THANKFUL FRIDAY

Tonight!

7 Likes, 0 Comments - Cindy Maddera (@elephant_soap) on Instagram: "Tonight!"

I gave Michael a Christmas list last year to give him some gift ideas. One of the things on the list was tickets to see the New Pornographers. I really wanted to go to this concert and I knew I would not buy those tickets for myself. Michael and I don’t listen to the same kinds of music and so I am hesitant to drag him to a concert where I know he’s going to look for a corner to curl up and nap in. I knew that the New Pornographers was that kind of a concert, so I was surprised that he actually bought two tickets for me for Christmas. When he presented me with the tickets, I told him “You’ll enjoy it! Neko Case is in the band. You really liked that concert.” What I didn’t tell him was how much the two differ in musical style. They were playing at the Truman, which is a small warehouse venue near downtown. We walked in Wednesday night as Diane Coffee, the opener, was crooning into the microphone. Standing near the back of the crowd, Michael turned to me and said “I’m really surprised by this crowd. They all seem to be about our age.” I shrugged and said “yeah…the band’s been around since 1997 or something like that.”

We found a spot near the front right of the stage. I could see backstage and kept pointing out every time Neko Case walked passed the half open curtain. Then we waited for them to clear the stage and set up for the New Pornographers. I suddenly felt like something was missing and I pulled my phone from pocket as I realized what that was. I opened up messaging and pulled up Todd’s number and sent him the following: “We are at the New Pornographers concert and I can’t help but feel you should be here.” He responded a few minutes later expressing how much he wished he was there. Then I was flattened by a nostalgia tsunami. There was a time when most of my concert going experiences happened in small warehouse venues and half of the time Todd was right there with me hopping up and down to the music. When the Flaming Lips released Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, they played at the Coca-Cola Plex in Bricktown. You tag on the words ‘Coca-Cola’ and you would think this to be a big arena, but it really was just a little bit bigger that a roller rink. Liz Phair was the opener and Todd and I ended up standing on a slightly raised area in the back. Family of the Flaming Lips stood next to us. I remember overhearing conversations as the band played. “Isn’t that your claw-foot bathtub?” someone asked while the video for She Don’t Use Jelly played in the background. An older woman that could have been Wayne’s mom replied “Yeah, they pulled it out of the upstairs bathroom.”

I never stopped moving during that concert and the same could be said for the New Pornographer’s concert. From the moment they took the stage until the moment we left just after their last song, I was bouncing and swaying and singing along to the music. About an hour into the concert, Michael yelled into my ear that he had to go find a seat. He left me near the front, still bouncing and swaying. Only when I knew they were nearing the end did I finally stagger off to find him so we could retrieve our coats from coat check. I zipped up my coat and pulled on my hat and gloves, preparing myself to step out in the freezing temps. Then Michael and I took one last look into the main concert area.

Less than forget but more than begun
These adventures in solitude never done
To the names of our wounds
We send the same blood back from the wars

We thought, we lost you
We thought, we lost you
We thought, we lost you
It will all come back

I turned to look at Michael. He looked down at me and I could just barely hear him when said “That’s nice.” Then we turned and stepped out into the cold.

As we navigated our way through one way streets to get on the highway, I told Michael thank you for spending his evening listening to my music with me. He played it off by replying “I always listen to your music.” I disagreed with him. I told him that when I select music for us in the mornings, I select it with him in mind. More folk. A little bit country. Something he will recognize. The New Pornographers are really outside his musical wheelhouse.

So I meant it when I told him that I appreciated him for spending his evening outside his wheelhouse.

DAY 6: NEKO CASE & HER BOYFRIENDS, FURNACE ROOM LULLABY

Cow

13 Likes, 1 Comments - Cindy Maddera (@elephant_soap) on Instagram: "Cow"

My Dad was a country music listener. When I say ‘country music’, I’m talking about the old time country music. Grand Ole Opry country. Roy Rogers and Dale Evens country. Saturday nights were for Mom’s homemade pizza and Hee-Haw. The day he found the classic country radio station on Sirius XM, he called me to tell me all about it because he was overjoyed that this station existed. Once, well before we knew he was sick, I took Dad to see Riders in the Sky at the National Cowboy and Western Heritage Museum. You might recognize their voices from Toy Story 2 where they performed “Woody’s Round-up”. Dad was so happy to be at this concert that it leaked out of his eyes. He was the one that gave me my appreciation for good country music. He taught me all about Patsy and Loretta and Johnny and Willie. He introduced me to Minnie Pearl and cowboy campfire songs. I had an appreciation for Dad’s music, but I did not care to listen to it. It just wasn’t my go-to choice of music, particularly in my youth. There’s nothing more embarrassing or annoying than your parents’ music when you are that age.

I came across Furnace Room Lullaby the year Chris died. It’s an album of Neko Case singing twangy country songs, each one resonating in some way with my state of mind. Every word in South Dakota Way could have been written by me in the days after Chris’s passing. I felt all the aching truth of grief in that song. Then I had to have Hooper put down and Set Out Running moved to the top of my anthem list.

And if I knew heartbreak was coming, I would've set out running. Past the city houses
And the ditches on the highway.

This album stuck with me as I entered the crazy world of online dating (Guided by Wire) and into the early days of my relationship with Michael (Twist the Knife). And I am always in the Mood to Burn Bridges.

So if you have moral advice, I suggest you just tuck it all away

This album didn’t just open me up to all things Neko Case, it opened my ears to that music my Dad loved so much. My appreciation for that genre has moved beyond mere appreciation. I now tuck a few songs into a playlist and seek out new artists with that old sound, artists like Margo Price and Yola and even Kacey Musgraves. I listen to this music and I think about my Dad’s western style shirts with the pearl snaps and his bolo ties. I think about how Dad had cowboy boots that he called “work boots” and a fancy pair of cowboy boots that he called his “dress boots”. The same was true for his cowboy hats. He had one for riding his tractor and one for fancy occasions. He had a way of getting as close as he could to things he wanted to do in life. He wanted to be a pilot and when he failed the physical to become one, he became an airplane mechanic. Those cowboy clothes and his music and his red tractor were Dad’s way of being the cowboy.

And I feel like I finally understand that.