BLOODY MARY

I'm not really sure how it started...well..OK...I might have an idea, but for some reason during the AIDS Walk Open yesterday I decided to review the Bloody Marys of the nine bars that participated in the Open. It became really obvious by the third one that I would not be able to keep track of myself let alone the different Bloody Marys so lucky for you I kept notes.

The winner of the best over all Bloody Mary goes to Dave's Stagecoach Inn. For those of you familiar with Dave's, you may be surprised by this. I know I was. The smell of the bar hits you right when you walk in the door and it really wasn't a pleasant smell. Then we all stood back and watched the lady behind the bar make my Bloody Mary and at first we all got really excited because she was adding all the right things and it was looking really good. That was until we saw her reach into the jar of olives. You know that scene in National Lampoon's Vacation when Jane Krackowski's character stirs the Kool-Aid with her whole arm? Yeah, it was like that. All of us watching kind of stopped breathing for a second and then I heard in unison "alcohol kills everything". I slowly nodded my head. But seriously? That was the best Bloody Mary. It had the perfect spice to salt ratio.

Second place has to go to The 303. I really wanted to give them first (we went there before Dave's) because they really do make a nice Bloody Mary. They infuse their Vodka and you can taste the hints of cucumber, celery and horseradish. This was the smoothest of all the Bloody Marys. In fact, I give all the credit to the hole in one I got at that bar on their Bloody Mary. Also, this is a classier joint. I say go there for Sunday brunch and treat yourself to a Bloody Mary. After The 303, The Foundry's Bloody Mary comes in third. This is the one that started the Bloody Mary challenge. It was also the spiciest Bloody Mary of the day. It had kick and pizazz and made me want to do jazz hands.

The best celery stalk award goes to the Uptown Arts Bar. The Bloody Mary itself was decent. Kellys Bloody Mary is OK if you like them limey and salty. Sidekicks and The Point tie for mediocre generic Bloody Marys and Gambles was disqualified because they were out of Bloody Mary mix. Though the bartender there wins for best reaction to a picture of cervix (I don't even know how to explain that one). The worst Bloody Mary by far goes to Missy B's, but it was the cheapest ($2!). The fishy flavor makes me think they used Clamato juice. I can't even hear that word without thinking of that New York episode of the Simpsons.

And there you have it. A full day of Bloody Marys. I've been recovering all day today and I'm pretty sure it will be a really long time before I can even look at a Bloody Mary. Those drinks induced some pretty crazy dreams. In fact I'm convinced that there are a couple of you out there who are going to have a baby for Christmas. Merry Christmas!