LOVE THURSDAY

Sunday, while I was baking an apple pie, Chris went on an apple hunt. He was searching for a specific apple. He didn't find it, but he did come home with a box of Reese's Pieces. He said "I got these for you. You can take them to work". I said thank you and kind of shrugged my shoulders. You see, I had just made an apple pie. I didn't need the Reese's. But I took them with me to work any way. And you know what? I did need those Reese's Pieces. I've eaten on them all week and every time I've poured some out to munch on, I've thought of Chris. Yesterday was World Peace Day. I knew it was coming, but had forgotten about it until someone mentioned doing some nice things in honer of that day. Simple things. Things like just smiling at that person that you pass every day that always seems to have a sour face. And I thought of those Reese's Pieces. I thought, why don't we make every day World Peace Day? The truth is we do nice things for the people we love every day. They may be the simplest thing, so simple we don't even realize we're doing it. It's that easy. But for those people we don't love? The strangers, the acquaintances. Those people only get one day?

Smile. Compliment someone. Add a little change to the change jar. Every day. That's your challenge this Love Thursday. Spread the love. Happy Day!

LOVE THURSDAY

All week, I've been seeing hidden meanings in my Italian Phrase a Day Calender. Monday was "Tengo il resto" which translates into "keep the change". I saw this as more like "let's keep this change going!", not "hey why don't you just hang on to that whole dollar instead of giving me change back". Tuesday was "Sono in retardo" or "I'm late". This was a bit worrisome because it implied (to me) that my period was late, which (thank the Gods) it wasn't. And yesterday's phrase just made me laugh. Sparisci or "get lost". Getting lost is how Chris and I end up finding some of the coolest things. Sunday, on our way home from the winery, I said to Chris "Hey! Let's go see what Arrow Rock is!". We took the exit for Arrow Rock and ended up on this small country road. No map, just the two of us and a some what sense of direction. We had the most fun. There used to be a time where I'd panic with out a map. I remember waiting for a subway to take me to Chrome on my last day in New York. I didn't have a map and the subway platform threw me off. I felt a little panic bubble rising in my chest and I had ask someone if I was headed in the right direction. I was and that person made sure I got on and off the subway at the right stop.

So what's the real fear here? Am I afraid of being without a map or afraid of having to ask for help? Either way, I seem to have lost it. Letting go of this fear has lead us to things that we love. This leads to me to wonder what other fears I've been hanging onto that could be keeping me from things I love. Remember how I was afraid to go to yoga teacher training? That whole fear of not being enough?

Today I encourage all of you to sparisci. Get lost and find something you love. Happy Love Thursday!

LOVE THURSDAY

I still have plenty of pictures from my San Diego trip that I have yet to upload and edit. Part of me is disappointed in myself for not doing anything with these and just leaving them on my card. But then I realize that I need an image for a blog entry and I haven't taken anything that day worth showing. It's like finding a surprise in the bottom of your cereal box. I wasn't sure where today's entry would go (still not sure really). I started browsing through my old images, the ones still on the card, and I came across this one of the seagull. I remember taking this picture. I remember the sun beating down and the cool breeze. I remember how I tested the bird by getting as close as I possibly could. I remember getting so close and then he fluttered his wings a bit and I backed off. There was something to all of that. There was moment of stillness and calm. It was like both of us were holding our breaths. The fluttering of the wings reminded me to breathe and I took this picture.

Some times I realize I'm holding my breath. There's this road I sometimes take home from work. It's a pretty straight road except for one section that has a very hard curve. I struggled with this curve. I'd come to it and stop breathing and try to make the turn. I'd have to slow way down and then I'd get wobbly. One day I decided I was going to get this curve. I shifted my focus from the severity of the turn to all the things around it and to my breath. It was a perfect turn.

The power of the breath is an amazing thing. So today, for Love Thursday, I'll ask of you one simple thing. Remember to breathe.

Happy Love Thursday.

LOVE THURSDAY

Every day we are bombarded with things that tell us we are not enough. We are not skinny enough, smooth enough, happy enough. Just turn on the TV and it will hit you with every commercial. You want to be happy, skinny, perfect, then buy this. It used to be I only noticed drug commercials with the promises of perfection. Now I see it every where. I started thinking about it while reading this entry from Shauna of Gluten Free Girl. She says something in there about finally being happy in her own skin and how long it's taken her to get to that place. Raise your hand if you can relate. I have fought with my body my entire life and if it were not for my yoga practice, I would still be fighting with my body. But when I'm doing yoga, like really into my practice, I feel beautiful. My waist feel long and lean. My legs and arms are strong. I am graceful and gorgeous. And it has taught me the most valuable lesson of all. It has taught me to work with my body. I am not a size zero and there are some poses I'm just not good at (yet), but none of that matters when I am on my mat. The only thing that irritates me is that it took me 30 something years to figure this out.

We all have our strengths and weaknesses. We all have something in our lives that make us feel our absolute best when we are doing it. It's just that some us may not even realize what that thing is yet. But those people closest to you know. They've seen it. They've seen you in your practice, whatever that may be yoga, art, performing, and they've seen you at your absolute best smiling and shining like the sun. And deep down, you know what that practice is too. Maybe it's time to reacquaint yourself with that practice.

Happy Love Thursday!

LOVE THURSDAY

I came back from BlogHer all fired up, full of ideas and dreams. But it seems that I've run out of a bit of steam. There are not enough hours in the day for me stick to my routine, let alone add something to that routine. I feel my days are very organized. Too organized. There's no leeway. I can't. I'm tired. I'm not enough.

At first I looked at this picture and thought it was a great representation of my thoughts right now. The Sphinx is hiding or bearing it's head in the sand. Sort of bleak. Then I realized, the Sphinx isn't hiding. It's resting, lying in wait. It's a much nicer thought. Time is so odd. It's so easy to get caught up and think that things have to happen right this very minute. That the act of not doing, doing, doing makes me less of a decent human being if I don't make it happen right this very minute. But we hear in the back of our brains that time is short and we forget. We forget that time is relative. I know I'm doing the best that I can in this present moment and who's to say that isn't enough. We are our worst judge.

Instead I should be taking my cue from the resting Sphinx. Using this time to rest, to really give pause before writing or speaking. It is another practice in mindfulness. It is another practice in patience. I take pause now so that I am not tired. I can and I am enough. Sometimes our hardest acts of goodwill and kindness are those towards ourselves. So, I remind you today. Be patient with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Love yourself. And the rest will fall right into place.

Happy Love Thursday.

LOVE THURSDAY

When I found this leaf, it was damp and held the perfect shape of a heart. But as the day wore on, the leaf became dry and started to curl. It was fragile and the scars and damage were clearly visible. How many of us have hearts that look the same? There is heartbreak over unrequited love. Scars left behind from mean words thrown our way. Holes left from loved ones lost. But what's amazing is, though the heart looks fragile it is actually quite resilient. Breaks heal, scars fade and holes can be filled. It will never dry up and blow away because each day it gets washed in the love that exists around us in this present moment. Each day we allow ourselves to love and accept love, the heart grows stronger so that the little upsets down the road can heal. But I think it's the acceptance of love that gives us the most strength.

Happy Love Thursday.

LOVE THURSDAY AND THE FINAL LESSON

I attended a session called Food Photography That Will Feed Your Soul. It was presented by Penny De Los Santos. I thought this would be a good session since it seems I'm always taking pictures of the food we eat, but I also thought the format for the session would be "here's a plate of food, let's photograph it". It most certainly was not. Instead, Penny regaled us with a slide show of her images along with the stories behind each one. This girl is on staff for the National Geographic. That should give you some idea of the total awesomeness of her images. She told us about her transition from documentary photographer to food photographer and how she wasn't sure how she was going to do it. She loved telling peoples stories through photography, but food? How does that work? What she realized is that she can still tell a story; it just includes food. Makes sense because, think about it, people always gravitate to the kitchen or around the dinner table. What you get most from Penny when you listen to her, is her undying passion for what she does. She loves her job.

I took two pages of notes and she gave out some good photography tips (look for the light!), but the most important thing I walked away with was inspiration. I've gotten pretty lazy with taking pictures these days. I know very little about my new camera and rarely use the manual settings. Penny's presentation gave me the kick in the pants to push myself, to not be afraid to turn that little dial to M. Because of that, I took this.

I think this is the most honest, beautiful photo of Kizz that I could ever take. (Side note: I love this woman dearly and she is now part of my tribe and look at that beautiful white neck!) Kizz said that Chris and I should start a food blog. Funny, because we actually talk about doing this all the time. Hmmm....

Happy Love Thursday!

LOVE THURSDAY

Last year while I sat at my gate waiting to board a plane for New York, I noticed a stylish young woman sitting a few seats over. She was wearing a long pencil style skirt with a cute blouse. She had on a very cute hat, similar to one I got in Portland. On her feet were cute brown shoes and a matching hand bag sat at her side. She made me very aware of the fact that I was in yoga pants and eating a cinnamon roll. I also remember wondering if maybe she too was headed to New York and to BlogHer. She wasn't; we parted ways in Dallas, never speaking. There's something about traveling alone. Without someone else to focus your attention onto, your attentions can easily drift to the strangers around you. I like to make up stories about them and where they may be headed. I try to imagine who that person really is or if they are pretending to be someone else for the day. For instance, the stylish young woman above. She never really dresses that way, but has a special traveling outfit that she wears every year so that when she reaches her destination, her lover can spot her in an instant. They spend a glorious week together before they must part and return to their separate lives.

It also makes me feel better about wearing the yoga pants, because I will never be that stylish young woman. I am the Bohemian traveler with fig bars and almond snacks in her bag, carrying her own water bottle promising to her readers that she will blog at least once on this trip.

Happy Love Thursday!

LOVE THURSDAY

This time next week I will be in San Diego for BlogHer 2011. I bought my ticket way before the job interview, the new job and move to a new city. So, really, I haven't thought too much about it and at one point I even thought about selling my ticket. I didn't need to go. I didn't need to spend the money. And for a short bit of time, the idea of going started to weigh heavy on my mind. But in the last few weeks I have found myself looking forward to the trip and the conference. I'm looking forward to seeing those people in person whose blog I read every day. I'm looking forward to all the hugs and goodwill. I'm looking forward to meeting new people and learning some new things. Most of all, I'm looking forward to seeing Kizz and dragging her onto the Midway (I had thought about sail boating, but Kizz harbors a hilarious childhood trauma, so I let her off the hook). And as I sit and type up this entry, I suddenly can't wait. Maybe I do need this.

Chris made my cards. Aren't they lovely? I can't wait to hand them out. But right now. Right this minute. I'm just going to enjoy the moment of anticipation. I'm going to relish in promises of new and the old friends and the new adventures and the new stories. It's like that feeling you'd get the night before your birthday or Christmas. I think I'm going to hold onto that for little while.

Happy Love Thursday!

LOVE THURSDAY

We've had Hooper with us for many years now. We got him about six months after I started working at the other place, so...that's like 8 years? Something like that. I know I've said it before, but he really is the best $40 we've ever spent. He's a mutt. He's our mutt and I like to think this makes him heartier than most dogs. While we were in Oklahoma City over the weekend, we boarded him at our local vet's office. He needed a check-up and a new haircut. Plus, that drive is just too much for him. The vet called Chris on Saturday to tell him that all was mostly well, but they had to treat him for hookworm. When Chris told me this, I had a mild panic attack. HOOKWORM!?!?! Then I Googled "hookworm". Don't do that, by the way. Just don't. Anyway, this is the first major health issue Hooper's had since he's been with us. It's not even that big of a deal. They gave him a pill and want to see him again in couple of weeks. He's still the same dog. Still expects to get his treats before dinner and is never surprised when we give in (we give in all the time). But it worried me.

We're taking care of it and treating the yard (I think it's because of the previous homeowners and their dog). All is well. It was just one of those reminders. We tell our friends and family we love them everyday. But do we remember to do that for our most loyal members of our families? Do they know just how much they brighten our days? Do they realize just how empty our lives would be without them? I'm sure Hooper knows. Hello. Bowl of snacks. We're suckers.

Hug your pet! And Happy Love Thursday!

LOVE THURSDAY

Yesterday, I read a snarky comment somewhere. Doesn't matter what it was or who said it or where it was said. It was the kind of comment that just stuck in my craw. Needled at me all day. I'd find myself doing that childish mimic voice while repeating the comment. You know, like "I know you are, but what am I?". The more I thought about it the more irritated I got. I started pondering the reason why some people just feel the need to be mean. What purpose does it serve? Does it really make them feel better to sit festering in their critical, bitter remarks? And then I realized, I was sitting there festering in their critical bitter snarky remarks. I chose to stop. I opened that door and moved to the other side. I brushed the comment off my shoulder and felt sorry for those kinds of people. I'm sorry that those kinds of people have such miserable lives that they have nothing nice to say. Really? Can you imagine? Imagine that you are unloved. Imagine that you are so very alone. Imagine that your life is just so awful that the only way you can feel anything is by being mean. Those kinds of people? Well, maybe they just need a hug. Maybe they just need to be reminded that they are loved and they are not all alone. Because no one is unlovable. No one.

Your challenge for this Love Thursday is to smile at everyone you see. I mean really smile, not a fake plastered on grin. I'm talking about a genuine "I love you" kind of smile. Go on. Do it.

Happy Love Thursday.

LOVE THURSDAY

Wednesday night's chore is to water the plants. It's not really a chore, but I had to give it a designated night so that I wouldn't forget to do it. I've never been good with house plants. All the places we've lived in previously didn't have the right window configuration or the space. This always made me a bit sad. I have Southern genes, like really Southern. I should have loads of house plants and they all should be thriving and the tips of my fingers should be green (y'all). The only plants I've managed to keep alive are the ones I had taken to my old job. Chris just said that I didn't ever grow plants as much as I nursed them in their dying days. I had a plant hospice. Those plants are now in my house and they are thriving. It makes me want more. I want to fill the house. I bought a fern to go in one empty corner; we've named him Bob. Then I got to thinking about all those jars I've been collecting with the intent to turn them into terrariums. I got a little giddy with all the possibilities, the miniature violets I would grow and the tiny elephants that would decorate the terrarium. And I looked down at my hands and noticed that one whole thumb had suddenly turned green.

I can grow things! Not just stuff to eat either. I can grow things that bring joy and good energy to our home. It took a lot of time and a ton of patience. And it took a little bit of sunshine.

Happy Love Thursday!

LOVE THURSDAY

I came home the other day and noticed a package from A Complaint Free World sitting on our credenza. Chris had decided to order some bracelets as a practice to be more mindful. He had forgotten about my assignment I had had for yoga teacher training a few years ago. We had to go complaint free for 24hrs. It took me two days. The rules are simple. You wear a bracelet and every time you voice a complaint or criticism you have to move the bracelet to the other wrist. The idea is to not have to move the bracelet for 21 days. It's difficult and humbling. You realize very early on just how much you complain and or criticize. Last year, I put the bracelet back on because I felt myself slipping back into that cycle. I was at a job I didn't really care for and not in a place where it was easy to be happy. I had to work to bring happy into my life and some days were harder than others. But one day, I went to work with the bracelet on and come home with no bracelet. Some where in my day, I had lost the bracelet.

Chris and I each put on a bracelet that night. We started talking about this and that and suddenly we both realized that we needed to move our bracelets. Afterward Chris would say "Now this is not a complaint, it's just an observation, but ...". It made me laugh. I told him we may have to change the rules to include his "observations". The next day, I wore my bracelet. It stayed put on one wrist all day. I really don't have all that much to complain about.

And today for Love Thursday, I am doing my very first give-a-way. The first eight people to leave a comment, will be sent their very own complaint free bracelet. Happy Love Thursday!

Check out A Complaint Free Revolution on YouTube.

Or the book, A Complaint Free World: How to Stop Complaining and Start Enjoying the Life You Always Wanted.

LOVE THURSDAY

Chris and I passed by this trailer Saturday on our way to the Farmer's Market and we were gleefully hoping it was a food trailer. We decided we'd check it out on our way back. The day was cool and drizzly, very Pacific Northwest and as we made our way up to the window, the rain kind of picked up a bit. But we didn't care. We really didn't even care what food they had. We just knew that know matter what we were going to eat from a food cart. It was a good decision. We ended up being their last customers for the day and this gave us the opportunity to sit inside at the table, the one they usually save for reservations only. Our chef was Patrick Ryan, co-owner of Port Fonda, and the minute he started talking about his food and what he wanted to do, I knew that he would be my Love Thursday entry. That and he gave me permission to take pictures (yes, I asked first). He told us about wanting to make really good food with really good ingredients and the love and passion he had for his craft came to us in the form of yummy deliciousness. I could not tell you the name for the dish he prepared for us, so we'll just call it Delicious. And it was. Homemade tortillas. Green spicy sauce. It was perfection. We sat inside the cozy little trailer, chatting, eating and sipping on Mexican Cokes and it was bliss.

And you might be wondering why this would qualify for Love Thursday. You know how we left our souls in Portland? Well, every day we are reminded of just how Portland like our new home is. It's soothing. It helps solidify this choice to move here as a good choice. We made a good move. Another thing? As Patrick was talking about the food and his craft, I wanted to get up and kiss that man on the mouth. Here was this guy that epitomized the same ideals and convictions that Chris and I strive for. He's doing what he loves and loves what he is doing.

We decided that we couldn't top Port Fonda that day, so we headed home. But not before I stole one of these pillows on the way out.

I'm just kidding. I didn't steal the pillow. Happy Love Thursday!

LOVE THURSDAY

I remember the first time I saw Cati twirling her hair. She was so little, strapped into her car seat. Her cheeks were red and remnants of lunch were smeared on her shirt. We'd spent the day out doing something and while Steph drove, I glanced over my shoulder to see Cati with droopy eyes and a tiny finger looped around a lock of hair. And at that moment, I thought "this is Stephanie's child". You see, if you were to ask me what's the one thing I remember the most about my best friend, it is that she twirls her hair. Every class we were in together it was a guarantee that I could look over to my left or right and Steph would be sitting there, a pen in one hand and a finger tangled into a lock of hair. Some may say that this habit is a nervous twitch, but I find it to be soothing. It could also be said that Cati's habit of twirling her hair is a learned behavior, but I choose to believe it's a hereditary trait. Cati is so different from Steph in personality. She could give Carrie from Sex and the City a run for her money on the shoe collection alone. She is a girly girl, where Steph was more just girl. The hair twirl though, that's the clincher.

Now that my hair is getting a little longer (OH MY GOD IT WILL NEVER BE LONG ENOUGH TO DONATE!), I have taken to the habit of twirling my hair. It is calming, but that's not why I do it. I do it because every time I start, I think of Steph. It's a simple way to keep them close.

Happy Love Thursday!

LOVE THURSDAY

Yesterday, I went to yoga class and it was the first time I'd been on my mat in four days. By the time I got home I was exhausted and had to take a nap while Chris made dinner. My nightly chore list seemed to be impossible even though the chore list is designed to give me only one task a night (clean the bathroom, vacuum, etc). I dragged myself through each one, but skipped my morning practice to sleep in an extra hour. The whole time, I've had this part of my brain that keeps telling me to "get up! you lazy bitch!". Some of you may remember when I did the Yoga Body Diet back in January and had to figure out my Dosha and how all these years I'd thought of myself as a Kapha. To compensate for the belief that I have a tendency to be lazy (Kapha), I've become a bit of an overachiever (also known as Vata). So while I've had that nag sitting on one side of my brain, there's the other side of my brain telling me it's OK to slow down a bit. I know I have some things going on with my body this week that requires me to get a little extra rest. I think the real struggle is being OK with being...OK.

At what point did we learn that no matter what we were doing, it just wasn't enough? Because this is what it all really comes down to, knowing that we are enough. It's not like any of us just do nothing all day. I work, I exercise thirty minutes every day, I cook dinner (usually), I do a chore, feed the dog and take him out for his front yard patrol. Why should I feel like I should be doing more? Isn't this enough? I say it is. I say that we are all enough. I say that we cut ourselves a bit of slack and stop being our own worse critics. Because no matter what, even on our lazy days, we are still loved.

Happy Love Thursday.

LOVE THURSDAY

When we moved to Stillwater, I was miserable. I cried for no reason and I gained almost thirty pounds. Eventually things came together and even though I was still not thrilled with my choice in graduate schools, I was happy and content with the friends we made and the life we began to live there. I think of my time then as too much. I drank too much; I ate too much; I studied too hard. Even my exercise routine was too much. I took up kickboxing and would constantly try to kick (not really) Chris in the head. Every thing from that time was to the extreme. I hadn't learned the art of balance yet, which is funny because I've always been very good at standing on one leg. But I can't say that I have completely figured out the balance of life just yet. There are times when it seems like my life is in perfect balance. When we lived in OKC and I was teaching, I might have given off the appearance of balance. But looking at that time now, I see that my life wasn't as much balanced as it was just organized. I had begun to fall into the extreme again with teaching too many classes and working way too hard at a job I didn't love.

Do I consider myself balanced now? Close, but not quite. I've started to figure out that perfect balance is hard to get. That life is more like a teeter-totter. And I love teeter-totters.

Happy Love Thursday!

LOVE THURSDAY

The day I got the news about J, I was on my yoga mat. For months after, I had a new routine: get up, work, come home, eat junk, form a Cindy shape into the couch cushion, stare blankly at the TV, go to bed. One day, I got up and scrubbed the house from top to bottom, bought real groceries and started living my life again. But the yoga practice? That was a bit harder. One day, I got my mat out and just stared at it. Then, the next day, I touched my mat with my big toe and burst into tears. Eventually I got to a point where I could actually stand on my mat, but I'd just stand there and wait for the phone to ring, wait for the bad news. Some days I'd just stand there and hear my mom's voice and words through the phone from that day and I'd clinch my eyes shut willing them to go away. But I moved on, pushed myself to practice, calmed the citta vritti. My yoga practice has changed in so many ways from those early days. I went from practicing once or twice a week, to teaching and practicing six times a week, and now to just practicing. I love my practice now. I love being a student again and I love the confidence I feel in doing my own practice at home. I love that I no longer feel guilt when I miss a practice and I love those days when I push myself the hardest. I love that I have space to practice.

My teacher once told me that just the act of getting your mat out sets the intention to practice. I don't think even I realized until now how true that is. Peace, namaste and Happy Love Thursday.

LOVE THURSDAY

Chrome told me the other day that all my pictures seem so colorful these days. I told her that it's not hard to find it here. Part of our attraction to Oregon was the lushness of the place. Even in the Fall, everything seems full and lush. But the more we live here, the more it seems like we have moved to the Pacific Northwest. We've had lots of cloudy, drizzly days mixed with intermittent sunlight. This seems to be the perfect combination for making things grow and bloom (or bloom and grow...forever...lalala). It's not so much that I find the color as much as it finds me.

I know that it's because everything here is still so new. If I close my eyes, I can remember the vivid blues and violets of my mother's irises and smell the sweetness of the lilac bush in bloom. All of those colors we have here are there, too, just different shades. It's being open to the idea of letting those colors be seen that makes all the difference.

Happy Love Thursday.

LOVE THURSDAY

Chris and I keep randomly finding these little areas that I refer to as pockets of cool. There's this little neighborhood we went to a few weekends ago to have brunch at the Blue Bird Cafe (whole other yummy story there). But the neighborhood itself didn't make sense. It was tucked away on the west side of down town, lots of really old homes where people have just started coming in and renovating. There's a real sustainability feel to the place. It's a neighborhood I could see us living in.

We tend to find these pockets of cool by accident, usually while we're looking for something else. I've tossed the map from the car and we just sort of go. I've gathered enough information to get us back home. Even Chris is getting his bearings. I haven't had to tell him which way is north in over a week and he made it to Whole Foods all by himself the other day. This act of tossing the map and just going is just about as spontaneous as I get (I like routine and structure).

And look at where that's taken us. Happy Love Thursday!