THANKFUL FRIDAY

I have the weirdest look on my face.

Monday, I was helping one of our Postdocs set up an overnight time lapse on a complicated microscope. He is not from this country and asked me when was it going to be Fall in Kansas City. I then had to tell him that today is the very first day of Fall. It felt a little like that moment when Talaura told a woman she was currently standing in Times Square after the woman had asked Talaura for directions to Times Square. That moment will always be funny because the woman didn’t believe Talaura and was all “No, no, no. The place where they drop the ball on New Years.” and Talaura had to literally point to the spot where that happens for the woman to finally say “Oh! We’re in Times Square!”

My conversation with the postdoc about Fall was almost the same because I had to pull up proof of the Fall equinox. Then he was like “no no no, when is it going to get cool and nice outside?” So I told him about weather apps and climate change and that I had no clue when the weather was going to be “cool and nice”. Personally, I think it’s nice now with a high of 83 degrees. Then I had a conversation with a grad student about excitation lasers and why you don’t want them all on at the same time when you’re imaging. I’d explain something, she’d repeat what I told her and then say “I don’t understand.” Eventually, after a full interpretive dance performance of why you don’t want all the lasers on at the same time while imaging, she nodded and said “Okay” and walked away. My left eye was twitching by the time we parted ways.

Oh, I didn’t mention that also on Monday, Josephine and I where almost mauled by another dog at the park. I managed to keep Josephine safe while screaming at the dog. The owner did his best to cal the dog from his prone position behind some bushes. No one was hurt and I understand the dog was just protecting his human, but come on. A leash? A rope? Something? Would have been nice. Why does every week have to come in hot with dog attacks and difficult humans?!? I didn’t even make it through Tuesday before having to explain to four different people why Tylenol is not the cause of autism and why you should absolutely not trust any ‘science’ that comes from this administration. They can’t even pronounce the words and I have serious doubts they even understand basic data graphs.

Wednesday morning, I crawled out of bed for the morning walk and said to myself “I just have to make it through the day.” Except that was kind of a lie. Of course I had to make it through that day, but there were still two days left in the week. And while I walked Josephine, my brain picked over why every day kind of feels like a slog or a barbed wire wrapped hurtle. What is so tiresome and irritating about my work days that has me giving myself survival pep talks mid-week? Is it just a simple need of a vacation? I have no interest in staying home for a week and I do not have a budget right now for a run-off-to-remote-location vacation (have I mentioned I’m going to Paris for Christmas?).

When I think about taking time off right now, it’s to do things like go to the dentist or make a drive down to see my mother (who is struggle a bit with old age problems). I will be traveling at the end of October for work. This is sort of a getaway. Yes, I will be working but the environment will have ocean views and New England Fall vibes. Besides, all of this is weeks away from now. Michael told me about reading somewhere that weekends should feel like vacations. I replied that I already knew this and that is why I dust and declutter the house on Tuesdays and clean the bathroom on Thursdays. The problem is, I can’t do everything. Grocery shopping still happens on Saturday morning. Vegetable prep, kitchen cleaning, sweeping, vacuuming, mopping, putting away my clothes. All of this happens on Sunday.

So on Thursday, I had a flu shot scheduled for 8:10 AM (at work) and dentist appointment at 10:00AM (near work) and I just decided to take the day for myself. I get one personal day a year and mine has been lingering in the pile of vacation/sick days since January. I just had yet to come up with a date or an excuse to just not be at work. That morning, I woke up to the sound of my alarm and Josephine snuggled under the comforter. I took this as a sign to skip our morning walk but chose to ride the bicycle in to work. I got my flu shot and then rode my bike over to the dentist’s office where I was told my teeth are healthy and I’m doing all the right things. Then I walked a block over to Anthropologie to check out the extra 50% off sales rack and bought the most cliche French looking outfit. All I need is a beret and maybe a pencil thin curled mustache.

I left the shop, hopped onto the bike and rode over to the Trolly Track Trail. My next stop was the Soap Refill Station but I had about four miles to go and for most of those four miles, I had the trail all to myself. I was in no hurry and I peddled along at a leisurely pace. The sun was shining and the leaves are just starting to change. The air had that crispy feeling of Fall even though the sun was warm. Part of the trail runs between the backyards of a Brookside neighborhood. So either side is shielded from road noise and shaded with big ancient elm trees. I soaked up the quiet as I peddled along. Then I made it to the soap store and was the only patron. I had a lovely chat with the young person running the shop while I filled a spray bottle with multipurpose cleaner and then I rode home. I still ended up doing my usual Thursday chore, but I spent a lot of time not working or checking emails.

I spent a lot of time just doing nothing.

This morning, Josephine and I got up for our morning walk without groans or blinks. I did not start my day with dread even though I knew there would be at least one email waiting for me in my inbox that was probably going to make me lose my shit. I was gentle with myself as I rode my bike to work and allowed myself to be slow going up that hill between 63rd street and 59th, even though I know I can bump the electric bike up a level (I feel like using anything higher than a level two assist is cheating). Right now, I’m waiting for a researcher to show up so I can help him image some bacteria. I’ve read that annoying email and since it’s addressed to a number of people, have chosen to ignore it and let someone else respond. There’s a rainbow on my wall to my left, formed from the bright sun streaming in through the window on my right. It bounces off the glass at the top of my cubicle, but only forms the rainbow when the angle of the sun is just right. Between now and the Spring, the angle of the sun will be just right.

Rainbow season has started.