LIVING WITH MS. SWAN

I have serious spring fever and vacationitis. I really have very little to blog about. I'm taking off three days next week and embarking on a mini-vacation, but blogging about that must come later, when something has actually happened to blog about. I know I could be telling all kinds of stories about living with Chris's mom, but it really isn't that bad. It's like living with Ms. Swan. You know; that MAD TV character. The other night she came home from a friends house and I swear to God she was stoned. She's not the alcohol type and we couldn't smell the pot on her. Chris and I have decided that it must have been some funky Thai 'shrooms. She would seriously mumble her words and that along with an even thicker Thai accent made her almost intelligible. Her hair was sticking out all over head like a Troll Doll's. She became obsessed with finding a document for her car after we told her not to worry about it; we'd just request a new one. Chris and I just sat through the rest of the evening translating her random mumblings to each other before she finally toddled off to drunk call someone in Thailand. She probably passed out with the phone stuck to her ear for all we know. It took every thing in me to not say "Woman, you are fucked up. What are you on and why can't you share?". Other then that, living with Chris's mom is kind of like taking care of Grandpa. She comes and goes and eats when and what she wants. We are only needed when some sort of paperwork regarding a bill or insurance shows up that we have to explain to her in a crazy pantomime to be sure she gets it. Then, you're not even really sure she does because her reply is usually some thing like "Yeah, OK". This puts me on alert because I know I'm going to have to regurgitate the information again at any given moment and I don't always have all the information, just parts of it.

It's important to keep your sense of humor in this situation. Occasionally I have to remind myself that there are no hidden cameras or someone hiding behind the couch prepared to jump out and say "Ha! You're on Candid Camera!". Though I will admit to peeking behind the couch a few times just to make sure.