THINGS THAT DON'T MATTER

Raspberry toes

0 Likes, 1 Comments - Cindy Maddera (@elephant_soap) on Instagram: "Raspberry toes"

I don't know what it is about Costco, but just pulling into the parking lot makes me want to punch someone. I immediately fill up with rage. We always find ourselves pulling into the parking lot at the worst time of day to be inside Costco and getting from the car to inside the doors is like reenacting an episode of American Gladiators while pushing an oversized shopping cart. I must have missed the etiquette lesson that teaches you to stop just inside the doorway of places so that you block all others from entering a room. The other shoppers at Costco did not miss this lesson because they are masters of stepping just inside and then spreading out almost like they are getting ready to start a game of Red Rover. It is all I can do to not shove them with my cart. I am not there to browse. I am not there to gawk at all of the things. When I go into Costco, I go in with a plan and a list. I can not afford to do other wise. I want to get in and get out and the people inside Costco want to do everything they can to keep me from doing just that.  

Saturday, I had to play this game twice because we ended up at two different Costcos. The first Costco didn't have all of the things on the list. Michael called the other Costco to see if they had the missing item. They did and we ended up abandoning our cart and just walking out to head over to a different Costco where I had to run the gauntlet all over again. This time I got everything on our list and managed to push my cart right up to an empty check out lane. WHAT?! Turns out that no one pays attention to the check out lane at the very end. Our check out was timed perfectly with a torrential downpour. We walked to the doors where people and carts were lined up as if they had been herded into a pen. Michael ran to get the car and when he pulled up, I ran outside with our cart. He had managed to park right next to the downspout for a gutter. I stood in ankle deep rushing water while tossing all of our things into the back seat. Rain was pounding down on me and while I was tossing in a giant stack of Kleenex, I just yelled "IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER!"

I finally made into the car, my clothes soaked through, my hair plastered down on my head with water dripping into my eyes. Michael turned to me, handing me his handkerchief and asked "What did you yell while you were putting stuff into the car?" I blotted my face with the handkerchief and replied "It doesn't fucking matter." Then we both started laughing at the ridiculousness of the whole situation. Our next stop was the REI store and the rain had dampened to a medium sprinkle. People were still standing under the awning of the store though when Michael pulled up and let me out of the car. One woman looked at me as I walked up to the doors and the look on her face said "Oh, honey." I shrugged and said "We just came from Costco. It's way worse over there." and I brushed my wet hair off my forehead and walked right on in. 

A couple of weekends ago, Michael and I got caught in unexpected rain shower while we were on the scooters. We rode home in a heavy downpour. At one point, I got stuck at a light behind a car that was illegally parked outside a church. They had pulled up so that someone could usher some senior citizen into the car. I just sat there waiting patiently. Really, there was nothing more I could do. I couldn't go around the car and by the time I could go around, the light had turned red. I was thinking of this moment while I was stuck outside Costco, throwing bulk items of butter and kleenex into the backseat. At some point it really just doesn't matter. At some point, I just have to be in it. This is how it is; it is not something I can control. But I can control my reaction. Which is how I should approach being inside Costco or any situation I get stuck in that I can't control. Sometimes you need to get caught in the rain just to remind yourself that it really isn't that big of a deal to get caught in the rain. 

And that is just doesn't fucking matter. 

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Drip

8 Likes, 1 Comments - Cindy Maddera (@elephant_soap) on Instagram: "Drip"

Michael and The Cabbage got a pool membership for the summer. When they get home, Michael takes their towels and wet swimsuits and hangs them out on the line. That is usually where they stay until the next trip to the pool. I've noticed recently that leaving the towels and swimsuits on the line triggers the rain clouds to drop buckets of water some time around day three of being on the close line. The phenomenon of things left on the clothes line causing rain is becoming almost more accurate than the actual weatherman. These are things that I should pay more attention to, because I left the house Wednesday morning on the scooter. Sure, I noticed that the sky was overcast, but I did glance at my weather app that said there was only a 20% of rain. So really that should mean that there was an 80% chance that is would NOT rain. 

It started raining around lunch time. I was not concerned. I have seen this so many times. The clouds build up, drops a bunch of rain and then clears off well before it is time for me to head home for the day. Except, this time it didn't. There was still a steady rain coming down when I walked over to the gym for yoga class around five. It continued to rain all during class. Then, just as class was over, the rain subsided to a sprinkle. I barely felt a drop as I scooted home. The rain picked up again right after I parked the scooter in the garage. Michael just shook his head at my luck. I just grinned and said "I'm a ninja!" That, and I just have good timing. I am thankful for that brief pause of the rain so that I could scooter home without getting soaked. 

I am also really thankful for this rain, even though it has caused serious flash flooding in the KCMO area. It has been so hot here. Hot enough for me to notice that it is HOT. Usually I roll my eyes the people complaining about 95 degree temps, but this summer we have seen our fair share of a hundred degrees. Throw in high humidity and you would think we had moved to Costa Rica. Terry gave me some of his banana plants from his back yard. When I finally got around to planting them, they looked pretty dead. Now they're thriving. The banana plants are loving this weather. The rain that came through last night though, cooled every thing down to a balmy 85 degrees. I am thankful for the break in the heat.

What else? 

I am thankful for fans. The wind blowing kind. I am thankful for routines. I am thankful for my yoga mat and the time spent on it this week. I am thankful for pizza topped with arugula. I am thankful for you. Happy weekend to all. 

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Hello

6 Likes, 1 Comments - Cindy Maddera (@elephant_soap) on Instagram: "Hello"

Michael has asked me on two different mornings this week if it was a scooter day. Both times I have answered "yes!" without even checking the weather. That's not true. I checked the weather by looking out the window. Skies were clear. That says 'scooter day' to me. The reality was that each day included a chance of severe weather or at least some rain. In fact, on Wednesday, we got a notice at work saying that we were under a tornado warning until 7 pm that evening. Michael can't ride his scooter on Wednesdays because those are evenings with the Cabbage. She's not quite tall enough to ride the scooter. Yet.

I got to work on Wednesday just before the rain hit. At one point during the day, the wind was ferocious and rain came down sideways. But by the time I left yoga class to head home, the sky had cleared. Michael opened the garage door for me when I got home that evening and said "I guess you managed to avoid the rain." I told him that I've become the Zen master of riding between raindrops. The Matrix on scooters. I am grateful that I did not get caught in the rain, but more than anything, I am grateful for the scooter rides. I am grateful to have thrown caution aside and just hopped on the scooter and gone. This has been the kind of week that has added hours to days in a way that was unproductive. I mean that those extra hours where not filled with good things that I wanted to be doing. There were several moments when I felt like just laying on the floor. Like that moment I realized that a very heartfelt, personal bit of writing I had been working on, didn't save. Those scooter rides, along with some yoga time, where moments of freedom from this week's little frustrations. 

Today I am driving to Oklahoma to see Thomas graduate from high school. Thomas is J's youngest boy and the most stoic of the two. I can think of a very small number of times when I have seen him laugh, truly laugh. He's a very serious young man, but my memories are immediately drawn to that time that he and his brother, JR, were riding in the backseat of our car. Chris was driving and all along the way, the three of them swapped Darth Vader fart jokes. They were ridiculous and dumb, but hilarious. The backseat was filled with raucous laughter. This is all I will be able to see in my head as I watch one of those young men walk across a stage and accept his diploma tomorrow. I am grateful to be gifted his moments of laughter. 

I am grateful for many things and I am always grateful for you. Here's to wonderful weekend and a blessed Thankful Friday.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

This week

1 Likes, 1 Comments - Cindy Maddera (@elephant_soap) on Instagram: "This week"

I have taken a picture of the same view every day this week. At first the view was just a reflection of that day of the week. Monday was dreary and rainy. The focus was on the raindrops that had collected on the windows, leaving the background of trees and buildings hazy and blurry. Tuesday brought us drizzle and more rain. By Wednesday I was hoping to show a progression of clouds giving way to open sky and sun, but the sun only peaked through the clouds late in the afternoon, just before sunset. The next day brought us more clouds and more rain bringing us into Friday fully soaked and saturated. April showers showed up a week early around here, but it has been much needed. Missouri is behind on precipitation amounts for the year. 

This is what I have reminded myself every day this week when I've walked through the garage to see my scooter and bicycle gathering dust. We need the rain. I have whispered this under my breath every time I've wrestled with Josephine to clean off her wet paws. The rain is a blessing. This phrase has become a mantra as I gaze out the window in search of warmth. I am grateful for the rain for all the obvious reasons. We need rain to make things grow and replenish our lakes and rivers. This gratitude does not come easily for someone like me who has been known to curl up on a window ledge filled with sunlight. A week without much sun exposure leaves me slightly groggy. When it became clear that Tuesday was going to look like Monday, Wednesday like Tuesday and Thursday like Wednesday, I knew that I needed to find my sunshine in other ways. So, this week I have found sunshine in the yolk of the eggs I've eaten from our chickens. There was sunshine floating in a vase on a table in the lunch room at work. There was a moment when the sun could be spotted in a puddle littered with delicate white petals. I found warmth from the sun in my daily cup of tea. I am thankful for cloudy weeks that force me to look for the sun in places other than the sky.

This wraps up a week of changes in eating habits and more intense cardio. The scale says that I'm not any lighter, but I feel better simply because I've taken some action. We will see how the weekends derail all the healthy eating I do during the week, especially now that I've started tracking my meals. My new mantra is "I'm doing great. I'm eating healthy and exercising. I am healthy." I am healthy. I am doing my best to put the numbers aside and focus on the healthy. I am thankful that I am healthy. I am thankful for a whole lot, but most especially, I am thankful for you.

Have a great weekend and a super Thankful Friday!