ORGANIZED
Cindy Maddera
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Saturday was balanced with laziness and getting things done. At first, I was highly unmotivated to do anything but stare blankly at the TV. Then something happened after lunch and I decided to haul my body off the couch and do some cleaning. I dusted and wiped down all of the surfaces and things. Then I put together the two feed and water shelters we bought for the new coop. You guys, the new chicken coop is going to be fancy. After I cleaned up the packing material and put away the drill, I swept the floors and Michael vacuumed. I ate half a gummy and then Michael and I discussed dinner. The idea of preparing a meal did not sound appealing. I looked at Micheal and said “Can we just order a pizza?” We have not ordered take out since all of this started and Michael replied “Yeah, we can order from Waldo Pizza.” We ordered way too much pizza, but I’m not mad about it. It just means I have lunches for the next few days. Michael told me later that this had been the best idea I had had all day. Saturday felt appropriately balanced, which is more than I can say about the previous week.
I did a whole lot of sitting and staring at screens last week. My Python coding class consumes a large chunk of my days. Then there are the various work meetings and journal clubs that I attend during the week. This doesn’t include life stuff like staying on top of the laundry and household chores. I feel like even though I am staying busy, I am not efficiently busy. I don’t set boundaries on when I stop working on actual work and when I need to work on something for me. I am not taking art breaks and I am not taking health breaks. There were one too many days last week where I ended up crying in secret in my bedroom. I need to make this whole thing feel a little less like Groundhog Day . So I pulled out the old daily planner and set some goals for myself. I organized my days into something a little more balanced and a little more healthy.
I will admit that I have not kept up with my 30-Day digital planner. I mean, I have things written down on various dates, but I have not set a serious monthly goal for myself since probably the first week of March. I had purposefully left that month light because March was supposed to be about getting ready for my art showing in April. In fact, I should be taking Monday off to hang those pictures in Westside Local. I have a large stack of framed prints sitting in wait in the corner of our living room. I am disappointed and when I opened my calendar and saw “Hang pictures at Westside Local” written down for April 6th, I got a little teary. I consoled myself with the reminder that this showing will happen as soon as all of this is over. I erased the whole hang the pictures thing from the calendar. As I did that, I realized just how much I had been hanging onto plans that had already been made. I realized that I had become stuck in place over not being able to do those things.
Plans change. Even without pandemics happening.
Focus on the things that I can do right now is becoming a common mantra. Taking the time to plan out the week ahead made me feel more in control over focusing on what I can do right now. So much of our anxiety, or at least my anxiety, comes from the need to have control over something. I learned the hard way that there are just things in life that cannot be controlled. Being in the uncontrollable moments feels like being suspended inside a tornado, helplessly watching all of the debris and destruction swirl around you. Having that one thing you can control, anchors you. Spending my Sunday morning, planning out my week has anchored me, made me feel grounded and secure. Right now, it doesn’t even matter to me if I don’t stick to every planned thing. Just the act of writing out my goals and needs for the week ahead was enough to make me feel better.
Find the thing that anchors you this week.