THANKFUL FRIDAY

The first ones of the season

10 Likes, 0 Comments - Cindy Maddera (@elephant_soap) on Instagram: "The first ones of the season"

There are three of us left working in the office and two of them are my supervisor and boss. People who can work from home are asked to do so. There is talk of everyone working from home by the end of the day, but nothing new has been announced. I have been stressed out over the idea of working from home mostly because so much of my work is hands on. There’s not much I can do from home except read articles. I have been happy to go to work this week and maintain some sort of routine, some sort of normal. It has been lonely here though. I like the people I work with. Those of us still here sort of mope around the place. I found myself crying at my desk on Wednesday because I couldn’t get my thermometer to work and that old man who has cancer in that news story the day before couldn’t go to his daughter’s wedding. It is a good time for meltdowns. No one’s here to witness it.

At lunch time on Wednesday, I threw on my jacket and marched myself out of the building. The sky was overcast, but the rain had stopped leaving the air cool and brisk. I started walking, taking the risk that it might rain on me and had the sidewalk all to myself. Crossing roads was easy due to the light traffic. As I walked, I noticed the greening of things, like the tips of bare tree limbs with tiny green buds breaking free. The black and white of Winter is slowly being colored in with red, purple, yellow and green. The bright yellow blooms of forsythia, our earliest bloomers, are a striking contrast to its still bare surroundings. I made my way up to the Nelson, which is closed right now. The sculpture garden remains open and I walked the winding trail that leads up to the east side of the Block Buildings. There, in the grassy space between the first two Block buildings, was a young woman just lying on her back staring up at the gray sky. I wondered how long she’d been there before sneaking a picture and then continuing on my way.

When you reach the space between the next two buildings, the path zigzags its way down to the south side of the Nelson. From my vantage point at the top of the zigzag, I could see just a bit of red peaking out of the courtyard and I picked up my pace. There are two small flower beds in the sculpture garden where the tulips have bloomed. Tulip greens have been up out of the ground for weeks now, but none of them have bloomed. These bright red tulips in these two almost hidden away flower beds were the first ones I have seen this season and my heart swelled at the sight of them. I had an almost unproportional reaction to the sight of them. Like something so simple should not be able to make me feel such joy. These bright little beacons of goodness popping up out of the soil were just so beautiful. Tulip season is always my favorite season but this year, more than ever, I needed to find these blooms.

Americans do not like being told what to do, but now is the time to set aside that stubborn willfulness and protect each other. Yes. It is hard. It is scary. At times it is lonely. I cannot visit my family. All of them fall into the high risk category and I cannot take the chance of the possibility of exposing them to this virus. I will not take that risk of losing them because I couldn’t follow orders. I take solace in knowing that eventually all of this will pass and this time will become a distant memory. So, for now, we hunker. Let’s not forget that we Americans are resourceful. We have been able to connect without being in the same room. Within minutes of hearing the mandates to shut down our city, dozens and dozens of people started posting about live concerts, live yoga, free books, free education classes. Online groups featuring distractions and games started forming. We have found ways to laugh and make the best of things. The CDC says we can still go outside as long as we keep our six foot distance from other people. So, GET OUTSIDE! Even if you have to bundle up or carry an umbrella or both.

Get out there and find your tulips.

BARE

Mom and I have clean birthday faces.

See this Instagram photo by @elephant_soap * 7 likes

I've seen people on Facebook commenting on Alicia Key's decision to go make up free. Most of them are positive, but I noticed one comment in particular that was not so positive and it came from a woman. I'll get to why that part of things bothers me in a minute, but first let me tell you about this lady's comment. Her comment said "I heard that she's [Alesha Keys] still using mineral based foundation." I read her comment in the same gossipy tone of voice you'd expect from your super gossipy neighbor who says things like "I hear he eats his own feces." There was just so much disdain in her tone, disdain that Alicia is either not wearing makeup or trying to pull a fast one on us.

As a young girl, I would stand on the toilet in the upstairs bathroom drying my hair while my mom and sister stood in front of the large mirror, putting their makeup on for the day. I watched them carefully apply foundation with a sponge, covering their entire faces with it. The final touch was to dust your face with a foundation like powder to 'seal' in the makeup. This is what I learned about makeup from watching my mom and sister: you NEVER leave the house without at the very least some sort of coverup foundation on your face. This implies that in some way, my natural skin is ugly. No one wants to see the purplish tint under my eyes, my freckles and sun spots. No one wants see any pimples or large pores. I learned that my skin is flawed and it must be covered up. I'm sure many of us learned this same lesson in regards to makeup and our skin. We didn't learn all of this from our mothers. Smooth, flawless skin is the tag line for eighty percent of the advertisements geared for women. You can't open a magazine without seeing the words 'removes fine lines', 'covers imperfections', or 'flawless beautiful skin'. 

The reason I point out that the negative comment came from a woman is because it still makes me mad to hear and see women not supporting each other in positive endeavors. I'm sure that comment was born from her own insecurities. Some could easily say that going without makeup is a very brave thing to do and not all of us feel that secure enough with our own so called flawed skin. Don't get me wrong. Makeup can be totally fun. On those days those mean voices are talking really loud in your head, sometimes putting on a simple pink lipstick can make those voices hush. Sometimes we need a little eyeshadow to lift our spirits. Sometimes I need a little makeup and bunch of Instagram filters to make me feel pretty, but make no mistake. Those voices in your head that tell you all the mean things about yourself are liars. You are beautiful with or without that makeup. 

Alicia Keys may very well be brave, but above all, she's inspirational. She's teaching a whole new generation of girls that makeup does not define your beauty. She's helping us change the way we see ourselves and how we see beauty. Our so called flawed skin is beautiful.

LOVE THURSDAY

"I love you more than you do" says the Cabbage. I know what she means, but I hear it grammatically and think "you're probably right about that". Instead I tell her "it's not possible" because I know she means that she loves me more than I love her, which is sweet.

The other day I took a new selfie to replace my facebook picture. I figured it was time to remove the one where I'm swallowing a giant blue pill. I took several images of myself. I pretended to pick my teeth in one shot. Another one had me doing my best evil Calvin impression. I went with the somewhat serious, more professional looking photo. Of course, once I posted it, I immediately received all of these nice comments about how pretty I am and blah blah blah. Really, all I kept looking at in that picture was my teeth. It's almost like I should have captioned that photo "My! What big teeth you have!". The better for tearing out your throat! Which is what I mentally do to people who have pissed me off. I'm looking at you Dude in the pickup truck that sped past me in a school zone and then cut me off. This Love Thursday entry is moving quickly over to the dark side. 

Any way, my eyes gravitated instantly to the things about me that I see as ugly, like my big nose and crater pores. I have brown spots on my cheekbones that look like dirt smudges (they are probably sinus or gluten related). Also, why is my forehead always so dang shiny?!? I use mattifying EVERYTHING on my face. And my teeth are seriously the size of Chiclets. I mean, I could replace all my teeth with miniature marshmallows and no one would even notice. That's just my face. Don't even get me started on what's going on from the neck down. Lumpy dumpy mess. 

"I love you more than you do."

OK, so I have big teeth. But guess what? I've never had to wear braces. Those straight (fairly) white teeth are mine and I haven't been to a dentist in twenty years (I know...I'm going soon...I promise). I know that smile holds power. Those eyes? Stunning. Hands down, my eyes are probably the best feature on my face. Sure, I may use a little mascara, but it's only because the tips of my eyelashes are blond. The mascara just helps you get the full effect of my long doll baby eyelashes. 

It's so easy to love others more than ourselves. We can easily see the beauty in others. In fact our eyes are usually trained to find the best features. Except when we're looking at ourselves. And yeah, I know the Cabbage doesn't love me because I look like a princess. She loves me because I sat on the floor and colored with her and sometimes I buy her junk from the $1 section at Target. But any way. Today, I'm going to love myself a little more. 

Happy Love Thursday.