THE YEARLY SPIRAL

Last week I had a blood draw for my annual cholesterol and whatever check. I don’t see the doctor to talk about these results until later this week, but I have had the knowledge of the test results since Friday of last week. Of course there were at least two things from the results that sent me spiraling out and doing ridiculous internet searches. I’ve now replaced my usual whole fat greek yogurt that I have for breakfast three times a week with a zero fat greek yogurt. I’m taking a goddamn turmeric/black pepper supplement along with a cinnamon supplement. I’m probably going to also throw in a garlic pill because why not; I still have a little space left in my weekly pill box. I am determined to ride my bicycle to work as many days of the week I can and turn my sporadic yoga practice into something more consistent. This is why I am currently standing at my desk in wet clothes. I did not believe Michael when he said it would rain this morning. I didn’t believe him until I was 1.2 miles from work.

The downpour hit when I was a mile from work.

The whole time I was riding in the rain, I kept thinking about the second to the last episode of One Day where one of the main characters is riding her bicycle in the rain. I won’t completely spoil it for you if haven’t watched this series, but riding a bicycle through the city streets of London in the rain doesn’t go well for her. But it wasn’t the visions of possible doom in an attempt to be more fit that ended my spiral. I really only panicked for a day before my science brain kicked in and reminded me that my test results were normal for a woman my age who was three days away from the start of their period. Minor tweaks to the current maintenance plan is really all that’s required.

Then I ran into someone at work who I hadn’t seen in a while. She’s been out on maternity leave and I asked how she and the family were doing. All is well and they’ve settled into going from a family of three to a family of four with ease and grace. Then she asked me how I’m doing and I went straight on in to telling her about the new microscope that was installed while she was out. She said “That’s great…but I wanted to know how are you doing?” Y’all…I literally sputtered in an attempt to answer this question. I finally just said “I don’t know.” The first time I was asked how I was doing, I answered with job stuff and right now, I might be all job stuff. I mean, I’m not doing much else. My hobbies include keeping up with household chores and sitting on the couch with animals on my lap while I attempt the NY Times crossword or practice a lesson of French.

I am boring.

In my defense, I have always been a little bit boring. But I know this about myself. I have routines for my routines. I try to toss in some sparkle here and there so I am not so so boring. I thought roller skating would make me more interesting and while there’s an adult skate night on the calendar for next week, our skate group floundered a bit during the summer. Adult scheduling around summer vacations and other activities is a challenge. Honestly, I could have used more pool time at Jenn and Wade’s this summer, but I couldn’t even muster the energy to travel one measly mile to sneak into a pool. It seems I have the malaise and since I’m arguing with my doctor to approve a prescription so that I can just get a COVID vaccination for the year, I seriously doubt this doctor can do anything about malaise. Particularly if I’m not even sure that’s what I have or if I am just being a drama queen.

And maybe I’m just avoiding the question of how I’m doing.

How am I doing?

Why do we ask people this question? I can’t even honestly answer myself when I ask it. I’m sure not going to burden anyone else with that answer. Because the answer is complicated. I’m good but I’m in a constant state of worry over the war on science and the drastic decline of a country I used to be proud to call home. I’m doing great but drowning in disappointment over the down right cruelty of ‘fellow’ citizens. My life is perfect except the part where I now know people are not as smart as I once gave them credit to be. No really, I’m doing just fine despite averaging about five hours of sleep a night. Those five hours are good quality sleeping times. I just confirmed dinner reservation for Christmas Day.

IN PARIS!

This is how I am doing: I am great except when I am not.

How are you doing?