HOW WE LOSE THINGS

We spent the morning hunting a new dining table. Found one. Then it fell out of the truck in the way home and broke. Imma gonna drink this cocktail now.

I dumped all of my things for the day into my milk crate that I have strapped to the rack on my scooter and zipped home. It was Friday, I had worked a full day and was mentally exhausted. Troubleshooting microscope problems that a user is having on a microscope while maintaining social distances is challenging. I was ready for wine and pizza, but when I parked in the driveway and started unloading the crate, I realized my sweater was missing, one of my favorite sweaters from Anthropologie. So…not cheap. I thought about it for a few minutes and sent a text to Michael. He had left to pick up our pizza. I turned the scooter around and set off to retrace my route home. As I scanned the road and sidewalks, I had a vision of my sweater laying in the middle of the road with tire tracks and tears. I had doubts I would even find it, but suddenly there it was, laying in the middle of Rockhill Street. I pulled the scooter over and ran out into the street to rescue my sweater. I picked it up, gave it a quick look over and shoved it into my scooter seat. When I got home, Michael greeted me at the garage door with “Did you find it?” and I excitedly pulled the unscathed sweater from my scooter seat with a “Huzzah!”

There was a lesson to be learned here that I did not pay attention to.

The next morning, Michael and I went in search of a new dining room table. We started with the antique shops in the West Bottoms, but after rummaging around four floors of two (not air-conditioned) buildings and navigating around people not wearing masks or incorrectly wearing masks, we gave up. I suggested we head over to another store in Westport, one with air conditioning and snacks. We walked into the store and found the perfect table, a new desk chair for me that will double as extra seating at the table and a new stool for Michael to use at his work bench. Plus snacks! We were done. All that was left was to find lunch and make a quick Whole Foods stop. Michael loaded the truck while I paid the bill and then we made our way to a sushi place with great lunch specials. As Michael turned a corner, I heard a noise. I looked back and opened my mouth just as Michael started saying “nonononono'“. He pulled the truck over and we ran out into the street to retrieve our perfect table that was now in pieces.

I am sure my skin changed color as I sat silently in the truck. I was sick with fury. Michael made a plea for me to not be angry with him and declared that he was taking it back to the store. There was no way that store was going to give us a refund and I was angry with myself for not checking that the table was secure in the back of the truck. Did I not just almost lose a very expensive sweater because I failed to make sure that it was secure in my crate? Michael and I exchanged some healthy, but heated words. I refused to go into the store with him. I just couldn’t face the employees. I only partially know what Michael told them, but he returned with a full refund and we went to lunch. We were seated at the mostly deserted outside patio and Michael said “Okay, let’s get you a cocktail.” I started to say that a cocktail was unnecessary, but then I found myself ordering some cucumber, sake concoction for lunch. Then we called around to see if other stores had that table, which they did not. We were sad, so sad that when we made it to Whole Foods, we didn’t even look through the cheese bin.

We kind of lost steam after that. We went to a couple of other places, but didn’t find what we were wanting. A 36” wide round table that is 30” tall is not an easy find. We went home and spent two hours searching the internet for table options. I finally found one that we both agreed with and ordered it. It should be here Friday, but I worry about not seeing the table in person before buying it. Re-doing the dining room is proving to be quite the adventure that started with a speeding ticket I got as I raced to IKEA to pick up some benches. Who knows what calamity will ensue when I replace the china cabinet or when I convince Michael pull everything from the space and repaint that room. I probably should have started with the paint. I apparently do things backwards, but I am learning some valuable lessons along the way.

Such as don’t speed and always secure the cargo.

SURVEY SAYS

Gardening

4 Likes, 0 Comments - Cindy Maddera (@elephant_soap) on Instagram: "Gardening"

Every once in a while, Anthropologie wants me to tell them what I think about stuff. I just have to say that I was never really super interested in clothes until I learned about Anthro. Now, I’m a fucking addict. I also have very bipolar feelings about that place mostly because everything is SO EXPENSIVE! I love the clothes and vehemently hate the prices. My shopping strategy is to wait until there’s at least a 40% extra off of already sale items. Most of the time I don’t even walk around the store. I head straight on back to the clearance racks. I also try every single item on to make sure it fits properly or if it is something I am actually going to wear. Of course I am an Anthro member which means I get 20% off of a full price item during the month of my birth. It also means I get notified early about sales and sometimes I get an extra something percent off when I do the occasional survey.

In this latest Anthro survey, they wanted to know how I felt about different months of the year. The very first question was: “What are the first three words or phrases that come to mind when you think about the month of January?” Then they wanted to know the same thing about February and March. This was the first page of the survey. I sat there, staring at the screen with my head tilted to one side wondering if I should tell the truth or put in sugar coated lies. I told them the truth. I didn’t know what else to do, honestly. I couldn’t think of one sugar coated lie to fill in those blanks. I did type ‘birthday’ as one of my answers for January which could be taken a number of different ways. Some people love their birthday months. So I thought that was actually something nice to put down for January. It’s something a stranger can interpret as ‘joyful’. The rest of it all included words such as ‘cold’ and ‘sad’ and ‘bittersweet’. Then I decided that Anthro didn’t really want to know how I felt about those months and closed the survey without finishing it.

And this is why I do not try to do sponsored blog entries or develop a brand or make money from this blog.

I’m a terrible liar but my honesty can be sharp and painful. If I have to choose between my pointy, stabby honesty and faking something, I tend to choose neither. The inside of my brain is a constant swirl of conversations of what I would say if I was bolder, did not care about the impact of my words on others, or had any kind of backbone for standing up for myself. It’s really hard to have good posture when you have an actual pasta noodle for a spine. I do a lot of core exercises. There was a time when I could always just say what I meant or wanted to say or at least there was a person I could say all of that too, but that time doesn’t exist anymore. I have to be on guard about what I say and how I say it and if I say it. It gets pretty exhausting and some times it gets pretty frustrating because I don’t think I get the same sort of consideration. At least it doesn’t feel like as much thought is going into it as I’m putting out. I’m tired of having these conversations in my head. It’s too much chatter.

I went back to that survey and I finished it. I told the whole truth and nothing but the truth. January makes me feel a little bit happy that I’m a year older, but cautious because this is when disasters strike. February makes me feel cold and sad. March is only marginally better. There’s a turn around in April when I start to feel like skipping and things progressively just get better as the months move forward. We are so close to that turn around month; I can almost taste it. I can definitely smell it. The air no longer smells of cold. It still feels chilly in the mornings, but the air smells greener. I look around me and think I just might actually make it. I also think I can start choosing differently and start having those conversations outside of my brain. Maybe be more mindful in my honesty, but still tell the whole truth.

I mean…really what’s the worst thing that could happen?