LOOK HARDER
Cindy Maddera
The sun isn’t really up in the mornings when Josephine and I leave the house for our walk. It is not until we are almost back home, that there is a thin sliver of orange on the horizon. The darkness of the morning makes me uninspired to stop and take pictures. I am a devotee of Karen Walrond, who tells us to “look for the light” and so I am constantly looking in the direction of the sun. I never use the flash on my camera. I disdain the flash on a camera. Photos taken with a flash have a quality that does not appeal to me. Photos that I take with the flash are stark and feel like they are missing life, but this could also be because I never really learned how and when to use a flash. That might surprise some of you. I just set out from the beginning to use natural light mostly because I am lazy.
A number of famous photographers have used and use flash in their work, but the concept to use a flash or not to use the flash is a division line among photographers. Flash photography used for black and white photos can be striking and intense. I think it’s a great tool for bringing out the raw emotions of grief and anger. Flash photography has the ability to seem shockingly honest. The subject always appears to be caught, frozen in a moment. I know that all pictures are captured moments and tell stories. It’s just that flash photography tells a different kind of story. Possibly a darker, more sinister kind of story, but we like those kinds of stories sometimes. I realize how much I am limiting myself by not learning how and when to use my flash, particularly now that there is no sun during our morning walks.
I have yet to commit myself to sitting down for a traditional meditation each day, but I have found that my photography is its own form of meditation. It makes me more mindful of my surroundings as I scan for things interesting. It makes me present. Those morning walks have been a nice time for that practice. So I broke down this week and tried using the flash to take a picture. I picked out the best one for some minor editing and even the ‘best’ one made me cringe. I thought “I hate this.” but I posted it anyway. Then I opened the image up later on a bigger screen and thought “Wait…” Maybe I don’t hate that picture. I managed to make those black-eyed Susans less sunshiny and more Oregon fog. They have a haunted quality to them, but I think I like that. Then I started noticing things that I did not even see when I was editing and posting that photo. There’s a busy bumble bee in one of those flowers and a green beetle with black dots on its back hanging out on the petal of another flower. It is almost as if those two flew into the image later on after I posted it.
So I guess it is time for me to crack open some books and start playing around with the flash on my camera because sometimes magic happens when you use the flash. And sometimes, instead of looking for the light, you have to make the light. It’s time for me to make my own light.