DREAM SEASON

Last night I dreamed that we were on a trip and I had climbed up to an old church to take pictures. For some reason, I set my camera down (my super expensive camera) and then walked back down the hill to find Michael. I was half way down when I realized my camera was gone. So I ran back up to the church and searched frantically for my camera. While I was searching, an older man pulled up in his car and rolled down the window. He spoke with an Eastern European accent and held up my camera. “Are you looking for this?” He asked. I said “Oh my god, yes! Thank you!” and reached for the camera. Then I noticed the lens was missing. I said something to him about it and he said that I could have the lens back for $100. I felt ill and embarrassed and I didn’t want Michael to know that any of this was happening. I didn’t have $100 cash on me and asked if I could Venmo him. He told me that he’d wait for me to go to the ATM at the bottom of the hill. Then I said “Shake on it?” and as he reached his hand forward, I reached inside and grabbed the lens. I woke up before I had to tell Michael anything about leaving my camera behind or losing the lens.

I was relieved to wake up for a number of reasons.

It doesn’t take much to unpack that dream and see that it contains a lot. It contains a lot of fears, which is completely normal. So I keep telling myself. But it is not just the showing. I’ve put a lot of things on my personal calendar for the next two months. I have my yearly check up scheduled, a dental check up and a colonoscopy all on the books for September. I am constantly adding to my work calendar and balancing that work around appointments. All of that juggling means that I end up double booking myself. So far this is only working because some people I work with are not on time. Then there’s Michael’s calendar which is a topic I’m not discussing. Keeping track of it all feels like training for fighting villains in the Matrix. By the time these next two months are over, I will be bending space and time.

This week we will be witnesses to a super blue moon, the second full moon we’ve seen this month. This moon also coincides with perigee which means that low tides are going to be extra low and high tides are going to be extra high. Storms reaching landfall during these high tides can produce coastal flooding, beach erosion and rough seas. Hurricane Idalia is predicted to hit Florida on Wednesday. Hurricane Franklin is heading towards the East coast this week and predicted to produce life-threatening rip tides. I’m not into star signs and moon phases, but even I have to admit that rare full moon events and hurricanes feels like a physical manifestation of how I’m feeling these days. It is all going to be a disaster or completely okay. I predict that the dreaming is going to be straight up horrible this week.

Even though there’s a lot going on, I’m still considering signing up for an online course on storytelling in photography. What if I did NANOWRIMO in November but used some of my photography to tell the stories, to inspire the word count? That sounds pretty nice right? Theoretically that does sound pretty good, but I might have a new challenge for November and that would be a twenty minute nap everyday. We’ll call it NANONAPMO. Your reward for committing to your daily nap is being well rested.

I’m a self-care guru.

MY CARDIGAN

Every Saturday is generally spent running errands. It starts with me getting up early to do the bulk of our grocery shopping. Then Michael and I head out to find lunch and run around the city doing the rest of the errands like visiting the hardware store. The last stop is usually a fancy grocery store where we pick out something special for Saturday night dinner. Lately, by the time we reach the fancy grocery store, our patience and tolerance is running pretty thin. This Saturday had us on the side of town where masks are viewed as optional and by the time we left the fancy grocery store, I was prickly and ready to be home.

Once we were safe at home and everything was put away, I sat down on the couch with my book. I hadn’t even finished reading a paragraph before my eyes started to droop and I thought “I am going to go take a nap.” I am not a napper. Every time a nap is suggested, I turn into a three-year old. I might say that I’m going to lie down for a nap, but I only ever end up staying put for ten minutes. I will walk out of my room and Michael will look at me and say “I thought you were going to take a nap.” I always reply “I did.” Which is a lie. This time though, I took off the pants I had on and climbed into bed with my book and my dog. I was out in minutes. I don’t know how long I slept, but when I woke I had the groggy weighted feeling of waking from hibernation. I had to shake myself. Then I had to take my temperature just to make sure I wasn’t coming down with something because that nap had been so not like me.

Later, after I had finally shaken the last of the nap cobwebs away, I stood in the kitchen prepping vegetables for the evening meal. I sliced and seasoned potatoes to roast. Then I chopped a bunch of mustard greens. I looked at the time and then I walked out of the kitchen, leaving it all just sitting on the counter. I pulled my Nikon from my desk drawer and picked up my clunky tripod. Then I told Michael that I was walking up to the Paseo overpass to try to get some moon pictures. I walked to the overpass and set up the tripod, securing the camera in place and then I waited. I knew what time the moon was supposed to rise and I was well in the time frame, but I couldn’t see anything. There were trees and I was not up as high as I would have hoped. I’d pick up my tripod and walk down the sidewalk, pause and check the view from the lens. Then I would pick up the tripod and walk back to my original spot, pause and check the view from the lens. I did this for almost an hour. I must have looked ridiculous pacing up and down Paseo with an old school metal tripod. Finally I got a glimpse of something orange through the trees. I found the spot to set up for my shot, but I still had to wait for the moon to creep up over the trees. I danced back and forth impatiently until it did and then I started shooting. Finally, when I was satisfied, I sent a text to Michael. He told me that dinner was ready and I replied that I was headed back. I apologized when I walked in the door for taking so long. To which Michael shook his head “No. I’m glad you went.”

I’m glad I went too. It has been ages since I have used my Nikon. It has been ages since I have gone through the rituals of adjustments for taking pictures. The testing. The moment when you know you have everything right and all you need to do is press the button. I needed all of that just as much as I needed that nap.