BLISSFUL IGNORANCE

Michael’s been talking about the weather for a week and I’ve been listening but not listening if you know what I mean. Then I had a friend cancel a lunch date and Terry moved the sock party from Thursday to Wednesday. Someone else said something about a storm and then I got a little shaky and woozy because I don’t think I planned our meals around snowy weather, which is what I get for only listening. I have a real bad habit of just ignoring the happenings of the world around me and just going about my business as if any of those said happenings are not going to impact my ability to go about my business.

To be fair, there was at least thirty four years of my life when I could get away with this mentality. If it snows or ices in Oklahoma, things just down and the whole do I or don’t I go to work question is answered for you. Meteorologists start screaming about the sky falling two weeks before hand and do a pretty decent job of putting the fear in you so that you have all the things you need to make French toast. The Meteorologists here are less YOU’RE GOING TO DIE IF YOU EVEN LOOK OUT THE WINDOW and more practical. They say things like make sure you have a decent supply if ice-melt and give yourself plenty of time to get from point A to point B and if you don’t really need to get from point A to point B, stay home. Now I have to decide if I need to get from point A to Point B. Since I tend to lean towards danger, I usually choose the worst possible scenario. Even though Michael says things like “I am not cleaning off your car or shoveling the drive way. You can stay home like a sensible human.” Though, he never says the sensible human part because he knows I’d punch him in the throat for saying it. Also, it makes him feel bad when I clean off my car by myself and shovel the driveway, but then I feel bad for making him do it.

It is a vicious circle.

Monday morning, the weather talk was getting to me and I texted Michael that I was freaking out about food, weather and my credit card (another blissfully ignorant thing I’ve got going). He told me that I would go to work on Tuesday. He said I would go to work on Wednesday, but probably come home early and Thursday we would most likely be Netflixing and chilling. Then I remembered we bought fancy cheeses at Whole Foods and I bought bread. We could make fancy grilled cheeses and I felt better because this felt like a real plan. He said some other reassuring things about my credit card and now, I think maybe I won’t lean towards the dangerous option for Thursday.

Winter is for real happening here this week. Be sure to gather your French toast ingredients sooner rather than later.

OFF KILTER

It's pretty in a soul crushing way

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I had made it through the toll booth and almost to that McDonalds that straddles the interstate when I realized it. My hand went subconsciously to my collar bone and I could feel the missing pieces. I had left all of my jewelry at my mother’s house. My tiny elephant earrings that I had bought myself for my fortieth birthday, my metal J bracelet and my silver chain holding mine and Chris’s wedding rings. Of course it’s the wedding rings that I miss the most. This is what sent me into a panic as I sent a text to Mom. Then she called me and I frantically told her where to find them as I sat in the McDonalds parking lot next to the interstate, semi trucks blazing through so loudly that I couldn’t hear Mom on the other end of the line. I hung up the phone and then she sent me a text telling me that she had found them and they were packaged up for shipping. I should get them Wednesday.

I spent the rest of my long drive home, fretting over the rings and worrying about the state of things in Kansas City. Eleven inches of snow fell on the city while I was away. I was coming home to snow and possibly a house still without power. The power went out on Michael sometime Saturday afternoon. He’d heard the crack of several tree limbs falling as well as a loud boom as a transformer blew. He’d been alternating between staying wrapped up in blankets on the couch to sitting in his truck with the engine running, charging his phone and listening to the radio. I started seeing a light dusting of snow when I was about a hundred miles from Kansas City. That dusting just progressively got deeper and deeper the closer I got to the city. Occasionally there would be a car abandoned in the median, snow piled high on the roof. The roads were clear. That’s one thing this city knows how to do. Main roads are cleared pretty quickly around here. It’s the small neighborhood streets you have to worry about. We live on a snow route, so it’s never been a problem except when the snow plows push all the street snow in front of the driveway.

I pulled my car into the end of the driveway that Michael had managed to clear. Then I hauled my suitcase out of the car and started making my way up to the house, stepping into the footprints that Michael had already made. He was sitting in is truck and because his windshield was still covered in snow, he hadn’t seen me arrive. He looked up in surprise and then made his way out of the truck and around to greet me. I walked into a cold, dark house with a desperate Josephine jumping up and down. I set my bags down and then picked her up so she could lick my face and I could bury my face into her warm fur. Then I set her down and got to work. Michael needed help shoveling the rest of the drive so he could get his truck out in the morning. We had things we needed to do while we still had some daylight like make lunches (mostly salads) and I unpacked my bags and put things away. Somewhere during all of this I lost all feeling in my toes and we decided to find a restaurant where we could sit and linger over a hot meal with hot drinks. We lingered over dinner and talked with the couple in the booth next to us who were also without power before heading back to our cold dark house.

I slept warm enough, wearing two layers of everything and a dog tucked into one side and cat on the other. We are still playing the waiting game as are many people. There were three of us women in the gym locker room this morning all in the same boat. My supervisor was in Hawaii at a conference all last week and came home to thirty degrees and no power. We have all shared our power outage stories of past and present. There’s a certain down trodden look about all of us and I keep refreshing the outage map for the power company in hopes of any new developments. We say things like “maybe when we get home” or “at least by Tuesday”. We’ll see. Everything is slightly off. Laundry is in an in between state of things with some things still damp in the dryer and some things stopped in the middle of a wash. Meal plans have been tossed out the window for the week and we’re hoping the contents of our refrigerator stay cool enough. The chickens need food. The dog is not into going outside to use the bathroom. She does it, but she runs right back inside.

The thing is, this snow is probably the most beautiful snow fall I’ve ever seen. There have been so many times I wanted to pull over and take pictures on my drive home, but there were not safe places to pull off the highway. It is also brutally cold. But it looks like something made up by Hollywood outside. It is achingly beautiful.

THE WINTER THAT WILL NOT END

Monday in Siberia

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Otherwise known as "Now is the winter of our discontent" or The Long Winter or The Winter That Killed Cindy Because She Never Saw The Sun Again. The End. 

I had no idea that fleece lined leggings would actually be the most practical and important purchase I would make in 2018. When I bought them on sale, I thought I was planning for next winter. My weather app currently says "feels like 26°" and this morning I had to tell the dog three times to go outside. She usually does this on her own, but this morning she stayed under the comforter until she heard Michael open the front door to leave. Even then, she only poked her head out to see what was happening. I almost think I saw her shoulders shrug before she tucked herself back into the blanket. Yesterday morning, while it was sleeting and snowing, the cat came in and settled down in my lap. Then he attacked me for no reason other than he needed to make someone suffer for what was happening outside.

We spent most of Easter Sunday on the couch under blankets or snuggled in bed reading books. I did manage to clean the bathroom, do laundry and clean out my closet, but there was a lot of immobility happening in between chores. There was a lot of scowling at the window whenever we'd hear the tap-a-tap of ice hitting the glass. We also ate a lot of cheese and pickles. For some reason, cheese is our go-to comfort food. I don't know why the pickles were involved. We watched a cooking show on PBS where the chef said things that made us question if she had ever tasted food before. She coated grapes with olive oil and salt and then roasted them in a pan with butternut squash. Micheal said "that's interesting." I replied "I don't know...it's a HOT grape." A salty hot grape on a salad. If raisins are the worst thing ever to be handed out as food, a salty hot grape has got to be the second worst thing.

Michael mentioned something about the trip we made to Wisconsin in July and how we nearly froze to death. One of us always ends up mentioning this trip whenever the weather is acting inappropriately. Wisconsin again interrupted my train of thought as I passed a guy in the hallway who works with sea lamprey. They're an invasive species that made their way into the lake from the Atlantic Ocean some time around 1938. Sea lampreys caused significant damage to the fishing industries of the Great Lakes. The Great Lakes Fishery Commission has gone to great lengths to get the lamprey population under control. Still, when I think about falling into any of the Great Lakes, I think of freezing to death while being attacked by hundreds of lampreys.

That's what this winter feels like. I'm freezing to death while giant eels are attaching themselves to me with a suction cup mouth full of razor sharp teeth. And yes, I realize that I am probably over exaggerating and being a bit dramatic. But really, I have nothing more to tell you. 

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Sunshiny day

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I wrote this whole entry about how we set the camper up on Sunday to get it ready for the camper's first adventure this weekend. Then I had to delete it because we canceled the trip due to freezing temperatures and snow that is supposed to hit here on Saturday. I tried really hard to be stubborn about it and say that I could totally camp in the snow, but we all know that I can only grumble when it snows. I'm not good at being cold. I thought it was something I could get used to, but I notice that the older I get, the more intolerable the cold becomes. So, after checking the weather twenty times last night, I looked at Michael and held up a white flag. The good news is that the camper is ready to go for next weekend when we plan to take the Cabbage out for her first KOA experience. 

We have the wanderlust real bad right now and the camper exasperates it. On the weekends that the weather has been perfect for camping, we've had other obligations. The month of April has something on the calendar every Saturday except Easter. Which is great because that means we can be part of the big gay Easter egg hunt at Terry's. I was looking forward to a weekend away with just the two of us, one that wasn't centered around errands and chores. So you know what? I'm still going to treat this weekend like we are out of town. I'll go to yoga in the morning and then come home and drag Michael out of bed. We'll go the Nelson and maybe find an arcade. I'll dig out the Uno cards and make some queso dip or guacamole and challenge Michael to a game of strip Uno. We'll drink hot spiced cider while watching the snow fall. I am thankful for a weekend that has left us with no plans. I am thankful for giving myself permission to say no to camping this weekend in the snow. 

I am thankful for all the wonderful donations that have been made to my AIDS Walk Fundraising page. You guys are awesome! I am thankful for the random email from someone I don't know all that well asking me how I was doing because they know the winter is hard for me. I am thankful for free donuts. I feel like I've done some good work this week and I'm thankful for this. I am thankful for Buddha bowls with BBQ roasted tempeh. I am always thankful for you.

Here's to a weekend without chores and a truly Thankful Friday.

LOVE THURSDAY

Winter yoga

"Winter yoga"

I can count the number of times I have been sledding on one hand. Sledding just didn't happen in Oklahoma because snow really didn't happen Oklahoma. At least not in my neck of the woods. The panhandle gets all kinds of snow, but I don't think much sledding happens there either because there aren't any hills. Of course, now I know how wrong my childhood was because I found out recently that you do not need a lot of snow to go sledding. I heard people talking about taking their kids sledding here and there was only a couple of inches of snow on the ground. When I mentioned to Michael that maybe we should take the Cabbage sledding on Saturday, He looked out the window and shook his head. He said that there wasn't enough snow and I kind of pouted. Then it snowed a few more inches for us, so...weeee!

Saturday morning, the Cabbage and I went grocery shopping while Michael was at his eye exam. While the two of us where out, we bought a sled. I convinced the Cabbage that the cheepo Disney Frozen sled was crap and the creepy penguin sled would work better. I had already scoped out a park with some good sledding hills. So, after lunch, with Michael and his dilated eyes and the Cabbage and I, we hit the slopes. And it was spectacular! The Cabbage couldn't remember if she'd ever gone sledding before. Michael and I figured that if she couldn't remember, then this was her first sledding experience. We started her out on a smaller section of the slope. Then it was my turn. I chose a slightly bigger slope and to go head first. When the Cabbage saw me do this, she also wanted to try the bigger slope, but we convinced her that head first was overrated. She totally nailed that bigger slope and so we moved up to an even steeper slope. This is where I nearly ran into a tree and then fell off the sled. The sled is not easy to steer. The Cabbage went down that hill, but started in the middle. She missed the tree, flipped and did a full 360 on the sled. She did not think it was as cool or funny as Michael and I did, even though she was not hurt and it was awesome. 

We sled until our fingers and toes where numb. The Cabbage's gloves had gotten wet. My gloves had gotten wet, not to mention my pants. I got snow down the back of my coat on one run. The Cabbage did one more sledding run and then we packed it in. Back at the car, Michael peeled off the Cabbage's wet gloves and then put his still dry gloves on her hands to help warm them up. She was in the back seat with these giant gloves on her hands and then she said "My hands! My beautiful hands!" I don't know if she'd heard that line before or if she had just come up with it now on her own, but it was hilarious. We laughed all the way home. The best part was capturing the pure joy on Michael and the Cabbage faces as they sled down the hill. 

The next day, the temperatures rose and all of the snow melted. 

Happy Love Thursday!

LOVE THURSDAY

Winter weather advisory.

"Winter weather advisory."

I have had this screen open all day, but I've been consumed with other tasks and unable to put any thought into a Love Thursday post. I always try to write these entries the day before. So, as I sit here typing this, it is really Wednesday. It started snowing here around noon and has progressed from teeny tiny flakes to medium fat flakes. The city was turned completely white in less than an hour. I am currently watching the traffic outside. At 3:30 pm the cars are already bumper to bumper. Everyone is moving at a snail's pace. 

There's a large flock of starlings swooping around in all of this weather too. They showed up around here last Friday. By late afternoon, they have migrated to my side of the building.  I watch them all settle into one tree. It seems like as soon as they are all settled they are up again, swooping this way and that. They make their own cloud and their black bodies contrast sharply against the white sky. I watch them floating this way and that and it makes me want to dance with them. I see myself swaying and moving my arms around like some hippy child at Coachella. I am reminded of that line in Forest Gump. "Dear Lord, make me a bird so I can fly far far away." They are my reminder to move freely. 

It's cold and miserable outside, yet these birds twist and turn and float with ease as if there is no such thing as uncomfortable temperatures. A lesson I have yet to learn. I mentioned the possibility of yoga classes being cancelled to Talaura and she said maybe they'd move class outside and we'd use our mats as sleds. My mat would make a terrible sled, but I did suddenly want to go sledding. Maybe I am learning that lesson if I'm willing to entertain the idea of zipping down a hill on piece of plastic. Those birds are my new meditation for surviving winter. 

THANKFUL FRIDAY

This is what I woke to.

elephant_soap's photo on Instagram

When I posted a picture of yesterday's snowfall on facebook, I could practically hear Jen's squeals from here. She's always so envious of the amount of snow that we see up here. I'd love to package it all up and send it to her for Christmas. It really is beautiful. Every thing about Christmas includes snow. As a kid growing up in Oklahoma, a White Christmas was often dreamed of, but rarely seen. We used to pray that enough snow would fall to go sledding just once or build a snowman. There was a time when I was more durable to the cold weather and would spend hours trekking up a hill and sliding down on an inner tube over and over until all the snow was worn away to grass and mud.

These days I have to be reminded by others that I am lucky to have snow at Christmas. I don't know when the switch happened, but snow or no snow, my body aches with the cold. I sort of curl up like an armadillo. I just need to invest in legitimate winter clothing and suck it up. It was thirty two degrees when I left work yesterday and a guy on a small Kawaski motorcycle passed me. I was shivering in my car that hadn't had time to warm up. I have no idea how that guy on the motorcycle was dealing with riding in the cold. He's managed to hang onto that intolerance we all used to have as kids. I am thankful for this reminder to thicken my skin. 

This was our first real snowfall of the season and I was completely surprised by it. I have to admit that even though I wanted to crawl back into bed at the sight of it, I still felt that spark of glee at the sight of the white layer of it. As I walked over to the gym during my lunch break, I felt the cold on my face and as I inhaled, I could smell the snow. I smiled to myself as I noticed the distinct sent of it. The smell of rain in the Spring time can smell sweet with a hint of dirt. The Fall rains are musty, but in the winter, when the rain turns to snow, the smell is clean. There's almost a hint of bleach to it and a bit of saltiness. I am thankful for that spark of glee. I am thankful for that smell of clean. I am also thankful that this was a relatively easy first snowfall. There was no shoveling. The roads were clear and the snow brushed away from the car with one simple swipe.  

I am thankful for colored packages tied up with ribbon. I am thankful for the daily piece of chocolate from the advent calendar. I am thankful for each and every Christmas card that has come our way. And I am always thankful for you. Here's to a festive weekend as we begin to spiral our ways into this Holiday. And a truly Thankful Friday.