THANKFUL FRIDAY

For three days this week, I have hauled dirt from the west side of the house, all the way around to the back side of the house. There is only one way in and out of our backyard right now and it is on the east side of the house. The first day of loading up the wheel barrow with dirt and dumping it in the backyard felt like I was moving dirt a teacup full at a time. I looked at the pile of dirt that we excavated for the new retaining wall and felt defeated. I had hardly made a dent. The second day, after losing count of the number trips I had made, I looked at that pile again and felt a little better. By the third day, I had moved enough dirt to regrade the backside of the house. Which I did and then I tampered that dirt down. My bones felt like they were made of jello by the time I had finished. I get to do this all over again for the east side of the house, but I’m waiting until the wall is finished and we’re not having to traipse back and forth through that space. The weather was also predicting rain all day for Thursday and the rest of the week. So Michael and I both gave ourselves a break from wall building for a few days even though the rain didn’t happen until much later.

Even though my body hurts and my fingers go numb if I sleep on my back, there is some satisfaction in taking on this task myself. I am reminded that I have tackled so many piles of dirt in my lifetime. Mental piles of dirt and physical piles of dirt. They all start out in the same way. At first, it looks like I’ve done nothing. Like I’ve only moved a tablespoon worth. I tell myself that I can’t do this; I can’t move all of this on my own. Sometimes I don’t have to do it on my own. Sometimes I have someone to help shovel, but a lot of the time, particularly with those mental piles of dirt, I’m on my own. It is all up to me. So I keep shoveling. Eventually that teaspoon worth has become a teacup full and then buckets full. It starts to sink in that I can do this. Sure, there might be some dirt left over to deal with at another time, but I’ve handled the bulk of it. And in time, I’ll handle the leftovers as well.

Today, I am thankful for every pile of dirt I have had to move in this lifetime.

I am also thankful for the break we gave ourselves.