THANKFUL FRIDAY

This was a real good week. The time change did have me wanting to go to bed at 8:00 PM and up at 3:30 AM, but, by now, I’m used to the wonky sleeping situation that is my daily life. Yes, the government is still shut down and Trump is still refusing to feed Americans, but we have seen an outpouring from the haves to help out the havenots. Well…maybe not quite the haves because we’re struggling too, but I can afford to buy a few extra cans of food every week during my grocery shopping trips to hand over to the food banks. As anyone heard how much Elon has donated to feed Americans? I haven’t heard, but I do know he’s received somewhere around $38 billion in government subsidies, contracts, loans and tax breaks since 2000.

Give your money away, shorties. - Billie Eilish

There is hope on the horizons.

This weather this week has been the complete opposite from last week. Every day of last week was gray and dreary. We did not see the sun. I worried that this was just how it was going to be until Spring, skipping through Fall right on to Winter. But this week has been nothing but blue skies and warmer than usual temperatures. While it is still fairly brisk in the mornings, things have warmed up for perfectly comfortable afternoons. I woke up Tuesday morning and after walking Josephine, I thought “Why am I not taking advantage of this weather?!?!” and decided to ride my bicycle to work. I bundled up with a coat and gloves and headed out into the brisk morning. Michael gets alerts when the garage door has been opened. By the time I got to work, he’d sent a text asking me how I’d gotten to work. He probably assumed that I took the scooter and it had been a consideration that morning before I turned to the bicycle. When I told him I’d taken the bicycle, he inquired about my ride. I told him that it was not uncomfortable. I’d worn too much coat, but nothing on my ears, so they were cold.

I know how to fix this.

But then, I rode my bicycle again on Wednesday and Michael sent me a text: “Did you ride your bike again?” I replied back with a yes and he told me that I am pretty amazing, which made me feel like maybe I was kind of amazing. I don’t know if that’s really true. It just felt ungrateful to not take advantage of this probably last week of tolerable bike riding weather before Winter sets in and my soul turns to sludge. Because the sun is setting at an earlier time in the evenings, the golden light hour is happening when I start cycling home and my route takes me through neighborhoods full of trees. So many of them have turned from green to bright colors of red, orange or gold. The sun filtering through those leaves at that time of day is like riding inside a stained glass window. Everything around me is ridiculously stunning that it didn’t feel real, like I was on the set of some John Hughes Thanksgiving movie.

So I rode my bicycle again the next day and then again the next.

Fridays are for scooters.

I am always such a big baby about weather. The slightest bit of chill in the air will have me throwing my hands up in despair. Imagine the sound of every child at Halloween who has to wear a coat over their costumes to go trick-or-treating. This is me any time the weather requires a coat. Yes, I realize that we will be in Paris in December and that much of our time will be spent outside. I am mentally prepared for this. Michael and I were in New York City in February one year. It snowed, but for some reason I didn’t even care. I was too busy being a tourist, which is exactly what will end up happening in France. I can easily be distracted from my discomfort. This week, I’ve discovered that I do not have to be on vacation for this to be true as I rode my bicycle.

The temperatures are predicted to drop over the weekend. Freeze warnings have been issued, but the roller coaster temps will be back up later in the week. There still might be a few days left for cycling to work, but they are limited. Before I know it, I won’t even be able to tolerate riding the scooter due to the cold. I’ll be plunged back into months of darkness and cold, trying not to fall into the habits of the last winter. Knowing that this weather we have right now is temporary has been my energy source for pushing those bike pedals. It is easy to be grateful for this weather, but my gratitude is in my actions to not take this weather for granted. I am so grateful that even on Thursday when I woke up with a don’t wanna attitude, I got on my bicycle anyway.

Today, I am grateful for taking advantage and soaking up the good things around me.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

The first ones of the season

10 Likes, 0 Comments - Cindy Maddera (@elephant_soap) on Instagram: "The first ones of the season"

There are three of us left working in the office and two of them are my supervisor and boss. People who can work from home are asked to do so. There is talk of everyone working from home by the end of the day, but nothing new has been announced. I have been stressed out over the idea of working from home mostly because so much of my work is hands on. There’s not much I can do from home except read articles. I have been happy to go to work this week and maintain some sort of routine, some sort of normal. It has been lonely here though. I like the people I work with. Those of us still here sort of mope around the place. I found myself crying at my desk on Wednesday because I couldn’t get my thermometer to work and that old man who has cancer in that news story the day before couldn’t go to his daughter’s wedding. It is a good time for meltdowns. No one’s here to witness it.

At lunch time on Wednesday, I threw on my jacket and marched myself out of the building. The sky was overcast, but the rain had stopped leaving the air cool and brisk. I started walking, taking the risk that it might rain on me and had the sidewalk all to myself. Crossing roads was easy due to the light traffic. As I walked, I noticed the greening of things, like the tips of bare tree limbs with tiny green buds breaking free. The black and white of Winter is slowly being colored in with red, purple, yellow and green. The bright yellow blooms of forsythia, our earliest bloomers, are a striking contrast to its still bare surroundings. I made my way up to the Nelson, which is closed right now. The sculpture garden remains open and I walked the winding trail that leads up to the east side of the Block Buildings. There, in the grassy space between the first two Block buildings, was a young woman just lying on her back staring up at the gray sky. I wondered how long she’d been there before sneaking a picture and then continuing on my way.

When you reach the space between the next two buildings, the path zigzags its way down to the south side of the Nelson. From my vantage point at the top of the zigzag, I could see just a bit of red peaking out of the courtyard and I picked up my pace. There are two small flower beds in the sculpture garden where the tulips have bloomed. Tulip greens have been up out of the ground for weeks now, but none of them have bloomed. These bright red tulips in these two almost hidden away flower beds were the first ones I have seen this season and my heart swelled at the sight of them. I had an almost unproportional reaction to the sight of them. Like something so simple should not be able to make me feel such joy. These bright little beacons of goodness popping up out of the soil were just so beautiful. Tulip season is always my favorite season but this year, more than ever, I needed to find these blooms.

Americans do not like being told what to do, but now is the time to set aside that stubborn willfulness and protect each other. Yes. It is hard. It is scary. At times it is lonely. I cannot visit my family. All of them fall into the high risk category and I cannot take the chance of the possibility of exposing them to this virus. I will not take that risk of losing them because I couldn’t follow orders. I take solace in knowing that eventually all of this will pass and this time will become a distant memory. So, for now, we hunker. Let’s not forget that we Americans are resourceful. We have been able to connect without being in the same room. Within minutes of hearing the mandates to shut down our city, dozens and dozens of people started posting about live concerts, live yoga, free books, free education classes. Online groups featuring distractions and games started forming. We have found ways to laugh and make the best of things. The CDC says we can still go outside as long as we keep our six foot distance from other people. So, GET OUTSIDE! Even if you have to bundle up or carry an umbrella or both.

Get out there and find your tulips.

BARE

Mom and I have clean birthday faces.

See this Instagram photo by @elephant_soap * 7 likes

I've seen people on Facebook commenting on Alicia Key's decision to go make up free. Most of them are positive, but I noticed one comment in particular that was not so positive and it came from a woman. I'll get to why that part of things bothers me in a minute, but first let me tell you about this lady's comment. Her comment said "I heard that she's [Alesha Keys] still using mineral based foundation." I read her comment in the same gossipy tone of voice you'd expect from your super gossipy neighbor who says things like "I hear he eats his own feces." There was just so much disdain in her tone, disdain that Alicia is either not wearing makeup or trying to pull a fast one on us.

As a young girl, I would stand on the toilet in the upstairs bathroom drying my hair while my mom and sister stood in front of the large mirror, putting their makeup on for the day. I watched them carefully apply foundation with a sponge, covering their entire faces with it. The final touch was to dust your face with a foundation like powder to 'seal' in the makeup. This is what I learned about makeup from watching my mom and sister: you NEVER leave the house without at the very least some sort of coverup foundation on your face. This implies that in some way, my natural skin is ugly. No one wants to see the purplish tint under my eyes, my freckles and sun spots. No one wants see any pimples or large pores. I learned that my skin is flawed and it must be covered up. I'm sure many of us learned this same lesson in regards to makeup and our skin. We didn't learn all of this from our mothers. Smooth, flawless skin is the tag line for eighty percent of the advertisements geared for women. You can't open a magazine without seeing the words 'removes fine lines', 'covers imperfections', or 'flawless beautiful skin'. 

The reason I point out that the negative comment came from a woman is because it still makes me mad to hear and see women not supporting each other in positive endeavors. I'm sure that comment was born from her own insecurities. Some could easily say that going without makeup is a very brave thing to do and not all of us feel that secure enough with our own so called flawed skin. Don't get me wrong. Makeup can be totally fun. On those days those mean voices are talking really loud in your head, sometimes putting on a simple pink lipstick can make those voices hush. Sometimes we need a little eyeshadow to lift our spirits. Sometimes I need a little makeup and bunch of Instagram filters to make me feel pretty, but make no mistake. Those voices in your head that tell you all the mean things about yourself are liars. You are beautiful with or without that makeup. 

Alicia Keys may very well be brave, but above all, she's inspirational. She's teaching a whole new generation of girls that makeup does not define your beauty. She's helping us change the way we see ourselves and how we see beauty. Our so called flawed skin is beautiful.

LOVE THURSDAY

"I love you more than you do" says the Cabbage. I know what she means, but I hear it grammatically and think "you're probably right about that". Instead I tell her "it's not possible" because I know she means that she loves me more than I love her, which is sweet.

The other day I took a new selfie to replace my facebook picture. I figured it was time to remove the one where I'm swallowing a giant blue pill. I took several images of myself. I pretended to pick my teeth in one shot. Another one had me doing my best evil Calvin impression. I went with the somewhat serious, more professional looking photo. Of course, once I posted it, I immediately received all of these nice comments about how pretty I am and blah blah blah. Really, all I kept looking at in that picture was my teeth. It's almost like I should have captioned that photo "My! What big teeth you have!". The better for tearing out your throat! Which is what I mentally do to people who have pissed me off. I'm looking at you Dude in the pickup truck that sped past me in a school zone and then cut me off. This Love Thursday entry is moving quickly over to the dark side. 

Any way, my eyes gravitated instantly to the things about me that I see as ugly, like my big nose and crater pores. I have brown spots on my cheekbones that look like dirt smudges (they are probably sinus or gluten related). Also, why is my forehead always so dang shiny?!? I use mattifying EVERYTHING on my face. And my teeth are seriously the size of Chiclets. I mean, I could replace all my teeth with miniature marshmallows and no one would even notice. That's just my face. Don't even get me started on what's going on from the neck down. Lumpy dumpy mess. 

"I love you more than you do."

OK, so I have big teeth. But guess what? I've never had to wear braces. Those straight (fairly) white teeth are mine and I haven't been to a dentist in twenty years (I know...I'm going soon...I promise). I know that smile holds power. Those eyes? Stunning. Hands down, my eyes are probably the best feature on my face. Sure, I may use a little mascara, but it's only because the tips of my eyelashes are blond. The mascara just helps you get the full effect of my long doll baby eyelashes. 

It's so easy to love others more than ourselves. We can easily see the beauty in others. In fact our eyes are usually trained to find the best features. Except when we're looking at ourselves. And yeah, I know the Cabbage doesn't love me because I look like a princess. She loves me because I sat on the floor and colored with her and sometimes I buy her junk from the $1 section at Target. But any way. Today, I'm going to love myself a little more. 

Happy Love Thursday.