I’ve been working on something that I don’t want to talk about because I am always working on something I don’t want to talk about. One of the things I wrote in this something I’m working on was the how and why I started a weekly gratitude post. I was still reeling from the loss of J, but even more so, I was grieving the loss of how my family was before J’s death. I had transitioned into a job that I did not enjoy doing, making science not as fun as it used to be. Then Chris and I moved in with his mom, which took away my sense of privacy and personal space. I was unhappy and I was vocal about my unhappiness in a way that I am ashamed of today. The gratitude list was a way for me to change my attitude and save my relationship with Chris because, as he pointed out, this current life may not be ideal, but we still had each other.
Oof.
Everyday, I would write something that I was grateful for in that moment and at the end of every week, I would post this list on the blog. I would keep it in list format. There were some Friday’s when the list would be short, just four or five things, but often, the list would be long. The list was simple, containing things like a bowl of fresh black-eyed-peas or the ten minutes of quiet before students showed up for yoga class. The beginnings of Thankful Friday was far from what it has become today. For one thing, the blog was still Elephant Soap. I’ve (hopefully) matured since the days of Elephant Soap. I am for sure a different girl since the days of Elephant Soap. And I don’t know, but I would like to think my little gratitude project helped to shape me into the person I am today. More than anything, I want to believe that early simple list of gratitude made me a better partner to Chris at that time.
Sometimes, when I am having a week that is particularly difficult, I have a tendency to start writing about all of my complaints. It’s whining really, about things like the weather being too cold to walk the dog or fighting off the urge to hibernate. I will probably write a good paragraph of complaining before I stop myself and delete all of it because I will remember the days of the simple list. I have to pause and take a breath before asking myself “what is my intention for writing this post?” I’m not saying that my complaints do not have some validity or that I’m trying to paint over them and give someone the idea that I’m always happy, well adjusted and good. Because those of you who really know me know that is not true. The title of this post is Thankful Friday and has been since 2008. The intention is gratitude and whining is not part of being grateful.
This week, I am grateful for:
Sometimes, we need simplicity.
