MY ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND

We wandered into a very neat and tidy little independent bookshop on Granville Island in Vancouver and there was a table covered with classic books. Except, when I picked up one of the books and flipped it open, I discovered a blank page. All of the pages were blank and I knew that I had to have one of these journals disguised as books. I chose a blank copy of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. It has been sitting on my desk ever since our return. That’s not unusual. I often buy a new notebook and then wait for a while before I start writing in the thing. I find the new, clean pages of a notebook to be the most soothing aspect of owning it. I am always hesitant to put ink or pencil lead on any of the pages for fear of messing up the beauty of the page.

Of course, after all this time I never thought of flipping that way of thinking. Instead of messing up the page, I could be adding to the beauty of the page.

I’ve been focusing on where I feel the words ‘yes’ and ‘no’ when I say them out loud and when I came across this particular journal, my heart leapt with a resounding yes. I had no idea what I would do with it, nor did I have a need for the book. I just knew I wanted it. I do recognize that I am beginning to fall into a recognizable habit of owning journals that never get filled up. I have a stack of notebooks in my cedar chest that only have writing on the first four or five pages, leaving the rest of the books blank. They are Chris’s notebooks. I never go in and read them, but I will never throw them away. Now I have become the person with multiple journals floating around the house. This one contains a story idea. That one is more than half full of yoga classes I prepared for teaching. Let’s not forget the mostly full Fortune Cookie notebook. That one, right now, is the winner. Not only is it only twenty or so pages away from being filled, it is filled with inspiration. Part of returning to our regularly scheduled program around here, includes me getting back into the Fortune Cookie notebook.

I sat down with that notebook on Saturday morning for the first time in a long time, and I didn’t know how to even begin. Then, just as the story really got good to me, I ran out of room on the page. There is a very disciplined side of me that almost refuses to even place a dot of ink in the new journal before I finish the Fortune Cookie notebook. But I have a packet of fine tipped colored markers setting on top of the Wonderland journal and a clear image in my head of drawing fanciful mushrooms and intricate flowers and maybe filling this one up with something other than words.

I am not an artist.

I am an artist.

Cindy’s Adventures in Learning to Be. That’s the true title of this book.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Memories

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Terry was in Spokane. It was his second trip out there with only a handful of months separating this trip from his last one. I knew he was helping our friend Leo with Leo’s new bakery (Glorious Artisan Bakery), but something felt a little odd. So I sent a text. “Are you moving to Spokane?” I didn’t hear anything from Terry for a couple of days and when he did finally reply, he avoided my question completely. Meanwhile, I wrote a tiny story in the Fortune Cookie journal about loading boxes into a moving van. I ended up over at Terry’s one evening after he’d returned from his trip. It was just the two of us, sitting in the backyard, talking about his future. He and Leo had been joking about him moving out there. When Terry received my text, it just seemed like a sign. He showed it to Leo and the two of them laughed and laughed. It was settled. Terry would move to Washington State.

We all gathered Tuesday night to help Terry load up his moving van. He declared that the van he’d rented was too big, but better to have too much room than not enough. It turned out that there was just (barely) enough room for all of the boxes of ceramic doll head molds and bits of furniture and all of the other things that didn’t end up in that garage sale or re-gifted. Then we all gathered in the backyard to spread Max’s ashes. Terry blessed each one of us with voodoo essential oils for clarity. We cried. We laughed. We cried a little bit more. Then we toasted to the future and grand new adventures. There is speculation that the new owner of Terry’s house is a young, gay man which seems fitting and full circle. I think about Terry moving into that house almost fourteen years ago and the changes he made to make it his home. I wonder what the new owner has planned for that space. Will it include Thanksgiving served on vintage china plates decorated with cartoons of the US states? Do you think he’ll have a burning of the Easter Bunny effigy in his backyard? Will he have dogs?

I bet not.

I bet the new owner starts his own traditions.

I am thankful for all the great times at Terry’s, but I am also grateful for his new adventure. I’m excited for him and I can’t wait to see what comes next. Michael and I are already talking about visiting him next summer. One thing I became very aware of is that I have to do better at maintaining these connections I have made with some really great people. I’m not just talking about Terry. Terry introduced me to some wonderful people and just because he’s no longer around to be the instigator, doesn’t mean I lose touch with these people. If these connections are important to me, and they are, then I need to step up and reach out and say ‘yes’ to more things. Because I’m thankful Terry brought those people into my life.

I am thankful for the good people in my life.

I am thankful for grand adventures.