest of the list was more like Christmas wishes. An REI store. Public transportation. Lots of green space. Curb side recycling. Portland Oregon. Food trucks. You get the idea. Kansas City had none of the must haves from the list when we moved here. They were in the process of building Trader Joe's though, so we had hopes. It is unfortunate that Chris didn't make it to see some of the other things from the list show up here. Actually...he's be really disappointed with our REI store. It's tiny. But I'm sure he's up there some where happy to know that I can now rescue plants from IKEA any time I want. IKEA puts all the house plants in the darkest dankest corner of the store. It's always near the warehouse entrance. You pass this section and you can't help put buy a plant because you feel sorry for it. IKEA should totally team up with a pet adoption service and put pets there. I am certain I'd leave with with some sort of philodendron under one arm and a puppy under the other. He's probably also very happy that he didn't have to be the one to put together the bed we bought on Saturday. I think I had Michael almost brainwashed that IKEA was the most fabulous place on earth until he opened the box containing the bed pieces and the bazillion parts required to hold it all together. He needs some time before our next IKEA visit. 

Though I am thankful for Michael's patience and ability to follow IKEA instructions, and I'm thankful for everyone in this house having a bed that they sleep comfortably on now, I'm really thankful for the plant I bought to go in my office at work. I know this sounds like an odd thing to be thankful for. I bought two plants when we there on Saturday and re-potted them into some pretty pots. I took one of them to work and set it on the windowsill right outside my cubicle. Every time I look over towards that window I see Maxwell (I named him Maxwell) and I smile. When the guys I work with noticed it they all agreed that it was so nice to have Maxwell in our office. And it really is. It's amazing the difference a houseplant can make. In fact...I think Maxwell might be lonely. It's possible that he'll get some new friends soon. For now, I am thankful for the joy he brings to our office. 

I am thankful for this weekend getaway I'm taking to Oklahoma to surround myself with framily. Sometimes there are people in your life that you just need to be around at certain times. I need to be surrounded by these people this weekend. I am beginning to feel the broken pieces stitching together and I think this weekend may be just what the doctor ordered. I am thankful for rainbows without rain, my yoga mat, and you.

Have a truly lovely weekend, but a perfectly Thankful Friday.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Seeing a production of Our Town

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A while back Talaura told me about a production of Our Town that would be playing at the Kansas City Repertory Theater. She knows some of the people involved in the production and it's one that played in New York. She told me it was a must see. I'd seen bits of the play before, but never the whole thing and I knew that I really did want to see it. But as it got closer to the run of the show, I got lazy. It would just be easier if they put the show on in my living room. I bought tickets. It was time to nudge this hermit crab out of her shell and I haven't seen a theater production in ages. 

This production of Our Town was everything it had been touted as and more. What gets you though is the last act. Throughout the play there is very little set, a couple of tables and a few chairs. The actors pantomime the actions of daily life like cooking and drinking coffee from mugs. This is OK. For me it takes away any distractions from the words and interactions of the players and as the play goes on it just seems to be a normal thing. That there shouldn't be any more than this. This is where I have to put in a spoiler alert because I'm going to tell you about the end of the play. It's important. In the last act, Emily has died and wishes to go back to live one day even though all the others in the cemetery warn her that it's not a good idea. She chooses to go back to the day of her 12th birthday. That's when they open up what looked like just an ordinary wall at the back of the stage to reveal a complete 1901 kitchen. Down to the very last detail, the red water pump at the sink, the colored bowls hanging near the stove, the mom cooking at the old wood stove, even the sounds and smells of bacon cooking in the skillet. This is the moment where you get it. Emily says "does anyone ever realize life while they live it...every every minute?" as she moves through the kitchen touching everything, begging her mom to just take the time to look at her. The stage manager who has narrated throughout the show admits "No. Saints and poets maybe...they do some."

We don't see the minuet details. We don't take the time to savor ever moment. So often moving on to the next thing is more important than noticing the color of the wrapping around the gift. There are some of us who get it. Those of us who have lost too soon, too early know how fast moments go and how every moment is important. I never forget this, but there are times when I get complacent about it. I will let the moments just roll over me and I think this why my little 365 day projects are so important. They help pull my focus to this moment. I am thankful for those projects, but more than anything I am thankful for the awareness to be truly present in every moment and for knowing how important it really is.

“Oh Earth, you are too wonderful for anybody to realize you.”

I am thankful for every moment, even those that are sometimes painful. 

I am thankful for you.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Masala chai

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Can this be a silent Thankful Friday? It's not that I don't have things to be thankful for. That's silly. Just sitting here breathing is enough to rejoice over. No..I'm certainly grateful for many things. It's just that those things are hard to put into words today. There have been many times this week where I have felt all of the words rolling around this noggin yet unable to pull any of them out in a coherent order. The words are a mix of happy, sad, angst, and funny. The problem is that they're all swirling around together and I have been unable to yank out the happy, funny for fear of dragging some of the sad along with it. I'm tired of writing sad. I'm tired of writing about missing. I'm tired of writing of things lost. I'm kind of just tired. 

Fall temperatures have creeped in triggering my inner hibernation hermit. Suddenly I have noticed my lack of leg warmers and how much I may desperately need to add some to my life. We ate our first batch of chili on Monday with cornbread and last night, Michael stood at my bedside to say goodnight and shook his head at me I shivered under my measly two top layers of a sheet and comforter. He swooped down and retrieved his grandmother's quilt from under the bed and threw it over me. Meanwhile, he turns the air conditioner up to the highest (lowest?) setting in his room. He sleeps in the refrigerator. I am torn between fluffy sweaters and shoes without socks. I think that as soon as I pull out the warmer clothes or put away the flip flops, those warm summer temperatures will come back. Maybe I should trick Mother Nature by pretending to put those things away.

But, I remind myself, Fall is beautiful here. The leaves turn to golds and reds that dazzle the eyes for months. It is the season for bonfires and cider and moons bigger and brighter than can be imagined. It is the spell binding season where I'm tempted to smudge the house with sage and burn some candles. So instead of heading into this season begrudgingly, I should be grateful for the beautiful changes to come. In honor of this, I've put butternut squash on the menu for next week and we've started talking about Thanksgiving food. I've started thinking about a pumpkin carving party (Tiffany, remember when we used to do those at your place?). Fall is the season for being grateful for the bounty of food harvested. It is the grateful season and I am ready to open my heart to it. 

I am thankful for my family. I am thankful for the rain. I am really thankful for the return I've made to my yoga mat. There was a moment after class the other day where I was tempted to roll myself up in my yoga mat hug, I'd missed my mat so. I am thankful for warm bowls of chili and calico quilts from grandmas. I am, as always, thankful for you. Here's to a productive weekend, but a truly Thankful Friday.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

So this just flew by my office window.

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Thursday morning, I woke up not coughing. It was the first time in over a week where I didn't start my day coughing. I mean, I still have a cough, it's just not as relentlessly persistent. Waking up without it on Thursday made me want to fist pump the air or high five someone and then I walked at lunch and spent the afternoon coughing. But! There's always a but. Waking without the cough means that I didn't wake up a bazillion times during the night because of it. I didn't take cough medicine before bed either. I slept through the night unassisted. High five! I am thankful that I am finally on the up side of this crud mountain. 

I feel like today's Thankful Friday could easily fall into a laundry list of piddly ass things like short weeks and Kleenex. It is easy to be thankful for the quiet evenings we've had this week as well as the low expectations of getting things done. It's easy to be thankful for my food and the weather or the endless supply of cherry tomatoes that seem to be coming from the garden on a daily basis. They are small little things that can also be easily taken for granted. Maybe that's why it is important to occasionally recognize and be thankful for that laundry list. With daily lives full of work, family, school things, the hustle and bustle of living, the mundane of simple is a blessing. Often I feel the push to dig deeper, to find something more. I don't want my gratitude to be superficial, only being thankful for the things on the surface. Surely I am more blessed than just having a roof over my head, but then you consider those who do not have roofs overhead. I can always pull out a can of beans from the pantry when I'm hungry. To some people the ability to open up a closet door and pull out a can of food is a luxury. 

Weeks ago I was invited to join the 15 Can Challenge through Facebook. I sort of just ignored the invite. It sounded like a good challenge to do, but then I thought about the effort required to actually get the cans to a charity. I set the invite on the back burner to mule over for awhile. The challenge is simple. Every week, when you buy groceries, you buy an extra can of something to set aside for a food pantry charity of your choice. When I received the invite, it was fifteen weeks until December 5th, the day you turn everything in. Now we have more like thirteen weeks, but it's not a big deal to pick up two extra cans here and there to end up with the final total. But the initial reaction was to not bother. I've started the challenge late. I have to get the food to a pantry. Would you listen to those excuses?!? I am gross and lazy. I joined the event today. Taking a moment to be thankful for the simple things was the kick in the pants I needed. If you'd like to join me in this food drive, leave a comment or contact me on Facebook and I will send you an invite. 

A cold front is moving through right as I type this. We will have Fall temperatures this weekend. I am not ready to let go of Summer weather, but I will be thankful for a preview of Fall. Like Christmas in July. I am thankful for treadmill time and clean yoga mats. I am thankful for tofu scramble. And I am always thankful for you. Here's to a fantastic weekend and a truly Thankful Friday.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Everyone who was sick in this house is getting better. Except me.  Mine has decided to linger and after violently coughing a night away, I went to see the doctor. Bronchitis. One day of steroids and few puffs from an inhaler has already made a world of difference.  The good news is I've lost five pounds and all my core muscles are sore as hell. Also we have a nice three day weekend to fully recover. 

This week I am thankful for rest. There was a time when twenty minute savasanas where mandatory in my yoga practice. After Chris, twenty minute savasanas became a thing of the past. It has been said that savasana is the hardest yoga pose and I used to excel at it. Now I fidget and I check the timer constantly. It's a little disconcerting how bad I've gotten at this part of the practice. It is the most important pose. It is a time for our bodies to heal and it is a time to prepare ourselves for letting go. Savasana is sanskrit for corpse pose. It is the practice of dying. It is the practice of saying goodbye to everything you love and accepting the calm nothing. Maybe I've grown weary of saying goodbye in my real life that practicing it just makes things unbearable. 

I have grown careless with my health. I've known this for some time now; I just haven't been willing to do anything about it. I relished in the carelessness, maybe even thinking "what does it matter". So often here I am thankful for one thing or another. Rarely am I thankful for this body. It's time for more savasanas, less worry, and more appreciation and love for my health. 

I am thankful for the okra and tomatoes I have pulled from the garden. I am thankful for a quite weekend. And I am oh, so thankful for you.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

There has been this green bug in the bathroom for a couple of days. It kind of creeps me out because it makes a buzzy noise when it flies and it's kind of fast and random. My way of handling it has been my usual tactic of just pretend it doesn't exist. I did have to discourage it from randomly flying into my face with the hairdryer one mornings. The other night I was brushing my teeth before bed when Michael walked in to tell me something. I mumbled around my toothbrush something about a creepy bug and Michael said he'd noticed it been around for a few days. He then grabbed a tissue and killed the bug while I flinched in the corner. 

Later that evening I noticed some sort of flying insect on the wall in the bedroom while I was removing the decorative pillows for bed (raised by a southern mom). Michael grabbed another tissue, except this one wasn't such an easy kill. It was a mosquito and as Michael moved in, it flew up and around the room. Michael said something about how he'd rather not shut me up inside a room with a mosquito (I have so many mosquito bites right now that if you connected the dots it would probably spell out 'fuck you') and then smashed it on the ceiling, leaving a streaky blood smear. As he was putting me to bed, Michael said "you know I've rescued you twice in less than hour and I get nothing but a nod from you". I replied "it's your job" which he thought was pretty funny. 

Michael and I have had many discussions on my lack of need. He says that I don't need him and that I'd be perfectly fine on my own. He struggles with my independence or is not used to being with someone so headstrong in their independence. It has been an adjustment for him, but it has also been an adjustment for me. I have to be mindful to not necessarily be more needy, but to be more willing to give a little, to say "hey, I need some help". It is true that I do not need Michael and I've told him this, but I appreciate that he makes things in my life easier. I've told him this too. I am grateful that he kills the bugs that make me nervous and that he's tall enough to even reach the ones on the ceiling. I am grateful it's his job to make things in my life easier.

I am thankful for surprise packages containing homemade peach jam with Morse code messages. I am thankful for the daily okra pick. I've pulled one okra almost every day. By now I just about have enough to dump into a pot of black-eyed peas and stewed tomatoes. I am thankful for endless cherry tomatoes because it's one of the three items that I can get the Cabbage to eat these days. I am thankful for hot summer days. The weather we are having now reminds me of Oklahoma summers and frying eggs on sidewalks. And, last but definitely not least, I am thankful for you.

Happy Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

This has been a serious week. I am almost tempted to just leave it at that. Heavy is a good word to describe it. I've spent many hours searching the internet for reliable, credible, statistics on race and crime and statistics versus what we see on the TV. You know me. I'm always looking for the facts and details to a story. Never take anything for face value. Question everything. Things were better last night in Ferguson. But I'm selfish. I want more than better and I want to see these events spark some major change. For now I will be grateful for first night in almost a week that the people of Ferguson had a relatively peaceful night. 

And enough with the heavy. Today is a day to be thankful. Michael had parent/teacher meetings last night. I came home to an empty house so I did something I haven't done in over a year. I peed with the bathroom door open. I also took advantage of my alone time by cleaning the house. I know exactly what some of you are thinking. Cleaning is my thing. Yes, I could have slathered my face in some crazy green deep pore cleansing mask and lounged on the couch watching Sex in the City with a box of Thin Mints. I'm out of Thin Mints, so I scrubbed the house instead. Kitchen counter tops, window ledges, baseboards were wiped clean. Tiny spiders were smashed and cobwebs removed from corners. I mopped the floors and when I dropped the bottle of Pine Sol and spilled half of it on the kitchen floor, so I mopped again. I had just put the mop away and sprawled out on the couch when Michael came home. He walked in and looked around and said "Did you mop?" like it was the craziest thing for me to do.

There is a satisfaction in clean floors. The house in general tends be straight. Clutter in is dealt with on a weekly basis, but there has been an underlying layer of dirt that I have been ignoring, or avoiding, or just too busy to deal with. I've only been able to handle the superficial. It was time to remove the hidden layer of grime. I'm not just cleaning the corners of rooms. I'm cleaning out the corners of my soul. I am thankful to be heading into this weekend with a clean house. I am thankful for how much lighter I feel from cleaning the house. 

I am thankful for the five trays of tomatoes I roasted on Sunday and the fresh corn and black-eyed peas I put up. Many of you have sent lovely cards. I am so thankful for your kind words. I received a beautiful seaside sunset from Suebob yesterday. Every time I look at it I think "I want to go to there". I may have to frame it. I also received a thank you letter from the KC AIDS Walk for my participation in this year's walk. It made me smile. And guess what? I am thankful for you.

The best of weekends to you and a light Thankful Friday. 

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Saturday morning, I went to brunch with Randy and Katrina at Kilkenny's. We had completely forgotten about the Cherry Street Farmers' Market that sets up in that area every summer Saturday. They close off a block of that street for the market, basically right in front of Kilkenny's. We got to the road closed signs and said "The Farmers Market!!!!" all at the same time. I refrained from buying any thing except for the most ridiculous, yet super comfortable pants ( I mean they are really silly looking pants), but I wanted to buy all of the vegetables. 

I've been to the Farmers Market here one time this season and that was early in the growing season when everyone was selling all of the things I was already growing.  Seeing the booths on Saturday filled with tomatoes and corn and squash made me hungry for fresh corn polenta and roasted veggies. I could already smell the tomatoes, garlic, and rosemary slowly roasting, filling the house with delicious goodness. I vowed that I would make it to the market this weekend. I am thankful for the reminder that it's time to fill my freezer with bags of roasted tomatoes and fresh corn. 

This is has been a week for a return to some sort of a routine, at least as far as the regular day to day goes. Work, yoga, treadmill, good food. All of these things play a part in healing. It gives me a sense of normalcy that is greatly appreciated. The Farmers Market is also part of that because it's something I used to do regularly. I am particularly grateful for these grounding acts this week. Speaking of grounding things. A couple of you have asked about my yoga sleeping trick. I promise to sit down next week and write it all up for you. I cannot promise it will work, but I can promise it will help. 

Here's to a beautiful aromatic weekend and a super Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

The voices of negativity, complaint and anger have been swirling around me all week. Some of those voices are from others, but some of those are also coming from inside my own head. Honestly those voices have been buzzing around for longer than a week. I've been hearing them for quite a while now. I just think that with Dad's passing I've realized that I've had enough. The second stage of grief is anger and I've tumbled right on past denial straight to it. I am not angry at Dad or even at the disease that took him. I understand all of that. It's not like he was driving while intoxicated, playing chicken with a train or performing careless gun cleaning acts. I'm angry at other things. Circumstances. Reactions. People not behaving the way I would behave in this or that situation. What's worse is that when I hear some complaint or piece of negativity, I glom onto it and feel the need to respond in kind. I'm falling into old yucky habits. 

Yesterday, as I sat stewing over something I suddenly realized what I was missing. Compassion and patience. I'd tossed those two things aside and into the Goodwill pile ready for donation. I need to have compassion to those who have their own way of reacting and behaving. Even if it's not my way. Isn't this something we all learned in preschool? So, I told myself to have some compassion and some patience. Suddenly I wasn't stewing any more and I felt a little lighter. Such a simple epiphany, but one to be thankful for certainly. It made me feel inspired enough to pull out a complaint free bracelet. I also see a salt bath in my future this weekend. 

I have many things to be thankful for this week. We ate green beans fresh from the garden. The weather has dropped from what people around here call sweltering (90) to an easy 85. I have ridden the scooter every day. But the thing I am most thankful for this week is you. The kindness and words that you've sent to me and my family do not go unnoticed. Thank you. Here's to a restorative weekend and a truly Thankful Friday.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Well, we've done it. This week we signed a contract with a construction company to come in and re-tile the bathroom. I am not getting everything on my wish list, but I'm getting some things I didn't even think about putting on my wish list. Like a new tub. The old cast iron tub that I have now has been resurfaced to the point of no return. There is an area around the drain is chipped off to the bare parts. But because I figured getting a cast iron tub out of this house would be dang near impossible, I figured we could live with chipped off bare parts. So this is what our almost $9,000 is going to get us: new tub, new window (that is not in a wood frame that will grow mold), new subway tile with epoxy grout (non porous grout that will not grow mold...see a theme here?), new shower/tub fixtures, removal and cleanup of all the stuff. Though the company is super busy right now and I have been told that they may not be able to begin for another 8-10 weeks, the project should only take about five days. Is my stomach hurting? Yes. But just a little and here's why. I know when and how long every thing will be disrupted and I think I can handle five days. Remember when I bought that new shower curtain and I wanted to rip out and redecorate the bathroom then? Well, now I get to actually do this. After the tile and tub is all done, we will be painting, installing new shelves, towel racks, and (very important) new sink faucet. I am pretty excited about that. When we first moved into this house, all of the rooms were painted the same butter yellow. I am down to two rooms with that color: the bathroom and the kitchen. Pretty soon, I'll be down to just one butter yellow room. I'm thankful for the timeline. Trust me when I say that scheduled chaos is better for me than just chaos. Getting a time frame for when the project would start and how long the project would take lets me prepare my OCD brain. I am thankful that when the bathroom is completed, I will have a clean bathroom. Like really clean. I mean, there will be no more bloody knuckles from scrubbing uncleanable grout. I cant even express in words what this means to me. Also, there is the benefit that upgrading the bathroom will increase the value of this house. This will be important later. This is a very responsible grownup thing to be doing and falls into my "look at me! I'm a real live grown up" folder.

The first week back from a vacation is always difficult, but I've managed my reentry into normal every day life pretty well I think. Besides meeting contractors for estimates, there has been yoga every day. I'm thankful for the time on my mat because I did not get on it at all while on vacation. I took my mat and yoga blanket with me, but the weather was just not suitable to outside yoga. During one of my practices this week, I had my yoga blanket in the middle of my mat and when I pressed back into child's pose, my nose was right on my blanket. When I inhaled I could smell pine needles. I am thankful that even though I didn't have an opportunity to do yoga in the woods, my yoga props found the opportunity to absorb some of those woods. This week I also inadvertently put myself on a cleansing diet. I didn't mean too. It's just that our meal plan for the week included beans and quinoa and rice and veggies and did not include gluten. My lips look amazing (but I really want a pizza). I am thankful for my food. I'm thankful for our time with the Cabbage (we've had her all week!). I am thankful for the things growing in the garden. I am thankful for every day on the scooter! And I am super thankful for you. Here's to a fantabulous weekend and a truly Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

I am forcing myself to take a moment to show gratitude for the good things that happened this week. It kind of feels like all those times Jessica's mom made us sit down at her kitchen table and write Thank You notes for 4-H stuff. During the summer. When there was outside and Popsicles. Cue the slumping of shoulders and "gah" sound coming from my open mouth. My vacation starts NOW! Talaura will be here TOMORROW! There is a very neatly placed sheet of plastic and Duct tape covering the hole in our shower wall. Michael has done an excellent job of cleaning up the piles of clutter that had accumulated around the house. He even made veggie stock. While I've been at work every day fretting about how I was going to get all the things done, he's been at home doing all of the things. This is where I slap myself and say "Oh yeah...I don't have to do all of the things all by myself any more". Golly is that a hard one to let go of. Teachers tend to not work in the summer. I can ask Michael to do chores. Dur. It's easy to be thankful for that whole having a person to help me out with chores and life and what not. I am thankful for that, but what I'm really thankful for is his willingness to do these things. In fact he insists. Every day he asks me "what can I do today?" and more often than not he gets that task accomplished. I am also mindful that he has things that he wants and needs to do for himself. So when I give him a chore, I give him one chore. Like just clean the bathroom today or run the vacuum. I don't want to take away from the things he wants to do, but I also have a hard time giving up tasks that I think I have to do because I'm the only one that can do it. We're both learning. I am thankful that he insists. I am thankful that he is so willing.

What else? That spider bite is no longer spreading across my entire arm thanks to the doxycycline (you know they give that to people they think have Lyme disease?!?). I'm thankful that my arm is not going to rot off. Since I'm usually in the doctor's office this time of year for poison ivy, I'm thankful I don't have poison ivy. I am thankful for scooter rides and outside yoga practices. I am thankful for the texts sent back and forth between me and Katrina. I'm thankful for avocados (I feel I've eaten several this week). I am super thankful for this vacation and this time we'll have with Talaura. I am thankful for Turayis turning 40! She may not be as thankful about that, but I think 40 is awesome. I'm thankful for pictures of babies that make me laugh and laugh. And I'm thankful for you.

Things will be light around here next week. I might get a video post in, but mostly I'm going to be spending a lot of time being a tourist in my own country. Have a great weekend and a truly Thankful Friday.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

We have the Cabbage for ten day stretches during the summer instead of the usual every other weekend schedule. She's been with us all week and every evening I've come to a constant chatter describing the days' activities. Monday, Michael and the Cabbage went to school so that Michael could help get summer school started and then they came to work to have lunch with me. There was much excitement over peanut butter and jelly and chocolate pudding (the ice cream machine was out of order, wah wah). Tuesday she accompanied her Dad to the DMV where they spent all day getting Michael's license renewed. I asked her if she had fun at the DMV and she replied "Oh yeah! I can't wait to go back to the DMV!" Now, coming from an adult, there would be a definite tone of sarcasm in that statement, but from a three-year old's perspective that's real excitement and fun. Wednesday, when I came home from yoga class, I stood in the kitchen making my dinner while the Cabbage told me all about a place where they bring your food "ON A TRAIN!" and the water park (sprayground) and the boy who knocked her down at the park and made her scrape her elbow and Lego people and and and...."I smell a ghost!". I asked her what a ghost smells like and she said "a white under sheet". Thursday she left for a couple of days to stay with her Mimi and Nona. We get her back on Sunday. In case you've missed it, it's Summer Break all up in this house and there's ice-pops in my freezer. I was a little nervous about having the Cabbage for so many days in a row in our tiny little house. I also have fretted about food. There's been some effort to start getting her to eat what ever the adults are eating. It's something her mom is trying to do and it makes perfect sense, but I really balk at this idea because what three year old is going to eat kale with mung beans and rice? I can't even get Michael to eat it. I want to provide healthy things for her to eat, but I want her to WANT to eat it. I bought a package of strawberry applesauce packets, the kind all the kids are eating these days, and she didn't like it. That's OK because it's become a learning tool. I make it very clear to her that she's not in trouble, but that I want to know why she thinks it's "yucky". Is it a texture or flavor issue? If I bought this flavor instead would you like it? This way she learns how to be more descriptive than "yucky" and I learn about the foods she likes.

I am thankful for the things we've been able to teach each other this week. I am also thankful that we are eating good things and not junk. I am thankful that I haven't had to struggle to get her to eat carrots and tomatoes. Fruit has been consumed. All things to be thankful for. I am also thankful for all the chatter that greets me when I come home for work. The stories she tells me makes me smile. Her perspective on things make me laugh. The day they came to lunch, she said "Let's play three little pigs. You be the pig that builds your house out of straws" and then pointed to her straw in her cup. She thinks "straw" in the story refers to the kind you drink from. Which is awesome.

There's loads to be thankful for this week. I played the weather lottery yesterday and totally won, making to work before the storm and heading home as the final rain clouds moved out. I am thankful for cotton candy Jelly Bellies. And of course, I am thankful for you. Here's to a great weekend and a perfectly perfect Thankful Friday.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

A couple of weeks ago, the latch on my rice cooker busted. It would still cook, but liquid would boil up and leak out the sides. Now let me just say that I do not own a microwave. I never bothered to get a new one when we moved here. Four years later and I still have no plans on getting a microwave. I don't miss it one bit, but my rice cooker? Michael told someone once that I'd probably starve without my rice cooker. And he's right. Three days a week I eat steel cut oats for breakfast. Some of you out there may say "Who has time to make steel cut oats in the morning?!?" No one. No one has time for that, but the rice cooker does! I put my oats and water in the cooker the night before, set the delay start and BAM! Breakfast is served. Wednesdays are late days for me and I don't get home from yoga class until almost seven. I'll put some rice, mung beans and spices in the cooker and set the delay start and BAM! Dinner is ready when I walk through the door. Last week I finally broke down and purchased a new rice cooker. Actually, Michael sat me down at the computer and made me order a new rice cooker. It showed up Tuesday and I couldn't be more pleased. I was concerned at first because it looks so much smaller than my old one, but turns out, it's kind of like the Tardis. The cooking bowl is the exact same size as the old one. I know right? Magic. Magic and new technology. It may seem silly to be thankful for a rice cooker. I've mentioned here so many times how important routines are for me. It should be no surprise that my food is part of that routine. When a piece of equipment that plays a large role in facilitating the maintenance of that routine breaks down, it causes me a little bit of stress. Attachment causes suffering, am I right?

So yeah, I'm thankful for a new rice cooker, but really for me it's more than a rice cooker. It not only provides me with good nourishing food, it soothes me. I am thankful for my food, Amen. I am thankful for sunshine. I am thankful for rain. Yin and yang. I am thankful for the giant cabbage leaves we will be eating next week and the one tiny blossom on my tomato plant. I am thankful for today's forecast of 100% chance of scooter because there's nothing sweeter than riding a scooter on a Friday. I am thankful for you. As always.

Here's to a blessed weekend and a truly Thankful Friday.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Wednesday morning, I pulled the scooter out of the garage and greeted blue skies and the beginnings of a beautiful sunrise. By the time the morning was over the blue skies had been replaced with a layer of dark gray clouds. Those clouds hung around for the rest of the day. They looked heavy with rain and I was pretty sure that my ride home that evening would be a painfully wet ride. I went to yoga class that evening and every time I'd lift up to up dog, I'd take a peak out the window at the sky. The clouds seemed to grow heavier and more ominous with each round of Sun Salutation. At the end of class, I put on my rain jacket, zipping it all the way up to my throat. I hopped on the scooter and headed home. Though the clouds were heavy with rain, I didn't feel one sting of a rain drop. Instead of rain I was greeted with the smells that come just before the rain. Honeysuckle was thick in the air as I left the parking garage. Next came the smell of fried chicken from Go Chicken Go. After this came the smell of of wet dirt, car exhaust, and sometimes the smell of something being grilled on charcoal. Basically, instead of rain, I rode home through the smells of summer. This summer has felt odd to me. Like we got a late start. During what was supposed to be our Spring time, the weather flip flopped from cold damp to threats of frost back to cold damp and then sprinkled in patches of warm. Never leave the house without a sweater (or a towel). That's the most important lesson in life kids. As a result our June is beginning to look more Spring like than Summer. Thursday was rainy with a high of 76 and we decided to not attempt a camping trip this weekend because we are expected to have more of the same type of weather. When the days are warm, they are warm and humid which is something I've heard most people complaining about here. "Oh, the humidity!" I am probably the only person who does not mind. It is the type of weather that reminds me of laying across the rocking love seat on Pepaw's front porch with a book in my face while I listened to the buzz of wasps that were constantly swirling around the jungle of tomato plants Pepaw had climbing up the side of the porch. Summers in Oklahoma are notoriously hot and dry, leaving you feeling liked a baked cookie. I loved those muggy summer visits to Mississippi because of the humidity.

I am thankful that I did not have to ride the scooter home in the rain this week. I am thankful that the rain has held out until late in the night before pouring down on us. The garden is full of greens. Seeds planted two weeks ago are well on their way to becoming beans, cucumbers and okra. The potted plants in the front yard are lush and happy and every time I step out front, I am filled with joy over the sight of them. I know this humid weather is the reason for those thriving plants. I am thankful for the smells of summer, the honeysuckle and fresh mowed lawns and campfires, even that fried chicken from Go Chicken Go. I am also thankful for the sounds of summer. I can hear kids playing outside late in the evening. The ice cream van playing Bingo Was His Name(O) twists his way through the neighborhood. There always the sound of someone doing yard work. All of it makes me long for a hammock and a book. I am no fair weather girl, but I sure am a summer weather girl.

There's always so much to be thankful for. Here's a perfectly pleasant weekend and an amazing Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

I feel like today's Thankful Friday is going to turn into a list. There's really not one specific thing that I am thankful for this week as much as it is a big basket of things. Finally, after months, weeks, days and hours of waiting Charlotte Ripley Calger has decided to make her appearance to this world. And I can't stop tearing up over it. I remember last year at Amy and Roger's wedding how every time I'd look over at Amy, we'd both start tearing up and then Matt would yell at us "Batgirls don't cry!". It was just such a beautiful and happy time that neither one of us could keep it from leaking out our eyes. Multiply all that emotion by three (...there were three in the family, that's the magic number) and that should give an idea of the scale of emotion Charlotte brings to the table. I am blown away. Amy is a mother. We have this new being in our presence. I am thankful for all of this. I am thankful that all is well and healthy with mom and baby. I am thankful for this new life I get to be a witness to. As we say hello to a new life, it is with great sadness that we have to say goodbye to an old life. This week announced the death of a truly amazing woman. Maya Angelou was more than just a writer. She was and will always be an inspiration. There is so much more that can be said about this woman, but I lack the eloquence to do so properly. Maya Angelou was the type of woman that I'd wished was my grandma. Not because I could see us baking cookies together, but because I knew that she would be the kind of grandmother to give the wisest advice. I knew that she was someone to teach me valuable lessons. I am thankful for the beautiful words of wisdom that she has given us, for the incredible example she is. It is our duty to make sure that her legacy lives on so that generations to come will know this amazing life.

I am thankful for evening walks that lead us to our local library and a new found blend of spices called zatar. I am thankful for the fireflies that twinkle in my backyard on summer nights. And I am thankful for you. Here's to a wonderfully Thankful Friday.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

I feel like I've been pretty quiet this week. The few posts I've done have been easy fluff pieces quickly written to fill up space. I have things to write down. I swear it. I'm just not ready to write them down. Also, to be honest, I'm tired. I have yet to fully recover from our weekend. I feel behind. Like my usual routine is off just enough to make every thing feel delayed. I should have done this by now or this should be finished by now. And I have plans for the weekend, big working plans that are contagious because Michael started talking about building a fire pit in the backyard. He showed me where he thought it should go and everything. As contagious as those plans may be, he still asked me if there will be sleeping this weekend. I promised that I would not wake him at all on Monday. Memorial Day weekend for many is the kickoff to summer. Indeed this week has definitely had a warmer, summer time feel to it. Most of us are thinking of that long weekend and barbecues. It's easy to forget the reason why we have a Memorial Day holiday at all. It's just an excuse for department stores to host big sales events right? Memorial Day used to be known as Decoration Day. It was a day that families set aside to remember soldiers lost during the American Civil War. In some southern states, they still hold the tradition of picnic gatherings at grave sites where they also take time to clean up the stones and place new flowers. Memorial Day remembers all of the men and women of the US Armed Forces who have died while serving their country. Today at Floral Haven where J is buried, they will raise over 3000 flags in remembrance of the soldiers buried there. For those of us who know the loss first hand, every day is Memorial Day, but I am thankful that others take time to remember. People who never ever met J will raise a flag in his memory. They will remember that this man died doing a good dead in the name of our country. I am thankful for this. I have had so many people thank me for my sacrifice in regards to J and it always makes me angry for reasons that I just won't get into here. I will probably never admit that J died for this country; he died in service to his country. There's a difference. But what I can be thankful for is knowing that J was a good man. I am thankful that he did his duty and service with integrity and bravery. I am thankful that he was passionate in his beliefs and ideas. I am thankful for him in general. So maybe take a moment while standing in the check out line at Macy's to remember those who died while serving this country.

I am thankful for the things we've eaten from the garden this week. I am thankful for scooter days and evening walks. I am thankful for the air conditioning unit mom gave us that Michael installed in his room (it was one dad had put in the garage to keep peanuts cold). I am thankful for the time spent with family last weekend. I am thankful for you. Here's to a wonderful weekend and a beautiful Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

This has been one of those weeks that has moved through the days quickly and so as I get to Friday, I look up and say "Wait...wasn't yesterday Monday?". This leaves me with little time to really reflect on gratitude. I feel like I wasted any free time this week, squandering it all on couch time and TV watching. Which I know is technically not true because dinners were made this week and cleaned up afterward. I was on the treadmill twice a day and my yoga mat and I even renewed my CPR certification. Yet, I still feel like maybe I should have cleaned the bathroom on Tuesday or started a load of laundry on Wednesday. Instead, my Thursday evening was spent trying to get all of these things accomplished before we leave for mom's today. We are spending the weekend in the Tulsa area this because J's oldest, JR, is graduating high school. My great-nephew is graduating high school. Typing that makes me sound like I just turned 108. There are some days where I feel like I must be at least that old or maybe it just seems like I've lived a reeeaaaallllyyyy loooooonnnnngggg time. Any way, I remember this one time when most of the whole family went to Silver Dollar City. Mom, dad, Randy, Katrina, me, Chris and JR. We rode over in Randy and Katrina's van and I sat next to JR who was little bitty and we laughed all the way to Branson. Then we took him into the crooked house where he couldn't stand up because he was so small; the tilted floors threw his center of gravity. He'd stand up and then immediately fall over and it was the most hilarious thing I'd ever seen. We also played the five-more-bites game where he ended up throwing a fit over eating a piece of toast or not eating toast. We had just been trying to get him to eat anything, but NOOOOOOOO!!!!! Forget it. These were the days when he still had a mess of curly blond hair and the two of us shared the exact same giggle. Now he is driving a car, working at Mazzio's, and graduating high school. He is practically a grown up. Where's my shawl and cane?!?

I am thankful for those moments of laughter we have shared. I remember that time both JR and Thomas ended up in the backseat of my car and as Chris and I drove them to Randy and Katrina's house, Chris and the boys managed to change every Star Wars character name to something with "fart" in it. Darth Farter. Fartbacca. Oh how they all thought this was the most hilarious thing. The word "fart" is the funniest word on the planet and I am so thankful for those memories. I am thankful that I have been able to be a witness to this boy's life and I can't wait to see the places he'll go, the path he will take. I am also thankful that we are using this weekend to celebrate Mother's Day and most all of us are getting pedicures. I've been purposefully (not at all) neglecting my toes for this very reason.

What else? I am thankful for cheesy grits with shrimp. I am thankful for things we've eaten straight from the garden. I am super thankful to Shannon for taking time out to renew my CPR certification. And, as always, I am so thankful for you. Here's to a proud graduating weekend and a super Thankful Friday!