THANKFUL FRIDAY
Cindy Maddera
This week I have seen the return of something similar to before the start of the pandemic. I am now on an every day work shift from 9-1:00, but every day I have ended up staying later than that because I have had so much to do. Which pleases me. Michael is back at school preparing for a hybrid learning situation. His wounds are healing nicely. Though this routine is similar to before, it is still new and a bit different. There have been a few navigational snafus and there was a moment this week when I realized that I had fallen into the same old pattern of working really hard to accommodate others.
The thing is, I’m a born accommodater. Mostly, I’m more than happy to do it. I genuinely want to make the lives of those around me easier, but I am discovering that this is a trait that can be taken advantage of. Before I know it, I’ve contorted myself into a very uncomfortable position that leaves me cranky and exhausted. Then I’m asking myself “Why am I so cranky and exhausted?!?!” It takes me a minute to realize that I have been working so hard at accommodating others. That realization is usually prompted by the actions of those I am accommodating. It becomes clear that I am being taken advantage of and I need to set some boundaries or reestablish boundaries. My time has value. My time should also be taken into consideration by others. I do not need to work so hard to accommodate people who do not respect or value this and instead take advantage of my willingness to be so accommodating.
I never really had to set these kinds of boundaries before this version of my life and it does not come easily to me. I struggle with guilt that comes from putting myself first, making me the priority. I worry about the consequences of putting myself first, the feelings of the other because I am no longer prioritizing them. It is a difficult balance to prioritize someone just enough so they know they are cared about, but not so much as to sacrifice one’s self. And there is nothing like a new routine to remind you of this delicate balance. My self care is not getting a pedicure or a massage. It is working on maintaining boundaries. It is, at times, making myself the priority. It is me proudly wearing a badge that says “did not please everyone.”
It is me assuring myself that I do not have to please everyone.