BUDDHA BOARD PROJECT
Cindy Maddera
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The last morning I went into work was more or less a salvage expedition. I gathered up things like gym shoes and a work laptop. I grabbed a notebook and what ever else I had on my desk that I might need during the Stay-At-Home order. I did leave behind a plant. Though, someone has been into the office recently to water it. I assume it is still living. The person who watered it only said they had watered it for me. I’m sure it’s fine. It is one of those hardy varieties of houseplants that can generally be ignored. I think. At the last minute, I remembered to grab my Buddha board. At the very least, I could still keep up with my weekly photo project. And I have. Every morning, right before I pour myself my first of many mugs of coffee, I grab my Buddha board, draw a picture with water and then take a photo.
I thought the practice would be an anchor to normalcy. I saw it as a practice that would give me something in all of this that I could control. The list of things that I can control are ever dwindling. My 5:30 AM yoga and meditation practice has taken a back seat to an extra hour of sleep. Why I feel like I need that extra hour is beyond me. My activity level has plummeted to a new low with weekends spent in pajamas and barely brushing my teeth. I don’t even really take advantage of the nice weather days either, with the exception of Sunday. Michael and I cleaned the gutters and then went on a scooter ride. That scooter was the first time I have felt a since of normalcy in a long time. We turned our scooters onto Ward Parkway, right behind the cutest little blue moped. I gunned my throttle and passed Michael, zipping by him so I could I bring myself up next to the guy on the moped so I could get a better look. We smiled and nodded at each other and then I zoomed on ahead. This put me in the lead and for a brief moment, I was alone on the road, ticking along at a nice speed. The colors of Spring blurred in my peripheral vision. I passed a house that had the biggest, most beautiful tulips planted in their front yard. Turns out you can cry on a scooter. Tears of joy started to leak from eyes and I let the wind carry them away.
Monday morning, the alarm went off at 5:30 AM and yet again, I turned it off and stayed in bed. When I finally got up, I showered and dressed. I started the coffee and fed the dog. Then I grabbed my Buddha board. This practice has become more than just some photo project I can control. It has become a way for me to keep track of time. The background of the image is vastly different from the ones taken at the office. The last image taken at work was one of a completely bare and naked board. I painted nothing, choosing to leave it blank as a representation of how I felt. Blank and uncertain. Unsure of what was coming ahead. Like all of us felt and are probably still feeling. The next four weeks of images where the slow appearance of a bird poking his head out from one side of the board. It starts with just the side of his head. Then the beginning of an eye, the beginning of a second eye. Finally there’s a whole head of a silly bird, looking at the camera with big round eyes.
This week’s photo was not so whimsical. Maybe because it dawned on me that I haven’t really been paying attention to how long I have been at this. This photo marks the beginning of week five. No Cabbage this week because I was a right bitch last week and Michael decided we all needed a break. She’s at her mother’s and I have this week to flip my attitude, take some breaths and clear out the gunk that has settled into my joints. I need to do those things at the very least for her because she’s the last person that needs to be around my dark side. I know this is a luxury. The real parents out there, having to do all of the things all day, every day, do not have the ability to take such a break. So I’m vowing to use this time wisely and not squander it by letting myself fall deeper into the dark hole. The sunlight is there even if the sky is overcast.
I just have to look a little harder.