THE GREAT DESPAIR

Many of my friends and colleagues are currently feeling conflicted and overwhelmed. There is just so much awfulness from this administration as they continue to restrict our rights as citizens. This is compounded with this administration’s complacency in genocide and their use of concentration camps here in the US. Trump is now trying to make it illegal for anyone to criticize him, his policies or anyone whose platform is based on preaching racism and homophobia. Many of us are frustrated with the inability of some to distinguish between what is politics and what are basic human rights.

Do you remember the first time you felt comfortable coming out of your box of conformity? We listened to Brene Brown talk about being our authentic selves in a TED talk almost fourteen years ago and for a while we’ve all been doing that. Living authentically. For some of us that meant being open about our sexuality and if you lived in metropolitan places, it wasn’t so dangerous anymore to be a lesbian, to be trans, to be gay…to be different. As women we were finally seeing a reckoning to all the sexual harassment and pestering by men that we’ve been tolerating for years. It almost felt safe to just be a woman walking around the city. For a while, we were carefree and outgrew that box of conformity.

Now this administration is trying to make us all go back into that box and of course, we are all resisting. That is what this feeling is; being shoved back into a box you outgrew. It doesn’t fit and we won’t go back. We refuse to go back to a time when we could not live and love authentically. As women we refuse to go back to a time where our sole value lied in our ability to birth, where our value was little more than livestock. I will not be submissive and I’m far to big for that old box, but I struggle with how to deal with such an overwhelming feeling of being powerless. Except, I am not powerless. WE are not powerless. The very act of continuing to live authentically to our true selves is powerful. It is a protest that says we will not be fear mongered or bullied.

Remember, they’re attempt to demonize the word ‘empathy’ is because they do not understand the concept of empathy, or compassion for that matter. They also have more practice in living authentically. How else can you build a platform around racism and homophobia? They’re authentic selves are teachers of hate, but in a cowardly way because so much of it happens online. So while it might feel like you are doing nothing or nothing you do matters, you are making a difference just by living your life and doing so with compassion and empathy for others. There is someone who sees you and admires you for your bravery. You are teaching compassion and empathy by example. For sure, things are going to get worse. That’s just how it’s going to be for a while, but I believe in our strength and ability to be kind, compassionate humans. And that's what will get them.

Kill them with kindness.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

I almost skipped this today. I have plenty to be grateful for this week. This morning, I locked my house from the inside. Then I stepped out into the now very clean garage, pushed a button and watched the garage door open. Then I got on my scooter, rolled it outside and pressed another button, closing the garage behind me. Then I just rode away. And I know that seems like a normal everyday thing to be able to do if you live in a house with a garage, but this is the first time in my life that I have had an automatic garage door opener. This feels like getting an A++ in adulting. It is also the reason that while I may be forty eight years old, I still feel like I’m in my early twenties trying to figure out life. Which is probably why some of my adulting tasks this week made me cry big fat stupid tears.

But I’ve talked enough about my new garage door.

The Cabbage asked to go see the musical Come From Away and if the kid is going to ask to see any form of a stage production, I think it is important to make it happen. So we took them to the Starlight Theater last night and sat outside watching the North American Tour of Come From Away. The musical is based on the true story of when 42 planes were ordered to land at the Gander International Airport in Newfoundland during the attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon on September 11, 2001. The tiny town of Gander rallied to take in about 7,000 stranded people. It is a beautiful example of the human capacity for caring and kindness during times of great tragedies, but I found the beginning of the musical to be pretty hard to sit through. It starts with how we all started on that day, how we all got up and started doing our normal daily routines until the news interrupted everything. There was a moment when the performers’ reactions to the horror was so familiar and heavy that I almost got up and left.

Later, when we were on our way back home, the Cabbage asked us what our favorite parts were and when it was my turn, I said “That’s going to be a hard moment for me to pin down.” Then I confessed to finding the beginning to be very difficult for me to watch. Michael piped up and agreed. He told the Cabbage that they needed to understand the opening put us in a very different headspace than them. Chris and I used to joke about how that day changed everything, but it truly did. That day in, some ways, brought out the worst in people with lasting consequences for our Muslim Americans (or any brown skinned person). But that day also brought out the best in us. We can really pull together and do good things for one another in times of crisis. This is great and all and there are some beautiful stories out there from those sorts of good deeds, but what about those times when we are not in a crisis?

In the years since then, I have become more apt to notice the good we can do for one another when there is not a crisis. I’m talking about those times we give money to a GoFundMe need or buy something on an Amazon wishlist to help a teacher. Maybe it is just the simple act of saying ‘good morning’ and pausing for short chat with that old man waiting at the bus stop you pass on your morning dog walks. There is joy in being kind to others and I am grateful for those moments when I experience that kind of joy. So my answer to the Cabbage’s question about my favorite part of this musical is this. My favorite part of this musical is the global overall message of kindness.

The practice of daily kindness is what makes us ready for those often bigger acts of kindness required during a crisis.

LOVE THURSDAYS

One time, Chris and I were standing in the checkout line at the grocery store, a basket full of groceries, when a woman stepped into line behind us. I noticed that she had a hand basket with only two or three items. Chris and I insisted that she go ahead of us. She protested and seemed really shocked that we would give up our place in line. Of course, Chris and I won out and she went ahead of us, but I couldn't help being a bit perplexed at her reaction.

We see the same thing every time we give a Sonic carhop a tip. They always react as if we've given them a million dollars. Afterward, Chris and I always have the conversation of "poor carhop, no one ever tips them". The truth is, those carhops probably rarely see a tip. It's so simple, being nice and it's an easy thing to do, for the most part. I really started thinking about this when I went to this site tweeted by Chookooloonks. Wouldn't it be so much easier to be nice to people if they were wearing a sign like one of those?

And then it dawned on me. It's easy to be nice, but some times, it's hard to accept kindness. This is something I tend to struggle with, particularly when the kindness is coming from someone I don't trust. So, today for Love Thursday, I offer you a challenge. It's a challenge to not only be nice, but to accept kindness from others.

Happy Love Thursday!