THANKFUL FRIDAY

I came home Sunday night to new curtains in the bedroom, four new chairs, a new tea towel with elephants embroidered on it, two new little throw pills also embroidered with elephants, a new elephant hook, and new back step. Mom had kept herself busy while I was away. I am so thankful that she was able to stay in my home and look after Hooper that week. I really dreaded the idea of boarding Hooper for so long and I'm truly grateful to have a mom who can and will take the time to help out. I know mom doesn't do these things just because she can. She does it because she truly wants to help. I think she's at her best when she knows that she is needed. It couldn't have been all that fun for her, all alone in a somewhat unfamiliar city. But she discovered things that I didn't even know about, like the antique Bizarre that takes place on the first weekend of every month. I can't wait for the first weekend in August to come around so I can go.

This week has also made me truly thankful to be able to take any kind of vacation. I know how lucky I am to be able to not only take the time off, but use that time to actually travel somewhere and I'm lucky enough to have friends who live in awesome places. I am so thankful for Talaura for not only letting me stay with her but for being such a great hostess. I am even more then grateful to have her has a friend. She is framily, friend that is family.

Here's to a great weekend and a very very Thankful Friday.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

I have many things to be thankful for this week. First of all, let me say that you should always include a week of pre-vacation and post (recovery) vacation to go along with the week of actual vacation. At least that's what I've determined from this week. My motivation to be present at work has been nil. This is bad because I have to present in lab meeting today. There have been times where I've been sitting at my desk working on my presentation and I've had to literally slap myself back on track. I'm ready to be on vacation, but really I'm ready for this trip in particular. Since I spent last weekend on the road, I came home too tired to worry about groceries. I decided that I would find a way to eat the stuff that remained in my fridge and pantry. This idea caused a tiny bit of panic at first because I had recently scrubbed my fridge and tossed things. There were somethings I didn't toss because I just wasn't sure what to do with them. This included one jar of pickled cauliflower veggie medley, one jar of a fork fulls worth of sauerkraut, one jar containing three pickle slices, two jars of olives (black and green) and one jar of capers. Why do I have so much pickled stuff in my fridge? Any one? Yeah...I don't know either. Lucky for me I still had one good tomato and one good cucumber, a bag of carrots, lettuce from the garden and a can of chickpeas. I've done well and I've only resorted to a peanut butter and jelly sandwich once (really because I was being lazy). I'm thankful for the food challenge this week.

I have no idea what my internet situation will be like on vacation. I do know that I can not include header pictures with my blog entries when done on the iPad. If I blog, I blog. We'll see. But don't count on it. I'm taking a vacation. Like for real. I promise there will be stories and pictures to fill days and days worth of entries when I return. Something I'm also thankful for.

Happy Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

I feel like so often when I sit down to write my Thankful Friday entry that it turns into a "this is what I did this week" entry. I feel like maybe I lose a little bit of focus of what this entry is all about. Today's entry started out to be just that. I typed up a whole paragraph about my new home security system and then deleted it. Feeling safe is something to be thankful for, but the how and why I got the system isn't all that important and turns into a very boring read. I've eaten well this week and at meal time I've taken a moment to thank the Universe not just for my food, but for the little things in my day. Those little things add up and by the end of the week I realize I have so many things to be grateful for. It's easy to miss those little things or forget about them so that by the end of the week all you're really thankful for is the fact that it's the end of the week.

This week, I am thankful for the reminder that these little things add up to a pretty good week. Those little things are things like helping someone understand how to use a microscope to take better images of their research or the satisfaction of just completing a day well. I am thankful for a delete button, for the snippets of time I've had to chat with friends, for the ebb and flow of the days. Knowing that the next few weeks are going to be hectic and full makes me thankful for the moments that are still.

I am always thankful for you.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Last week I was walking on the treadmill when one of the security guards came up and said "Your dad is waiting for you in the lobby". I said "What?!? He is?!?" and jumped off the treadmill and headed to the main lobby to get him. He was on a dealership drive in my area and thought he'd surprise me for lunch and he did. I took him to a fancy fish place over in the Plaza District. I thought this was the best choice because it was close and they had fish, but dad was a little uncomfortable. He thought it might be too fancy for the likes of him. I assured him that he was just fine and they didn't really care as long as you pay the bill at the end. He relaxed and started telling his tales of drives and flea market drama. We had a nice lunch and I was thankful he had stopped by. I can always count on dad to show up when least expected. I'm thankful for his silly stories and his goofiness. I very rarely travel outside of work for lunch. I usually eat at my desk while reading some science paper or working on my next presentation. But when dad comes, I give myself a break. This has been our routine for as long as I can remember. I could be in the middle of homework or working on some stupid 4-H project and dad would come in and say "Hey! Firetrucks just went by. Let's go chase 'em" or "Hot air balloon! Let's follow it!" and off we'd go. You remember that episode of The Simpsons when Lisa gets lost going to the museum and then Homer shows up and they break into the museum to see the Isis exhibit? That episode was written about me and my dad. OK, we never broke into a museum, but it's totally the kind of thing my dad would do. He's the Homer to my Lisa.

Dad is impossible to get ahold of on a weekend. He must be at the flea market selling peanuts. Must! So I won't see my dad this Father's Day weekend, but we've made plans for a date at The Union Station. Any way, it doesn't matter what day we celebrate dad. I'm thankful for him every day.

Here's to a grand weekend (of lazy) and a very Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Sometimes, I'll get it in my head to do a project and I will become obsessed. Take for instance last weeks gardening projects. When I decided what I wanted to do, I wanted to do it right away and then I did do it right away. Well, somewhere between my tossing and turning on Wednesday night I got it into my head to paint the bedroom. Really I have almost everything I need to decorate the bedroom. The things that are lacking is the paint and window treatments. Yes there are some other things like a new closet and shelving, but those are not necessary. If I painted the bedroom I could hang my Elephant Brass Band poster and that would be one less thing in the basement. And really, my bedroom is so small, it'll take me longer to move furniture around then it will to actually paint the walls. This is one thing I'm thankful for. I'm thankful for my little yellow house. Some people may complain about the size of my house, but I love it. Last Sunday I dusted, vacuumed and scrubbed the bathroom in one hour. My backyard project for last weekend? In my head I thought it would take me all day. I was finished before lunch. I spent the rest of the day getting a pedicure and shopping at Nordstroms (I know, but they were having a sale). I remember when I was a kid, nothing fun happened on Saturdays until the house was clean. With the size of my parents' home, that meant we had plenty of Saturdays where nothing fun happened. I felt like (still feel like it really) my mom was in constant battle with the cleanliness of that house. My house is just the right size and I'm thankful that it doesn't take over my life. Chris and I used talk about how we wanted to own a home, but not have the home own us. That's what my little yellow house is.

I'm thankful for another weekend in my little yellow house. I am thankful for restless nights that give me project ideas. I am thankful for the return to some consistency in my yoga practice and in my meditation practice. I've worked hard this week. I've worked hard at work, on my yoga mat, on my home and it's been a good week. I am thankful.

Here's to your glorious weekend and a very Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

I am a home body at heart. I like tinkering around the house or lounging on the couch reading. I like being home. After two weekends on the road, I'm ready to play the home body role. I've got some big plans for the weekend. There will be the usual trek out to the Farmer's Market (my food situation has been sketchy at best lately), but I've got some major yard work that I feel I must take care of. I've already cleared a spot for a new herb garden. This weekend I'll put in some kind of rock/stone edging, fill in with dirt and move over my herbs. Next I'm building a compost bin from wood pallets and finally, I'm tearing down the old garden. It's time. It's just become a big ugly mess that I mow around. I already had two pallets sitting outside and had planned to pilfer two more from my basement. I was just beginning to struggle with the first pallet, scooching to the stairs when my ex-landlord stopped by. I am so thankful for that guy. Not only did he carry two pallets out of my basement for me, but he also installed a clothesline. Yip! Today he's coming back by to install window screens and hang my new painting. I'm hoping he'll be gone by the time I get home, because I'm pretty sure I'm going to cry when I see Jen's piece hanging on my wall.

This week I'm thankful for little home projects. I am thankful for clothes dried by a Spring breeze. I am thankful for unexpected help. I am thankful for the fresh foods I have planned for the next week. I am thankful for some time to rest and just be in my little yellow house. And of course, I am thankful (as always) for you and your kind, loving words.

Here's to a wonderful weekend and a very Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

One of my coworkers asked me what I had planned for this weekend and when I said I'd be driving to OKC, he exclaimed "Again!". Then I told him, last weekend was Tulsa. Tulsa is not the same as OKC. Then he said "this is why you needed a new car". True that bro. So I'm on the road again today for another full weekend of friends, wedding (maybe I should have purchased a new dress), friends, laughter, and love. Hopefully there's some good Mexican food in there somewhere. I don't take Hooper with me on these trips to OKC. The drive is too long and I really need to get a ramp because getting him in and out of the car has become difficult for both of us. So, he'll spend the weekend at the local vet's. I'm thankful that I have a place so close that I trust. I am also thankful they have a groomer. For weeks now the shedding has reached critical mass in our home. I've been trying to brush him before he comes in in the evenings. The day after I bathed him, I had to clean the brush about seven times. It looks like I'm growing tribbles in the backyard. Plus, puppy is hot. He needs to get his summer hair style going. I'm thankful that can happen this weekend.

Other things I'm thankful for? Well, some financial things have finally fallen into place. This week I payed off my washer and dryer and completely paid off one of the big credit cards. That's a super nice feeling. I am now down to one credit card to pay off. Next week I'll sit down and re-work the budget and start funneling more into savings. I've got some big travel plans to budget for. This Thankful Friday entry is starting to make me yawn. All of this to say, I have many blessings in my life. And right now those blessings are in another state which requires lots of road tripping. But that's what summer's for right?

Here's to a wonderful weekend and a very Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

This week! This week has been a crazy busy one for me. I'm not sure why, but I kind of like it. It makes the days go faster. You know how sometimes there's this lull before a big rush of stuff? For the past few weeks, I've been in the lull part but I'm beginning to feel that pressure and anticipation of the rush of things to come. This weekend I travel to Tulsa for my (sweet baby) niece's high school graduation (good Lord, I'm old). The next weekend I'll be visiting people in OKC. Then I'll get another short lull before more travel. Lull. And then BIG TIME travel to New York City! This week Tulaura nailed down our itinerary for the 4th of July and just the thought of makes the tears prick at the corners of my eyes. I. Can. Not. Wait. So here's what I'm thankful for this week. I am thankful for the lulls because they remind me to savor the rush times. They remind me to take a breath and pay attention during the hustle and bustle. It's also a great time of gearing up and charging batteries. I am thankful for that little buzz of excitement that starts to hum the closer I get to all the activities. All the planning that's involved in this and that is just part of the fun.

I am thankful for the weather we've had this week. It's allowed me to ride my scooter every day to work. The money I've saved on gas will pay for the gas for all my driving trips. I love this! I'm just thankful. That's all.

Happy Weekend and Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAYS

My mother and I don't always sit on the same bench. I think a lot of this has to do with my mom always being super eager to help and I'm always super eager to not accept help. As I think of this now, after hearing and reading countless stories from other moms, I was probably a really difficult child. I was my mom's last opportunity for mothering someone. The last one to dote and coddle. But I was not one for being doted on or coddled. In my head, mothering sounds too much like smothering and mom figured this out about me early on. She left me alone, but pushed just enough. Mostly she just sat back quietly waiting for those times that I would ask for help. One time, I was making a dress for a 4-H project and the sewing machine was acting all wonky. If I pressed on the foot pedal just a little, nothing would happen. If I pressed just a bit more, the sewing machine would take off and then keep going even though I'd pulled my foot off the pedal. It seemed like I was hollering "MOM!" every five minutes. She finally gave up and just laid on the floor in the sewing room while I worked. Occasionally she'd check my work and either declare it good or hand me the seam ripper. This is how it is with us. She's either there supporting or handing me the tools to clean up the mess, but she always waits for me to ask.

So today, not just because Sunday is Mother's Day, I am thankful for my mom. I am thankful that she understands that I am independent and stubborn about. But most of all, I'm thankful for those times when I recognize that I do need a little coddling, those times when I need my mommy, she is always there.

To all my moms out there, have a wonderful weekend. And to all of us, a very Thankful Friday.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Lately if I have just one day where I've stuck with a routine I feel like I've won something. This week? I've won a freakin' gold medal at the Olympics. Yoga has happened everyday. My face has been washed before bed every night. Teeth have been brushed and flossed every night. Chore nights happened. Monday was clean the bathroom night, followed by Tuesday's dust and vacuum and Water The Plants Wednesday. Every time I felt like I'd give in to the gravitational pull of the couch, I'd shake myself and say "Cindy...if you don't do this, you will not have a Thankful Friday entry". Totally not true, but sometimes I have to bribe myself Wednesday, I bought some of that Technu stuff my sister told me to get and started scrubbing myself with it every time I started to get itchy. That night I slept straight through. Didn't get up once. And the next day, I noticed that I didn't need to scrub my arms as much. The patch on my elbow doesn't even look bubbly any more. It's still itchy, but manageable itchy. I no longer feel the need to peel my skin off my body.

These are the things I'm thankful for this week. I'm thankful for finally having some will power to keep a routine going. I'm thankful for some relief from the itchy poison ivy. I'm thankful for the rest I've been able to get. I am thankful for a successful week. And here's to a successful weekend.

Happy Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

You know that saying "don't count your chickens before they're all hatched"? Well, that's what I did. I was expecting a fat check from the federal government and ran out and bought a car because I knew I would be getting enough to pay for the tax and tag as well as my washer and dryer. Less then a week after I got the car, I received a letter telling me they had garnished my tax return for Chris's student loans. It's going to be OK. I've filled out paperwork to get it back and I've also taken action with his 401k. I will be fine. Really fine. It's just taking time for all of this to happen, time I don't really have because that car tag is due Monday. Right off the bat my brother and sister-in-law said they'd send me the money I needed for the car tag. I kept telling them to wait. I didn't want to ask for it and I was hoping that the other stuff would get resolved. But by Wednesday, I still hadn't heard any thing. That's when Katrina texted me and I was still reluctant, but said "yes, please send me money". As much as I hate having to borrow (even though I know I can pay them back), I am super thankful that they could help and offered before I could even ask for help. I am thankful that Katrina knows me well enough to know that she may have to push me to accept help. I am thankful that she recognizes that I have a hard time accepting help. This week, my dad did a dealership drive to North Dakota this week and he decided to stop and spend some time with me on his way back home. He showed up in town around lunch time, but couldn't be convinced to go to lunch. Instead, he was dead set on dinner at one of the casinos. I gave him my house keys so he'd have a place to relax until I got off work. I'd ridden the scooter that day and as I zoomed down my street, I noticed the garage door standing open for me and dad standing on my front porch watching for me. I was so thankful that I could just ride straight into the garage without stopping. And as I talked to dad while putting my helmet away, I noticed that the grass in the back yard looked shorter. Dad had mowed my yard. Of course I got onto him for doing it, but I'm super thankful he did because this just one less thing I have to think about getting done this weekend. I have plans this weekend. Plans I am thankful for. I am unplugging and pretending that I am far far away. I will end my pretend vacation in Fayetville to hear Misti in the Listen To Your Mother event. I am so thankful I get to hear and see her.I am so honored that she was chosen. I'm super duper proud of her.

I am thankful to have so much support and talent in my life. And I'm thankful for the prospect of rain. The garden needs it. Happy Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Sunday evening, mom and I cooked a dinner of roasted asparagus, grilled Ahi tuna, and macaroni shells from TJs. When we sat down at my little table to eat, my mom paused and I realized she was waiting for me to say grace. I have to admit I've been hit or miss on this lately. I might remember to say grace once or twice a week if I'm lucky. For weeks after Chris passed, I wouldn't remember to say it at all. I am thankful for the reminder to be grateful for the little good things that happen every day, even if it's just a simple meal I've prepared for myself. It was sort of the kick in the pants I needed. I've been feeling a little sorry for myself lately. I know, I'm probably entitled to a little self pity, but it just doesn't feel right. It's like wearing uncomfortable clothes. People, I don't even wear uncomfortable shoes. I'm working on throwing out the uncomfortable clothes. There's a plan in my head for fixing that. I just need to make more of an effort to implement that plan. For now, I'll start with a little gratitude every day. Wednesday evening my cable and internet went out. I unplugged everything, plugged everything back in, reset boxes, and even swapped out power strips. Nothing. I called the cable/internet company and waited on hold for about fifteen minutes only to have the tech guy tell me that the service was down in my area. The good news? It had nothing to do with anything on my end. The bad news is that I had nothing. I had an evening of silence. At first this caused a panic bubble to rise up in my chest, but then I settled down on the couch with The Bloggess's new book "Let's Pretend This Never Happened" and it was an hour and half later before I remembered that I still needed to feed the dog. Sometimes it's important to disconnect. I'm thankful for that reminder and I'm thankful that it has encouraged me to seek out more. In fact, I feel a whole weekend of silence is due to happen sometime very soon.

What else? I've heard some friends get some very promising and encourage news towards some good things in their lives. I am so thankful for this and thankful that I can celebrate in their joy. I am thankful that all is well with friends and family after some scary weather. I am thankful for the salad I had for lunch this week because the greens came right out of my backyard. I am thankful for you, as always.

Here's to a wonderful weekend and a very Thankful Friday.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

I will admit, staying home from work on Monday was just as much about self pity as it was about not feeling well. I spent the day on the couch watching bad British TV mini series mixed with a little crying. The next day, I went to work still feeling gloomy when I got a text from Chad. It was just a simple hey-you've-been-on-my-mind-just-checking-in-on-you text. It came at just the right time. I am thankful for the people in my life that check up on me from time to time. And so many of you do. I want you to know that I really appreciate it. I feel like the blog has been missing content lately and I apologize for that. But all my content energy has gone into a new project that just sort of happened. I'm not ready to talk about the new project, may never be ready to talk about. I'll be sure to let you know if anything comes of it. I am thankful for this project because I think it's healing and it's helping me clear some of the chatter in my head. Unfortunately it's causing me to neglect other things like this blog. I'm learning to balance all of it. You know when you have an inner ear problem your balance gets all wonky. That's what I've been feeling. Like my balance is off. Physically I'm fine. I did a whole yoga practice based on balance the other and not a weeble or a wobble happened. But my life still feels out of whack. I think that this project helping to put things back into some kind of balance. I am thankful for this.

What else? I am thankful for the new magazines that have downloaded to the iPad this week. I am thankful for the promise of another lazy weekend. I am thankful for the whirlwind of things ahead. Always, I am thankful for you. Here's to a blessed weekend and very Thankful Friday.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

This week has been difficult. There. I said it. I had a tough week. The yoga thing wasn't happening. Chore nights got chucked. I had friends lose a beloved pet, a friend dealing with someone from HS that committed suicide, a friend that had an ER scare (everything is fine, but those moments before you know that can suck). This week caused some damage, but nothing more than a few bruises. You guys may not realize this, but I spend a lot of time worrying about my friends. I worry more for them than myself. I don't say this to make you feel guilty. I say it so you know that there is someone out there thinking about you and praying that things are going well for you. When it looks like things are not going well, I worry about how I can fix that for you. So... I've been worrying about you guys. But somewhere in all that crap of yuck up there, there are things to be thankful for this week. Stephanie celebrated another year of her life this week and I feel like I don't say it often enough just how much I appreciate her guidance and support in my life. I am truly grateful to be blessed with such a friend. Tiffany, Tom and Allison were in town this week and we were able to meet for dinner. Tiffany helped ease some questions that had been tickling the back of my brain and I'm thankful for that. I'm also thankful for Tom's hugs. That dude could charge people money for those things and their little Allison has learned the art of hugging well. I am thankful for their visit.

I'm tired. Exhausted really. I've not had a moment of nothing in a really long time. I've been sleeping, but not sleeping well. I wake up a few times in the night, sometimes with limbs that have fallen to sleep. Then I get all mad because why can my limbs go to sleep and I can't?!? I need a day of recovery. Wednesday night I took the memory foam pad off the guest bed/couch and put it on my bed. That night, I didn't move. I woke up without a gimpy leg or a groan. It felt good. I am really thankful for that memory foam topper. And as I took it off the guest bed/couch, I started looking around the office. I was inspired to move a chest of drawers full of tools out to the garage. I believe I'll be moving more furniture around this weekend and making some headway with that office. I need a yoga space and it's time I created it. I'm thankful for this free weekend to do that.

And I am particularly thankful that my tribe is doing OK. Here's to a restful weekend and a truly Thankful Friday.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

I feel like every girl needs and older brother. Mine introduced me to music, art, comics, stoicism and swearing. I don't remember much about our time together when I was little, just bits and pieces. I remember begging him to hide Easter eggs a gazillion times. I have been told that my favorite thing was standing on the vacuum while Randy pushed me around. I don't remember this, but there's photographic evidence somewhere. Any way, I am thankful that I have such a brother and that yesterday was his birthday because that means he survived another year which is always worth celebrating. I am thankful for the countless hours of egg hiding and his patience with me. Wednesday, I finally had that healthy woman's exam and met my new doctor. Turns out she's really great and asked all the right questions. So, I'm really thankful that I lucked out and got a good doctor right off the bat and I won't have to hunt another one. I am also thankful for my health and the five pounds that I've lost since the last time I had one of these visits. Though this did prompt my doctor to ask me if I'm eating. I am eating. I've been doing a good job of preparing meals and eating well and this brings me to the next thing I am thankful for.

My friend from work is from India and she cooks, likes to cooks even. Yesterday she brought me two of my favorite Indian dishes. Not only did not have to cook my own dinner, but I got to eat real Indian food. Not the stuff they make for delicate American taste buds, but the real stuff, the good stuff. I am so thankful that I have such people in my lives. I am thankful for a brother who taught me how to curse, a new understanding doctor, and friends that feed me.

What totally fabulous thing are you thankful for this week?

Have an excellent Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

I have a lot to be thankful for this week. A. Lot. Some of which I'm not quite ready to talk about because I'm not one to count her chickens before egg hatch and all that jazz. Part of that is I'm really thankful to have someone in the family who does taxes. Actually I'm more than thankful for Katrina for a million reasons. Taxes is one of them. That woman is going through her own kind of Hell (cancer can eat it) right now and still did my taxes for me. I tried to get my stuff back from her before she did them and tell her not to worry about it, but she slapped me and said fuck that shit. Not really, but she did refuse to give my W2s back. I am thankful. Also, my friend Heather is coming up to stay with me this weekend. Her intention was to come and help me do stuff around the house like garden or paint. Well, oops! I did that stuff already. But that's OK. I'm sure we can find something else to do. Maybe rearrange furniture or go see a movie. I'm thankful to have friends that want to drive such a distance to help. I suppose that's why I got so much done last weekend. I'd rather spend that time doing fun stuff with my friends rather than put them to work. I'm thankful she's coming and I can't wait to see her.

Speaking of gardens. Last Friday I put everything in the ground, but I didn't water any of it. The hose, though it has been bleached, is still in the basement from the Poop Fiasco of 2011/2012. I just didn't feel like hauling it up the stairs and then running it from the front of the house to the back and blah, blah, blah. I'd heard some rumors about rain so I shrugged it off and decided to wait it out. By Sunday when the rain hadn't appeared I started to feel bad for the things I had planted, but Monday changed all of that. I know I've done my fair share of complaining about rain. It's wet and yuck and messy and every time Hooper comes in from outside, his paws have to be cleaned and you can't ride a scooter particularly if you have a bald tire. But I sure am thankful for this week we've had of it.

And these are the things I'm thankful for this week. But most importantly and always, I am thankful for you. Here's to a great weekend and very very Thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

My parents came up yesterday to take away the wood in my back yard. At first I thought that's all they were doing. Turns out they had greater plans than I did. I had just about decided to re-use last year's garden plot. I knew I wouldn't get all that wood moved. I knew I wouldn't get a raised bed built. I knew these were all tasks I couldn't accomplish in time to get seeds in the ground. I just knew it. But then here come my parents, bickering their way through wood clearing and garden building. I am thankful for it. So thankful. Now I have to decide on the plants. Maybe last year's garden will be a new herb garden. The possibilities. Misti posted on my FB wall about how I survived Wednesday. Surprising enough, I did OK on Wednesday. The glitch in the day happened when I laid down in savasana. I started sobbing and then I made my yoga teacher start crying. It was not a pretty picture. But then I got my scooter to head home and all was well. I survived. One milestone down. I'm thankful for getting through, but I'm also thankful for that release in savasana. It was a reminder to let go, a reminder to be on my mat (something I've been struggling with lately).

I am thankful for the weather which has allowed me to ride the V and build a garden. I am thankful for the hard work my parents have done for me. And I'm really thankful for the naps I'm going to allow myself this weekend. Here's to a peaceful restful weekend and a very Thankful Friday.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Yesterday was not only my Dad's birthday, but was also my sister's birthday. How lucky is it to be a parent and have one of your kids share your birthday? I suppose it depends on how you see things (half full or half empty). I think it's pretty neat. I got really upset when my dad turned 70. It didn't seem right that I was old enough to have parents reaching into their 70s. But now, Dad is 74 and I've had some time to adjust and reflect. I still stick with my "age is relative" belief. I am thankful that my dad is still around. Not only is he still around, but he's still active. Sure, he may forget the actual date of my birthday, but he's been doing that for years now. At least he knows my birthday happens. I love my kooky dad. I am, of course, thankful for my sister too. I think you learn a lot from big sisters. I'm thankful for all the things I've learned from Janell. I am thankful for the impact she has made on my life. I am so proud of her for finding her own path and sticking to it. Around the beginning of this week I lost my health insurance. I lost my temper and I lost my patience (social security phone interview, nothing more to be said really). As we near the end of the week, all of those things lost have been found. The health insurance debacle was fixed and I was apologized to profusely for the snafu. Getting my thoughts out of my head and onto virtual paper cooled the temper. And yesterday morning I mailed off the last piece of info need by social security to finish up all that mess. I am thankful for all of it. I am thankful that I will not be heading into the weekend worried and or angry.

Which brings me to another thing I am thankful for. Today I travel to Oklahoma to spend the weekend with my family. Usually, I'm already starting to stress about getting back and taking care of things like laundry and groceries. Now that I have a working washer and dryer in the house, the laundry thing is no longer an issue. I can wash and dry clothes when ever I want! I am so thankful for this. I am thankful that I don't have to cart my dirty clothes to my parents house to save money and I'm thankful that I don't have to worry about getting it done. All very awesome things to be thankful for as I head into the weekend.

Hope everyone has a grand weekend and a very thankful Friday!

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Exactly one year ago, Chris and I moved to Kansas City MO. We packed up our life and our stuff and said goodbye to jobs that didn't really make us (me) very happy in order to start a new life and a new chance at happy. We looked at one rental house and snatched it up immediately without looking around at anything else. This worked in our favor because it eventually became the house we would buy. Our first house. So, for almost a whole year, we were really truly happy. It was a year of just the two of us discovering new things and relishing in the good. And we were stupid happy. Sometimes when I look back on 2011, I am amazed at all the stuff we did. It's like we crammed five years into one. We did all these newly wed couple type things and just enjoyed a year of us. I am thankful for that year. I mean, I am truly thankful for that year. I was miserable living with Chris's mom and I can't lie to you and say that those living arrangements didn't put a strain on our marriage. Those three years were tough and I was beginning to worry that we would never leave. I worried about how I would adapt to living someplace I just didn't want to be. And then all that changed. And we were on our own. And we were happy. Some times I wonder what it would have been like if we hadn't moved and Chris had still gotten sick. I think of being trapped there with out him. It's a thought that sends shivers down my spine and makes me break out in a cold sweat. At least here, I'm on my own turf and can make my own rules. And as much as I would love to have had more than just that one year, I am so thankful that we had this one.

It still boggles my mind the difference a year can make. Or time in general. How those years of unhappy dragged on, while this year of so much wonderful flew by. I know how lucky and blessed I am. And this is why I am so grateful.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Wednesday was a challenge and by the time I made it through yoga class and into savasana, the tears started to fall. They welled up behind my closed eyes and spilled down the sides of my head to leave little puddles on my mat. And they continued to fall as I rolled up my mat and loaded me car. They stopped as I pulled into the drive way. But then, my 12 year old dog decided he was really two and that he had the ability to fly. He bounded off the back step with such height and force that as he landed on his front legs, they fell out from underneath him. That's when he started yelping in pain and I had determined he had dislocated his shoulder. I rushed him to an emergency vet clinic and shakily filled out paper work as they took him back for x-rays. And then, I began to sob as the Vet told me that my dog was just fine. No broken bones. No dislocated shoulder. Just a little arthritis and a bruised elbow. Is it any wonder what I have to be thankful for today? I am thankful that Hooper is OK. In fact, he's feeling so much better now, he doesn't even limp. But I'm also thankful for the Vet with the kind eyes that understood my blubbering and was able to grasp that I had already lost one thing so dear to my heart, that the thought of losing another had turned me into a mess.

I am also thankful for a return to a routine. It may seem at times that I'm on autopilot. Go to work. Walk the treadmill. Get on my mat. Cook my meals. Rhythm. Routine. But this routine gives me a task and keeps my mind busy so that when the bad moments come, they're manageable. I feel like because I've completed task one and two, I can reward myself with a giving in to the grief. Which is silly, I know. But I've never been one to wallow. Even in a time like this. I try to think of the things Chris would want. I know he'd want me to feel sad that he's gone, but I also know that he'd hate it if I just gave in and stopped being me, stopped being the woman he loved. Staying true to myself is more important now than it ever was. And I'm thankful for these moments of clarity.

As always, I am thankful for you. I feel every word of encouragement and love as if it's really your hand pressing into my back. It gives me strength and joy. You remind me to laugh and you give me permission to do things like purchase a washer and dryer. A task that I plan on taking care of this weekend.

Have a blessed weekend and a very, very Thankful Friday.