THANKFUL FRIDAY

I feel like it has been over a year since one of our graduate students gave me a Brazilian wish ribbon with instructions to tie it onto my Vespa. The ribbon (and wish) is tied with three knots around a wrist. The wish is said to come true once the ribbon falls off on it’s own accord. I tried looking back through old pictures to see if I could determine when I placed this ribbon on Valarie and found a picture of it on Valarie back in November 2022. One side of the ribbon was already a bit frayed. So, it has been more like two years since I made a wish and tied my ribbon to Valerie.

I don’t remember what I wished for, but I feel certain that the wish wasn’t something entirely for myself. Wishing on birthday candles or stars, it doesn’t matter. I never seem to be able to come up with a wish for myself. I make my wishes for things I have no control over. World peace. Affordable healthcare for all. Body autonomy. I wish for all young women the rights to make choices for their own bodies. I wish for the US to stop providing weapons to Israel and aiding in genocide. My wishes are complicated things that I want for this planet, my community, my immediate circle of loved humans. They are not always complicated. I often make a wish for friend in their times of struggle and need. Some would say that my wishes are prayers. I might say that prayers are often wishes.

I have read too many stories about wishes for me to feel comfortable wishing for something just for myself. There are so many cautionary fables of wishing for money and the person making the wish receives a fortune but it’s because a loved one died, leaving behind an inheritance. Someone may wish to be famous and then they become so famous, they have zero privacy. A person may wish for the return of a loved one and wake up next to a corpse. Selfish wishes come with a price. These are the fables we have used to condition us into thinking that we cannot ask for something we want, especially if you are a woman. I have heard it so many times all the ways in which I can’t have it all. I wouldn’t even know how to start a wish for myself.

I was helping that graduate student troubleshoot some problems with their lab’s microscope this week. They have graduated and will be moving on to their Postdoc position in California. While I was crawling around under the microscope table, they said “Hold on. I have something for you.” Then they came back with three new wish ribbons. I had mentioned to them months ago that mine was getting frayed and I hated to loose it, even though I know that’s point. They told me that they found the ribbons while cleaning out, preparing for their move. This is one of the things I do not like about my job. I watch these young people come in, help train them, watch them get excited about science and microscopy. I get attached. Then they graduate or their postdoc time is up and they are off to build their scientific careers. I hate seeing some of them go, but also proud because I know they’re going to be successful.

So now I have three new wishes that I can make.

I know two of those wishes will go towards better things for my community and world, like an education free from violence and fear for our children and the end of genocide. The third wish is one I’m saving for myself. If it was not for the job I do, I would not have ever met this graduate student or have learned about wish ribbons. My path has led me to a diverse crowd of interesting and wonderful people and not just at work. My life is filled with color and light and texture. If I have one wish for myself it would be for more. More color and light and texture. More love. More of the good stuff.

More gratitude for that good stuff.

TILT SHIFT

Future so bright

2 Likes, 1 Comments - Cindy Maddera (@elephant_soap) on Instagram: "Future so bright"

I can feel the change in the earth's angle as we start to move into a new season. It is a physical sensation; my body feeling almost heavier as it readjusts to the new angle and shift in gravity. There has even been a few dizzy spells, though that probably has more to do with what is happening in my sinus cavity as a new round of pollen floats through the air. The mornings are cooler with the hint of crispness. That sounds like a wine review. As you swirl the weeks between Summer and Fall in your mouth, you will notice a cool crispness with hints of fresh mowed grass. Hold the glass up to the light and you will see the light filter through in a hazy sort of way as if being filtered through fog. 

Actually, it was the change in the light that I noticed first. For the past few weeks, the house has been dark when the alarm goes off and I go and wake Michael up to get in the shower. Even after he's out of the shower and it is my turn, the sky outside the window is still dark. The sun has just crested over the horizon by the time I pull out of our driveway and head to work. I've noticed a shift in the angle of the sun as I do my morning loop outside and the way it filters through the tall decorative grasses that are planted around the place. Usually there is a layer of dew and as you pass by a particular decorative grass, the sun hitting the dew drops makes it look as though the grass is tipped with diamonds. The sun, as I walk back towards the building, is so harshly bright in my face that I have to walk with my eyes almost closed.  

My mind whirls with ideas as I walk, tugging my sweater up to zip it. I think of all the things that I want to do now and into the next year. I want to get started before the bell starts to toll for the end of the year. I imagine cleaning out everything in the basement and the house. I imagine the possibilities of being able to pack up all of my belongings into one vehicle. I mentally start taking an inventory of all the things stored in boxes that I never use or even look at. My mamaw's china. A box of childhood toys. Five boxes of elephant figurines. My thoughts move from the things in the basement to the garage, past the old bicycle I would like to get rid of and into the house where I think of the drawers and cabinets of things that do not serve me. I feel such an urge to remove everything that I almost order a dumpster. 

The idea of getting rid of everything makes me feel instantly happy. It tops the list of projects that has formed in my brain. Step 1: Get rid of most of all my possessions. Step 2: Organize what's left. Step 3: Start a yoga class video series. Step 4: Make a Halloween wreath out of baby doll heads. The wreath idea came out of my idea to fill my decorative lantern with doll heads for Halloween. Last year I did floating pumpkins. The Cabbage is vehemently against my Halloween decorative ideas for this year. My Halloween decorating ideas are about the only thing that I am excited about for Fall. So, doll heads are happening. As for the rest of the stuff on that list, I don't know. We'll see how I feel when I have a weekend free and clear enough for me to put my foot down and say "This is what I am doing THIS weekend! Don't try to stop me!"

Most people look forward to moving into the Fall season and all of those traditional Fall related events like football and turkeys. I see it as my last chance to get things done before the cold weather sets in and I don't want to leave my house.