BIRTH CONTROL AND RAZOR BLADES

Last week was the first whole week where I did not take a birth control pill every morning since I was nineteen years old. I am officially off the pill. And no, I am not trying to get pregnant. Y’all, I’m forty five years old. I know it happens. I know that some women get pregnant at my age on purpose, but I am not one of those women. The idea of getting pregnant at age forty five is an actual nightmare I have had several times. I stopped taking the pill because Michael finally got a vasectomy and I had been on the pill for twenty six years. That’s long enough. There are side effects to being on a birth control for an extended amount of time like higher cholesterol (which I have) and a higher risk of having a stroke. The medical expenses for Michael’s bike accident qualified him for a free vasectomy and once he made sure all things were not swimming (?), I stopped taking my birth control. I still reach for my package of birth control pills in the medicine cabinet every morning even though the packet isn’t even there.

That same week, I was shaving my legs in the shower and I knicked my toe. I was not even trying to shave my toe or my foot. I was just sloppy. My friend Sarah has been doing LaserDerm. She’s had three sessions where they laser the hair off your body and she keeps telling me how it has improved her life. So when I knicked my toe, I said to myself “THAT’S IT!” I asked Sarah for the phone number of the place and they were able to get me in that very day. I went in and laid on a table while a technician lasered the hair off my legs, underarms and bikini area. The whole time I could barely contain my giddiness at finally doing this thing to make my life easier and it didn’t even hurt. Well…there was some eye twitching while she did my bikini line and underarms. It is not perfect. I still have to shave; it will take five to eight session to reach ‘no shaving’ levels. Still, I could tell a difference already in how frequent I need to do this task.

I feel really stupid that it took me so long to make the decision to do both of these things. I should have stopped taking the pill ages ago. If ‘vasectomy required’ had been an option on the dating profiling questionnaire, I would have selected it. My dating profile should have said something like “I may or may not have sex on the first date. You must have to have had a vasectomy and must be able to prove that you are sterile and STD free before expecting any sex from me.” I’ll keep this in mind the next time I end up in the world of online dating (there will not ever be a next time). Someone once suggested that I just get my tubes tied and this suggestion always sat like a rock in my stomach. Why am I the one that has to get the invasive surgery? Particularly when I have never had any problems. I was making someone else’s life easier by staying on the pill.

Last year was the year for learning how to be still. This year is the year for making my life easier. It started with Rosie the Roomba. It began with just making it easier to clean the house, but putting things in place to make my life easier is spreading beyond the house and onto my whole body.