FILL IN THE BLANK

As we get closer to Christmas and the end of the year, I find it difficult to write anything. It’s like my brain just goes to battery saving mode and partially shuts down. I do things like tell myself how I’ll take care of this or that after the new year or I’ll buckle down in January. The truth is, January (and February really) is just my usual time to buckle, period. I have made some plans and some goals for next year. I signed myself up for a year of self care with a Self Care Circle led by a friend I made through camp. Rose is a Self Care Advocate, massage therapist and yoga teacher. I am not really sure what to expect from this journey, but she made me fill out an application that was filled with difficult questions. I answered each one with complete honesty, hit the submit button and then threw up. This Self Care Circle thing is way outside my comfort zone, but I’m hoping that it holds me accountable for some things I want to do.

Secret things.

Really…isn’t that part of my problem? Keeping some of my plans and bad habits a secret means that this audience can’t hold me accountable for not working on the plan or quitting the bad habit. There’s no one but me and my Catholic guilt habit to hold myself accountable or nudging me to keep going. If I don’t tell you the things I want to do and change, you won’t be disappointed when I don’t do the thing or make the change. One of the questions on the application had something to do with where you saw yourself this time next year. My answer was that I really wanted to be submitting a writing piece to a publisher. This is legit true. This is want I want. I want to stop talking about one day writing a book and actually write the goddamn book. I’ve started on it. I have notes and an outline. I am creating a list of people I want to interview for this project. I can do this.

But I’m going to need some nudging along the way.

I do plan on posting my annual slideshow, but from now until January, don’t expect to see much over here. I am allowing myself to have this break, to let half of my brain go into power saving mode. Because I am going to need my whole brain for 2022. May you all have a safe, healthy, and joyful Holiday.