THINGS AND STUFF

Yesterday, I had my hairdresser cut all of my hair off really short. It is so short that I have a tiny bit of remorse when I look in the mirror. I have looked at my reflection and thought “Cindy, maybe that’s too short.” Then I shrug and tell myself my hair will grow. Give it a week and it won’t look so short. After our haircuts, I made Michael drive me to Ulta and I bought some temporary silver hair dye, but I didn’t have any disposable gloves in the house. I have to wait until I can snag some gloves. That is okay because even though deep down I know that silver dye on my non-bleached hair is going to make little difference in the color, I am still a little nervous about my hair turning out really silver.

That is not going to happen.

Maybe, deep down, I want something shocking and drastic.

March fifteenth, 2021 marks ten years working in my current place of employment. I feel like that is a milestone. In my line of works, labs are shutting down and laying off all the time. Research scientist is not as stable a position as some would think. Funding for science is highly competitive and that funding can make or break a lab. So ten years in one spot feels important. It is also coincides with Chris and I’s wedding anniversary. I had to do the math for this one, but it would have been twenty three years. This feels like a lot of years and not a lot of years all at the same time. That is probably because in reality we only got fourteen years when we should have had a whole lot more years. Often, it feels like I was jilted.

I am a glass jar filled with numbers, all of which are significant.

I wonder if my photography would have improved to this current level if Chris was still around. I wonder if I would still be writing this blog of Chris were still here. I wonder if I would care about either of those things. Every time I set up for Zoom yoga, I think about how Chris would have geeked out and purchased professional lighting and a real microphone. I wonder if we would have a cat or if Hooper would still be us. I wonder if Chris would have finished some substantial piece of writing by now. I am filled with questions about what we would look like today.