JUMP AROUND, JUMP AROUND, JUMP UP, JUMP UP AND GET DOWN

The Cabbage is officially eleven. They had their birthday party at a trampoline place on Saturday and had originally invited about ten “friends”. Only five of those friends showed up, the ones they hang out with the most and who they consider to be close friends. This meant that her grandfather, Max and I were able to get on the jump for free list. And oh my goodness, did I jump. I jumped on a trampolines. I jumped off a high-dive into a pool of foam blocks. I jumped around in a game of dodgeball. I jumped and jumped and jumped and then I felt something pop on the outside of my right knee and I stopped jumping. Now I’m kind of limping and my knee feels mushy. I have an appointment on Wednesday for the bone and joint clinic. I think their grandpa fared worse than I did. He left with a visibly swollen ankle. Despite my possible broken body, I had the most fun. I might have even had more fun than the kids. It was the kind of fun that made me think “Why don’t we have one of these things in the backyard?!”

BECAUSE TRAMPOLINES ARE DANGEROUS!

I don’t know if you’ve noticed my use of pronouns when talking about the Cabbage. In June, I received a text from them saying that they were changing their name and that their pronouns are they/them. I replied back positively, but also with a plea for patience. Not only am I retraining my brain to remember to call them by a different name, I am also retraining my brain on pronouns. It is not easy but I feel like I’m getting better and I’m working really hard to get it right. I am also surrounded by grownups who understand all of this and they themselves to their best to use appropriate pronouns for The Cabbage. From the few conversations I have had with the Cabbage, there have been some resistance by some to even try. Heather was talking to them on Friday and at one point used the wrong pronoun, but apologized and fixed it immediately. The Cabbage responded with “That’s okay. You’re doing better than school.” This was the first time The Cabbage has even met Heather. So I hoped the encounter sparked some good things for the kid.

Someone asked me recently if I thought this was just some phase that The Cabbage was going through. My response was “I don’t know and I don’t care." So what if this is all just a phase. This is their truth in this moment right now and I choose to respect that truth. Here’s why. I am a firm believer in teaching through actions. One way to teach a child respect, is to show them respect. In respecting the Cabbage’s wishes, I am not only teaching them what respect looks like but what trust looks like. They know that there are people in their life that they can trust with being their authentic self without ridicule or judgment. I do this because it is what I would have wanted from the adults in my life when I was their age. I think about the generations that come before this one, in particular, my own generation. The concept of sharing your truth and being the person you wanted to be seemed absolutely impossible unless your truth fell into the heteronormative. Being any different brought on the wrath of bullies and discipline from adults. It was dangerous.

I don’t want any child to feel that kind of fear and I’m banking on this generation to eradicate the heteronormative. They are going to be the most comfortable in their own skin and I can’t wait to see the great things they do with the kind of support and respect they have been given.

WINNER

Animals

5 Likes, 1 Comments - Cindy Maddera (@elephant_soap) on Instagram: "Animals"

Not too long ago, Michael and I were in JcPenny's and we were checking out. The young woman working the registered told me that I qualified for a special coupon that could be worth up to 50% off. When I peeled back the tab to find out the coupon's worth, I revealed a 50% off coupon! I enthusiastically cried out "Winner!" in a perfect Kristen Wiig voice. It was really quite hilarious and Michael even snorted a little. The young woman at the register just lifted her eyebrows and said "oookay". Not even a chuckle. Who cares what that young lady thought or that she's missing her sense of humor! Michael and I now use my Kristin Wiig "winner" for any successful moment. 

Right now, I feel like I am the Christmas Winner! The reason I am winning Christmas is because I have gotten all of the Cabbage's Christmas taken care of, with the exception of some candy for her stocking. Michael and I are only buying for the Cabbage this year because we are poor and on a super tight budget to pay somethings off. Like all the presents I bought for the Cabbage. We tried to stick to a new rule of four gifts: something you want, something you need, something to wear and something to read. We got her a couple of things that she wants and then I saw the Kindle Fire on sale and decided that this could be something she reads. There was also a pair of leggings with kitty faces on the knees and some shoes, because the child always needs shoes. Any way, I'm sure as she gets older this want/need/wear/read list will get easier. I've been trying to figure out what on earth we were going to do for this year's Christmas card. Then, as we were driving back from Oklahoma, we spotted a Christmas light display. It was a Christmas miracle (not really). I made us get out of the car and I got a hilarious photo of the Cabbage with Christmas lights. Then, on Sunday, I made our Christmas cards with that picture and printed them out. They're all cut and ready to be addressed and I'm looking at myself in the mirror and giving my reflection a high five.

It's not even December!!! Look how much I've accomplished! Look! I'm amazed with myself. I have zero decorations up, but Halloween decorations are down (Winner!). There's still a tiny pumpkin out front because of Thanksgiving. He's not decorated or carved or wearing vampire teeth, so I thought he could stay. The decoration thing doesn't even bother me all that much. Now that I have most of all of our Christmas shopping done, I have more time to set up decorations. The Cabbage wants to help put up our tree which means inside decorations wait until the next weekend we have her, but I can start on the outside decorations this weekend. My brother's been making these cement Moai and selling them on Facebook. He gave me one for my front yard and I've got to find a Santa hat or antlers or something. I've named him Marvin and he must be included in our seasonal decorations now. I haven't figured it out how he's going to be decorated for Christmas just yet, but look at all the time I've got to figure it out. 

And! Micheal came down with a sore throat and achy body this morning. So now I've got to pull out all the tricks to dodge whatever virus he's contracted. I did get a flu shot this year (Winner?). I'm going to go home this evening and perform some rituals in hopes of not getting sick because even though I've gotten so much accomplished, I've still got some stuff to do. 

Like decorate Marvin. Maybe he needs an ugly Christmas sweater....

SNOWFLAKES

We made snowflakes and when I say 'we' I mean me.

9 Likes, 1 Comments - Cindy Maddera (@elephant_soap) on Instagram: "We made snowflakes and when I say 'we' I mean me."

The Cabbage likes science, which is great and awesome. It makes me feel very good about my life choices, but we don't do any science like stuff when she's at my house. She'll ask me what I did at work that day. I always try to tell her something in simple words. It's just that it is really hard for me to explain something complicated in simple terms. I'm just not good at it. Ideally, I'd like to do silly science related craft projects with her all the time. Like make sugar crystals or swab the house to streak on agar plates to see how many kinds of things will grow. I'd really just like to do that with her hand. Press her whole hand into an LB agar plate and see what kind of grossness grows on the plate. She will never forget to wash her hands again. The reality is that I lack the energy to deal with all the things involved with crafts, particularly the mess. I'm good at keeping my own mess under control, but keeping my mess under control while containing the mess of a seven year old is why people drink.

I came across this craft for making snowflake Christmas ornaments and thought we could give this one a try. It looked relatively easy and the mess is contained in Mason jars. I bought some Borax and pipe cleaners. Then I cut the pipe cleaners into lengths that allow them to fit into the jars without touching the sides. I got the jars all ready by adding the Borax and I put together a couple of snowflakes so I had an example to show the Cabbage, who was excited about the project until she had to twist pipe cleaners together. Then came the complaining and whining and the "ugh! I don't even know what you're doing!", because twisting pipe cleaners together is hard (?). Finally I looked at her and said "This was a bad idea wasn't it." She replied with a "what?" and I said "asking you to do this with me." She shrugged and I said "Why don't I twist together all of the pipe cleaners and then I'll come get you when it's time to add food coloring to the jars." She was happy with this plan and came back to the project to add three drops of food coloring to each Mason jar of boiling water and Borax. 

The snowflakes were the first thing she wanted to see when she woke up the next morning. We all stood in the kitchen oohing over the crystals that had formed on the pipe cleaners and in the bottom of the Mason jars. Now I want to dip everything in Borax solution. I've thought about making enough crystallized crap to make into a new Christmas wreath. Sure, my snowflakes didn't turn out as nice as Martha Stewart's, but I learned enough from this attempt to do better on the next. I'm thinking big bowls of Borax solution for the next go around so I can make larger snowflakes. And what if I make snowflakes out of something other than pipe cleaners? Will crystals form on paper or cardboard? What if I twist red and white pipe cleaners together and make candy canes? The possibilities are endless! 

Who cares about entertaining the seven year old. I'm entertaining myself! 

CREATING TRADITIONS

Pumpkins are carved

13 Likes, 1 Comments - Cindy Maddera (@elephant_soap) on Instagram: "Pumpkins are carved"

I cannot carve a pumpkin without thinking of Dad. I know that I have told the story a thousand times about how Dad and I would carve a pumpkin together every year. It was such an ingrained tradition and we never carved anything fancy. This was all before pumpkin carving kits and Pinterest, back in the day when people carved their pumpkins with knives and risked slicing off digits. That's part of the fun. I did not buy us special pumpkin carving kits this year partly for this reason and partly because there are bits of carving kits of past hiding around in the back of a kitchen drawer. We didn't really ever use anything out of those kits but the scraper and even then a spoon turned out to (still) be the best tool for the job.

They got a head start on the Cabbage's pumpkin while I was folding a basket of laundry. So by the time I was elbow deep into my pumpkin, Michael was already carving away at the face the Cabbage had drawn on her pumpkin. I could hear them behind me as Michael sat at the dinning room table with the Cabbage peering over his shoulder, directing Michael's knife. Was it so long ago that this was me doing the exact same thing, peering over Dad's shoulder and directing his carving knife? I smiled as I continued scraping the inside of my pumpkin. One of the tricks of pumpkin carving that Dad taught me, was to not just thoroughly scrap the sides of the pumpkin but to also scrap the bottom of the pumpkin. This way you roll the guts into ball as you go and then all you have to do is dump the pumpkin upside and watch as all the goop falls out. It is a lot of scraping and you should expect a hand cramp somewhere in the middle of the whole process, but it is the cleanest, most efficient way to pull out the insides of a pumpkin. 

I paused to rest my cramping hand and rub my forehead with back of my sleeved arm. I looked over at Michael who was doing the finishing touches on the Cabbage's pumpkin. The Cabbage was now dancing around behind him, no longer directing or even really paying attention. I wondered if he got it, if understood what kind of memory he was building with her. He didn't have the same kind of childhood as I did. He's never talked about carving pumpkins or participating in the same kind of traditional holiday activities as I did. Sure, he went trick-or-treating, but I don't know if he's ever been to the kind of Halloween party where kids bob for apples and jump over broomsticks. Collinsville used to have a Halloween festival at the fair grounds. One activity was to toss a bunch of money into a hay bale and let a group of kids dig around in the hay collecting whatever coins they could find. This was how we learned that I am allergic to hay, but it was my favorite thing. We didn't do this every year, but every year Dad and I carved a pumpkin. Always. Even when I was old enough to do it on my own. 

Michael asked the Cabbage about next year's pumpkin, something about maybe getting a carving kit so she could carve the pumpkin on her own. She told him that she didn't want to carve the pumpkin on her own. The Cabbage told him that she wanted to help him carve the pumpkin like they did this time around. I wonder if she has taken the lead in setting a tradition. I wonder if Michael recognizes that. I wonder if he realizes that maybe one day when the Cabbage is much older, she's going to tell stories about how she and her dad used to carve a pumpkin together every year.