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Seedy

9 Likes, 0 Comments - Cindy Maddera (@elephant_soap) on Instagram: "Seedy"

A couple of weeks back, after I did an illegal U-turn to take a picture of someone’s thirtieth birthday balloons, I had an uncontrollable urge to write about it. I had already written my Thankful Friday entry and so I just set the thought aside for another time. Except words and phrases started piling up in my brain. I started to get twitchy and thought about writing some things down on napkins. We were at the Cabbage’s soccer game, no where near my computer. I finally had to just write it all out in the Notes app on my phone until I could get to my computer. Some of you might be thinking “isn’t that what the Notes app is for?” Sure…on your phone, if that is how you wish to use it. I use that app for lists, not for typing out whole paragraphs with my thumbs.

Desperate times. Desperate measures.

The urge to write those words was intense. It was something I hadn’t felt in some time. For a while now, keeping this blog going has been work. I’ve written and deleted content because it bores me or sounds like whining or doesn’t really tell a story. There are many days where I think that maybe I just won’t post anything this week, but that thought turns into ‘well, if I don’t post anything this week, will I want to post anything next week?’ Before I know it I will have completely dropped the habit of writing anything. I have no delusions of blogger fame. I never look at the analytics section for this blog to see how many people have read what entry. This place will always be a space for me to vomit out the words and phrases that clog up my brain. Sometimes it looks and smells like rainbow cotton-candy vomit and sometimes it looks and smells like my dog’s vomit. Michael and I are doing intermittent fasting right now. I’m using vomit for my analogy to take my mind off of food.

Also, I’m feeling slightly loopy.

I’ve been in a writing slump for a bit, but things have shifted and now I find myself wanting to be here to spill my guts. I also find myself wanting to write things not for here. On one of my Saturday morning Fortune Cookie times, I realized that what I have managed to do is to almost fill up a journal with beginnings of stories. The last one I did I ended up thinking about for the rest of the day. It seemed like something I could really flesh out and turn into something; maybe not something great, but something entertainingly good. I also keep trying to figure out how to tell my story. I’ve started so many different versions and approaches and all of them end up going no where. Yet another approach to my story has started to form in my head and I think it’s a good one. At least this approach is something I want to give some time to and see where it leads.

There is always some sort of ebb and flow to all of my creative endeavors. It seems that my flow and creative desires spring out of the dirt with the tulips. I need sunshine, warmth and the right amount of water. I’m like a seed. Wait. I’m like multiple seeds. I’m like a whole freakin’ garden. Right now, I’m sprouting seeds for a Spring harvest of words.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Texts with strangers

4 Likes, 1 Comments - Cindy Maddera (@elephant_soap) on Instagram: "Texts with strangers"

One evening this week, as I was getting ready to wash my face before bed, I noticed something sticking out of the drain in our bathroom sink. I plucked the thing out only to find that it was a pumpkin seed that had sprouted. I can only assume that the seed ended up there when the Cabbage washed her hands after carving our pumpkins. The drain in the bathroom sink is a modern drain and it's easy enough for something the size of a pumpkin seed to rest undetected just under the the drain cover. That's what happened. The seed sat hidden for almost three weeks, getting plenty of water and minimal sunlight, until it finally started to grow. It sounds like a title for a great children's' book. There's a Pumpkin Growing in My sink! I should tuck this idea away to go along with the egg that has four yolks. 

Sometimes, I will be floating along through my days while either feeling not much of anything or the weight of all that is wrong with everything everywhere and I will forget to notice the little things. This week it started with a seed sprouting in my sink. It was as if the seed had been purposefully planted there for me to find, to be reminded of the simple beauty of cell division. This was followed with a simple text from a phone number I did not recognize that read:

"I know this is hard on you. just wanted you to know that im praying for you too. Darwina."

At first, I racked my brain trying to remember if I knew anyone named 'Darwina'. Then I wondered what Darwina knew that I didn't. "I know this is hard on you." What? Life? Breathing? Trying to be happy when half the time I feel nothing? Yeah...Darwina, it is really hard. How did you know? 

Of course I knew that this had to be a text sent to the wrong number. I don't know a Darwina, nor did I have a clue really what she was talking about. I replied politely to her text and we had a brief exchange of pleasantries. So often something like this happens and the person on the other end of the line turns angry and hostile. Just earlier this week, I called a number that had called me three times in a two hours. I didn't answer it because I didn't recognize the number, but after three attempts to contact me, I though maybe I should see what they wanted. I called the number and the man who answered was rude. He said he hadn't called me and asked me how I got his number. I explained that I had just hit the return call button on my phone, that it was this number that was listed in my missed calls list. It was a far different exchange than the one I had with Darwina, that's for sure. Then I thought "why can't all exchanges be as pleasant and polite?" 

This week I am thankful for seeds that sprout even in the non hospitable conditions. I am thankful for this reminder that I am a lot like this seed, sprouting and growing in adversary. I am thankful for unintentional words of support from complete strangers. I am thankful for the reminder how things are just better when we respond to each other with kindness and understanding.

I am thankful for you.