THANKFUL FRIDAY

I have zero plans for the weekend. There is not a long list of run-around errands that must happen or obligations. I will go to Trader Joe’s in the morning and the car wash, but since I’ve been really good about chores during the week, I don’t need to clean my house. I am sure there’s some organizing or cleaning out that I could do. My desk drawers are getting a little full of catch-alls. But I am refraining from making a to-do list. Thursday, I made it onto my mat for personal yoga time and allowed myself a fifteen minute savasana. I was very fidgety at first but by the end of the final bell, I was peeling myself off the mat and opening my eyes to see that I was facing completely opposite of what I thought I was facing. I sunk deep into that savasana, something I haven’t done in a really long time. Maybe my weekend will include more of this.

Last weekend, we were sitting in my brother’s truck at a gas station trying to decide what kind of adventure we wanted for the day, when I said “Let’s drive over to Eureka Springs". This is a quaint little artsy town in Arkansas, about an hour’s drive from my brother’s cabin. We’ve done this adventure together on other visits. It’s a pretty good option for when you want nothing to do with Branson. We took a vote and headed off for the winding roads that lead you to Eureka Springs and it was lovely. We all had a nice time. Then later on Michael said something about how we should have packed our own snacks because we ended up stopping for snacks. Then I mentioned how I could have used some sunscreen, but then I said something about how the idea of going to Eureka Springs for the day was completely spontaneous. If that had been our plan all along, I would have packed snacks and sunscreen. I told Michael that this was why I was not good at spontaneity.

But today, I’d like to revise that statement.

Spontaneous moments require a certain amount of sacrifice to the Goddess of Whimsy. In our case, this came in form of snacks and sunscreen. Not really a big sacrifice. It is an added expense to purchase those things, of course, but we are in a position where we don’t need to go without. Previous experience with spontaneity for me have leaned towards the negative. So being spontaneous in general tends to create some anxiety. The what-if game starts playing in my head. What if I can’t find a parking space? What if it’s too crowded? What if I am uncomfortable in any way possible? Sometimes the Goddess of Whimsy requires you to sacrifice your need for control. I will gladly hand over all the snacks before handing over any control. So, I don’t always (mostly) do well with unplanned activities because I am unwilling to make the sacrifices required.

I experienced zero anxiety with last weekend’s spontaneous adventure. The what-if games never even entered my head and I didn’t once consider the sacrifice needs of the Goddess of Whimsy. This is probably because I was technically on vacation even though I did waste a lot of brain space on the chores that needed to be taken care of before Monday. My day was wide open to possibilities. Which is very much how I have left tomorrow. Today, I’m grateful for taking care of stupid adulting tasks so that I have space for unplanned activities.

But only the joyful ones.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Today, I am meeting my friend Nurse Jen, for lunch. She was our camp nurse at Camp Wildling, but she’s also a nurse in real life, working in very stressful conditions at a local hospital. She posted something in her timeline earlier in the week that made me think that she had more than reached her limit of dead people and COVID. So I reached out to check in with her mental health. We made a plan, set a time and a place and everything, to meet. I felt like I deserved a gold star for following through because I am usually in full turtle mode during the winter. I can’t wait to see her and do what I can to lighten her life a little right now, be some ears to things she needs to rant about and some healing comic relief.

Follow through….sometimes that is not my forte.

Michael made reservation for Farina for my birthday last weekend. We knew the restaurant was going to be fancier than our usual restaurant experience, but I don’t think either of us were prepared for just how fancy it turned out to be. On top of the impeccably placed table settings and service, the food was exquisite. I started off with a gin cocktail and dozen oysters. Michael started with carpaccio, which is basically a plate of thinly sliced raw meat. He’s had this dish before at another restaurant and when I tried it, I told him it tasted like nails. He assured me that this did not taste like nails. My oysters were followed up with a shrimp and pasta dish that was light and lemony and spicy. Michael had roast served on saffron risotto. We were both so pleased with the meal and the experience that I suggested we put this in the budget. I said that we should pick a new fancy place once a month or every other month. So we did. We didn’t wait or hesitate. We sat there and parrused restaurants until we agreed on one and then Michael made reservation for February.

It was a very satisfying moment.

My friend Alice, when she introduced me to her partner, said “Cindy is the person who says she’s going to do something and then does the thing she said she was going to do.” I was surprised by this. I am still surprised by this observation of my personality. I feel like, oh so often, I fail to follow through with things that I want to do. I realize now that you, the audience, have no idea of all the things I don’t end up doing because I don’t ever say the thing I want to do out loud. For every one want that gets voiced, there are twenty others inside my head and it is the twenty other unvoiced wants that I end up fixating on. My plans with Jen, the advanced reservations with Michael, both of those things were spontaniouse moments. They are moments where I didn’t hesitate or pause to over think the pros and cons. I just took action.

I’m grateful for the reminder that I am the woman who says she’s going to do something and then does the thing she said she was going to do.