SOMETIMES I AM A GROWNUP

We installed a white noise machine for the chickens.

The refinance on my house went through right before everything shut down for the pandemic. The plans were to use that money to pay off some credit card debt and maybe spend a little on some home improvement. Then came the moment when everything shut down and there were concerns about job security. So Michael suggested we just let that money sit for a little bit. We paid down a few credit cards. We put some money into building the retaining wall and mulch. The rest has just been sitting in savings.

We have been talking about putting AC in this house for years. When Chris and I moved in here, it did not even dawn on us that there was not an AC unit. Warmer temperatures arrived and I just flipped the thermostat over to ‘cool’. When nothing happened, I called our landlord, who was great but a little squirrelly. He told us that there was no AC, but he’d bring us over a window unit. The day he brought over the window unit was also the day he told us that the had to sell this house. That one window unit has been cooling most of the house for the last nine years. Michael added a window unit to his bedroom when he moved in and I sleep with a fan on. It is not the most efficient method for cooling, but the money involved in replacing our current system just seemed overwhelming. Michael’s had too much time to stare at the spread-sheet he built for our bills and budget.Well, Michael’s had a lot of time on his hands since he finished the wall. It looks the chalkboard from A Beautiful Mind. It is color coded. After some ‘hmmm’ and ‘args’ and days of looking at his computer, Michael said “Maybe this is the year we finally instal a real AC unit and replace the old furnace.”

So, we called a recommended company, got a quote and signed a large check. This is probably the third most grownup adult thing I have ever done. I know some people are rolling their eyes at this and thinking “it’s just an AC unit, Cindy.”, but hear me out. It is not just about installing an AC or replacing the old furnace before it dies in the middle of winter. We are doing this without financing or monthly payments. We are doing this while we have the money to do it. Instead of being tempted to use that money for something stupid like a beach vacation, we are using it wisely. That is the grownup adult part. That is the part that is making me question my identity. Who the Hell is this person?!? I am normally the one who just ignores whatever is broken and hope that it will magically fix itself. Ceiling is caving in? I don’t really need a ceiling any way. That is my usual approach to all things regarding home ownership. Fifty percent of our arguments involve the lint trap on the dryer and it is me that is on the wrong side of that argument. I would never make it past the first day on a bomb squad because I would just let the bomb explode. I am not proactive. So I feel as though I am deserving of sort of achievement sticker. A gold star for adulting. Make that two gold stars because before the AC guys left, we scheduled an appointment for them to come back in October to turn on our humidifier (y’all, I have a humidifier for the whole house; what the what?!?!). At the same time they will replace the water heater that is currently propped up on two rocks (actual rocks) and may be leaking carbon monoxide into the basement.

Despite the large sum of money we are spending, we are giddy with the what a central AC unit means for us and this house. I will no longer have to sleep with my bedroom door open at night or sleep on top all of the blankets. I may even have to add a blanket to the bed if Michael gets his way. I am sure we will still be fighting over the thermostat settings, the age old accusation of “Did you just touch the thermostat?!” rumbling from Michael with my bold face lie of “no” coming quickly in reply, even while my finger hovers over the button. He has threatened to instal a lock box on the thermostat. His threats are empty ones, but I will no doubt be wearing a sweater in the house during the summer months. The thermostat is currently set at 72 and we both seem to be comfortable enough for now. It is a little odd to not hear the window units. The one in Michael’s room has recently started making wet noises. I can’t wait to set that one out on the curb today.

CONVERSATIONS OF DIY

Playing with fire

6 Likes, 0 Comments - Cindy Maddera (@elephant_soap) on Instagram: "Playing with fire"

We have an outlet near the front door; it’s the one Michael usually has a power strip plugged into for charging all of his devices. The outlet is busted. Plugs are loosely held in place and the top outlet is busted. Part of a prong hole has completely crumbled away. Despite this, we’ve still been plugging things into this outlet. Saturday morning, I stepped into the living room and noticed that Michael’s power strip was not plugged into that outlet and I got a little nervous.

Just to reassure you: This is not a story about how we burned down the house with an electrical fire.

I voiced my concerns about the outlet to Michael when I got home from grocery shopping and he told me that everything was fine. He needed that power strip in the basement. Then I said “Maybe we should replace that outlet. Can you do that today?” Michael agreed and while he was out running errands with the Cabbage, he purchased a new outlet and outlet cover. Then, after eating dinner and watching some TV, Michael turned to me and asked me if I was ready to help him replace the outlet. I nodded my head, but then said “I’m really scared about this. What if you take off the broken outlet and find that there are no wires at all back there?” Michael looked at me like I was a crazy person. To be fair, that was a crazy person kind of question. I always go straight to worse case scenario when it comes to broken house stuff. When we replaced the toilet, I was convinced that when Michael pulled the old toilet up, there would be no floor under it and we’d have to replace the entire bathroom floor. Michael assured me that there were wires behind the outlet and sent me down to the basement to turn off the breaker to that outlet.

Sounds easy enough, right? First of all, I have to start off by telling you that our circuit breaker box is a homemade contraption. Somebody took some sheet metal, beat into the shape of a box with a hammer, cut a whole in it and then mounted it to the wall. This is not an exaggeration. The circuit breakers are nestled inside of this metal box and none of them are labeled. I stood in front of the box and started turning off one breaker at a time. “This it?” “No.” “How about this one?” “No.” “This one?” “No.” “This one?” “That’s your bedroom.” "Oh! How about this one? Wait…that turned out the basement light.” I flipped it back on, then Michael said “No! That’s the one!” Now we know that the living room, the basement light and the kitchen ceiling light are all on the same breaker. Micheal replaced the outlet and I flipped the breaker back on. Sparks did not start flying out of the new outlet and our lamp, Hector, that is plugged in to that outlet came one without a flicker.

There were wires behind the old one. They are the cloth wrapped kind of wires, but they are there. We know that this house will have to be completely re-wired in the future. It has to happen before we get an air-conditioner. It really has to happen if we ever remodel the kitchen. The most important thing though, is that no one was electrocuted and we didn’t set the house on fire.