THE VALENTINE COASTER

I put on a tunic shirt that reminds me of an old fashioned valentine doily card and then I took Josephine to the groomers’ for her 7:30 AM drop off. We were the first in line. I handed Josephine off to her wonderful groomer, Wade, and turned around to be greeted by two golden retrievers. I loved on both of them and then squeezed past to get out the door. Right out side the door, I was greeted by an enthusiastic golden doodle who also received some love and baby talk. Then I looked to my left and there was a line of dogs waiting their turn to be dropped off and for a moment I wondered if this was heaven. It was like a scene where the heroine runs down the hallway high-fiving all of her classmates. In this case I was the heroine and the classmates were fluffy puppies. I replaced the high fives with pets.

This is how every day should start.

Then I got in my car just in time to hear the end of a story from a woman from The Midwest Transplant Network about donating her husband’s organs after her husband died. When the story ended, they played one of his favorite songs which happened to be Remember Me from Coco. I pulled into the parking lot at work a sobbing wet mess and once again reminded that I have never been a fan of this holiday. But then I got to go pick Josephine up from the groomers’ and that’s my favorite part of grooming day. First of all Josephine is so excited to see me that she nearly drags the person put to the task of bringing her out to me. It almost feels like I am saving her life. Then there is the added bonus of Josephine looking her absolute cutest right after she’s been bathed and groomed. I just want to squeeze her and smoosh up her little face I LOVE HER SO MUCH!

On the way back to work after taking Josephine home, the radio started playing The Luckiest by Ben Folds which made me a little weepy yet again. In many ways I am the luckiest, for meeting Chris when I did and having our time together. Some people spend their whole lives looking for that thing we had. I’m not the old wife that dies two days after her husband though. I am the luckiest because I entered into my next relationship with a good foundation of what healthy relationships look like. I am the luckiest because I know that I was loved and that I am loved.

No pink doily cards required.

CHRISTMAS MEMORIES

Puppy

8 Likes, 0 Comments - Cindy Maddera (@elephant_soap) on Instagram: "Puppy"

The best Christmas I can remember as a child was the year I got Odie. Odie was the most perfect beagle. In 2015, a beagle named Miss P won the Westminster Dog Show. Odie was almost identical in color to Miss P. His head might have been a little bit smaller and he did not have Miss P’s expression of bored indifference, but he could have run circles around her in the judges ring. For months leading up to that Christmas, the only thing I asked for was a beagle puppy. “What do you want for Christmas, Cindy?” someone would ask. My answer every time was “A beagle puppy.” I don’t remember what year this was or how old I was. It was sometime between broken arms and my sister was still young enough to get excited about the surprises we would find under the tree. The two of us, like most children, tiptoed carefully down the stairs at two o’clock in the morning to take a peek at what may have been left for us under the tree.

The two of us were about half way down the staircase when I heard a whimper. I forgot all about being stealthy and quiet, instead I ran down the stairs with the heavy un-lady like footsteps of a troll. An open box sat under the tree with the tiniest saddest little puppy, begging for company and love. I scooped him into my arms and took him back to my room. When we cleaned out the family house and started sorting through the multiple containers of pictures, we found hundreds of pictures of Odie as a puppy sleeping on someone’s lap, curled up on a boot, tucked into a cushion at someone’s feet. He was impossible to potty train and ended up leaving a big stain on my mom’s hardwood floors. But his worse offense was chewing up the rungs of Mom’s dining room table. That banished him to the outside for good. He was still the best dog, to me anyway and he lived a really long and happy life. Odie set the bar for any future dog that would come into my life.

That was the best Christmas not just because of Odie, but because I think that’s the last Christmas I can remember where I still felt that spark and excitement of Christmas. Maybe I knew that Santa was not real, but I believed in him any way. In fact, I still believed in all things magical and mystical, but it was an age where I still got excited over the whole gift thing. Not just the surprise of what I was going to get, but seeing the faces of joy as others opened their surprises. It is the last Christmas I can remember that didn’t include a layer of sadness or an awareness of the sadness of others. That is not to say that Christmases since then have been bad. It’s just that Christmases have an underlying layer of sadness in general. It is a time when memories, good and bad, swirl around our heads and we can’t help but miss the ones no longer with us to share in those memories.

Do you know how many times my Mom told us all the story about the time my sister woke up before everyone on Christmas morning and then opened ALL of the presents? It is a story of legend. My Dad would laugh every time. One year we all decided to change the Christmas tradition of ham or turkey for our Christmas meal and instead have what we all loved to eat, fried oysters. We would all end up in the kitchen at some point. Dad was always our unofficially designated food taster. J would make the cocktail sauce, stirring in horseradish to a bowl of ketchup like a science experiment. Remember that year Randy caught a shark? Katrina brought a fondue set and we all stood around it dunking bits of shark and then everything into hot oil. Fondue became known as fundue. There was the Christmas when Chris surprised me with a pair of earrings that I had been coveting. It wasn’t the earrings that made the surprise so special. It was how he had to sneak over to Eureka Springs with out me knowing it to get the earrings. Which he managed to do in glorious Chris fashion.

Whenever those memories get too overwhelming, I grab Josephine and cradle her like a baby while scratch her belly. I put my face to her face and tell her what a sweet puppy she is and how much I love her. She’ll lick my cheek and then every thing’s alright. Because just like at that Christmas when I got Odie, puppies make everything better.

HERE NOR THERE

Murray

6 Likes, 1 Comments - Cindy Maddera (@elephant_soap) on Instagram: "Murray"

I've got nothing for you. I started writing about the darkness that's starting to crawl across my brain and then I deleted it. Last night I sat in my therapist's office and wept for twenty minutes because it is the one place I don't have to pretend. I pretend every where else because I don't want to be sad girl. But right now I am sad girl. So instead of me talking about that, let's all look at that puppy in the picture up there. Isn't he the cutest? He looks JUST LIKE Josephine. 

That's Murray. Terry brought him home on Christmas Eve. Things have been hard for Terry and Miles (his other schnauzer) ever since Max passed on. I told Mom about Miles waiting at the door when the vet took Max away and I started crying. Max made an impact on a lot of people, as I am sure Murray will as well. He is 100% puppy and he is so tiny, that Terry has to carry him up and down the stairs. He is so tiny that he fits inside Heather's handbag and she almost took him back to California with her. Murray is a squiggly ball of needle teeth right now and he makes us laugh and laugh even while he is stabbing those needle teeth into our flesh.  

Josephine is going to stay with her Uncle Terry in February. I can't wait to see how she and Murray get along. Josephine is really good with my brother and sister-in-law's little dogs. She's never tried to hurt them and plays well with Rayland. Josephine has learned to give Buttercup her space. Buttercup is the oldest chihuahua in the world. She is a queen who sits on her giant pillow and watches the shenanigans that go on between Josephine, Rayland and the cat, Nero. I think Josephine will be great with Murray and they will play and play and play. The best thing about Murray is that I've heard Terry laugh, really laugh, more than I've heard him laugh in a while. 

Puppies just make you feel better.

MADAME JOSEPHINE BOISDECHENE CLOFULLA

Josephine. Get ready for the onslaught of puppy pics

"Josephine. Get ready for the onslaught of puppy pics"

I was going to tell you all about how the flu has hit this house hard. I've been down with it since Wednesday and I'm just now starting to feel like a normal human being again, one who has to blow their nose all the time. But that's boring. Plus everyone has had or has the flu right now. That's what the flu does. You make all these new year resolutions and BAM! the flu steps in to give you a nice big road block. Instead I'd like to tell you about the newest member of our household. 

I know it hasn't really been a secret if you have been paying attention on facebook. I've been leery to write about it though until we actually had her in our home. A few months back, our friend Amber posted pictures of a litter of new born pups and I impulsively said that I wanted one. Turned out they were registered mini schnauzer puppies and I couldn't justify spending that kind of money and then there was the guilt of not rescuing a pup from the pound. But then my sister-in-law pipped up and with my mom pitched in for my birthday. When I texted Michael about getting one, he never really said yes or no. Instead he asked "what are you going to name your bearded lady?" Then he came up with a list of famous bearded ladies. 

That's when I knew he was hooked. I've been looking and pining over dogs for some time now, but Michael seemed less than enthusiastic. He started to come around a little, but put some rules in place. The dog had to be small and not a shedder. I would have to be sure that the dog is well behaved and didn't get on the furniture. Blah blah blah. You and I know that I will make sure the dog is well behaved, but she's totally allowed on the couch. How else is she going to lay in my lap while I shower her with love? I knew he was buckling when he suggested the name. When I visited the puppies in December, I sent Michael a picture. His reply was "bring her home!" I figured I had him, but I still had my doubts. Then came the weekend we were finally supposed to bring her home. Michael had to travel to Oklahoma without me because of the whole flu thing. He acted like he was on a quest to bring me a puppy. Katrina sent me picture of Michael holding the puppy. I asked her if she thought he liked her. She replied that he hadn't put her down since he got there. He was hooked. 

So we've named her Madame Josephine Boisdechene Clofulla. Josephine for short. Phiney for even shorter. The original Josephine was a famous bearded lady of the 1800s. She gained a lot of fame for fashioning her beard in the style of Napoleon III. Annie Jones was another contender, but Dad had a loyal pup named Annie. I'll leave that name with her. I'm super excited and smitten with Josephine, but I'm also pretty nervous about having a puppy. The last puppy, I mean tiny never had a previous almost forever home puppy, was when I was nine. Odie was a Christmas present and our efforts to potty train him proved futile. He got relegated to outside dog after one too many accidents on Mom's hard wood floors. That and he chewed up the rungs of Mom's dinning room table. His adorable sad beagle eyes couldn't even save him then. 

I keep reminding myself that I did eventual do obedience training with Odie and we were grand champions three years in a row at the Tulsa State Fair dog show. I have the skills locked away in here somewhere to train a dog. I did teach Hooper to sit and lay down. He came to us pre-programmed, so I didn't do much more than that. Josephine is a clean slate and there's a need to get this right early on without turning into a crazy dog lady. One of the dog trainer's in our obedience class when I was a kid kept chopped up hotdogs in her cheeks to spit down to her dog as a reward. I will not be doing that and I will not be training our little Phiney to be a show dog. I will teach her to be a kind, loving and mindful little dog. We will teach her that she is now part of our family.

Welcome Josephine!