SET EVERYTHING ON FIRE

Okay, Monday

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Last Thursday morning, I rushed out the door right behind Michael. He jumped into his truck, started it and then drove off. I jumped into my car and tried to start it. On my third attempt, I could see Michael pulling out of the drive and I realized that I was going to have to find an alternate way to get to work. So I had a very very cold scooter ride in to work that morning. I do my chores and then sit down at my desk to drink some coffee and catch up on emails and news. This is when I see that the leading story on the New York Times website is of Elizabeth Warren dropping out of the presidential race. And my eyes filled up with tears. Later on in the day, I attend a party in honor of a paper publication and drink two glasses of champagne which promptly makes me break out in hives. I have a very nerve wracking scooter ride home due to twenty mile per hour wind gusts. Then Michael greets me at the door and tells me my car started right up for him.

Well, of course.

The next morning, my car does not start for Michael (vindication?) and he takes me to work. Then I spend the next forty minutes trying to get an auto objective calibration to run on one of our microscopes. Every attempt ends with me re-starting the software. My boss walks in and he tells me about the problem that I already know exists. It is the reason I’m trying to calibrate the object. He tells me to try running the auto calibration again so he can see what’s going on. It runs just fine and I become furious. I snarkily say “I guess I just need a man to stand behind me and look over my shoulder.” My boss replies that he has no idea how to respond to statements like that and I told him “You don’t. You don’t respond.” We left it at that because he’s my boss, but he’s also a friend. I go back to my desk and read one quote from Elizabeth Warren’s speech from the day before and start crying again.

BECAUSE GODDAMMIT

Look, I know people had their problems with Warren. That’s fine. That’s your business. You do you. But I really really like her. I still believe she is the smartest candidate and even overqualified for the job of president. She has a beautiful vision and a plan for that vision. She has enthusiasm and energy and she’s a damn fine choice for the first female President of the United States. So yeah, I’m sad and angry.

“One of the hardest parts of this,” Elizabeth Warren said as she withdrew from the presidential race on Thursday, “is all those little girls who are going to have to wait four more years.”

I have taken for granted all of those years that I lived inside my bubble of naivety. It never ever dawned on me that women could not do what men do. I was surrounded by ‘You can do and be anything’ and Chris took on the support of that bubble like it was the only and most important job he had. So for years I just didn’t notice how un-fucking-fair it all really is. Not until Chris died. That’s when the bubble was popped and I was left to learn to breath this air. And I don’t like it. This air is stale and smells of Bengay and Old Spice and just general old man smell and it is disgusting. This air has become an accelerant to this internal burning rage that makes me want to scream and throw a fit. I want to pour gasoline over everything and then toss out a lit match and watch it all burn to the ground.

But I’m still going to go vote!