JUMP AROUND, JUMP AROUND, JUMP UP, JUMP UP AND GET DOWN

The Cabbage is officially eleven. They had their birthday party at a trampoline place on Saturday and had originally invited about ten “friends”. Only five of those friends showed up, the ones they hang out with the most and who they consider to be close friends. This meant that her grandfather, Max and I were able to get on the jump for free list. And oh my goodness, did I jump. I jumped on a trampolines. I jumped off a high-dive into a pool of foam blocks. I jumped around in a game of dodgeball. I jumped and jumped and jumped and then I felt something pop on the outside of my right knee and I stopped jumping. Now I’m kind of limping and my knee feels mushy. I have an appointment on Wednesday for the bone and joint clinic. I think their grandpa fared worse than I did. He left with a visibly swollen ankle. Despite my possible broken body, I had the most fun. I might have even had more fun than the kids. It was the kind of fun that made me think “Why don’t we have one of these things in the backyard?!”

BECAUSE TRAMPOLINES ARE DANGEROUS!

I don’t know if you’ve noticed my use of pronouns when talking about the Cabbage. In June, I received a text from them saying that they were changing their name and that their pronouns are they/them. I replied back positively, but also with a plea for patience. Not only am I retraining my brain to remember to call them by a different name, I am also retraining my brain on pronouns. It is not easy but I feel like I’m getting better and I’m working really hard to get it right. I am also surrounded by grownups who understand all of this and they themselves to their best to use appropriate pronouns for The Cabbage. From the few conversations I have had with the Cabbage, there have been some resistance by some to even try. Heather was talking to them on Friday and at one point used the wrong pronoun, but apologized and fixed it immediately. The Cabbage responded with “That’s okay. You’re doing better than school.” This was the first time The Cabbage has even met Heather. So I hoped the encounter sparked some good things for the kid.

Someone asked me recently if I thought this was just some phase that The Cabbage was going through. My response was “I don’t know and I don’t care." So what if this is all just a phase. This is their truth in this moment right now and I choose to respect that truth. Here’s why. I am a firm believer in teaching through actions. One way to teach a child respect, is to show them respect. In respecting the Cabbage’s wishes, I am not only teaching them what respect looks like but what trust looks like. They know that there are people in their life that they can trust with being their authentic self without ridicule or judgment. I do this because it is what I would have wanted from the adults in my life when I was their age. I think about the generations that come before this one, in particular, my own generation. The concept of sharing your truth and being the person you wanted to be seemed absolutely impossible unless your truth fell into the heteronormative. Being any different brought on the wrath of bullies and discipline from adults. It was dangerous.

I don’t want any child to feel that kind of fear and I’m banking on this generation to eradicate the heteronormative. They are going to be the most comfortable in their own skin and I can’t wait to see the great things they do with the kind of support and respect they have been given.