THANKFUL FRIDAY

I have zero plans for the weekend. There is not a long list of run-around errands that must happen or obligations. I will go to Trader Joe’s in the morning and the car wash, but since I’ve been really good about chores during the week, I don’t need to clean my house. I am sure there’s some organizing or cleaning out that I could do. My desk drawers are getting a little full of catch-alls. But I am refraining from making a to-do list. Thursday, I made it onto my mat for personal yoga time and allowed myself a fifteen minute savasana. I was very fidgety at first but by the end of the final bell, I was peeling myself off the mat and opening my eyes to see that I was facing completely opposite of what I thought I was facing. I sunk deep into that savasana, something I haven’t done in a really long time. Maybe my weekend will include more of this.

Last weekend, we were sitting in my brother’s truck at a gas station trying to decide what kind of adventure we wanted for the day, when I said “Let’s drive over to Eureka Springs". This is a quaint little artsy town in Arkansas, about an hour’s drive from my brother’s cabin. We’ve done this adventure together on other visits. It’s a pretty good option for when you want nothing to do with Branson. We took a vote and headed off for the winding roads that lead you to Eureka Springs and it was lovely. We all had a nice time. Then later on Michael said something about how we should have packed our own snacks because we ended up stopping for snacks. Then I mentioned how I could have used some sunscreen, but then I said something about how the idea of going to Eureka Springs for the day was completely spontaneous. If that had been our plan all along, I would have packed snacks and sunscreen. I told Michael that this was why I was not good at spontaneity.

But today, I’d like to revise that statement.

Spontaneous moments require a certain amount of sacrifice to the Goddess of Whimsy. In our case, this came in form of snacks and sunscreen. Not really a big sacrifice. It is an added expense to purchase those things, of course, but we are in a position where we don’t need to go without. Previous experience with spontaneity for me have leaned towards the negative. So being spontaneous in general tends to create some anxiety. The what-if game starts playing in my head. What if I can’t find a parking space? What if it’s too crowded? What if I am uncomfortable in any way possible? Sometimes the Goddess of Whimsy requires you to sacrifice your need for control. I will gladly hand over all the snacks before handing over any control. So, I don’t always (mostly) do well with unplanned activities because I am unwilling to make the sacrifices required.

I experienced zero anxiety with last weekend’s spontaneous adventure. The what-if games never even entered my head and I didn’t once consider the sacrifice needs of the Goddess of Whimsy. This is probably because I was technically on vacation even though I did waste a lot of brain space on the chores that needed to be taken care of before Monday. My day was wide open to possibilities. Which is very much how I have left tomorrow. Today, I’m grateful for taking care of stupid adulting tasks so that I have space for unplanned activities.

But only the joyful ones.

FAT, PARDONS, AND SACRIFICE

Dinner

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Remember those days when I used to celebrate Fat Tuesday and make Everything Jambalaya and sometimes even beignets?  Okay, I only made beignets that one time. It was the first and last time I used a Fry Daddy and I was so disgusted (and overwhelmed) with the leftover grease that I threw the whole thing away and I've not deep fried anything since. But we always had Abita beer and that's the second most important thing of Fat Tuesday. Then, because of Tiffany, we'd all give up something for Lent. I tried to keep up with that Fat Tuesday tradition, but it isn't really a thing up here. I think it has something to do with being more north and also our distance from the Mighty Mississippi. 

So instead of Everything Jambalaya, tonight we will be having soyrizo tacos with mushrooms and black beans, which is what we have every Tuesday. Though, I think pancakes are the thing up here. They replace the "Fat" with "Shrove" and eat pancakes because making pancakes uses up all the things in the kitchen that are considered to be rich foods. This way, you use up all your butter, sugar, milk and eggs (if you don't have chickens) before you start your forty day fast. I like how Wikipedia describes fasting for Shrove Tuesday as "refraining from food that would give pleasure." I should give up cheese for Lent. We will not be eating pancakes because Michael hates pancakes (I know, how can you hate pancakes?). Sometimes traditions change and morph. We cooked crawfish on Saturday and I drank a couple of Abitas at work on Friday. A conversation with Talaura yesterday made me feel at peace. Absolved isn't really the word to use so I'm going to replace it with peace. Tomorrow morning, I'll smear some dirt from the garden on my forehead. 

I think it is funny that Lent, for many people, has gone from eating bland foods or eating just for the basic sustenance of the body to giving up something that brings them joy like chocolate or soda or cookies. We give up things we have formed habits with. We commit to forty days of something like writing or yoga or meditation or jogging. I am guilty of committing to something like forty days of yoga (never jogging). I am also guilty of giving up things that do not serve me like self doubt and worry. There is nothing wrong with being guilty of any of those things. The whole point of Lent is taking time to be mindful and reflective and if committing to something or giving up chocolate helps you do that, then so be it. Personally, I am leaning towards forty days of Buddha bowls and simple meals of lentils and greens. 

I spend a lot of time on making a weekly meal plan that is not only nutritious but one that will not lead to Michael pulling a face of disgust. The meal plan is more than a plan devised to appease my OCD tendencies. It keeps us on a budget, which is really important right now if we want to pay for the camper and be able to use it. I could free up time for reflection by just making the weekly meal plan out to be beans and rice every day for forty days. I'm sure Michael would love that or I could just spend the next forty days only being responsible for my meals and let Michael fend for himself. This is also something I doubt he'd be all that pleased with. I guess the bottom line is that I am probably giving up nothing for Lent. I am probably not even really committing to anything. Instead, I am just going to try harder to be more mindful and reflective every day. 

Like I said. Traditions change and morph.