IT'S NOT ME, IT'S YOU

Everyone tends to dread a Monday, particularly if you’ve had two days off from work, because Mondays are reentry days. It is not uncommon for reentry days to be rough with sharp edges. My reentry day was fine. Not great. Not bad. Just, you know, fine. At one point, my friend Melissa was texting me a rant about about a certain white guy we know (look…his whiteness is important for this story…dude is a patriarchal cliche). At some point Melissa said she must be getting her period because she was so ranty. And I thought about this really hard for a second before responding with:

I hate that as women, we’ve been reduced to blaming our rage over the patriarchy on our monthly cycles.

We don’t need to use hormones as an excuse to be angry. I mean, the Equal Credit Opportunity Act didn’t pass until 1974. That’s two years before I was born! Up until then, women had to have their husband’s (or father’s ) permission to open a bank account, get a home loan, have any line of credit, you know…just basically be able to live an independent life. I mean, we still don’t have body autonomy, at least not in about twenty states in the Union. The House just recently passed H.R.22 (the SAVE Act) which will require documented proof of U.S. citizenship for voter registration and voting. if it passes the senate. Proof of U.S. citizenship for any of us is our birth certificate, which sounds reasonable, except my last name is not the same as the one on my birth certificate, which is true for all married women who took their husband’s name. Now, I tried a number of times to get ahold of my congressman to clarify some things, but he (his staff) are sending all of the phone calls to voicemail. But it looks like I will need my driver’s license, my birth certificate and my marriage license in order to vote if this bill passes the senate. In spite of voter fraud incidences being very very rare, this is what our voted officials think is important to address during this time.

But wait! There’s more reasons for women to be angry all the time!

On average, woman do more during a day than men. I can already hear some men grumbling about how that can’t possibly be true and for those men I ask you “how did you get clean underwear? Where did your groceries come from? How is it you have a planned out meal? What about the clean environment you live in? Who put clean sheets on your bed?” Now I’m not saying that men never do this. I’m saying that these things happen on a regular day to day occurrence without notice. Women take care of the things that need to be done without talking about taking care of the things that need to be done and they do this while holding down 9-5 job. They GO TO WORK and then come home TO WORK. And it is frustrating and exhausting and when we reach a limit and show any emotion about it, it’s because we’re ‘hormonal’. I can assure you that hormones or no hormones we have plenty of reasons to show some emotion over the bullshit of inequality, but guess what? We GO TO WORK while feeling crampy and bloated with our periods and then come home TO WORK, still feeling crampy and bloated with our periods too. Even with all the “hormones” we still do all the things without talking about doing all the things.

We just get shit done.

So if you are a woman and you come to me complaining about some privileged white dude, do not try to excuse your complaining with being on your period. I will politely stop you and tell you that you have every right to the feelings you are having. Your complaints are valid menstrual flow or not.

OUR BLOODY HISTORY

I recently had to have a conversation with the Cabbage about menstruation. I don’t want to go into too many details, because that’s their story to tell or not tell. I just made a point to empathize with them and to stress that there is nothing shameful about periods and what is happening to their body. When I told Misti what I said to the Cabbage, she said that she wished she had had someone tell her the same thing and then I started to get really mad. Then I got furious because for far too long there has always been shame associated with what happens with women’s bodies. The natural processes of the female body has been used as a weapon against women since the dawn of time because not only is something men fear, it is something they don’t understand.

I’m about to set that Red Tent on fire.

Michael attempted to empathize with me for having to have that conversation with the Cabbage by saying something about all boys getting a talk about masturbation. Outwardly, I nodded my head and was all “yeah, that must have been difficult.”, but inwardly I was all “WHAT THE FUCK, GIRLS ARE NEVER GIVEN PERMISSION TO TOUCH THEMSELVES!” Even in sex education, the topic of self pleasure did not exist. Masterbuation was never part of the conversation when I was a young woman. Menstruation was never part of the conversation either. I was so ashamed to mention it that I had to sneak a note to my mother about the things I needed and even then, she did not give any instructions. My strong Southern Baptist upbringing taught me to believe all the things mentioned in the bible about a woman’s body. We were unclean and our only value was in the production of babies. Which is exactly what the patriarchy wants you to believe. I have lost track of the number of times I have heard that a woman can not be President of the United States because of menstruation, the most bullshitty, asinine patriarchal excuse ever.

It is all a lie.

The Sexual Revolution may have shined a light on the female orgasm, but it didn’t do all that much for taking the shame and embarrassment out of a monthly period. Bleeding into your pants has been seen as being as bad as peeing your pants. As if the start and stop of your period was something you ever had any control over. I had one friend tell me as I ranted on this topic that she was afraid to ask for the things she needed because she didn’t know if this was something her parents could afford. She is not the only woman or young woman to have this problem. There are too many women in this country that have to choose between buying milk or buying pads or tampons. Pads and tampons might as well be considered a luxury item and not being able to afford them adds yet another level of shame. Those of us raised in the environment that taught us that our female bodies where shameful now have a very serious choice to make. Do we repeat the cycle with this next generation of young women or do we rail against it with all of our might?

I’ve chosen to rail against it. Not just or the Cabbage, but for myself. I am at an age where my body is changing and doing weird things. I recently stopped taking birth control. My periods are random as fuck and I have no idea what to expect to happen to this body. There isn’t even a whole lot scientific research for me to read through because this society does not place any value on the women’s reproductive organs when those organs are no longer being used to produce. One more thing to add to my list of things that causes rage. This is my body. It does some pretty great things, but it also does some pretty gross stuff sometimes. BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT BODIES DO!

And I refuse to have any shame about it.

MOON ZAP

Instagram post by Cindy Maddera * May 8, 2018 at 1:54pm UTC

6 Likes, 0 Comments - Cindy Maddera (@elephant_soap) on Instagram

My period started today, so I'm thinking about what to do in my yoga practice this week. I used to never think about this. Back in the days when I had yet to establish a daily practice on my own, I went to yoga classes at the gym and did it all. I didn't even think about it. It was only later that I discovered there are views about menstruation and your yoga practice. Some teachers are adamant about NO YOGA during this time. I sort of regarded this view as dumb. I threw it on the ridiculous pile of things women have been told not to do while on their periods, like swimming in the ocean because you will attract sharks or hiking because you will attract bears. I am amazed that our species has survived with all of us women attracting predators all the time. The raging feminist yogini in me wants to shout "you can't tell me what I can and can't do!" Women have been fighting the stigma of menstruation since the dawn of time. 

Though in the defense of yoga, the reasons some teachers believe that you should not do yoga during your period is not because you are considered to be 'unclean' or you will attract wild animals to the studio. That time of the month is considered to be a time of cleansing and renewal and you should just take it easy. That's a nice thought and my kapha side tells my pitta side that this is exactly what we should do. Except my pitta side is a jerk and I end up trying to do all of the things on my yoga mat because I feel better when I get off my mat. A study in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health of sixty four women found that practicing breathing exercises, cat-cow, down dog, cobra, plank and child's pose reduced the effects of premenstrual stress. Of course this is a small study that took place in Taiwan, but the data is sound. [A different rant is the complete lack of research in reducing PMS, at all] 

There are many yoga poses that are beneficial to relieving cramping and bloating. Twists and supported fish pose are great. Bow pose is good for belly bloat. There are also poses that I just won't do during that time. I avoid certain inversions like headstand and shoulder stand, but there's no definitive scientific evidence that inversions cause problems if performed during menstruation. Really it just comes down to how you choose to interpret the word yoga. Yoga means 'to yoke'. I hear 'yoke' and I think of two large oxen yoked together and pulling a plow. One ox is your brain and the other ox is your body. They are forced to work together. The brain listens to the body and the body respects the brain's choices. Sometimes my body does not want to take the stairs, but my brain says "Come on! It's good for us!" and I take the stairs. Sometimes when my brain is saying that, my body goes "no, really. My knee hurts." I take the elevator. Practicing yoga doesn't just take place on your mat.

That time of the month is a good time to remember that lesson and really listen to what our bodies are telling us to do or not do. You know how on some days during your period, you feel just fine and other days you feel like a truck is rolling back and forth over your fat bloated body? On the days you feel just fine, have a regular asana practice, but on those other days when you feel achy and gross, take care of yourself. Choose a restorative practice with cushions and blankets. Sometimes I do a little bit of both by mixing in an asana practice at the beginning and finishing up with restorative poses like supported supta baddha konasana and supported twists. Sometimes, I just don't do anything but rest in final relaxation. I will it admit that it has taken me years of practice in order to be okay with doing less, but this is true self care.  

Namaste.