ACCOMPLISHED

I have a dear friend who works in DC in a federal capacity and he has been sharing what has been happening in his office since the new administration took over. It’s as if they are intentionally making it a more hostile working environment each day because they would rather people quite than to fire them all. My friend’s most recent post was an email from Elon Musk and the HR department stating that all employees must reply to their email with approximately five bullets of what you accomplished last week. If the email is not sent in by 11:59EST Monday the 24th, you should expect to be fired.

Well…the email address got out into the world and the internet is having a heyday, sending emails of accomplishments to hr@opm.gov. People have been emailing in their own bullet point lists of accomplishments and when I heard this, I laughed out loud at what a delightful form protest this is. IT’s like the very definition of joyful protest. So last night, I sat down and compiled my own email of accomplishments:

In the past week, I have successfully completed an over night time lapse of Zika virus infected Hela cells, troubleshot issues with the Phenix screening microscope and completed laser power checks on all microscopes. I trained a new user on the slide scanner and then imaged a batch of slides on the Nikon spinning disk. Those images were then processed for further analysis.

On a personal note, I maintained the health of my sourdough starter. I also completed section five on French lessons with Duolingo. I swept, vacuumed and mopped. Food was prepped for weeknight meals and I brushed my teeth.

I hope this satisfies the five accomplishments requirement for the week. I look forward to updating this again for the next week.
Thank you,
Cindy Maddera

I sent the email and then realized that I forgot to mention that I had also trimmed my toenails, which feels like a pretty good personal accomplishment. This was my only regret here because the minute I hit the little send button, I felt giddy and elated. First of all, this is such an easy protest against that fascist idiot, but after sitting down and thinking about the things I did accomplish last week, I felt pretty dang good about myself. Far too often, I get to an end of a week (the actual end, like Sunday night knowing I have to start all over again the next day) and I feel like I’ve accomplished very little. Except now I’m realizing that I could have added so much more to that accomplishments email.

I didn’t mention that I troubleshot issues with my windshield washer. I’ve been driving practically blind most of all last week because every time I hit the washer button, nothing would come out. And yes, for the jerk face in the back, I made sure I had windshield washer fluid. What I could not determine on my own was if the pump for the washer was actually running. I couldn’t hear it from inside the vehicle and needed Michael to stick his head under the hood while I engaged the washer. Of course, this is when the washer miraculously started working again. We believe it had something to do with above freezing temps and washer fluid designed for warmer climate. I’m still going to say that we fixed the windshield washer and I learned a whole lot about the inside of my car. Like how the car was low on brake fluid. And that feels a little more important than the windshield washer.

The more I think about it, them more accomplishments I can come up with and I can’t wait to send in my report for this current week. For the first time this year, I feel motivated and this is such a lovely way to start out the week. I spend a lot of time on Sundays preparing for the week ahead. I chop veggies for the week. We start the week with clean floors and organized lunches. Now I feel like I’ve discovered one more thing to add to my list for preparing for a week. Each Sunday evening, I’m going to sit down and compile my five bullet points of accomplishments, maybe even add more than five, and then I’m going to send that email off to Elon.

In case you want to email Elon about your accomplishments, you can do so at hr@opm.gov.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

First, I’d like to start off with a list of some accomplishments or sort of accomplishments for this week:

• I rode my bike on Monday. My intention was to ride at least three times this week. On the way home it sounded like it was rattling apart. Michael asked me about the ride because he knew I was hesitant about my ability to ride a bicycle. I told him that it was great except the rattle. He told me to not ride again until he could look over it this weekend. Even though I only rode once, I feel like this is still an accomplishment.

• Dog walks every morning.

• Mammogram

• Completing safety training for my visit to MBL in a couple of weeks

• Refraining from murder

• Quality yoga mat time every day this week (probably helped with whole not murdering thing)

This is Michael and The Cabbage’s last day of school, which means we start our summer schedule next week. I’ve already made an Excel spreadsheet of all the chores I do, organized by weekly, bi-weekly, every other week, number of times a day. I’m ready to hand this spreadsheet over to the two of them and relinquish the majority of my chores. I’ve been anticipating this moment for weeks and thinking about how it feels like a freedom. Michael asked me what I was going to do with my Saturdays if I don’t have to go grocery shopping and I said that I might find a morning yoga class. There’s a vegan bakeshop in Brookside that doesn’t open until 10:00 AM on Saturday’s. I’ve been dying to get brunch here, but the timing is always wrong. Now, I could go to yoga and then to the bake shop afterward. Or I could beg Sarah to take me kayaking and then the two of us could get brunch after. Or I could go roller skating at the outdoor roller skating park. Or I could grab my big camera, hop on my scooter and zip around the city taking pictures with the morning light. Or I could print out every thing I have ever written in regards to a book, find a cafe and sit down with these pages and a red marker and start to put something real together.

All of these options sound like a vacation to me.

I think I’m making this my song for the summer. I don’t need the whole year, but I need these next three months. I need three months of making as few decisions for other people as I possible can get away with and focusing less on other people’s needs. I need three months of not being so dang considerate. I need three months of not my usual chores so I have time for the chore of cleaning out my closet and the rest of the house. I need these three months because I can’t tell you the last time I lounged in my hammock in the backyard.

And the next three months are something to be grateful for.