I was talking with a graduate student about some imaging they wanted me to do for them in the next few weeks. She asked about a current project I am working for another person in her lab and I said “that person has the microscope booked for every Friday in September.” Then I said “Which I guess means I only have two more batches of slides left to run for them.” Then the two of us got really dizzy and had to sit down. What in the world has happened to September?!?! Robin sent me a message asking me for a little bit of detail around my visit at the end of the month and I don’t really have any details. I’ve sort of been working on a whole one-weekend-at-a-time time frame. It seems to be the only way I’m keeping any thing straight. Then Kelly posted something about it being one month until October Camp and I reached for my paper bag to breathe into.

I feel unprepared.

My knee feels a lot better, but the doctor has ordered an MRI and then threw out words like “torn meniscus” and “laparoscopic surgery”. I think those are the worst case scenarios. Most likely it is just a strain that will require some physical therapy. I am able to teach yoga with only minor adjustments and I can get my scooter out of the garage without falling over. Those are the only things I need to be able to do right now. This is my mantra for the week because the guilt over not getting up to exercise or walk the dog set in some time on Wednesday along with a generous portion of anxiety. This might be too much to share, but my period is late and it is starting to look like it is not going to happen this month. I could have miscalculated. That’s easy to do now that I don’t have pills to remind me. I do not believe for a second that pregnancy is the reason, but I’m not so sure I am ready for my age to be the reason. Which is most likely the case. So, this week I sustained an old person shouldn’t be jumping on a trampoline injury and my ovaries are starting to shut down.

Let’s just say that I am feeling really sorry for myself right about now. In my heart, I am sixteen years old, but my body is doing everything it can think of to remind me that I am forty five. Forty five isn’t even really that old! I mean, Michael asked me recently what it felt like to not even be halfway through life right now because he truly believes that I will live well past one hundred. I ride a scooter! I have roller skates! I tell immature 13-year old boy jokes. I wear tulle skirts with tennis shoes. I love to jump on trampolines! And this week was a reminder that I shouldn’t (not can’t) do some of those things. Mainly jump on trampolines. Sitting around with my knee elevated all week long just gave me ample time to stew over it all and it has forced me to dig deep for gratitude. My knee feels a whole lot better, better enough to think that dog walks can proceed next week. I’m not, nor have I ever used these ovaries any way. September is zooming by because of all of the fun activities that planned for it.

October will not be that much different. Now is the time to really embrace moments of rest so that I may better enjoy the moments of fun ahead.