I'LL TELL YA WHAT I WANT, WHAT I REALLY REALLY WANT

Actually, no. I can’t tell you what I want. I’ve been sitting here staring at a blank screen trying to figure out what it is I want in a future partner. Many of you have all agreed that it is important to put in my dating profile what it is that I want or what I’m looking for, but everything I come up with seems so “Lowered Expectations”. What do I want in a relationship? It’s something I’ve never ever asked myself. Not even with Chris. I wasn’t even looking when I met him. There was a guy just before I met Chris that I liked. I thought he liked me, but I came back to the dorms one day to see him with another girl. This was not unusual. I was always misinterpreting actions and meanings from boys. That’s why I didn’t date much in HS. It didn’t really bother me. I just had little patience for it so I just stopped bothering. Then I met Chris by accident and he was straightforward and direct. I knew his intentions. I didn’t think about what I wanted or where I wanted the relationship to go. I just liked spending time with him. Now I’m being told that I need to actually say what I want. I was raised by a true Southern woman. We don’t tell people what we want. That’s just not done. And in regards to saying what I want with a partner, well...it’s easier to say what I don’t want. I don’t want someone who is dishonest with himself and others. I don’t want someone who says one thing but does the complete opposite. I don’t want someone who is codependent on drugs and or alcohol. I don’t want someone who can’t stand on their own two feet or thinks they have to fill Chris’s shoes. Chris’s shoes cannot be filled. Just step up and fill your own damn shoes. I don’t want someone who is not as amazing as I am. So, now that I know what I don’t want...I want a guy with one blue eye and one green eye and can flip a pancake...wait. That’s Practical Magic. No, no, no...I’ve got this.

I want someone who is truly honest and who understands that words matter. I want him to be creative and funny, but not the mean kind of funny. I want someone that understands my food choices and has seen Food Inc, but has no problem eating ice-cream for dinner from time to time. I want someone who likes to camp and do day hikes. I want someone that doesn’t get irritated every time I stop to photograph something. In fact he will win extra bonus points for turning the car around so I can take the picture. I want someone who is comfortable hanging out just talking, but is also comfortable just sitting quietly. I want someone that gets that sometimes I am a homebody and need extra coaxing to get out into the world. I want someone that sometimes doesn’t mind being a homebody with me. I want someone who lacks traditional hang-ups about women and sex. I want someone that gets that I will never ask you for help even though I may desperately need it. I want someone who knows I am amazing, but doesn’t feel the need to tell me that fifty times a day. I want someone who wants to be all of these things, but also understands that there is no such thing as perfect.

I may want too much, but I’m not settling for less.