SAAAAAAAT NAM

Black bird sing

See this Instagram photo by @elephant_soap

Sat Nam is a mantra that basically translates into "I am the truth" or "My true self". When it is chanted, the sat part is drawn out long like "saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat" and then the nam is short. I just keep picturing a muppet with his hinged mouth open and his head swaying back and forth as he says "saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat". There's also some movements of his spindly arms happening as well. I came across this mantra in an article I was reading about ten mantras to memorize. I liked this one for two reasons. First of all it's short. Secondly, I like the idea of just sitting there saying "saaaaaaaaaaaaaat" because you're sitting and chanting "saaaaaaaaat" and that's just funny.

Honestly this introduction to Sat Nam was just meant to be a segue to an entry about chakras and chanting. I've been doing some chakra specific order of yoga poses lately in my practice and I finish it all up with the sounds associated with each chakra. At first it felt kind of silly to be sitting in a public space while quietly humming through the chakras, but then I just got over it. There's all kinds of noises happening in that gym. My quiet humming just blends into the back ground. Also, who cares? I don't. So I've been humming away because it makes me smile. It makes me feel good. As far as the chakra poses go, I have no idea if they're making a difference. I mean, I might have an idea, but not a clear idea.

Then today, after solving [(ug/MW) x 1000] x MR divided by 7.94 (which by the way equals 5.8 micro liters, which is the amount of molecular dye I need to bind to 100 micro grams of protein, this is my job) I rewarded myself by reading through the mantra article. I took a moment to really enjoy the idea of saying "saaaaaaaaaaaaaat nam" before noticing what it even meant. The translation set off a tiny existential crisis. Am I the truth or being my true self? Maybe I'm attracted to the mantra because I need to remind myself to be my true self? Who am I? Who do I want to be? How do I want people to see me or not see me? What kind of butterfly do I want to turn into? Or would I rather be a moth or a beetle? I'm forty years old, almost forty one. Am I too old for reinvention? Madonna is fifty eight years old and constantly reinventing herself, but I am not Madonna. My life career is not dependent on reinvention. 

When I say tiny existential crisis, I mean that all of those above thoughts zipped by in seconds, micro seconds even. They were only around long enough to recognize that those thoughts exist, only long enough to very briefly question myself, before I'm back to that image of the muppet. Now that I think about it, I think I'd really enjoy watching a muppet yoga series. But really truly, all of this is a practice in writing. Because I'm stuck in that moment just before Christmas where it's too early to post about looking back on 2016 and I've got nothing to blog about. I feel like I should write something just to keep my brain from molding over. As a results, you now know that some times at work I have to do really hard math and there's a mantra of self truth. 

I'm thinking of yelling this mantra every time someone posts a fake news story. SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT NAM!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Last night I dreamt of Hanuman. #365

"Last night I dreamt of Hanuman. #365"

I've been doing this meditation thing before I lay down for savasana lately. I take a few minutes to sit and focus on all of the chakras. Each chakra has a color associated to it. ROY G BIV. That's how I remember it because it's just like wavelengths in physics. Red for the root. Orange for the belly. Yellow for the solar plexus. Green for the heart. Blue for the throat. Indigo for the forehead (third eye) and  violet for the crown of the head. To help me stay focused, I associate certain things or memories to each color.  

Violet reminds me of the lilacs that bloomed every year at the old house. When I think of them I can smell them and remember how I  always thought that this was the best smell in the whole wide world. Indigo is the color of my yoga blanket which is my favorite yoga prop. Sometimes I just wrap it around me for no reason at all. Blue reminds me of the alien opera singer in Fifth Element. I think this is a good visualization for the throat chakra and sometimes I hum a little of that tune. Green reminds me of lounging in the grass in Central Park on a hot July day. I took off my shoes and felt the soft cool grass tickle my toes. Yellow is always the sun and I can feel it warming me from my center and out through my limbs and head. Orange makes me think of Chris's scooter which in turn makes me think of Michael's scooter and how much fun it is to ride around town together. And red is always Katrina because she loves everything red and that color is forever linked with her.

These are the things I think of while I sit quietly with my eyes gently closed. Sometimes all of those colors flash just behind my closed eyelids.  Sometimes  the memory or image for that color changes, but it's always something that makes me smile. There have been so many Thankful Friday entries where I express my gratitude for my practice on my mat. The thing is, I'm not sure that I can ever be grateful enough. I think of the person I was before and the person I am today and I see how my practice is grown beyond the poses, beyond the yoga is only exercise idea of yoga. When I picture that sun resting just under my heart, I can feel the warmth of it heating me from the inside out and on days when it's nineteen degrees out, I desperately need that sun. I am grateful for peace of mind and confidence my practice gives me and thankful for the joy it brings to me. But today, I am most thankful for the bright colors of memories that it holds.

What else? I've written about 1400 words since the beginning of Lent (for some reason I feel Lent should be LENT). That's not counting the words I put here. Baby steps. I am thankful for nubby tail wags. I am thankful for peaceful evenings snuggled on the couch. And of course, of course, I am always thankful for you. 

Stay warm this weekend and have a super Thankful Friday.