THANKFUL FRIDAY
Cindy Maddera
When I left from teaching my yoga class on Wednesday, it was though a small octagon shaped prism had been placed in the lens of my left eyeball. Then the headache started just above my right eye. By the time I got home the prism was gone, but the right side of my head ached in an old forgotten way. Migraine. It has been years since I’ve had one of those. Like maybe not since 2009 when I gave up meat. I spent the next day recovering and marveling at the power of stress and the toll it takes on the body. Then I started laughing at every time I have rolled my eyes at comments regarding moods and celestial bodies.
I will confess that I have been on autopilot for a few weeks. I get up, exercise, walk the dog, feed the animals, shower, get dressed, give Josephine two treats, set the alarm and then head to work. And even those morning when my body is filled with lead weights, I force myself up and about. I’m just so tired all of the time, but I keep on with the same routine until I completely collapse. I haven’t looked at my color coded calendar or made any adjustments in weeks. I have a whole list of things I haven’t done in weeks, like write or do any research reading for the book. It’s not that I have stalled out. I’m just doing the basic things required to keep myself alive. This month is busy. Next month, we go to Camp Wildling. The month after that, Michael and Phenix are tagging along with me to a conference in Vancouver. The month after that, Michael and I are making a tiny trip to St. Louis to see ANdrew Bird in concert. I need to get my things together for camp. I need to make arrangements for Vancouver. I need to find boarding for Josephine. Oh! Josephine is going in for a tooth cleaning and possible removal of a broken tooth. So…I’m already worried about that and it’s weeks away.
May is Mental Health Awareness Month and there’s nothing like going blind in one eye to make one realize that maybe it’s time to check in with one’s self. This weekend, I’m going to spend some time with my calendar and see what I can dump or rearrange. Maybe I don’t need to get up at 5 AM every morning. Maybe that 5 AM activity can be moved to some other time of the day. Maybe instead of 5 AM exercise, I need to carve out some 5 AM writing time. I think it is also time to reevaluate my food menu. I feel the need to move back into smoothie land with lots of greens, berries and maybe some walnuts. Really, I’m just craving giant bowls of green stuff. And a potato. While I’m thinking about it, it is also time to make an appointment with my doctor for general checkup and a discussion of what is going on with my body.
Today, I am grateful for being able to see clearly out of my left eye.