WHEEL OF FORTUNE, A REVERSE FIVE OF RODS, AND THE KNIGHT OF PENTACLES
Cindy Maddera
Ella slumped back into the Adirondack chair and watched the flames leaping up from the large fire pit. She was the only one out and had the patio all to herself. Tucking her feet up under her, she let her shoulders relax and she sighed, looking up at the night sky. It really was beautiful here, even better than the pictures in the brochure. Ella reached down for her metal water bottle and took a swig of the vodka she’d filled the bottle with. She winced and thought she should have filled it half with vodka and half with grapefruit juice. Instead, she’d filled the bottle to the top. Ella shrugged, took another gulp and savored the warmth of the alcohol as it travelled down her throat. The fire continued to crackle and pop. An owl hooted in the distance. Ella took another sip of vodka.
The vodka was contraband. The brochure had strictly prohibited drugs and alcohol of any kind. This was a health and spiritual retreat with a strict vegan meal plan, morning meditation and yoga, and mindful nature walks. When Ella arrived, she had been handed a journal of handmade paper and a rubber band bundle of colored pencils. The woman at check-in, Rain, had handed them to Ella with a smile and said “it’s for writing and sketching your visions.” Ella had taken the journal and mumbled a ‘thank you’ as she gathered her bags to head to her cabin. “You have free time until six. Then we’ll have our opening ceremony with our evening meal. I so hope you enjoy your time here with us.” Rain said, her focus already turning to the next guest in line. Ella had then followed the path that led to her cabin, which looked a little run down. Once inside, Ella threw her bags on the bed that was covered with a calico quilt of blues. She was pleasantly surprised to find the inside did not match the outside. The place was rather nice in a rustic sort of way. It was clean and she had her own private bathroom with a beautiful copper soaking tub. Ella thought this completely met the definition of ‘glamping’. Ella wasn’t much of an unpacker, but she had taken the time to empty out the small bag of groceries she’d brought with her, putting things in the mini-fridge and setting stuff out on the little kitchen counter. Then she had taken a look at the things she had brought, particularly the bottle of vodka and the family size package of Double Stuffed Oreos. She gathered those up and shoved them into the cabinet under the sink before heading out to explore the rest of the camp.
Ella took another drink from her water bottle. She was going to have to pace herself if that bottle was going to last her the week. Her stomach grumbled. Dinner had been lacking in substance and mostly kale. Ella fished an Oreo out from the pocket of her hoodie and was just about to take a bite when she heard the sounds of footsteps. Ella shoved the whole cookie into her mouth just as another camper walked into the light from the fire. “Oh! I didn’t expect anyone else to be out here for some reason. Is it okay if I join you?” The woman asked Ella, whose mouth was still full of cookie. Ella nodded her head while trying to swallow down the chewed up cookie that had by now turned itself into a ball of mush. She took a large drink from her water bottle, forgetting that is did not contain water and nearly choked before managing to squeak out “sure!” Ella noticed that the woman had her own metal water bottle and wondered if it was also filled with contraband like her own. “I’m Diane.” she said as she started to take a seat next to Ella. “Ella. Please to meet you.” Diane leaned back into her chair, opened her water bottle and took a sip of some dark red looking ‘water’. “Cheers!” Diane said as she held out her bottle for a clink. Ella chuckled and raised her water bottle, clinking it against Diane’s bottle. “Cheers!” Diane was wearing a pretty stylish wool poncho. She fished around in the front pocket and pulled out two Snickers bars. “Want one? I don’t know about you, but I’m starving after that bowl of grass clippings they called dinner.” Diane said as she waved one of the candy bars, eyebrows raised. Ella pulled the sleeve of Oreos she’d stashed inside her hoodie pocket. “I’d love one. How about some Oreos?” Diane grinned as she pulled two cookies from the sleeve. “I think we’re going to be friends.” Ella smiled and replied “I think so too.”
The two women sat quietly for a moment and then Diane asked “What made you decide to come to this retreat?” Ella groaned “It’s a long stupid story involving a boy. Or a man child. It was a bad relationship that ended just as badly. I saw the brochure at my corner coffee shop and for some crazy reason thought this was exactly what I needed in that moment. What about you?” Diane took a sip from her bottle. “My last kid has just left for college. Empty nester. That and I found out my husband has been sleeping with his dental hygienist for the last seven years.” Ella winced and said “ouch.” They both took drinks from their water bottles. Ella looked at Diane. She did not look old enough to have a kid in college let alone multiple adult children. Ella handed over the sleeve of cookies and said “I would never have guessed you were old enough to have adult children.” Diane took another cookie. “My husband, soon to be ex, is a very popular dentist. I haven’t had any major plastic surgery, but I usually spend a week at a particular spa every year and I have a personal trainer. Who I should totally start boning.” Ella laughed and agreed “Yes…yes you should.”
The two women were quiet for a bit, both staring at the flames that were beginning to die out. “What do you expect to get out of this week?” Ella asked. Diane made a face and thought for a minute. “You know…I’m really angry at Allen, my husband. I worked a crappy job to help put him through dental school, had his children, gave up my own hopes of furthering my education and having a career of my own because he thought it would be best if I stayed home and took care of the home. I love my children, I really do, but I also wanted something of my own and I’m really angry that I let him take that away from me. I guess, if I get anything out of this week it would be figuring out a way to let all of that anger go.” Ella nodded thoughtfully. “Wow. I’m just hoping to lose ten pounds and have some nap times.” Diane laughed and said “I’m hoping for those things too, but I doubt that’s all you expect from the week.” Ella stared at the glowing embers of what was left of the fire. “That terrible relationship? Well…for a while I let that boy make me believe that I was worthless and lucky to even have him notice me. He made feel small and he crushed every artistic endeavor that I came up with. I was talentless. I was nothing. The stupid thing is that I knew none of that was true, but I let him do it to me anyway. I probably could have let him emotionally abuse me for a really long time, but not the physical abuse. He beat up pretty bad. That’s what it took for me to leave. The leaving part made feel strong and brave for a very sort amount of time, but I’m still afraid. I’m still hanging on to that fear of being talentless and nothing. So…maybe this week will give me some sort of roadmap to bravery.”
Diane raised her water bottle and said “Here’s to a week of angry bravery!” Ella laughed and clinked her water bottle with Diane’s and shouted “Angry Bravery!” They each ate another Oreo and watched as the fire finally died out.